EDITED: 04/09/08

AN – thanks a million to those who gave their comments and reviews about the story! As you might have already noticed, I really am rusty! Its really been a long time since I wrote so please bear with me. Thanks and please just keep on reviewing. It helps me carry on! Anyway, apart from fixing the grammatical errors, I added some stuff that I failed to put before so, enjoy!

Some Things You Can't Change

Chapter 1: The Life We Lead

It was around 3:30 in the afternoon in the busy city of Tokyo-3. People went about with their daily lives—hustling and bustling throughout the city, minding their own business as they went on with their own daily concerns. Tokyo-3 was filled with so many towering structures; skyscrapers standing proudly, bridges stretching as long as they could, occasionally intersecting with some of the pathways of the monorail trains.

Inside of these buildings, inside one of these rooms, there were two men. They were in a fairly lit apartment in one of the more modest buildings in Tokyo-3. Inside the room, upon entering the door, a long office table would greet you as it was set at the opposite side of the door, with numerous papers scattered throughout the desk. A bookshelf stood a couple of lengths to the table's right, erected by the wall near the door. On the opposite side of it though, were two couches. A long couch capable of seating three grown men and a single seater couch. In between these two couches was a fairly big window, offering quite a captivating view of the heavens and the daily bustling of the people from below. On the single-seating couch sat a man with short wavy brown hair and round spectacles on his face. This man, who sported a 5-o'clock shadow, seemed fond in keeping himself rugged. On the long couch lay a man, eyes closed and appears to be thinking deeply.

"So tell me, what did you see?"

It was a red sky that terrorized the heavens, sheltering the vast barren wasteland that was Tokyo-3. In front of him, lay the dreadful stretch of deathly waters; a sea of blood- the seemingly never-ending sea of the so-called primordial soup: the sea of LCL. In that immense body of water were countless souls of men, joined together through the vanishing of all the souls' AT Fields.

One mind.

One body.

The repulsing image of Rei's face as it bore a twisted expression came crawling back to Shinji. All the disconcerting thoughts that strayed along in his mind came rushing back to him; the countless NERV employees plopping dead one by one down the cold, hard surface of NERV, Misato bleeding to death from her gunshot wound, his hopeless pleas to Asuka for her help and company, hearing her calls for his help during the battle against the EVA Series… and finally, the image that had always taunted him in his sleep- the violated, mangled and mutilated mess that was her EVA.

Cold liquid cascaded slowly from his temples upon recalling and retelling these. The effects of these haunting memories had born an effect on Shinji's features as he lay there on a couch inside his companion's office. His face, for his age, seemed a lot more creased and heavy. Dark circles ravaged below his eyes- a testament to his countless sleepless nights. His eyes had never been duller as the twinkle within his azure orbs seemed to have dwindled out drastically throughout the years. He had quite forgotten how to take care of himself these days- its not like he really did before. But, the changes that Shinji had taken seemed to have been for the worse as his body and spirit slowly (willingly or not) deteriorated as each year passed.

"Okay, take a few deep breaths for a moment," his companion told him as he cocked the bridge of his spectacles back up and then shifted towards another position on his chair. "now, help yourself with a glass of water before we proceed further"

"I don't think this is really working," Shinji protested as he wearily downed his glass of water. "We've been doing this for 3 months and so far, all we've gotten to stop was my daydream of strangling… her…" he trailed off. Shinji felt his hands tremble; from the tip of his fingers to his wrist, struggling to maintain his grip on the glass he was holding.

"Now now… I never did say this was going to be short and easy," his companion tried to comfort him as he took the glass from Shinji's failing hand and set it back on the side table. 'We need you to get better, buddy. You of all people deserve this second chance at life…' he thought sadly as he watched his old friend struggle with pained eyes.

"Kensuke… you never really give up, do you?" Shinji said as he chuckled lightly, showing of a smile rarely seen from him for the past few years; snatched away from him by the traumatic experiences that he had gone through.

"Not when I know my friend's on the line I won't!"

This comment made Shinji smile even more. He regarded his old friend for some time, then setting his sights on the window on the corner of his friend's office, staring at the late afternoon sky while the rest of Tokyo-3 went on with their normal bustling lives below them.

"Tell me, do you remember how long it's been?" Apart from Shinji's apparent case of severe depression, he had somehow been having great difficulty remembering chunks of his past, big ones at that. It would seem that the overwhelming number of tragic experiences Shinji had gone through the past few years were also to be blamed for this.

"Since we all got back? 8 years… 8 long years, my friend" Kensuke told him, joining his friend in his fixation with the late afternoon sky. "Everything seems so far away, eh?"

"Too true…" Shinji started as he fixed his position, laying his body back down on the couch, staring at the ceiling that he had come to have familiarized through his numerous sessions with his friend. "yet, somehow I can't help but feel that I'd rather have it feeling that way. Like make it feel like it never happened,"

"We all wish those things never happened," Kensuke humoured him as he took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, taking one and lighting it up. He took a considerably long drag before exhaling, "Happiness and sadness…. Pain and pleasure… these are the dynamics of life. One cannot exist without the other. No one can experience true happiness without feeling sadness, nor can he find out the real pleasure in life until he embraces all the pain that life has to offer him,"

"You really have grown, you know? And grown well I must say," Shinji complimented him. Breathing deep and then letting out a big sigh he began, "I guess I should really put more effort into this," he looked at Kensuke again, who was then taking another hit from his cigarette, "I need to get myself busy, right?"

Kensuke nodded, "Yes that's true. To make things easier for you, why not try and focus on the things you always loved to do, explore things further and experiment?"

"I guess I could start with music then," Shinji mused aloud.

"Yeah, why not? You've always been a good musician. I can quite remember watching you play back in high school. In fact, I think you had some big fans of your music,"

"You mean Asuka, right?"

"Well, I did try to avoid mentioning her name, alright," Kensuke sighed. He knew all too well how sensitive this topic was with Shinji. It's been 8 long years and still he hasn't been able to come into terms with what it is that he really feels for this certain redhead in his life.

"It was also you who told me that I've got to start facing my issues one of these days. Perhaps I might take you on regarding that," Shinji told him as he let his sights crawl back to the ceiling. "but then again, I might just be getting ahead of myself and once she's right in front of me, I cower and run away again… Like I always did," he finished with a heavy tone of bitterness.

"One baby step at a time, buddy," he whispered to his friend. He regarded his friend's form lain down on the couch with much sympathy. 'At least he's showing signs that he still wants to live,'

After what seemed like an eternity, Shinji broke the silence.

"How is she anyway?"

"Wake up! You're going to miss your flight!"

Morning came welcoming her blue eyes as she opened them slowly. She searched for the owner of the voice that called her back from her slumber. She was there, long black hair and green eyes, sitting by her bed with a cup of hot coffee on one hand, smiling warmly at her. "Rise and shine, sleepyhead"

"Erin, you're a lifesaver.." she whispered to her friend sleepily, yawning a bit as she slowly regained her senses.

She smiled sheepishly at her, slowly getting up to take the cup of hot coffee from her hands. "Top of the morning to you too," she whispered before she took a sip from her coffee. "What's for breakfast?" she asked her companion as she placed her cup on the desk beside her bed.

"I was kind of in a hurry because I know there'd be a big chance of us being late going to the airport. I managed to make some bacon and eggs," she told her as she stood up to make her way back to the kitchen.

"Gah, I don't really want to go back to that place, you know?" Asuka said as she got out of bed, letting her long red hair fall freely to her back. She picked up her coffee and went to the dining room to continue her conversation with her flatmate.

Erin eyed Asuka for a bit and then laughed lightly at her. 'Something's bothering her about this trip to Japan…' she knew all too well when something was up with Asuka. She needn't make Asuka say as much, she read her like an open book, much to Asuka's initial chagrin.

"You're afraid of going back there," she said bluntly as she looked into Asuka's eyes.

"Yes and no. I miss my friends from there. I only get to mail Hikari every once in a while. And I can't hide the fact that I miss the sloppiness and loudness of Misato…" Asuka explained as she traced circles around the tip of her cup, letting the aroma of her coffee dance around her nostrils.

"Oh that I know," Erin chuckled lightly at the memory of Asuka's first recounting on how her Japanese guardian was. She made her way to the dining room and placed the food she prepared for breakfast down on the dining table before she placed two plates and two sets of silverware. "but I can't help but feel that you're missing someone in that list,"

"You do know I hate it a lot when you do that, right?" Asuka narrowed her eyes as she gave her flatmate a look. "It creeps me out that you know me too well,"

"Yeah well, you never really made an effort to hide them from me" she countered while she chuckled. "You still don't know what to say to that Shinji, yeah?"

"Everything was going on perfectly until that letter came," she huffed as she let her head slump down on the dining table, beside her plate then she let out a deep sigh.

"Oh that's what you wanted to think! Asuka, you haven't even seen a man ever since you got here!"

"It's just making my life feel like a big complicated puzzle!" Asuka whined as she started toying with her food. "Why can't I live a simple life now that the whole Eva deal is done?"

"Is it really Eva that's bothering you or is it just a cover up because what's really bothering you is the one that kept saving you when you still did pilot duties?" Erin teased as her friend narrowed her eyes on her again.

"Gah. It's official. I hate you!" the redhead declared with frustration as she got up while her friend let out a healthy chuckle.

"Just relax dear. You'll know what to say when you see him. It won't be that bad!" Erin assured her as she watched her flatmate's retreating form go to the bathroom. "God help her," she whispered to herself as she went on with cleaning their dining table.

It was almost 7pm when Shinji got back to his own apartment. He noticed a couple of envelopes lying at his doorstep as he came.

'Must be my pension,' he thought o himself as he picked them up, looking at the envelopes to see where they came from.

"Let's see…." He said to himself as he browsed through his mails, checking if there was anything that he needed to address immediately, "Touji... Misato… my pension… Nerv…- NERV?" he stared at the envelope with utter disbelief. He fumbled to open it, still frazzled with what he had just experienced. After 8 long years, he was holding a letter that came from the organization that he so didn't want to become part of anymore.

Shinji Ikari,

Good day to you!

First of all, I would request of you not to by any means go ballistic as you read this letter. We come with good intentions as we sent you this letter. I hope that you'd hear us out.

As you may have realized before, it had been announced to the whole world that NERV, along with everything affiliated with it had been dissolved by the United Nations. That was wrong. We were allowed to continue by the UN, provided that we keep our dealings as discreet as possible. We've been monitoring the things that had been happening across the globe for 8 years now and we were shocked to find out that amidst what we thought was already a peaceful restart, there is someone hell-bent on trying to do something unreasonable.

This is then why I urge you to come visit us here at Geofront as soon as you possibly could. We know that asking more from you might seem unfair. Right now, you're presence here is all that would matter. Shall you decide to take us up on our offer, feel free to contact us with the number written in the address of the sender and we shall send for you.

We really hope to hear from you soon.

All my regards and wishes,

Kozou Fuyutsuki

Supreme Commander, NERV

Shinji tried his best to recall what happened after the Third Impact. A surprising amount of people had decided to come back to reality and live their lives according to how they see it fit. Shinji was initially glad to see his dear friends come back; Kensuke and Touji who came back unscathed and completely healthy along with Hikari. It made him even happier to see Kaji, his surrogate father figure come back along with Misato and most of the NERV employees. A week after the return of these people, Shinji got a visit from Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, telling him that his father, Gendo Ikari, did not make it back. Apparently, he might have just found what he's been looking for, eternal peace with the only person that mattered to him, Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari.

He shuffled in his pockets as he dug his for his keys. He had been living alone some time after the Third Impact. He had refused to stay in Misato's flat any longer, telling her that the place just reminded him of too many memories that he was trying to forget. Misato knew all to well what he meant by this. Shinji took it hard when he heard news about Asuka's sudden departure for Germany. Although they never really understood each other, or was able to last 30 mins without biting each other's head off (more like Asuka biting Shinii's head off), ever since the Third Impact, they seemed to have discovered more common ground than they thought that they would ever have. For Shinji, it was one of those moments that he still felt that he was still alive.

(flashback)

The late-afternoon sun of April was starting to show signs of setting. Kids were starting to retreat to their own respective homes, bidding farewell to their friends and playmates; laughing as they ran off towards their home. It was such a sight to behold- the innocence of youth.

They sat there, alone by the swings, passing the time like they usually did lately. For the people that knew them, it would've seemed quite impossible to see them together like this, enjoying the silence embracing them, not daring to utter a word to ruin the moment. No quarrels, no bickering, whatsoever. It was just peace and comfort at each other's presence.

""Shinji," the redhead started, swinging herself back and forth by her own. The blue-eyed boy turned to her, waiting for her to continue.

Shinji took the time to examine her features; she was the same Asuka from before- her hair, her eyes, her face, her skin… they still were a testament to God's penchant for perfection. Whatever happened to her with the Eva Series before the Third Impact bore no scars on her body as she seemed to have been completely revived from that epic battle.

"Do you miss it?" she stopped swinging and looked at him in the eye. She was serious alright.

Before Shinji began, he looked up at the sky and sighed, "Eva? I'd lie if I said I didn't. After all, it was my only way of being with my mother, even for just a brief amount of time,"

"I could say that for myself too," she agreed as she returned to swinging by herself again, "the last time I got in my Eva, I was sure that mama was there with me, urging me to give my all… fighting those pathetic excuses for an Eva…"

"I wish I had your strength back then,"

"But you always were the stronger pilot, baka!" Shinji, puzzled, looked up and gave her a questioning look. She rolled her eyes and expounded.

"Yes, you can be a damn blithering idiot when you're outside an entry plug. But, once you're in one though, it's like you have this alter-ego that's hell-bent on spending his entire life piloting the Eva better than anyone else," she was blushing a bit as she said this.

Shinji smiled as he heard her say this, "Asuka, you've changed…" Asuka regarded him, staring straight into his eyes.

"I like it," he said.

(end flashback)

Shinji let out a grunt as he entered his apartment. It wasn't that much. He lost his own motivation to fix his place up a long time ago. For him, as long as he can still dwell on it, it was fine.

But, Shinji knew this had to end.

"Must start somewhere," he muttered to himself as he placed his keys on top of the counter. Grabbing a rag, he decided to start of with cleaning his own apartment.

AN: Wow, this took me a long time to write. After that dismal first attempt at writing again, I took Razgrizblaze1 and Darknemo2000's words into mind and decided trying to fix what I've been lacking. I still am trying to fix how I build my lines and imagery. If there's anyone out there who would want to beta read for me, please feel free to message me!