Wish You Were Here
Kaidan stretched slowly, glancing at the clock on his omni-tool. Almost two hours into the night cycle, and no sign of Shepard. He had suspected as much when she'd told him to wait for her in her cabin, an absent-minded look on her face as she'd scrolled through Glyph's files on the latest Cerberus activities. He wondered whether it made sense to wait up for her. Maybe he should just go down to his quarters and get some sleep. After all, she was bound to be exhausted when she finally turned in.
With a sigh, he got up and poured himself a drink. Well, even if she was tired, she'd probably be grateful for a warm body at her side. The nightmares had gotten worse recently, and he'd spent more than one night holding her tight, whispering calming words in her ear. If only there was more he could do.
The ping of an incoming vid call drew him to the small screen set up in the living area. He smiled when he saw who it was from. Dropping down on the couch, he arranged his legs comfortably on the low coffee table and reached for his glass before he accepted the call. "Thane."
The drell's serene features filled the small screen, his welcoming expression replaced by a flash of worry when he saw him. "Kaidan. Is she working late again?"
He nodded. "I tried to persuade her to come up with me, but it was no use. Just a few more files, you know."
Thane sighed, but didn't reply immediately. This had become an all too familiar scenario for the two of them lately. Thane would call, hoping to speak to Shepard, and they'd end up talking about this or that, inconsequential stuff or deep philosophical questions. And Shepard, always Shepard. Kay. Their love for her, their concern about her. It always came back to her.
Not that Kaidan didn't enjoy those conversations. A curious relationship had developed between him and Thane ever since that night on the Citadel, when they'd both made love to Kay. That night, Thane had made it clear that he wanted them to be together, wanted Kaidan to take his place, to be to her what he couldn't be any more. Her rock, her anchor, her guardian angel.
Thane wasn't looking well tonight, Kaidan mused, resigned and exhausted. More and more, the illness was taking its toll. And yet, when the drell gazed up and flashed a sudden smile at him, he felt his heart speed up, remembering the feel of those luscious lips on his.
"It's good to see you." Thane's voice was deep and soothing. "How are you doing? Anything on your mind? Anything you wish to talk about?"
Kaidan smiled back. Thane's ability to listen quietly and to find the right words in response had helped him through several rough spots in the past months. Whether it was from a life spent contemplating the death of others, or because he was so close to facing his own end, the assassin was wise in more ways than one. And, he'd taken a liking to Kaidan that went beyond mere physical attraction, undeniable as that might be.
Kaidan shook his head. "No, I'm good. Just worried about Kay. I wish she'd let me be there for her, take her mind off things. But, I guess there's nothing I can do to make her take a break, short of tying her up. And I doubt she'd appreciate that."
It had been meant as a joke, albeit a weak one but, to Kaidan's surprise, Thane didn't laugh, tilting his head thoughtfully to the side instead. "You might be surprised."
"Wait a minute." Kaidan rubbed his eyes, trying to focus. "Are you telling me you-"
"I did resort to tying her up once, yes." Thane sounded perfectly calm. "With… satisfactory results."
Kaidan swallowed. "Tell me more."
The drell hesitated. "Are you sure?" When Kaidan nodded eagerly, his eyes closed up, his gaze turning inward. He's calling up a memory. A shiver raced down Kaidan's spine.
When Thane began to speak, his voice had an odd monotonous quality, and it was obvious he wasn't seeing Kaidan at all, so caught up was he in the vivid memory.
"Her body, laid out for me, open and vulnerable, flanks trembling with excitement. She's straining against her bonds, arching up, cursing when she realizes she's not in charge this time. Her eyes flash at me. I lick the sweat from her skin and she moans brokenly. She begs. 'Thane, please, don't torment me so.' I ignore her pleas."
The drell's two pairs of eyelids flickered in agitation. "The torture is just as cruel for me as it is for her. I'm holding back, forcing myself not to give in to her. I crave her, body and soul, need to become one with her. But, I make myself wait. I keep caressing her, stroking her. She has such beautiful skin, smooth and golden brown in the soft light. I make her taste my poison and she cries out as every sensation is multiplied. Her body is as taut as a silken rope as she rushes headlong toward the most intense climax she's ever experienced."
Thane paused again, breathing laboriously. "When I loosen her bonds and sink into her, she's all open and soft. I move, and her head falls back. Her eyes are closed. She's no longer struggling. She's at peace. I pick up speed and she follows my rhythm. Our bodies melt into each other, warm and heavy. There's no urgency, no rush, just a slow, steady build-up of pleasure. We're as close as we can be. We're lost in another. The storm is calmed."
Kaidan held his breath, waiting for Thane to continue, but there was no more. The drell was quiet, his hands folded in front of his face. When he finally raised his head, he sounded even more somber than usual. "I'm sorry. It's too easy to lose myself in what is past."
"It's fine." Kaidan's voice sounded rough as sandpaper.
Thane's eyes widened and his lids flickered in gentle amusement. Kaidan blushed as he became aware of how much his reaction had given away. Listening to Thane reliving his experience with Shepard had been disquieting in a way, but also incredibly arousing.
"Kaidan." Nothing more than that, just his name, but the way Thane said it carried so much unspoken meaning that he gasped involuntarily, feeling himself grow fully hard in a mere instant.
"God, Thane, I wish..." He laughed, a little shakily. "I wish you were here. With us."
"So do I. More than you know." Thane inhaled sharply, but then his breath caught on a raspy cough. It took a moment for him to collect himself, and Kaidan waited patiently. A sudden wave of sorrow washed through him at the thought of how much Thane was suffering.
"Kaidan." Thane was watching him again with those large, black eyes, full of warmth and concern. "Even Commander Shepard needs a chance to relinquish control, to just be herself. Can you do that for her, my friend?"
Kaidan nodded slowly. "I think I can."
"Good." Thane took another rattling breath. "Listen."
Kay dried her short hair off with a towel, yawning widely as she made her way back to the bed. Kaidan was sprawled all over it, his legs entangled in the sheets, his chest temptingly bare. He'd been fast asleep when she'd returned to her cabin late last night. Bending over him, she placed a feather light kiss on his forehead.
She hadn't intended to wake him but, when he squinted up at her, his face all scrunched up from sleeping, her heart beat faster. "Kay. Come back to bed."
She shook her head. "Can't. Too much to do."
"Please." The expression in his warm brown eyes could have melted stone. "At least let me hold you for a little while."
Sighing, she crawled back under the sheets, making a small contented noise at the feel of his warm, strong body. "Just for a moment."
"Mmmhmmm." His eyes were closed again as he pulled her into his arms, trailing soft kisses down her throat. "You smell so good. And you feel so good."
One of his hands cupped her breasts, and her body responded immediately. He had the sweetest, softest hands, really, and he knew precisely how she liked to be touched. His warm lips found a pert nipple and his tongue flicked against it gently, then circled it slowly, over and over again. Kay gasped, torn on what to do next. What he was doing felt so wonderful, and she didn't want him to stop. But, she hadn't finished that report last night, and afterwards there was a mission to plan and… With another sigh, she gently pushed Kaidan back. "I need to get up. Now."
"Later." He nudged her softly with his nose. A familiar naughty gleam had appeared in his eyes, and she felt him twitch against her thigh. "One more kiss."
Kay couldn't help laughing. She knew only too well that he wouldn't stop at one more kiss. "My, but you are persistent today!" With a wide smile, she pushed him back and straddled him in one swift move, moaning when she felt him harden further against her core. "All right. But, we need to be quick."
He hesitated a mere heartbeat, then he moved, far more quickly than she had anticipated. With the help of a tiny biotic push, he had their positions reversed in an instant, pinning her down to the sheets with his muscular arms. "No."
"What do you mean, no?" She frowned at him. "There's a Cerberus fighter base on Noveria and I need to make sure-"
"I talked to Joker last night." Kaidan sounded calm and serene, even though his eyes were burning with passion. "We have at least ten hours until we get there. Plenty of time to prepare. Plenty of time to let me take care of you."
She opened her mouth to protest but, before she could say more, she felt a tug around her left wrist. "Damn it, Kaidan, what-"
He ignored her, grasping her other wrist and tying her arms together above her head with a length of soft, silky rope. Arching up against him, she tried to shake him off, but he held her down.
"Shepard. Lie still!" There was an inflection in his voice she'd never heard from him before, something hard and unyielding. It was a command, no doubt about it, and she reacted to it without thinking, sinking back into the sheets.
Something was tugging at her memory, though, and when he tightened the last knot, things fell into place. Thane. His strong hands, holding her, just like Kaidan was doing now; his deep, sonorous voice, using just that tone. Remembering that particular night, she shuddered all over.
"The two of you have been talking again, haven't you?"
Kaidan nodded, without saying a word. Kay tensed. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, about the two of them discussing her. It was… annoying, infuriating, really. And, also kind of hot, she couldn't help thinking. Oh, come on, Kay. They could so easily have ended up resenting each other, but instead, here they are, combining forces to make you happy. Still…
She tested the rope with her right hand, throwing Kaidan a dark glance when it refused to give.
He shook his head. "You need to let me take care of you," he repeated, and despite the firmness of his tone there was a plea in his eyes that shook her to the very core.
It took some effort, but she nodded, relaxing against the bonds. A slow smile spread over his face as he reached for a small bottle on the nightstand.
Kaidan was glad she'd given in. For all his outward determination, he knew he wouldn't have had the nerve to go through with it if she'd protested any longer. Thane had made it sound so easy, but it wasn't, not for him. He was used to letting her take the lead, leaving it up to her to set the pace and the boundaries of their relationship. This was new, and it was a little scary, but, more than that, it was exhilarating and incredibly arousing.
And, if he wasn't very much mistaken, the reversal of their usual roles was having the same effect on Kay. She was watching him as he unscrewed the bottle, her eyes wide and filled with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. Feeling her gaze on him, travelling all the way down his naked body to his rapidly hardening cock, was a heady sensation. He was glad he'd listened to Thane's advice and hadn't blindfolded her. They'd discussed the idea, but the drell had shaken his head decisively. Kay is a visual person. Seeing you, watching you, will only excite her more. And, of course, Thane had been right. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips, her hips lifting from the bed in a sinuous movement that seemed completely unconscious.
On impulse, Kaidan decided to change his plans. Pouring the massage oil into his palm, he didn't spread it over her stomach, as he had originally intended, but instead leaned back a little and let it trickle down over his own body. Small droplets of oil glistened on his skin, sliding slowly down the smooth plane of his chest, following the outlines of his ripped abs. Kaidan wasn't overly vain as a rule, but he couldn't help but admire the effect himself.
Kay's eyes widened further and she made a small sound, a little broken moan that went straight to his groin. Without any further effort, he was fully hard. That fact wasn't lost on her. With a tiny sigh, she tried to lift her arms to touch him. The bonds weren't really tight enough to stop her but, to his surprise, she backed down at a wordless snarl from him. He could see a shiver run over her whole body, gooseflesh rising in its wake. Oh, yes. She likes that.
Slowly, he ran his hands down his chest, massaging the oil into his skin, loving the way her eyes seemed glued to his movements, dark and hungry. She was itching to join him, he could see that but, whenever she tried to raise her hands, a look from him sufficed to keep her still. There was no way she could keep her body from writhing on the silky sheets, though, or her thighs from rubbing against each other, providing at least a little friction.
He took his time, and he was generous with the oil, putting on a show for her as if he was one of the strippers on Omega that James had told him about. The tiny remnant of embarrassment at the back of his head was drowned out quickly by the buzz of excitement at her reaction. By the time his hands closed around his hard shaft, Kay was whining with frustration, her attention focused so completely on him that he was sure he'd driven all thoughts of missions and strategy from her mind.
"Kaidan, please." They were the first words she'd spoken since he'd started, and they came almost as a shock. "Please let me touch you."
He hesitated but, if he was honest, there was no way he could resist her pleas. He was aching for her touch, the smooth glide of his own hand on his taut flesh nowhere near enough to what he craved. When he met her gaze and saw the same hunger mirrored in her eyes, he nodded slowly.
Kay closed her eyes and exhaled sharply, a relieved smile spreading over her face. With a little wriggling, she managed to get to her knees, bringing her still-tied hands down between them. When she wrapped them around him, her grip firm and confident despite the bonds that kept her from moving freely, his head sank back in a long sigh.
"God, Kaidan. You drive me mad." Hearing her voice, hoarse with longing, effectively killed the last of his restraint.
With a strangled moan, he bucked up hard into her hands. Kay's long fingers closed tight around him, and he thrust again, and again, and again, unable to stop his hips from moving. It felt so good, so perfect, that he knew he couldn't possibly last.
"Stop!" He hadn't even meant to sound so harsh, but the effect was immediate. Kay's hands dropped to her lap and she gazed up at him, waiting with bated breath for his next instruction.
He had to take two deep, shuddering breaths before he could continue, both to collect himself and to make up his mind. He wanted her mouth on him so badly, yet at the same time he knew it wouldn't be enough. Not tonight. Tonight, he needed to be inside her, he needed that connection. And he needed to see her face.
"Lie down. On your back." With every command he uttered, it became a little easier, a little less of an effort to overcome his scruples.
Kay nodded, and carefully manoeuvred herself into position. She was struggling to keep her balance, and for a second he considered taking off the rope, but a small voice whispering in his head kept him back. Thane's voice. Whatever you do, don't take off her bonds before she comes. Don't break the spell before it has run its course.
"Spread your legs." He was trembling all over by now.
Seeing her like this, willingly submitting herself to his whims without any protest on her part, did things to him he couldn't explain. Things he didn't want to know about himself, maybe. Kaidan had always prided himself on being a considerate lover, attentive to his partner's every wish, always putting their needs first. To simply demand what he wanted felt... wrong. And yet, it seemed to fill some sort of need for Kay, too. Still, he doubted he would have gone this far without Thane's encouragement.
But, either way, there was no stopping now, not any longer. Tugging her arms up over her head again, he held her wrists down with one hand while the other one found its way between her legs. And, God, she was soaked for him, ready and open, whimpering with pleasure when he pushed his fingers inside her.
"Kaidan. Please. I can't-" She was clenching around him, her whole body begging to be taken, and he didn't need her to say the words.
Without further hesitation, he withdrew his hand and thrust deep inside her, all the way in, in one single, hard stroke.
Kay's lips opened in a silent scream, and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Still holding her down, he pulled back, slowly and reluctantly, then slammed back hard inside her. She gasped, and he relented, slowing down for a few lazy, shallow thrusts until she'd caught her breath. Then he let go of her hands and, pushing himself up on both hands, he began to move in earnest with deep, rolling motions of his hips.
Kay responded with a deep sigh, her whole body melting into his, welcoming him deeply, taking him in completely, as if they had truly become one. And, for a little while, there was nothing but the rhythm they shared, nothing but the inexorable tide of pleasure rising within both of them in perfect synchronicity, enveloping them both, swelling within and around them, until it finally broke and swept them both away.
He was gentle with her afterwards, taking off the ropes, cleaning her up with a soft cloth, cradling her in his arms until she fell into a deep, relaxed sleep, blissfully free of nightmares.
The Cerberus base on Noveria had been routine, not much of a challenge for Commander Shepard and her team. Admiral Hackett had been well pleased, and the Illusive Man was doubtlessly steaming with anger in his hideout somewhere in a secret corner of the galaxy. We will find you yet. We will find you and then you will pay. Right now, Kay's confidence knew no bounds.
She returned to her cabin with a spring in her step. Kaidan had volunteered to write up the mission report for her, leaving her free for the evening. When her workstation signalled an incoming call, she was at her desk in a flash.
"Thane!" She couldn't keep herself from running a finger over his image on the screen in a symbolic caress, even though she knew it was silly. It was so good to see him.
"Siha. You look well." His voice hit her straight in the heart, even distorted by static as it was. "It seems you finally got some rest."
"Yeah, well..." She laughed, a little embarrassed. "You made sure of that, didn't you?"
He nodded slowly, not bothering to deny her words. His eyes were so full of love and affection that she had to swallow.
"You... I wish-" She broke off, unable to trust her voice.
"Me, too, Siha. I wish I could be with you. I wish I could stay a little longer." He cleared his throat laboriously, a brief flash of pain crossing his features. "Yet it lightens my heart to know you're in good hands. If there is anyone I trust to take good care of you, it's Kaidan."
She nodded, her eyes filling with tears.
"Don't cry. I'll be waiting for you, across the sea." Thane's smile was warm and genuine. "For both of you."
Huge hugs and thanks to suilven for betaing this for me. The night on the Citadel Kaidan mentions is the subject of my story "You Still Care".