Title: Why Robin Dosn't Talk Abouth That NightCharacters: Barney, Robin, Barney/Robin
Word Count: 4000+
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Not mine. sniff
Spoilers: Post "Sandcastles"
Summary:Barney Stinson has a secret that Robin was too ashamed to tell
Author's Notes: Never written one before so any feedback is most appreciated. Thanks for your time!
Set somewhere about the time of Miracles after Ted & Barney's split. Lily Marshall & Robin are sat in their favorite booth McClarens making desultory small talk. It is late.
Barney is at the other end of the bar with two blond girls. Laughter keeps bursting our from their table and you can see him waving his hands, keeping them entertained with one of his ridiculous stories. His whole body moves as he re-enacts some crazy plot – probably about skiing from what the gang could tell. Laughter rings out again as Barney high fives the taller girl.
Robin had been throwing sad little glances that way most if the evening.
"I miss Barney," said Lily sadly, "He be a complete douche to women but he was always so much fun, and he made Ted less intense and hung up." Robin looked up and smiled. "Yeah Barney was always fun to be around"
"Well you'd know huh," snorted Lily and Robin looked away guiltily. "It's been really quiet since Ted & Barney broke up. Even Ted's party was not much fun without Barney being slapped by at least 3 women."
"Well what did you expect Ted to do" protested Marshall – defending his best friend was his job, but he missed Barney too. "If the guy can't keep it in his pants long enough to not seduce his "best" friend's ex-girlfriend then he deserves to be out in the cold"
Laughter rag out from the table at the end of the room again, and they watched as Barney moved to the bar for re-fills.
"Anyone need another drink" said Robin as she rose. She walked to the open space at the bar next to Barney. He turned as she stood next to him. "What Up, Sherbatskey?". "
-"Hey Barney – how ya doing?" "Awe-some", he laughed, not looking her in the eye.
"Hey Barney I'm sorry about what happened with Ted".
"Ted who?" asked Barney as he walked away, not even glancing in Lily and Marshall's direction.
As Robin sat down at the table, they asked what was wrong. Robin looks guilty again. "I feel so bad about Baney & Ted – it's all my fault"
"What's your fault?" asked Ted as he sat down next to her.
"Nothing"
"No" said Marshall." I think we need to know". "Know what" asks Ted, not having a clue about what is going on. "About Robin & Barney" said Lily "Robin has never talked about what happened and, since you broke up with Barney, we kind of miss him".
Ted looks at Robin. "And Robin also said it was her fault – you breaking up". Ted looks confused until he realizes she meant with Barney.
"What could Robin possibly say that would make Barney the good guy in this story. Robin was feeling low and vulnerable and he took advantage of that, took her to his place, and seduced her. It takes someone really cold to do that. He betrayed me, and he betrayed Robin. End of Story" Robin coughed. They all looked at her.
"That wasn't totally true," she said. "What I said about being vulnerable. OK I was upset that that Simon dumped me. When Barney found me at the bar I might have been in tears. But he didn't take advantage of me. I am his bro."
They all looked confused. Neither Barney nor she had mentioned their previous night out, to protect Ted from knowing about Robin, being in love with Ted. Robin explained the cigars, laser tag and then Barney's move on her.
"Oh that's right," said Ted. "I remember Barney calling to ask permission to hit on Robin. I told him good luck, because he didn't stand a chance"
Robin coughed again. "Well actually he may have stood a chance that night, but he realized I was in love with you, Ted, so he backed off, got dressed and we played battleship. We both promised never to mention this again and have been "bros" since. Barney would never have made a move on a bro."
They all looked confused. "Article 77 of the Bro Code" Ohhhh" they all say in unison.
"Well what did happened," demanded Lily. Robin looks down and then at Ted " Are you Ok with hearing this" "Yes" said Ted emphatically. "We dated over a year ago. I can take the fact you may have had sex with someone else, and that someone may be a little it better than me in the bed department. He has had lots or practice". Robin looks at him. Ted gulps " Somewhat better!". She smiles.
Robin turns to the group. " I was crying over Simon, so Barney comes over to my side of the table. "He gropes you," said Lily eagerly. "Nooo! He just comforts me. You guys had left and I needed the hug. He also told me I was awesome – you know, usual Barney stuff."
They looked confused, since this wasn't usual Barney stuff, for them. "Anyway" Robin continued " I invited him up to my place to see the video he had spent 3 days looking for – I'll explain later. We watched it together and started laughing. We watched it again and again, with Barney giving commentary and making me laugh. As it got later I ended up moving right next to him on the couch. Guys -he got up and was about to leave – and as he did I pulled him down by his tie and I started kissing him"
They all looked shocked. As Ted was about to speak Robin interjects "There's more"
"Barney kept trying to pull away, but I was all over him like Lily at a shoe sale. I pushed him to the bedroom and on to the bed. I was on top of him trying to pull off his shirt. He stopped me, but by this time I could tell he was interested, if you now what I mean. He flipped me over, held me down looked into my eyes and, asked me is this was what I really wanted."
They all let out their breath at the same time. Lily was about to speak but Robin stopped her.
"There's more"." I was feeling vulnerable and unattractive – that bit is true" she looks guiltily at Ted "and I wanted to do something to make me feel better. What better than a quick bang with Barney. He only beds pretty girls so I am obviously attractive. I didn't expect it to be that good but was hoping for OK. Guys who have so many one-night stands – it's usually because they don't know how to please a woman, and usually can't get a 2nd date. Believe me – I have plenty of those kind of dates." The gang nodded. They had too. "But it wasn't like that at all. It was absolutely amazing." Lily leant forward eagerly. "What did he do? Tell us".
Robin looked at Marshall and Ted. They had a telepathic moment that only bros share and then Marshall spoke' "You can tell us – we need to judge if we were unfair to Barney – plus if he really is that great maybe I can pick up a few tips to try on Lily". Robin looks at Ted.
"Oh go ahead. I was always kind of hoping his awesomeness was exaggerated. Getting laid that many times is impressive, but to find out he actually can please a woman, disturbs me in a strange king of way"
Robin takes a deep breath and begins "Guys, Barney spent, literally,", "Figuratively" interjects Ted and the gang yells at him in unison, " the first hour just gently massaging me as he very slowly took off my clothes. All the time he is telling me how beautiful and amazing I am, He touches me everywhere and he made me orgasm the first time just by stroking my neck.
"The first time" Lily squeaks. Robin looks over at her and smiles. She explains that for the next few hours Barney did things to her that she had never, ever had done before, and that she climaxed so many times she lost track.
"At one point he had me blindfolded and would alternatley drip iced water or hot wax, from the single candle lighting the room, onto my skin. The feeling was so sensational that he only touched me once and I, you know".
The gang looked astonished as she talked about a Barney they had no idea existed.
"Why didn't you tell us he was so great?" Lily asked and Robin looked down, ashamed. "It wasn't because of Barney, or that I was ashamed of having sex with him – it was my behavior I was ashamed of, and didn't want anyone to know. Things just kind of got out of hand with Ted and the argument, and I didn't know how to fix it." Robin stopped speaking and they all had the grace to look ashamed as Barney sauntered past them, with the two blonds – one on each arm. "What Up" he saluted as he made his way out of the bar.
"Tell us what happened" Lily leant forward to shake Robin's hand hard. Robin shook herself ad looked up. 'There's more" she said. "Guys, after I had spent 3 hours having the best sexual experience ever, I fell asleep."
"What!!!" they yelled. "Yes – I fell asleep and Barney hadn't even taken off his clothes". "What – you mean- he hadn't – you know" stuttered Lily.
"No – not even once"
They guys looked shocked. "How could any man endure that?" said Marshall, "Did he wake you for sex like a ravaging animal".
"No he didn't" said Robin.
"Did he jump you while you were asleep?"
"No he didn't" said Robin.
"Well – Ted's has to say sorry to Barney now," said Lily jumping up as if to go after him.
"Wait – there's more," said Robin. Lily sat down, suddenly deflated "That isn't all you did to poor Barney", "Nope – not even close"
Robin continued: " I woke a little while later, completely relaxed and satiated. Barney wasn't there," Lily gasped but Robin held up her hand to stop her "Look, let me get all of it out so you can see how badly I behaved to him, and how I couldn't tell any of you before. I heard the shower going in my spare bathroom – which was weird since I have one in my room. Anyway I felt guilty about – you know – Barney not, well – anyway I thought I would go in and make it up to him. I crept into the bathroom. I could see his shadow through the curtain and I was pretty sure he was – well making it up to himself if you catch my drift."
They guys groaned – there was nothing worse than being caught, red-handed, as such. "Don't worry" Robin assures them " I made enough noise so he had chance to prepare, and I joined him in the shower" Lily gasped and her cheeks were bright red. "Rhinoceros" she said looking at Marshall. Marshall looked at the flushed Lily and then at Robin "Sorry, Lilipad – I have to know the end of the story" He looks at Ted "You'll get no argument from me –I am feeling like such a douche for hitting him where I did now". The guys both winced.
"I joined him in the shower, and Lily – yes he is. I put my arms around him and we kissed and he started touching me again. To cut a long story short he carried me back to bed and basically repeated the previous 3 hours. Although he was naked this time he never let me touch him, and we never actually, technically, had sex. I also repeated myself and fell asleep again at dawn"
"What happened when you woke up"? Robin looked terrible. "Barney started the conversation, explaining what he normally does with anyone he picks up. Then he mentioned Ted and how bad he felt – then I basically got up and told him to leave the apartment before I got out of my shower. When I saw him later, I pretended it never happened, and the rest you know."
The team looks shocked. "Well" Lily says. "You have to sleep with Barney again"
It was the next day that Ted ad Barney had their accidents. No one mentioned Robin's story to Barney as he recuperated from 80% of his bones being broken. But Lily had started doing some research. One day Robin enters the bar and sees Lily chatting to a girl at the bar. As she approaches Lily shakes her head, so Robin veers over to the booth where Ted and Marshall are talking.
"Well that nails it," says Lily gleefully as she approaches. The boys merely glance up, but Robin looks confused. "Lily has been doing research," says Marshall." On what"
"Barney" says Lily in a hushed tone. "What!!" says Robin, looking shocked and confused.
"I looked up lots of Barney's conquests and lulled them into talking to me – well I got them drunk or just plain up asked them". "Asked them what??" Robin asks agitatedly.
"What do you think – what Barney is like in bed. I told them I was thinking of taking him out for a spin and needed testimonials". Marshall sputtered into his drink. "Lily!!" "Don't worry Marshall – remember – Barney and I were married when we were together, so we never had sex!!"
"Why would you want to know about Barney?" asked Robin, bringing the conversation back. Marshall was still coughing.
"I have a theory, and wanted to know if your experience with him is because you are Bro's or if that is how he is."
"And"
"Well according to my sources" Lily pauses dramatically. They all waited with baited breath. "Barney is like that with every woman he takes home".
"Well why are some of them so mad at him" asks Robin. Lily just looks at her. "Oh – you mean they want him to sleep with them again, because he is so awesome, and he won't"
"Yes" says Lily gleefully. "Barney doesn't know how to be average in bed. All the normal chicks feel like you – guilty because he gave them such a good time and he didn't – ya know!! And the crazy chicks want him to do it again and again so he has to move on to a new chick to put them off. Not anyone had a bad word to say about his performance in bed, but all of them says that he never, actually, you know", "Shush" says Robin "here he comes"
"No he doesn't" says Marshall and Ted, together as Barney makes his way very slowly over, on crutches. He has been doing better, but has been very subdued lately. He sneaks a glance at Robin, but she looks quickly away.
They all talk for a while but Barney is looking noticeably tired. Marshall offers him a lift home, since he has work to do, but Barney refuses, so Ted helps him up and walks with him & Marshall out of the bar.
"You have to do it Robin" says Lily frantically.
"Do what"
"Sleep with Barney, but this time for Barney, not for you"
The guys return and Lily explains her plan to Ted and Marshall. They all look at Robin
"I can't do that" she responds, "He must hate me." They snicker and she looks at them sharply. It seems everyone knows Barney loves Robin, other than Robin. But telling her is the fastest way of ensuing she doesn't go near him with a 10ft pole. And they all want to get Barney together with Robin again. They feel they owe him one – Lily because she was the one he told about his love for Robin, and the guys because they feel bad for anyone who has slept with hundreds of chicks and not actually got laid.
So they hatched a plot. Lily spent the evening pointing out Barney's good qualities while the guys point out how awful he must be feeling – all the physical therapy and lack of being laid. They all talk of how much she owes him as a bro, and how a bro should look out for another bro. It clinched it when Ted handed over Barney's spare key.
Robin made he way to Barney's in a taxi – convincing herself the whole way she wasn't going to sleep with Barney Stinson. But she started thinking back to that night – how amazing he had been – how considerate – the whole time telling her she was beautiful and awesome and although he may do that for all the girls, she had felt amazing that night. Then she thought about those few moments when she opened the shower curtain, and saw him under the running water holding his magnificent (she had lied to the guys – not telling them she had caught him since she knows that would make them hate her more, and make Barney feel awful if he ever found out she told them) anyway back to the story – cock. He had a really great body – not big, but built like an athlete, and that picture had fueled many a lazy evening for her this summer.
She reached his door and knocked lightly, but with resolve. No answer. She opened it and went in. The apartment was dark and there was no sound anywhere. She walked down to Barney's bedroom. The last time she had been there was to look at his scrap book, with the gang, to help him find his stalker. She remembered saying then that anyone who slept with Barney got what they deserved. She shivered and shoved the thoughts out of her head.
The bedroom was quiet and dark. The only light came from outside, since his blinds were open. His suit was discarded on the floor. She had a moment of concern – assuming it had been discarded in a moment of passion, and he was not alone, but she could see only one outline on the bed. Next to the bed was a glass of scotch and his painkillers.
Another flash of concern waved over her and then she shook herself – Barney Stinson may not be always what he seemed, but she knew his love of life and sense of fun would never allow him to do something that stupid. Even through the summer when he was in hospital, through the pain, procedures and hard rehab he had kept a running monologue on how he would do all of the nurses, and even kept up his blog. Robin had visited him every day to the resentment of quite a few, very pretty nurses.
She walked over to the bed and looked down at his sleeping face and actually, really looked at him. Usually Barney was so animated, a thousand expressions cross his face in a split second, so it is hard to actually see him. Asleep he looked – well young. And sad. He was covered only on the lower half of his body and Robin could see his chest move up and down. His hand was flung to the side and it made him look strangely vulnerable – not a word she would usually use on the Awesome Barney Stinson.
He moved suddenly, restlessy and whimpered as if in pain. Although out of hospital a couple of weeks, and back at work, she knew he was still far from 100%.
And all of a sudden she knew Lily was right. She owed him one.
Robin began undressing silently, in the moonlight. Every time Barney moved, or cried out, she stopped, holding her breath. Eventually she was naked and she moved to the bed. Silently, and as slowly as possible she climbed into bed until she was facing him. Then she leant in and kissed him very slowly, and tenderly on the lips.
"Robin" he said, startling her. She was about to speak, but realized he was still asleep. She put her hand onto his hair and began stroking it as she kissed him again. She felt the moment his breathing changed and he became aware of her. She opened her eyes and found him looking at her.
"Robin" he breathed. "Yes, Barney" He looked at her, then tried to pull away. She held on to him and pulled him closer. Her breasts were against his chest and he looked down, and smiled his wicked grin – still Barney then!!!
"What are you doing here?" "I came to help out a bro". He moved back and she didn't stop him this time. "Robin, I can't do that with you again - I can barely move" "Listen, Barney. I am here to help you, not the other way around."
"No!!" he moved back as he exclaimed sharply. "I can't"
"Can't what?" Robin was confused. He muttered something unintelligible as he pulled the sheet about him. Robin moved towards him, kneeling – now totally naked in front of him. He tried to look away but she held his face and kissed him again. She could see his interest stir under the covers, but he turned away trying to hide it. "I want this" she breathed, "I want you".
Again, the anguished "No" from Barney as she kissed him again. "What is wrong with you, Barney? You don't want me??" She pulled away and a strange look crossed his face. "Not like this" he muttered. "I can't please you like this".
"But it's my turn to please you Barney - I owe you". "No" again from Barney. He was pulling so far back he was almost off the bed, "I have to be awesome – that's what women want – they want awesomeness". He was muttering, and she knew some of it was the drugs, so she did something that later she would look back on and regret, but seemed right at the time – she laughed.
Barney stopped, and turned to look at her totally still – a stricken look on his face. She moved in for the kill. "Mr. Stinson – contrary to popular belief, really, you are not always awesome – some times you are a jerk, sometimes you are really sweet – but you are not always awesome".
She sat up so he could see here breasts clearly in the light – his eyes moved down to the light sprinkling of dark hair below and she could see his interest spike again. "Also – contrary to what you may believe, women, particularly me, sometimes want to be awesome for their men – nay, expect, to be awesome for their men, and do not appreciate it when said men will not let them show their awesomeness" She moved in and pushed Barney backwards. "You will have plenty of time to be awesome again, whether for me or some other, very lucky girl, when you have recovered from what I am about to do to you."
She fell on him and began kissing him again, but this time demanding him to respond. He held her hard and kissed back with a savagery she had not expected. She had planned a big seduction of him, much as he did with her, but feeling him press against her naked, and the heat generated by the kiss, she climbed on him and without ceremony took him into her.
He stopped kissing her and went stock-still. She looked down and started to move on him, slowly at first but she could see his expression, and hear his breathing, so she matched her movement to those. She leant forward and took his mouth again and he kissed he back. He sat up and lifted her – with a single grunt of pain, so she was sat on him at the edge of the bed. He tried to turn her over – she knew what he was trying to do and wouldn't give him the control. Her movements became fast and frantic and his breathing accelerated. "Robin – I can't hold on" he gritted out as she felt him tense and then slowly relax.
He fell back – hand behind his head – eyes not looking at her. "You didn't?" he asked "No" He looked away. She went to him again and tried to hold him and pull him to her but he would not look at her face. "Barney" "What" "Look at me". He turned slowly to her and looked into her eyes. Then he stopped – and smiled very slowly and very broadly. "You too – huh!"
"Yes Barney – I love you"