A/N: I have absolutely no idea where this came from. I was just looking at some stories, and all of a sudden, I see this summary, and it randomly reminded me of tomatoes, Sasuke and Kakashi, and how they are so much alike, and just . . . yeah, don't take this seriously.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own this handy plant! *holds up a potted plant* I use it to scare the evil rabbits.* looks side to side real suspiciously*
Sasuke was mad.
No, there wasn't even a word to describe how mad he was right now.
"Stupid Itachi. . ." Sasuke muttered as he repeatedly stabbed the tomato in front of him. "It is all his fault."
By the time he finished with his tomato massacre, he had turned nearly 20 tomatoes into red, gooey, mush, and they were no good to put in the salad he was making for dinner. Why? Why did that no good brother of his have to do this to him? He didn't do anything to Itachi, for God's sake!
"I'm home!" Kakashi called as he walked into the house. Sasuke easily tuned out his father in the hopes that he would leave him alone. No such luck. Kakashi stepped into the kitchen and leaned against the wall lazily.
Kakashi gazed at the red mush for a moment, and then sighed. Why me? He asked silently. What did I do to deserve this?
He honestly didn't expect an answer, so he was surprised when he heard a voice in his head.
Kakashi, you know what you did.
No, I do not know. Kakashi thought viciously, masking his surprise with anger at the new voice. What do you want, Gai? AND GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Gai chuckled. You know, rival, I did not expect this kind of greeting when I decided to stop by for a visit.
Stop by for a visit, my ass. You just want to challenge me to some new insane thing you've thought up. Well, guess what? I don't have the time for it! NOW LEAVE!
Sasuke stared at the older man for a long time, not understanding why Kakashi was all of a sudden so . . angry? Yes, he was angry. But why?
"Dad, why are you so angry?" Sasuke asked warily.
"Huh?" Kakashi snapped his attention back to his son, and blinked when he saw the tomatoes again. "I'm not angry. . . and what the hell got you so mad?"
Sasuke scowled back at the red goop and said, "It's all Itachi's fault." Kakashi raised an eyebrow, and looked over his shoulder to gaze at the stairs.
"Itachi! Get down here!" Kakashi yelled, then turned back to Sasuke.
"What?" Itachi snapped, appearing at the door.
Kakashi pointed to Sasuke. "Explain."
Itachi stared at his brother, the tomatoes, Kakashi, back to Sasuke. "I have absolutely no idea." He said calmly.
"Yes, you do!" Sasuke exploded. "It is totally your fault!"
"What is my fault, dear brother?"
"Everything!"
"Clarify, Sasuke." Kakashi interrupted.
"He kidnapped Naruto at three o'clock this morning, and brought him here, and Naruto was freaking out, and crying, because he didn't recognize Itachi, and then he saw me, and he was crying all over me, and it was not pretty." Sasuke explained.
Kakashi turned to his elder son. "Itachi? Is this true?"
Itachi snorted. "Yeah, maybe."
"And why did you kidnap Naruto?"
"I got bored."
". . .You got bored." Kakashi repeated. "That's it, where's Naruto now?"
"In my room, sleeping away the trauma of being kidnapped by your elder son." Sasuke put in.
"Go get him." Kakashi said, jerking his head towards the stairs. Sasuke hissed, but left the kitchen and tromped up the stairs. Kakashi gestured for Itachi to sit down at the table. He did, Kakashi plopping down across from him. Kakashi rubbed his face, running a hand through his hair at the same time.
"Itachi," he sighed, "how many times have I told you, kidnapping people just because you're bored is not the right thing to do."
Itachi crossed his arms over his chest. "At least since I was 12."
"And how old are you now?"
"17."
"Okay, I'm going to give you a new mission, right from the boss. Go out, make some new friends, get a boyfriend or girlfriend, just interact with people your age." Kakashi announced.
"What if I don't want to?"
"Then I'm going to make you either get a job, or kick you out of the house, because I am sick and tired of you and your brother fighting all of the time. Whenever you make him mad, I come home to perfectly good tomatoes turned into mush." Kakashi sounded like he had given this a lot of thought.
Naruto appeared with Sasuke, yawning, not noticing Itachi. When he did, he shrieked and cowered behind Sasuke.
"Itachi! You traumatized my best friend! What kind of brother are you?" Sasuke hissed, putting an arm around Naruto.
"Sasuke, I am the brother that loves to mess with you." Itachi stated.
"Why you little—" Sasuke launched himself across the room at his brother.
"Sasuke! Itachi!" Kakashi shouted dangerously. "Sit down, all of you."
They sat.
"Naruto, start at the beginning. What exactly happened?" Kakashi sighed.
"Umm. . . well, I was on my home from Kiba's house, when all of a sudden, this guy just attacks me! Of course, I struck out at him, but I missed, and then I was blindfolded, and gagged, and tied up, and alone. So then I'm being dragged away, right? And I'm thinking, 'Oh my God, they have discovered my secret ramen stash.' Then of course I remembered that I had eaten all of the ramen, and I realized that that couldn't be it.
"So I'm being dragged around Konoha, and I have no idea what the hell is going on. And then I'm here, and I'm like, 'Whoa, why the hell am I in Sasuke's house?' And then Sasuke is there, and he's yelling at Mr. Creepy Guy, who I now know is Itachi, and Itachi is just being Mr. Ice Prince, I'm still tied up, and scared."
"Naruto, I think you forgot a part." Itachi interrupted.
"Shut it, you bastard! I'm telling the story here." Naruto snapped. "Anyways, I'm like freaking out now, and Itachi is like 'Too bad, Sasuke, I got bored this is how I entertain myself.' And Sasuke is like, 'That doesn't mean you kidnap my best friend!' I'm scared, and crying, and Sasuke finally realizes that I'm tied up, so he unties me, and I'm like, 'Get me away from that person! Far far away!'"
"Naruto, you seem to be forgetting the part where you're clutching my shirt afraid to let go." Sasuke said.
"I'm getting to that!" Naruto exclaimed. "My gosh, you people are so demanding today. Anyways, so yes, like Sasuke said, I'm clutching his shirt, and crying, and Sasuke is still yelling at Itachi, and I'm even more scared. Finally, Itachi stalks away, all mad that his fun has been spoiled and Sasuke has to sleep in the bed with me because I'm too scared to let go of his shirt." He finished.
By this time, Kakashi has dropped his head onto his arms and was groaning miserably. "Why? Why me?"
Kakashi, I think you need to learn how to punish your children better.
Great. Gai is back.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Kakashi screamed. Sasuke and Itachi stopped their bickering; Naruto froze halfway out of his seat to take care of the tomatoes.
"Dad . . .?" Sasuke trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence.
"I'm fine, Sasuke. Just a jutsu gone wrong and now Gai is talking in my head." Kakashi said coolly.
"Dad, you need to go see Tsunade. That is definitely not right." Sasuke said.
"Sasuke, I'm fine. Back to Itachi's punishment." Kakashi snapped. "Itachi, you will apologize to Naruto, and to make sure this will never happen again, Itachi, you are definitely going to make some new friends."
"Dad!" Itachi whined, very man-like, by the way.
"No buts, Itachi. You are going to do what I say, starting right now." Kakashi said sternly. "Apologize to Naruto."
Itachi crossed his arms again, but he really didn't want to get kicked out of the house, like his father no doubt would, so he muttered, "I'm sorry, Naruto."
Naruto nodded as his only indication that he had heard him, and scooted his chair closer to Sasuke.
The doorbell rang just then. Kakashi groaned and got up to answer the door. "Itachi, you had better be out of this house in a half hour, or else you are getting kicked out." He said one last time before leaving the room.
"Iruka?" he said when he opened the door. The brunette smiled at him and pushed past, not even waiting to be invited in.
"I heard Naruto was here, and I wanted to make sure he was okay." Iruka said.
"Oh, yeah, he's here." Kakashi said, distracted by the sudden shout from the kitchen. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"
Rival, you should not get frustrated by them.
"GAI, SHUT UP, AND GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"
Iruka stared at him blankly while he pushed past the brunette, stalking into the kitchen. "What is going on in here?"
Kakashi froze as he stared at the scene in front of him. Sasuke and Naruto making out in front of the sink, Itachi was baking cookies . . . and when the hell had Kiba gotten here and why was he looking at Akamaru like that?
"Never mind . . ." Kakashi muttered as he backed out of the room. "I don't want to know."
He grabbed Iruka's hand as he passed him in the hall. "Okay, Naruto's fine, let's go out for ramen, 'kay? No one wants to be in this house while that chaos is going on."
"W-wait, what?" Iruka stammered as he was dragged out of the house.
Kakashi looked at him seriously. "Trust me, you do not want to know."
Back in the house, Itachi was baking away his frustration, Kiba had led Akamaru up to Sasuke's room , and Sasuke was trying to pull Naruto into the bathroom while kissing him at the same time.
And that is how Kakashi learned that his children were insane, Kiba was some freak in love with his dog, and Naruto . . . well, he was Naruto.
A/N: Seriously have no idea where this came from. The original idea was to have it be a KakaSasu story, but then I realized that I like it better like this . . . and it got away from me.