This is the first chapter of my ''Total Drama College'' series. The characters are from a cancelled comic series of the same name.
Chris is standing outside of a giant college building, and says: ''college! A place of higher learning! Where the uneducated go to get educated… or just party for 4 years! This season's 22 contestants… are here for neither. We've offered them all one free semester for the opportunity to win ONE! MILLION! DOLLARS! Most of which will probably just pay for the rest of their tuition!'' Chris laughs and continues: ''so let's go meet the class for their first day at TOTAL! DRAMA! COLLEGE!''
After the opening theme, a rundown, almost broken bus arrives. The doors open, and the first contestant comes. ''First of the bus is Hannah!'', Chris says enthusiastically. Hanna walks to Chris, unimpressed. ''Hannah, you're on national television, the whole world is watching, you've made your grand entrance! What do you have to say for yourself?'' after a moment of silence, Hanna says: ''Muh…'', then falls on the ground and falls asleep. Chris looks in shock and says: ''alrighty then…''
The second contestant comes. ''Jordan! Alright!'', Chris says, ''Welcome to college, Jordan!'' Jordan answers him with his Latin accent: ''yeah, Mon. I come from the Swansea valleys so everyone from there should be happy to see someone from home wins! After all, I am the smartest, strongest, and best look…wow!'' Jordan trips over Hannah. ''Jim! Welcome!'', Chris says when another contestant comes. Jim looks at Hannah and Jordan and says sarcastically: ''who left a Goth lying about?!'' he helps an annoyed Jordan and a still-sleeping Hannah get up, and says: ''And here I was to think that this was going to be tough''.
The next two contestants to arrive are getting off the bus. ''Those are Yuki and Dixon, everyone!'', Chris says. ''Oh my god! Are you from japan?!'', Dixon asks Yuki. ''No… but my parents are!'', Yuki says, ''This place is amazing!'' Yuki runs to Chris and hugs him. Dixon joins her, while Chris feels uncomfortable.
''Oh my god! This place is amazing!'', says the next contestant who comes out of the bus, ''I can't believe I am actually here! This is awesome!'' then he falls on the ground suddenly. ''And that is Mody'', says Chris. ''Why did you trip over?'', Jim asks, as there was nothing on the ground. ''Nothing'', Mody says, ''It happens a lot''.
''Danny!'', Chris says as the next competitor arrives. Danny is very fat and smelly. When he gets out of the bus, he trips over and falls on Mody, when his smelly armpit is on Mody's face. When Danny gets up he says to Mody: ''thanks for breaking my fall… and sorry about the sweat… I don't believe in deodorants… hell! I haven't bathed in three and a half months!'' the last comment makes Mody barf.
The next competitor arrives. ''Nik! Nice to see you!'', Chris lifts his hand for a high five, but Nik looks at him with his blank, scary face and doesn't move a muscle. ''Ok then'', Chris says, terrified.
''AHH! AHH! BEE ON THE BUS! BEE ON THE BUS!'', the next competitor yells in horror while running away from the bus. ''OOOH! I'll get it!'', says another contestant that gets out of the bus and holds a rolled up newspaper. ''And here we have Lulu and Aly, respectively'', Chris says. Lulu keeps running and screaming while bumping into Jordan, and Aly keeps chasing the bee while shoving Mody, accidentally hitting Danny and yelling: ''I nearly got it! Out of the way!'' when Aly finally swats the bee with the newspaper, it lands inside Lulu's shirt, which causes her to scream. ''I can tell this season's gonna be fun!'', Chris says gleefully.
''Next up is Clair!'', says Chris. ''Hey, it's nice to meet…'', Clair says, but before she can finish the sentence, another contestant comes and says: ''hi! I'm here now!'' ''Charlotte'', Chris introduces her. Charlotte keeps talking while Clair looks at her angrily: ''Yeah… it's me. Um, just thought I'd say, none of you should be judgmental, cause I don't like judgmental people… I'm open-minded and think everyone else should be too! Because judgmental people annoy me, and I'm a nice person, so I'll try to be friends with some of you, ok?'' Mody stops her and says: ''but won't we have to judge people when we vote them off?'' charlotte gets mad and says: ''EXCUSE ME… I was talking; I find it rude for you to interrupt! I am a well-liked person, and people always love me you know! So unless you want your butt kicked off here first, you'd better be nice to us all!''
The next contestant arrives. ''Everybody, meet Emily'', Chris says. Emily smiles shyly. ''Aled!'', Chris introduces the next competitor. ''Well, hello everyone!'' Aled says. He notices Emily and says: ''girl, this dress is AMAZING! Where did you get it?'' Emily blushes and says: ''I made it''. Aled gasps and says: ''what?! This is tots unbelievable! I can already see we are going to be good friends!''
''Farmer Spencer!'', Chris introduces the next competitor. ''I'm NOT a farmer!'', spencer yells, although he carries his luggage and a corn sack in a wheelbarrow. Charlotte looks at him with a smile. Jim says: ''I'd pick at the corn, or the wheelbarrow, but I'm just gonna go right ahead and say the smell was the biggest hint…'' spencer gets angry and yells: ''I'm going to floss you ribs!'', but before he can, the next contestant arrives and slips on the floor. ''Oh! I appear to have fallen…'', she says and laughs. ''Yeah… Liz, everyone. Now who's been greasing my floors?!''
The next contestant gets out of the bus with his arrogant walk. ''Hi, Johnny'', Chris says. Johnny ignores him and talks straight to the camera. ''Hello, watchers from all around the globe. I am Johnny'', he says. Chris pushes him away from the camera and says: ''this is my show! Don't you ever still my camera time! Get it?!''
The next competitor arrives. ''Hey, Tammy. What do you want to say?'', Chris says, getting tired. Tammy just signs a peace sign with her fingers to the camera and walks away. ''Good, less talking, more let's get this over with!'', Chris says.
''But all I said was hi!'', says one contestant who gets out of the bus to the other. ''I'm sorry' but I don't trust guys with sunglasses!'', she says. ''What is it some sort of joke?!'', he gets annoyed with her. ''Your face is a joke!'', she screams. ''You're impossible. You know that, right?'', he says. ''Connor, Paige! Welcome to college! And I think we have just about everyone!'', Chris says with a smile.
''Wait, I…'' Clair starts to speak but charlotte cuts her off again. ''Um, yeah! There are more people Chris'', charlotte says. ''Yeah, there were a couple of guys sat behind me and…'', Connor says but suddenly the bus falls on its side. Then a guy is seen standing on the bus and yells: ''I AM THE MASTER!'' Connor looks at him and says: ''so… you proved it by flipping the bus?'' then another guy gets out of the bus. ''With me in it… idiot…'', he says angrily. ''With the arrival of Cory, who will be paying for all the damages he caused, and Drake, who will be put in far more dangerous situations, we have our full cast of students!'' Jim says: ''Cory? More like a meat-head to me…'', while he looks at Cory. ''He's my big brother'', Aly says. ''Oh… um… sorry…'', Jim says. ''Don't be… he is a meathead. An annoying-puts-you-in-wrestling-holds-to-watch-TV-meathead…'', Aly says angrily.
Chris and the ''students'' enter the building. ''This is the common area. You'll all be able to hang here whenever you don't have ''classes''. As usual, contestants will be put through many rigorous challenges and obstacles all loosely based around this season's gimmick… great fun, right? The winning team of each challenge will gain immunity for that round. The losing team will have to vote someone off'', Chris explains the rules. ''Nice to see we're bringing in new ideas'', Jim says. Liz says: ''hang on… I have noticed chef is not in sight. Where is he?'' Chris gets mad and says: ''chef got a gig selling fish sticks in Japan and left, ok?!'' Dixon yells excitedly: ''woo-hoo! Japan!'' Chris tries to control himself and says: ''how about we talk about your dorm rooms instead?'' Connor says: ''wait… dorm rooms? As in roommates?'' Chris answers: ''That's right! You'll be partnered up in cramped spaces barely suited to one person let alone two or three! So, good luck with who you get paired with!'' Mody looks at Danny and hopes he won't be his roommate.
Chris continues: ''also, this season, we have our confessionals in a place where you will truly fell comfortable letting your feeling out… The C.C.C.! Counselors Confessional Cam! Let's try it out, shall we?'' Danny is the first one to use the C.C.C.: ''So… I don't use deodorant… I don't see the big deal really… I mean, if it isn't supposed to stink, then why does it? Answer that with your science!'' Then Liz goes into the C.C.C.: ''I probably could just take classes the traditional way and graduate just fine with good grades… but… um… wait… why am I here again?'' Mody is the next to use the C.C.C., but he just squeals: ''confessional…''
Then, Chris and the rest go outside, to the other side of the building. Chris says: ''Students, our first class and your first challenge is… chemistry!'' Everybody gasps. A worried Lulu says: ''aw no, our first challenge? But we haven't even picked teams yet!'' Chris answers: ''this challenge will decide the teams! So quit getting ahead of me, OK?! You're first challenge is a race through the forest, where the college hides scientific experiments from environmental activist groups! Then upon exiting the forest… IF you manage to exit the forest… you'll get a chemistry quiz, answer and you'll be thrown a ball. Catch to see if you're right. If you're wrong, you get zapped. Example? Catch!'' Chris throws a ball at Clair and she gets zapped.
Chris continues his explanation: ''you should know that the faster you exit the forest, the better. The first 11 contestants to exit the forest will be on Team Alpha, which wins the immunity. The rest will be on Team Beta, which will eliminate someone tonight!''
Then Chris pulls out a gun. Aly is excited and says: ''Oh, cool! Is that a starting pistol?'' Chris answers: ''This? No, this is in case anything gets out of the forest when I'm waiting on the other side''. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a rope ladder, which Chris climbs on and flies away.
Clair looks at the forest terrified and says: ''so… we go in there… I guess now's as good a time as…'' but Charlotte again interrupts her and says: ''Excuse me I was talking!'' Clair is really upset the Charlotte keeps cutting her off and says: ''no you weren't…'' and Charlotte once again cuts her off: ''Well, I'd have like to have been, considering I'm so interesting, I have lots to say! I furthermore, I find it…'' but this time Clair cuts her off by slapping her. Chris watches while he stands on the ladder in the air and says: ''Ooooh nice! Will Charlotte continue to be such a ''nice'' person? Will anyone manage to come out of the forest alive? And will Danny EVER take a shower? Find out next time on… TOTAL… DRAMA… COLLEGE!''