To Be More Than Friends by Sailor Event Horizon
Hi! (I'll make this short since hardly anyone ever reads author notes anyway.) I hope you like this story, it took me a while to write. It's not as good as my previous story "Angel" (I don't think I can *ever* top that) but it's good in it own right, I think. I didn't set an exact time for this because it's not important to the story. But if you really want a timeframe, I suppose 199 AC is about what I was thinking when I wrote this. Would you mind giving me some feed back? ^___^ Please? Pretty, pretty please?
Rating: PG-13/R (language-- _ I didn't know I could write like that!)
Author: Sailor Event Horizon
E-mail: StrfltAcd@aol.com
Disclaimer: I do not own Mobile Suit: Gundam Wing. It is copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, and Sotsu Agency.
~~^~~^~~
"C'mon, Heero! Wake up!" Duo shook Heero as he tried to get him to come back to consciousness. "C'mon, Heero, come back!" he said, frustrated.
"Duo," said Trowa softly, "it'll be alright." He kneeled down next to Duo and Heero, "Sally Po said that he would be fine. So don't worry."
Duo looked at Trowa for a few moments before turning back to Heero and sighing. "I.. I know... I'm sorry, I guess I just... I don't know... I just-"
"It's alright, I understand." With that, he got up and turned to walk away.
"The others must think I'm nuts, huh?" he heard Duo say softly. He turned his head to him. And looked.
Heero was sitting almost straight up in Duo's arms, his head on his right shoulder. Duo's arms were wrapped around Heero, both of his hands on Heero's right arm. Heero's eyes were closed and his face was relaxed, unlike the person who held him. Duo looked like he was going to cry, if Trowa hadn't known him as well as he did, he would have sworn that he was going to. Duo had a half smile on his lips, trying to be humorous with his last statement and hide the fear and concern that was always present when concerning Heero, as always.
Trowa looked Duo in the eye. "No, they don't think you're nuts." He then turned back around and walked to the other side of the room, where his fellow conversationalist was.
"Is he alright?" she asked, her voiced tinged with concern.
"Yeah, he's fine, he's just going to be out for a while."
"No, I mean Duo."
"Oh, yes, he will be alright. Just wait until Heero wakes up," he said as he leaned back against the gray wall. He was thinking of how they got here. Too bad Heero had been knocked out so quickly; they could have used his help. Now they were all stuck here until they found a way out. He looked over at Wufei, who was searching the walls for hidden panels or vents. Quatre was talking with Sally Po, about what, he didn't know. Sigh. He rested his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "No point worrying," he thought.
"Oh.. okay," she said.
Trowa looked at her; she was looking at Duo and Heero. He saw her frown slightly, as though disturbed or confused by something. He looked over at the pair. Oh.. that... he knew what she was looking at now. "It took some getting used to for me as well. Actually, everybody had to."
She looked at him, startled out of her thoughts, "Huh?"
"Most boys don't show that much affection towards each other." He frowned slightly, "Although, Heero does not really show it that much, Duo seems to be the one who is an open book when Heero's hurt. But," he folded his arms, "if something terrible did happen to Duo, I wouldn't put it past Heero to show some sign of concern." She just looked at him, wondering how he knew what she was thinking. "Even Hilde and Relena had to adjust to it."
She glanced over at Duo and Heero, the latter was now whispering. "Everything's gonna be fine, Heero, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Everything's gonna be just fine. You'll be alright, I swear..." His head was resting on top of Heero's, his grip never leaving Heero's arm.
"'Hilde and Relena?'" she repeated, turning back Trowa.
He nodded, "Yes, they never said anything, of course, but it was a little unnerving for them, I think. Imagine, your significant others acting like that with each other. It took some getting used to, but they started to understand after a while, and now, I doubt that either of the girls would let anything happen to either of them, for the sake of the other as much as for themselves. They don't mind now, they understand and accept it. Actually, whenever Hilde or Relena is worried that something is wrong with one of them, they go to Heero or Duo, respectively, so that maybe they can help the other." He stopped there. His companion was silent for a few moments before saying anything.
"Were they ever...?"
"No. Never."
"I see." They fell silent again, but then she said, worry evident in her voice, "I don't have anything against it, I really don't, but I was just wondering, you know. I mean, they both are in serious relationships right now and... you know... I was just a little confused..."
"No, that's quite alright, it's perfectly understandable," he said, shaking his head.
She nodded, relieved. "Thank you." He nodded and was silent again. Then she thought of something, "Do you know why they're so close? I mean, did something happen between them or did they just...?"
"I don't know," he shook his head again. "All I do know is that they are..." he sighed. "'Friends' is inadequate, they are closer than that but.. I can think of no other words.." He looked at her, "Do you understand what I trying to say? They are.. are..." He took a deep breath and started over. "All I know is that they are more than friends."
~~^~~^~~
"Oh... I can't take this anymore..." Duo quickly got up off the floor and walked to the other side of the room, he then turned and walked back, repeated the motion, and then sank to the floor and covered the side of his head with his arms, letting his elbows sit on his knees. "I can't take this anymore...."
Heero looked up and watched the boy pace and sink to the floor. He said nothing, however.
They had been here for about 2 weeks now, recuperating. Their last battle had been a fierce one, before they got to their gundams, it had been necessary to fight hand to hand, something that both Heero and Duo were quite good at. But Duo seemed to be taking everything that happened there to heart. Not that Heero didn't, but Duo seemed to be dwelling on it. That wasn't good.
There had been a chapel on the base; Duo had accidentally run into it when trying to get away from some soldiers. He had been staring at the cross on the back wall when Heero found him. He hadn't known what was going through his head, but he did know that they had to get out of there. Fast. Unfortunately, some passing soldiers saw them and attacked them. While they were still in the chapel room. Not good. Heero and Duo defended themselves, of course, but because of it, the brown carpet of the room wasn't quite going to be the same color ever again. After they got out, Duo had been shaking head, muttering to himself. It seemed that the practice of killing soldiers in the line of defense in a place of worship didn't quite agree with the American.
"Oh... I can't do this anymore... There's just too much... to much..." He then let out a breath of air and shut his eyes tight. "Why can't I just *die*? Is that too much to ask? Huh? HUH?!" he screamed to the god he didn't believe in. He opened his eyes, letting his gaze rest on the floor. He asked again, softly, "Why can't I just *die*?.."
Heero still said nothing.
Duo shut his eyes tight again, and then opened them. He looked up at his roommate and stared. He was so calm, so-so *damn* calm... about everything... He started to get angry. "Don't you *ever* react to *anything*? Well? Don't you?" No answer. Duo made a sound of disgust, "I can't believe you.. you're just a killing machine, aren't you? As long you get to do your thing, you're fine, huh? Right?" He shook his head. "How can you be so cold... how can you not hurt.. I don't... ARGH!" He stood up, walked to the other side of the room and took out his gun. "I hate this," he thought. "I can't do this anymore.. it hurts too much... Sister Helen... Father..." He thought briefly of the other boy in the room, but then the image was gone. He wouldn't care if anything happened to him. He's just a cold-hearted... bastard... a waste of space... Heero wouldn't care if the ceiling came crashing down on him. Duo started putting the gun up to his temple. "I can't.. I can't do this anymore..."
But a hand grabbed him before he could complete the motion. Duo turned his head, surprised, to look at the owner of the hand. He grew angry again. "Let me go, damn-it! I don't wanna deal with your shit!" Duo jerked his arm, trying to get out of Heero's grip, "Let *go* already! Unh!" He struggled some more. Then, for the first time since it began, he spoke.
"You can't do this."
Duo's face clouded even more as he continued to struggle against the Japanese boy. "Who are *you* to tell me what I can and can't do! I'll do what I damn well please! Now let *GO*!!" So Heero did.
Duo went crashing to the floor, the shock and the impact causing him to let go of his gun. The weapon went sliding across the dingy floor and stopped about seven feet from its owner. Heero walked over and picked it up. Then he turned back to Duo, who was sitting up and bringing a hand up to the back of head, "Ugh..." He didn't say anything, though, and just watched him. Waiting to see what he would do next.
The boy on the floor shook his head to clear it and then looked up and over at Heero. "He's just standing there..." he thought. "How could he? How could he do that to me? Ugh.. I'll make him regret that move!" Without thinking, Duo quickly got up and lunged at Heero, intent on making him suffer as much as, if not more than, he had during his young life. But Heero dodged to his left and Duo crashed to the floor again. He turned and tried again, being sure not to miss that time. He didn't. He attacked full force, going for Heero's throat. Heero had to step back once and grab his wrists to keep him from completing the act. Duo growled, "You bastard, you don't know what's like, to lose someone!" He broke one hand free and tried to punch Heero in the jaw, but he ducked his head and grabbed it again. "Argh! You don't know what it's like! To feel pain! guilt! shame! You don't know about *ANY* of those things!" He tried again with his other hand and succeeded in connecting with his jaw. Heero grimaced but said nothing and quickly punched him back, then he twisted Duo's right arm and went around behind him, bringing Duo's arm with him. "Ugh!"
He winced and tried to free his arm from Heero's iron grip. But Heero wasn't done. In a low voice, he said, "Look, Duo, enough of this. You can't commit suicide; it won't do you any good. You're a gundam pilot, Duo. You don't have the right. You have a responsibility to the colonies; you can't turn your back on them now. You have to see this through, just like the rest of us. You don't have a choice." Then he let go and stepped back once.
Duo brought his arm back around and rubbed it. He stared daggers at Heero. Then he seethed at him, not caring about what he said, "You think I don't know what they call you? The 'Perfect Soldier.' You've got every army from here to Australia in awe of you. They also think you're lower than dirt as far having humanity is concerned. They've all heard of you. They even heard of that stunt you tried to pull when I got you out of that military hospital, probably 'cause of the security cameras. The point is, I know what you are to them, and they're right. You don't let your emotions get in the way of anything; you'd probably destroy a school if it meant completing your damn mission. You're pathetic. And I hate you for it. You don't think of anybody but yourself, you selfish bastard, just you and your 'missions.' I thought that there was someone beneath that, I thought there was someone under all that shit, but I was wrong. You're nothing, NOTHING!" Duo screamed and took another swing at him.
Heero dodged and landed a punch to his stomach, which sent Duo crumpling to the floor, his arms wrapped around his middle. He was breathing heavily, his bangs and the shadows hiding his face from Heero's view. He walked over beside Duo and squatted down a little bit behind him. He looked at him for a few moments before saying, "You can't abandon the colonies, Duo. You can't go and leave them defenseless."
Duo turned his head, just enough to so he could look over his shoulder at him. "So? They have you. And the others. Besides, they don't hurt like this, they can't..." he shook his head, "They can't..."
Heero fiercely grabbed Duo's right arm, to get his attention. He then whispered furiously, "You're wrong, Duo. They *do* hurt. Just as much as you. Even zero-five, and zero-three. Both of them hurt. You just can't see it."
Duo became angry again and exclaimed, "How the hell would you know?!"
Heero's grip became harder, "Because I do! Zero-five just hides it behind his resolve, and zero-three behind his empty heart. They hurt, Duo. Just as much as you. Don't you *dare* say that you're the only one."
Then Duo snapped, "Who cares?! *You* don't! You don't hurt! What's it to you?!" Heero just stared at him. No answer coming forth. Duo snorted. "Thought so," he turned his head back around and looked down at something in his hands. Heero let go of his arm and sat there, his eyes studying him. His hair, his shoulders, his stance, everything. Then he finally broke the silence that had settled over them.
"Do you think the person or persons who gave you that cross would support your decision to abandon the colonies?"
Duo froze. He became completely still and sat there for some minutes. Then he let out a hoarse whisper, "How.. How did you know?"
For a few seconds, Heero didn't answer, but then a soft voice said, "You're always looking at it. You don't think I see, but I do. You'll bring it out during one of your slumps and finger it. Turning it over and over in your hands. You told me that you didn't have anybody, but your actions told me otherwise. Whenever you look at it, you get a far-away look in your eyes, as if you're remembering something... or someone." He fell silent. Duo took a deep breath and just looked back down at his cross. "You didn't answer my question though. Would they approve of deserting the colonists?"
The braided boy said nothing. There was nothing to say. "Sister Helen," he thought. "Father Maxwell." His eyes swelled up, but he wouldn't let the tears fall. No.. crying wouldn't do him any good. Instead, he raised his head and looked over his shoulder at Heero, his so-called partner. "He never answered *my* question..." floated through his mind. He turned his head back around and snorted to himself. "Probably killed everybody close to him." Then he turned his head again, not enough to look at him, but enough to make sure he heard what he had to say.
"As much as I hate to say it, you're as human as I am," he scowled. "*Have* you ever lost someone close to you? Can you possibly know how I feel?"
Keeping an impassive look on his face, Heero stated in his usual monotone, "For someone to be close to you, you have to care."
Snort. Duo shook his head. This guy was unbelievable. "You're human. You have to care. You don't have a choice. Whether it's for yourself or someone else, you have to care. And since you don't seem to worry about yourself, I'm assuming that there's someone else."
He didn't bother to answer that time. Duo shook his head and got up, albeit slowly, seeing that his stomach was still sore. He grimaced a little, but didn't make a sound as he walked to the front of the room. As he squatted to lie down he said, "You don't understand, you don't know what it's like, to watch those you love die. You don't know what it's like, to want to die yourself. To want to end the suffering, the pain, the torture of everyday living." He sighed and just laid on his back, staring at the ceiling, with a sad look on his face. "I hope it comes soon. Maybe not today, but soon. I don't want to be Shinigami anymore. There's no point... I want to die so much..."
Heero frowned and got up. He walked over and around to Duo's left side, looked down at him, and said irritably, "Don't you understand a single word I've said?"
Duo just turned on his side, away from Heero and said, frustrated, "Go away, 'Perfect Soldier.' You don't know what you're talking about."
He frowned and sat down next to him. He started slowly, "You can't die, Duo. Those who cared for you wouldn't want it that way. You owe it to them to keep living. They cared for you because they wanted you to be happy. More importantly, they wanted you to live. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out! The colonies need us to fight for them, or they're going end up like us. Miserable, suicidal, and down-right, certifiably insane." He heard a short snort from the boy lying next to him. "But we are who we are, Duo. Nothing can change that except for time. And people. With time, you can control it. You can decide when you're ready to move on and when you're not. With people..." Duo turned slightly, at the soft tone of Heero's voice, and looked at him strangely. Heero wasn't looking at him anymore, but in another direction. "With people, changes just seem to come when you least expect it... sometimes for the better... even when you don't think so yourself..." Heero's voice trailed off; Duo noted that towards the end, Heero had sounded a little confused, as if he didn't quite understand what he was saying, but still knew it to be true. He had a faraway look in his eyes, as though he was seeing something completely different then the dingy room they were in. Then Heero turned his eyes back to Duo. "There are still people out there, Duo, who will care for you. About you. If you live for nothing else, you must live for them." He fell silent again. Duo just looked at him. Not quite understanding, but captured nonetheless. Heero then haltingly put his hand on Duo's arm. Duo looked at his hand and back up, confused. "Go to sleep." He then got up and walked to across the floor to the opposite wall. "It will clear your head."
Duo watched as the Japanese pilot, known as zero-one, Heero Yuy, and now, the Perfect Soldier, sat down next to a wall and leaned back. So strange. He was so strange, this boy. Duo laid back down on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Perfect Soldier" they called him. They said that he wasn't affected by anything, not guilt, not shame, nothing. But how could he have said all those things to him just now, if he wasn't affected by anything? Duo tried to bury them. He tried to bury his feelings of guilt and his negative emotions, to deal with them another day, on a day when his actions didn't count for so much. Who could say that the soldier known as zero-one didn't do the same? He turned his head to look at Heero. He was just sitting there, leaning against the wall, with his bowed. Something that Heero said then floated through his mind...
"Don't you *dare* say that you're the only one."
And then some other words, phrases, that had been said, came to the forefront of his memory...
"You don't think of anybody but yourself, you selfish bastard, just you and your 'missions.'"
"You don't hurt!"
"Whenever you look at it, you get a far-away look in your eyes, as if you're remembering something... or someone."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"You can't die, Duo. Those who cared for you wouldn't want it that way."
"With people, changes just seem to come when you least expect it... sometimes for the better... even when you don't think so yourself..."
"You don't know what it's like, to want to die yourself. To want to end the suffering, the pain, the torture of everyday living."
"If you live for nothing else, you must live for them."
"Heero," Duo thought sadly. "You... you're in pain aren't you? Pain, that you don't know how to deal with... Heero..." Duo laid his head back to stare at the ceiling again. Every time Duo had ever looked Heero in the eye, Heero would try to turn away as soon as possible. "Like he was trying to hide something..."
Duo's eyes flickered as he came to a resolution. "Heero," he silently promised. "I won't let you hurt... Whatever caused you this pain, it's got you around the neck. You're so cold towards people, is it because of the pain? Don't worry, whatever it is, I'll help, I'll see you through it. You're dying because of it, Heero. Whatever it is, you're dying..."
~~^~~^~~
It was time to move on, so the boys packed up their firearms and left, being sure to pay the landlord on the way out. It was busy that day, the streets were crowded. The air was a bit nippy and most people were wearing coats or sweaters. Heero was wearing some jeans and a light jacket while Duo was dressed in his usual priest uniform and Sweeper's cap.
Heero just walked silently down the sidewalk, past the shiny windows and bright doors of the many bright, happy shops and stores. Duo walked beside him, his chatter filling the air. Every time Duo looked over at his companion he would see the same expression, or lack thereof, depending on your point of view. So Duo would just talk more, trying his hardest to get beyond the silent wall to the person that he knew had to be there.
"And Howard just couldn't believe it, so then he-" as Duo prattled on about unimportant topics, Heero side-glanced at Duo. Talk, talk, talk. Didn't this guy ever shut up? Inwardly, however, he sighed. "At least he's not like he was last night," he thought. So Heero just focused ahead of him and continued to walk.
Again, Duo looked at him. Nothing, not so much as a blink. Did this guy even know the meaning of the words "being friendly?" Apparently not. He sighed, looked up at the sky, and brought his hands up behind his head, "C'mon, Heero, say something." He looked over at him again, "Didn'cha hear me, Heero? Say something!" Then he sighed again and looked forward.
After he turned his head back, Heero glanced at him. He was silent for a few moments before finally asking flatly, "Why do you have to talk so much?"
Duo stopped and looked at him but Heero didn't seem to notice and kept walking. Duo just stared, him mind gone nearly blank, his arms dropped to his side. He watched him go farther and farther away. He didn't want him to talk? Was he really that irritating? He hadn't meant to be. He was only trying to help. Trying to do at least one good thing in his life. He hadn't meant to be so annoying.
Heero finally stopped when he sensed, rather than saw, that Duo wasn't following him. He turned his head and shoulders around just enough to see if he was right. He was. Duo was just standing there. With a slightly wounded look in his eyes, he noted. Heero looked down and shook his head. "Baka," he thought. He was just standing there, the idiot. Then he turned himself completely around and stood tall. "Hey! Duo! What's wrong? Can't you walk and be silent at the same time? Or is running your mouth the only way to power your legs so they can move?" He raised an eyebrow.
He blinked. Huh? What was he saying? Now he was *insulting* him? Geez! He hadn't meant to be so-wait... He looked closer at Heero's expression. Duo grinned. An opening. Heero was giving him an opening.
He raised his eyebrow even higher. He was still standing there, but at least he didn't look so pathetic anymore. "Well, if you're just going to stand there, I'm leaving." With that said, he turned away and walked into the crowd.
Duo blinked again. Then he started calling out and running. "Hey! Hey, Heero, wait up! I'm comin', I'm comin'! Wait!" He caught up to him and put his hands in his pockets. He grinned, "Geez, Heero. You certainly know how to insult a guy."
Heero glanced at the American but said nothing as he turned his gaze back.
"Aww.. ya gonna play that game again, Heero? C'mon, loosen up!" Duo teased.
Finally, Heero asked, irritably or amusedly, Duo couldn't tell, "What would you have me say, Duo? Something about the weather? Something about the current state of affairs of the political system? An opinion of how the war is going? How about a comment on the latest horse race? Or rather, maybe you'd prefer that I become a mindless chatterbox like yourself? Although, any of the above topics would probably already qualify me for *that*."
All of a sudden, Duo put a hand to his heart. "Oh! Oh! He said more than five words! Gaahh!" He had an expression of pain and shock on his face. "I don't believe it! I-! I don't believe it!" Heero watched with annoyed amusement. Duo, bent over at the waist with his hand still over his heart, walked slowly, pretending to nearly trip over his own feet, and grabbed a passing stranger by his sleeve. He looked wide-eyed into the frightened man's eyes and said, "He spoke! He said more than five words! I can't believe it! I'm going into *shock*!" He then let the poor man go and tripped over to a wall; he then turned and leaned back against the brick. He made sounds of pain and anguish as he slid down to the ground. Now both hands were gripping the material of his shirt as he yowled in "pain." People passing by stared and whispered. People with children were sure to guide the small ones as far away from the suffering stranger as possible. Heero looked around and saw the crowds that were starting to form. Enough was enough.
"That's *quite* adequate, Duo. Cut it out."
Duo's laments just got louder as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to cut himself off from the "hurting".
Heero got annoyed, "Duo! That's *enough*. Stop it."
Duo fell silent and opened one eye. "What? You don't like my acting?"
The other teenager scowled. "Acting is hardly the word I would use."
Amused, Duo got up and started to walk over to Heero. "Oh? Then what would *you* call it?"
Heero turned and walked away. "Bad melodrama."
Duo grinned and, unable to hold it in, laughed aloud. Heero paid him no heed and continued walking. Duo finally stopped and took his place beside him, smiling the whole time. Heero side-glanced at Duo again and shook his head at himself. He knew right then and there, that he had a friend. One that would be with him for the rest of the war and probably the rest of his life.
Whether he liked it or not.
~~^~~^~~
"So you don't know when it started?" she asked again, looking at him with her head cocked to one side.
Trowa shook his head again. "No, not exactly. I think it happened sometime before the Eve Wars ended though." She nodded. "Duo was already rather protective of Heero during Mariameia."
"'Protective?'" she repeated.
He nodded, "Yes, Duo sort of took it upon himself to keep Heero from pain. At least that is what it looks like to me. He would do the same thing for Hilde, too. But then again, that's different."
"'Different?'"
"Yes, Duo is protective of Hilde in the sense that he is afraid to lose her. He has already lost so many people, that to lose some one who is as close to him as she is would probably be devastating. Duo wants to protect Hilde from any kind of suffering that he can. With Heero, however, I think he just wants to keep him from *more* pain and anguish. He doesn't want Heero to suffer any more than he already has. And Duo is probably correct when he says that Heero's guilt and misery is tearing him apart. We have all seen signs of it."
"What signs?" she asked, alarmed.
He looked at her for a few moments, thinking, before saying, "I don't think that it is my place to tell you." He looked over at the pair on the floor. "I've probably said too much anyway."
She looked at him for a few moments before turning and looking as well. She frowned. "Did he move?" she thought.
Heero opened his eyes, squinting. "What the Hell...?"
Duo's eyes shot wide open and he pushed Heero away so that he could get a good look at him. "Heero? Heero! Heero, are you alright? Are you okay?" His right hand was on Heero's shoulder while his left was on his left arm, hoping to steady him, should he not be able to do so himself.
"What...? Duo? Ugh..." Heero shook his head to clear it and brought a hand up to his forehead. "I'm fine, Duo. Don't worry so much. I'm okay." He took a deep breath and shook Duo's hands off.
Duo let out a short laugh. "Worry? Now what makes you think that I'd be worried?"
Heero eyed him, "Are you saying I'm wrong?"
Duo grinned. "Did I say you were wrong?"
At that moment, Quatre and Sally came over to check on the now revived Heero Yuy. Sally squatted down and started glancing over Heero, making sure that nothing was wrong, which irritated Heero to no end but he did nothing to stop her. Quatre inquired as to how Heero was feeling, to which Heero replied, in his usual monotone, "Like Hell." Quatre smiled. Wufei looked over from checking the walls, craning his neck a little to get a better look. Heero saw him and raised his hand briefly. Wufei nodded and went back to work. Trowa's companion went over to see if she could help and ask, "How are you?" Trowa shook his head. He doubted that Heero had ever had so many people ask him that question in his entire life, let alone in five minutes. He looked at Heero again, unconsciously looking for injuries. Heero sensed someone else's eyes on him and looked over at Trowa. He nodded ever so slightly and turned away. Trowa then let out a breath that he hadn't known he had been holding.
Heero was awake and he was fine. All that was left now, was to escape.
Hi! (I'll make this short since hardly anyone ever reads author notes anyway.) I hope you like this story, it took me a while to write. It's not as good as my previous story "Angel" (I don't think I can *ever* top that) but it's good in it own right, I think. I didn't set an exact time for this because it's not important to the story. But if you really want a timeframe, I suppose 199 AC is about what I was thinking when I wrote this. Would you mind giving me some feed back? ^___^ Please? Pretty, pretty please?
Rating: PG-13/R (language-- _ I didn't know I could write like that!)
Author: Sailor Event Horizon
E-mail: StrfltAcd@aol.com
Disclaimer: I do not own Mobile Suit: Gundam Wing. It is copyrighted to Sunrise, Bandai, and Sotsu Agency.
~~^~~^~~
"C'mon, Heero! Wake up!" Duo shook Heero as he tried to get him to come back to consciousness. "C'mon, Heero, come back!" he said, frustrated.
"Duo," said Trowa softly, "it'll be alright." He kneeled down next to Duo and Heero, "Sally Po said that he would be fine. So don't worry."
Duo looked at Trowa for a few moments before turning back to Heero and sighing. "I.. I know... I'm sorry, I guess I just... I don't know... I just-"
"It's alright, I understand." With that, he got up and turned to walk away.
"The others must think I'm nuts, huh?" he heard Duo say softly. He turned his head to him. And looked.
Heero was sitting almost straight up in Duo's arms, his head on his right shoulder. Duo's arms were wrapped around Heero, both of his hands on Heero's right arm. Heero's eyes were closed and his face was relaxed, unlike the person who held him. Duo looked like he was going to cry, if Trowa hadn't known him as well as he did, he would have sworn that he was going to. Duo had a half smile on his lips, trying to be humorous with his last statement and hide the fear and concern that was always present when concerning Heero, as always.
Trowa looked Duo in the eye. "No, they don't think you're nuts." He then turned back around and walked to the other side of the room, where his fellow conversationalist was.
"Is he alright?" she asked, her voiced tinged with concern.
"Yeah, he's fine, he's just going to be out for a while."
"No, I mean Duo."
"Oh, yes, he will be alright. Just wait until Heero wakes up," he said as he leaned back against the gray wall. He was thinking of how they got here. Too bad Heero had been knocked out so quickly; they could have used his help. Now they were all stuck here until they found a way out. He looked over at Wufei, who was searching the walls for hidden panels or vents. Quatre was talking with Sally Po, about what, he didn't know. Sigh. He rested his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "No point worrying," he thought.
"Oh.. okay," she said.
Trowa looked at her; she was looking at Duo and Heero. He saw her frown slightly, as though disturbed or confused by something. He looked over at the pair. Oh.. that... he knew what she was looking at now. "It took some getting used to for me as well. Actually, everybody had to."
She looked at him, startled out of her thoughts, "Huh?"
"Most boys don't show that much affection towards each other." He frowned slightly, "Although, Heero does not really show it that much, Duo seems to be the one who is an open book when Heero's hurt. But," he folded his arms, "if something terrible did happen to Duo, I wouldn't put it past Heero to show some sign of concern." She just looked at him, wondering how he knew what she was thinking. "Even Hilde and Relena had to adjust to it."
She glanced over at Duo and Heero, the latter was now whispering. "Everything's gonna be fine, Heero, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Everything's gonna be just fine. You'll be alright, I swear..." His head was resting on top of Heero's, his grip never leaving Heero's arm.
"'Hilde and Relena?'" she repeated, turning back Trowa.
He nodded, "Yes, they never said anything, of course, but it was a little unnerving for them, I think. Imagine, your significant others acting like that with each other. It took some getting used to, but they started to understand after a while, and now, I doubt that either of the girls would let anything happen to either of them, for the sake of the other as much as for themselves. They don't mind now, they understand and accept it. Actually, whenever Hilde or Relena is worried that something is wrong with one of them, they go to Heero or Duo, respectively, so that maybe they can help the other." He stopped there. His companion was silent for a few moments before saying anything.
"Were they ever...?"
"No. Never."
"I see." They fell silent again, but then she said, worry evident in her voice, "I don't have anything against it, I really don't, but I was just wondering, you know. I mean, they both are in serious relationships right now and... you know... I was just a little confused..."
"No, that's quite alright, it's perfectly understandable," he said, shaking his head.
She nodded, relieved. "Thank you." He nodded and was silent again. Then she thought of something, "Do you know why they're so close? I mean, did something happen between them or did they just...?"
"I don't know," he shook his head again. "All I do know is that they are..." he sighed. "'Friends' is inadequate, they are closer than that but.. I can think of no other words.." He looked at her, "Do you understand what I trying to say? They are.. are..." He took a deep breath and started over. "All I know is that they are more than friends."
~~^~~^~~
"Oh... I can't take this anymore..." Duo quickly got up off the floor and walked to the other side of the room, he then turned and walked back, repeated the motion, and then sank to the floor and covered the side of his head with his arms, letting his elbows sit on his knees. "I can't take this anymore...."
Heero looked up and watched the boy pace and sink to the floor. He said nothing, however.
They had been here for about 2 weeks now, recuperating. Their last battle had been a fierce one, before they got to their gundams, it had been necessary to fight hand to hand, something that both Heero and Duo were quite good at. But Duo seemed to be taking everything that happened there to heart. Not that Heero didn't, but Duo seemed to be dwelling on it. That wasn't good.
There had been a chapel on the base; Duo had accidentally run into it when trying to get away from some soldiers. He had been staring at the cross on the back wall when Heero found him. He hadn't known what was going through his head, but he did know that they had to get out of there. Fast. Unfortunately, some passing soldiers saw them and attacked them. While they were still in the chapel room. Not good. Heero and Duo defended themselves, of course, but because of it, the brown carpet of the room wasn't quite going to be the same color ever again. After they got out, Duo had been shaking head, muttering to himself. It seemed that the practice of killing soldiers in the line of defense in a place of worship didn't quite agree with the American.
"Oh... I can't do this anymore... There's just too much... to much..." He then let out a breath of air and shut his eyes tight. "Why can't I just *die*? Is that too much to ask? Huh? HUH?!" he screamed to the god he didn't believe in. He opened his eyes, letting his gaze rest on the floor. He asked again, softly, "Why can't I just *die*?.."
Heero still said nothing.
Duo shut his eyes tight again, and then opened them. He looked up at his roommate and stared. He was so calm, so-so *damn* calm... about everything... He started to get angry. "Don't you *ever* react to *anything*? Well? Don't you?" No answer. Duo made a sound of disgust, "I can't believe you.. you're just a killing machine, aren't you? As long you get to do your thing, you're fine, huh? Right?" He shook his head. "How can you be so cold... how can you not hurt.. I don't... ARGH!" He stood up, walked to the other side of the room and took out his gun. "I hate this," he thought. "I can't do this anymore.. it hurts too much... Sister Helen... Father..." He thought briefly of the other boy in the room, but then the image was gone. He wouldn't care if anything happened to him. He's just a cold-hearted... bastard... a waste of space... Heero wouldn't care if the ceiling came crashing down on him. Duo started putting the gun up to his temple. "I can't.. I can't do this anymore..."
But a hand grabbed him before he could complete the motion. Duo turned his head, surprised, to look at the owner of the hand. He grew angry again. "Let me go, damn-it! I don't wanna deal with your shit!" Duo jerked his arm, trying to get out of Heero's grip, "Let *go* already! Unh!" He struggled some more. Then, for the first time since it began, he spoke.
"You can't do this."
Duo's face clouded even more as he continued to struggle against the Japanese boy. "Who are *you* to tell me what I can and can't do! I'll do what I damn well please! Now let *GO*!!" So Heero did.
Duo went crashing to the floor, the shock and the impact causing him to let go of his gun. The weapon went sliding across the dingy floor and stopped about seven feet from its owner. Heero walked over and picked it up. Then he turned back to Duo, who was sitting up and bringing a hand up to the back of head, "Ugh..." He didn't say anything, though, and just watched him. Waiting to see what he would do next.
The boy on the floor shook his head to clear it and then looked up and over at Heero. "He's just standing there..." he thought. "How could he? How could he do that to me? Ugh.. I'll make him regret that move!" Without thinking, Duo quickly got up and lunged at Heero, intent on making him suffer as much as, if not more than, he had during his young life. But Heero dodged to his left and Duo crashed to the floor again. He turned and tried again, being sure not to miss that time. He didn't. He attacked full force, going for Heero's throat. Heero had to step back once and grab his wrists to keep him from completing the act. Duo growled, "You bastard, you don't know what's like, to lose someone!" He broke one hand free and tried to punch Heero in the jaw, but he ducked his head and grabbed it again. "Argh! You don't know what it's like! To feel pain! guilt! shame! You don't know about *ANY* of those things!" He tried again with his other hand and succeeded in connecting with his jaw. Heero grimaced but said nothing and quickly punched him back, then he twisted Duo's right arm and went around behind him, bringing Duo's arm with him. "Ugh!"
He winced and tried to free his arm from Heero's iron grip. But Heero wasn't done. In a low voice, he said, "Look, Duo, enough of this. You can't commit suicide; it won't do you any good. You're a gundam pilot, Duo. You don't have the right. You have a responsibility to the colonies; you can't turn your back on them now. You have to see this through, just like the rest of us. You don't have a choice." Then he let go and stepped back once.
Duo brought his arm back around and rubbed it. He stared daggers at Heero. Then he seethed at him, not caring about what he said, "You think I don't know what they call you? The 'Perfect Soldier.' You've got every army from here to Australia in awe of you. They also think you're lower than dirt as far having humanity is concerned. They've all heard of you. They even heard of that stunt you tried to pull when I got you out of that military hospital, probably 'cause of the security cameras. The point is, I know what you are to them, and they're right. You don't let your emotions get in the way of anything; you'd probably destroy a school if it meant completing your damn mission. You're pathetic. And I hate you for it. You don't think of anybody but yourself, you selfish bastard, just you and your 'missions.' I thought that there was someone beneath that, I thought there was someone under all that shit, but I was wrong. You're nothing, NOTHING!" Duo screamed and took another swing at him.
Heero dodged and landed a punch to his stomach, which sent Duo crumpling to the floor, his arms wrapped around his middle. He was breathing heavily, his bangs and the shadows hiding his face from Heero's view. He walked over beside Duo and squatted down a little bit behind him. He looked at him for a few moments before saying, "You can't abandon the colonies, Duo. You can't go and leave them defenseless."
Duo turned his head, just enough to so he could look over his shoulder at him. "So? They have you. And the others. Besides, they don't hurt like this, they can't..." he shook his head, "They can't..."
Heero fiercely grabbed Duo's right arm, to get his attention. He then whispered furiously, "You're wrong, Duo. They *do* hurt. Just as much as you. Even zero-five, and zero-three. Both of them hurt. You just can't see it."
Duo became angry again and exclaimed, "How the hell would you know?!"
Heero's grip became harder, "Because I do! Zero-five just hides it behind his resolve, and zero-three behind his empty heart. They hurt, Duo. Just as much as you. Don't you *dare* say that you're the only one."
Then Duo snapped, "Who cares?! *You* don't! You don't hurt! What's it to you?!" Heero just stared at him. No answer coming forth. Duo snorted. "Thought so," he turned his head back around and looked down at something in his hands. Heero let go of his arm and sat there, his eyes studying him. His hair, his shoulders, his stance, everything. Then he finally broke the silence that had settled over them.
"Do you think the person or persons who gave you that cross would support your decision to abandon the colonies?"
Duo froze. He became completely still and sat there for some minutes. Then he let out a hoarse whisper, "How.. How did you know?"
For a few seconds, Heero didn't answer, but then a soft voice said, "You're always looking at it. You don't think I see, but I do. You'll bring it out during one of your slumps and finger it. Turning it over and over in your hands. You told me that you didn't have anybody, but your actions told me otherwise. Whenever you look at it, you get a far-away look in your eyes, as if you're remembering something... or someone." He fell silent. Duo took a deep breath and just looked back down at his cross. "You didn't answer my question though. Would they approve of deserting the colonists?"
The braided boy said nothing. There was nothing to say. "Sister Helen," he thought. "Father Maxwell." His eyes swelled up, but he wouldn't let the tears fall. No.. crying wouldn't do him any good. Instead, he raised his head and looked over his shoulder at Heero, his so-called partner. "He never answered *my* question..." floated through his mind. He turned his head back around and snorted to himself. "Probably killed everybody close to him." Then he turned his head again, not enough to look at him, but enough to make sure he heard what he had to say.
"As much as I hate to say it, you're as human as I am," he scowled. "*Have* you ever lost someone close to you? Can you possibly know how I feel?"
Keeping an impassive look on his face, Heero stated in his usual monotone, "For someone to be close to you, you have to care."
Snort. Duo shook his head. This guy was unbelievable. "You're human. You have to care. You don't have a choice. Whether it's for yourself or someone else, you have to care. And since you don't seem to worry about yourself, I'm assuming that there's someone else."
He didn't bother to answer that time. Duo shook his head and got up, albeit slowly, seeing that his stomach was still sore. He grimaced a little, but didn't make a sound as he walked to the front of the room. As he squatted to lie down he said, "You don't understand, you don't know what it's like, to watch those you love die. You don't know what it's like, to want to die yourself. To want to end the suffering, the pain, the torture of everyday living." He sighed and just laid on his back, staring at the ceiling, with a sad look on his face. "I hope it comes soon. Maybe not today, but soon. I don't want to be Shinigami anymore. There's no point... I want to die so much..."
Heero frowned and got up. He walked over and around to Duo's left side, looked down at him, and said irritably, "Don't you understand a single word I've said?"
Duo just turned on his side, away from Heero and said, frustrated, "Go away, 'Perfect Soldier.' You don't know what you're talking about."
He frowned and sat down next to him. He started slowly, "You can't die, Duo. Those who cared for you wouldn't want it that way. You owe it to them to keep living. They cared for you because they wanted you to be happy. More importantly, they wanted you to live. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out! The colonies need us to fight for them, or they're going end up like us. Miserable, suicidal, and down-right, certifiably insane." He heard a short snort from the boy lying next to him. "But we are who we are, Duo. Nothing can change that except for time. And people. With time, you can control it. You can decide when you're ready to move on and when you're not. With people..." Duo turned slightly, at the soft tone of Heero's voice, and looked at him strangely. Heero wasn't looking at him anymore, but in another direction. "With people, changes just seem to come when you least expect it... sometimes for the better... even when you don't think so yourself..." Heero's voice trailed off; Duo noted that towards the end, Heero had sounded a little confused, as if he didn't quite understand what he was saying, but still knew it to be true. He had a faraway look in his eyes, as though he was seeing something completely different then the dingy room they were in. Then Heero turned his eyes back to Duo. "There are still people out there, Duo, who will care for you. About you. If you live for nothing else, you must live for them." He fell silent again. Duo just looked at him. Not quite understanding, but captured nonetheless. Heero then haltingly put his hand on Duo's arm. Duo looked at his hand and back up, confused. "Go to sleep." He then got up and walked to across the floor to the opposite wall. "It will clear your head."
Duo watched as the Japanese pilot, known as zero-one, Heero Yuy, and now, the Perfect Soldier, sat down next to a wall and leaned back. So strange. He was so strange, this boy. Duo laid back down on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Perfect Soldier" they called him. They said that he wasn't affected by anything, not guilt, not shame, nothing. But how could he have said all those things to him just now, if he wasn't affected by anything? Duo tried to bury them. He tried to bury his feelings of guilt and his negative emotions, to deal with them another day, on a day when his actions didn't count for so much. Who could say that the soldier known as zero-one didn't do the same? He turned his head to look at Heero. He was just sitting there, leaning against the wall, with his bowed. Something that Heero said then floated through his mind...
"Don't you *dare* say that you're the only one."
And then some other words, phrases, that had been said, came to the forefront of his memory...
"You don't think of anybody but yourself, you selfish bastard, just you and your 'missions.'"
"You don't hurt!"
"Whenever you look at it, you get a far-away look in your eyes, as if you're remembering something... or someone."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"You can't die, Duo. Those who cared for you wouldn't want it that way."
"With people, changes just seem to come when you least expect it... sometimes for the better... even when you don't think so yourself..."
"You don't know what it's like, to want to die yourself. To want to end the suffering, the pain, the torture of everyday living."
"If you live for nothing else, you must live for them."
"Heero," Duo thought sadly. "You... you're in pain aren't you? Pain, that you don't know how to deal with... Heero..." Duo laid his head back to stare at the ceiling again. Every time Duo had ever looked Heero in the eye, Heero would try to turn away as soon as possible. "Like he was trying to hide something..."
Duo's eyes flickered as he came to a resolution. "Heero," he silently promised. "I won't let you hurt... Whatever caused you this pain, it's got you around the neck. You're so cold towards people, is it because of the pain? Don't worry, whatever it is, I'll help, I'll see you through it. You're dying because of it, Heero. Whatever it is, you're dying..."
~~^~~^~~
It was time to move on, so the boys packed up their firearms and left, being sure to pay the landlord on the way out. It was busy that day, the streets were crowded. The air was a bit nippy and most people were wearing coats or sweaters. Heero was wearing some jeans and a light jacket while Duo was dressed in his usual priest uniform and Sweeper's cap.
Heero just walked silently down the sidewalk, past the shiny windows and bright doors of the many bright, happy shops and stores. Duo walked beside him, his chatter filling the air. Every time Duo looked over at his companion he would see the same expression, or lack thereof, depending on your point of view. So Duo would just talk more, trying his hardest to get beyond the silent wall to the person that he knew had to be there.
"And Howard just couldn't believe it, so then he-" as Duo prattled on about unimportant topics, Heero side-glanced at Duo. Talk, talk, talk. Didn't this guy ever shut up? Inwardly, however, he sighed. "At least he's not like he was last night," he thought. So Heero just focused ahead of him and continued to walk.
Again, Duo looked at him. Nothing, not so much as a blink. Did this guy even know the meaning of the words "being friendly?" Apparently not. He sighed, looked up at the sky, and brought his hands up behind his head, "C'mon, Heero, say something." He looked over at him again, "Didn'cha hear me, Heero? Say something!" Then he sighed again and looked forward.
After he turned his head back, Heero glanced at him. He was silent for a few moments before finally asking flatly, "Why do you have to talk so much?"
Duo stopped and looked at him but Heero didn't seem to notice and kept walking. Duo just stared, him mind gone nearly blank, his arms dropped to his side. He watched him go farther and farther away. He didn't want him to talk? Was he really that irritating? He hadn't meant to be. He was only trying to help. Trying to do at least one good thing in his life. He hadn't meant to be so annoying.
Heero finally stopped when he sensed, rather than saw, that Duo wasn't following him. He turned his head and shoulders around just enough to see if he was right. He was. Duo was just standing there. With a slightly wounded look in his eyes, he noted. Heero looked down and shook his head. "Baka," he thought. He was just standing there, the idiot. Then he turned himself completely around and stood tall. "Hey! Duo! What's wrong? Can't you walk and be silent at the same time? Or is running your mouth the only way to power your legs so they can move?" He raised an eyebrow.
He blinked. Huh? What was he saying? Now he was *insulting* him? Geez! He hadn't meant to be so-wait... He looked closer at Heero's expression. Duo grinned. An opening. Heero was giving him an opening.
He raised his eyebrow even higher. He was still standing there, but at least he didn't look so pathetic anymore. "Well, if you're just going to stand there, I'm leaving." With that said, he turned away and walked into the crowd.
Duo blinked again. Then he started calling out and running. "Hey! Hey, Heero, wait up! I'm comin', I'm comin'! Wait!" He caught up to him and put his hands in his pockets. He grinned, "Geez, Heero. You certainly know how to insult a guy."
Heero glanced at the American but said nothing as he turned his gaze back.
"Aww.. ya gonna play that game again, Heero? C'mon, loosen up!" Duo teased.
Finally, Heero asked, irritably or amusedly, Duo couldn't tell, "What would you have me say, Duo? Something about the weather? Something about the current state of affairs of the political system? An opinion of how the war is going? How about a comment on the latest horse race? Or rather, maybe you'd prefer that I become a mindless chatterbox like yourself? Although, any of the above topics would probably already qualify me for *that*."
All of a sudden, Duo put a hand to his heart. "Oh! Oh! He said more than five words! Gaahh!" He had an expression of pain and shock on his face. "I don't believe it! I-! I don't believe it!" Heero watched with annoyed amusement. Duo, bent over at the waist with his hand still over his heart, walked slowly, pretending to nearly trip over his own feet, and grabbed a passing stranger by his sleeve. He looked wide-eyed into the frightened man's eyes and said, "He spoke! He said more than five words! I can't believe it! I'm going into *shock*!" He then let the poor man go and tripped over to a wall; he then turned and leaned back against the brick. He made sounds of pain and anguish as he slid down to the ground. Now both hands were gripping the material of his shirt as he yowled in "pain." People passing by stared and whispered. People with children were sure to guide the small ones as far away from the suffering stranger as possible. Heero looked around and saw the crowds that were starting to form. Enough was enough.
"That's *quite* adequate, Duo. Cut it out."
Duo's laments just got louder as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to cut himself off from the "hurting".
Heero got annoyed, "Duo! That's *enough*. Stop it."
Duo fell silent and opened one eye. "What? You don't like my acting?"
The other teenager scowled. "Acting is hardly the word I would use."
Amused, Duo got up and started to walk over to Heero. "Oh? Then what would *you* call it?"
Heero turned and walked away. "Bad melodrama."
Duo grinned and, unable to hold it in, laughed aloud. Heero paid him no heed and continued walking. Duo finally stopped and took his place beside him, smiling the whole time. Heero side-glanced at Duo again and shook his head at himself. He knew right then and there, that he had a friend. One that would be with him for the rest of the war and probably the rest of his life.
Whether he liked it or not.
~~^~~^~~
"So you don't know when it started?" she asked again, looking at him with her head cocked to one side.
Trowa shook his head again. "No, not exactly. I think it happened sometime before the Eve Wars ended though." She nodded. "Duo was already rather protective of Heero during Mariameia."
"'Protective?'" she repeated.
He nodded, "Yes, Duo sort of took it upon himself to keep Heero from pain. At least that is what it looks like to me. He would do the same thing for Hilde, too. But then again, that's different."
"'Different?'"
"Yes, Duo is protective of Hilde in the sense that he is afraid to lose her. He has already lost so many people, that to lose some one who is as close to him as she is would probably be devastating. Duo wants to protect Hilde from any kind of suffering that he can. With Heero, however, I think he just wants to keep him from *more* pain and anguish. He doesn't want Heero to suffer any more than he already has. And Duo is probably correct when he says that Heero's guilt and misery is tearing him apart. We have all seen signs of it."
"What signs?" she asked, alarmed.
He looked at her for a few moments, thinking, before saying, "I don't think that it is my place to tell you." He looked over at the pair on the floor. "I've probably said too much anyway."
She looked at him for a few moments before turning and looking as well. She frowned. "Did he move?" she thought.
Heero opened his eyes, squinting. "What the Hell...?"
Duo's eyes shot wide open and he pushed Heero away so that he could get a good look at him. "Heero? Heero! Heero, are you alright? Are you okay?" His right hand was on Heero's shoulder while his left was on his left arm, hoping to steady him, should he not be able to do so himself.
"What...? Duo? Ugh..." Heero shook his head to clear it and brought a hand up to his forehead. "I'm fine, Duo. Don't worry so much. I'm okay." He took a deep breath and shook Duo's hands off.
Duo let out a short laugh. "Worry? Now what makes you think that I'd be worried?"
Heero eyed him, "Are you saying I'm wrong?"
Duo grinned. "Did I say you were wrong?"
At that moment, Quatre and Sally came over to check on the now revived Heero Yuy. Sally squatted down and started glancing over Heero, making sure that nothing was wrong, which irritated Heero to no end but he did nothing to stop her. Quatre inquired as to how Heero was feeling, to which Heero replied, in his usual monotone, "Like Hell." Quatre smiled. Wufei looked over from checking the walls, craning his neck a little to get a better look. Heero saw him and raised his hand briefly. Wufei nodded and went back to work. Trowa's companion went over to see if she could help and ask, "How are you?" Trowa shook his head. He doubted that Heero had ever had so many people ask him that question in his entire life, let alone in five minutes. He looked at Heero again, unconsciously looking for injuries. Heero sensed someone else's eyes on him and looked over at Trowa. He nodded ever so slightly and turned away. Trowa then let out a breath that he hadn't known he had been holding.
Heero was awake and he was fine. All that was left now, was to escape.