I sighed deeply. Who would ever guess Quinn Fabray would come to a sleepover on Rachel Berry's house? I wouldn't.
Well, it was happening and I was kind of scared because of it. I don't know why, but I've always felt like I should be her friend. Putting aside the fact that she stole my boyfriend twice and that she was never popular, I kind of liked her style. Obviously, I'm not talking about that sweaters, they may be cute, but certainly not an option for school. What I liked in her was that even with all the times she got slushied and all the nicknames she was called, her confidence never seemed to be shaken. That used to bother me because when I was in the base of the food chain, I felt like I was no one and it lasted months, she never seemed to be affected by it and she's been suffering this since she got in high school.
I thought I'd never admit it, but I guess I envied Rachel Berry. I guess? Of course I did, I still do. She's so better than me. She'll probably be in that People's Top Hottest Celebrities when she's 21.
"Quinn, if you stay out for more 5 seconds, you're probably going to freeze, honey." Leroy Berry was definitely the kindest of the kindest men in the world. He obviously knew what I've done to Rachel in the past, but he trusted me when I apologized, now Hiram... let's just say he didn't like anyone who may had hurt his baby girl in any kind of way and Rachel told everything that happened to her to both men... I feel sorry for Finn, sometimes. But then I remember that I don't care about him and his feelings.
I went into the house, smiling to the man. "Good night, Mr. Berry."
"Mr. Berry? That's my husband, Quinn." He answered with a confused blink, making me laugh.
"Sorry Leroy," I said while taking off my coat.
"Rachel was afraid that you wouldn't come because you're fifteen minutes late."
"Are Kurt and Mercedes already here?"
He nodded and I'd say something, but then I remembered that they must be used to Rachel's time. That was my first sleepover. I guess the fact that Rachel is really punctual makes her think everybody is, or something. I'm definitely not. And I'm certainly less punctual than the normal when my mom keeps asking me if I took the tooth brush even if I've already told her I did a million times before.
Hiram was watching TV in the couch and I said a simple 'hi' to him when I saw he was there, he answered with a smile and I had to contain myself to not raise my eyebrow at him.
"Quinn!" I looked to the stairs and saw Rachel standing there "I thought you were going to stay out there forever. Come up stairs, Kurt and Mercedes wanted you to explain how you couldn't notice how gay Sam is."
I did what she told me to, but stopped in the middle of my way. "I did notice, he just told me he wasn't." Rachel stared at me with an eyebrow raised. "What? You usually trust the guy you're into when he says he's not gay."
"If you're saying..." She was going to laugh, I saw in her eyes she would.
"Stop it, okay? It's not funny."
"Come up already!" She said laughing slightly.
I did and slapped her arm, but all I got were more laughs. I liked Rachel's laugh. I probably liked before and repressed the feeling because of the whole 'enemies' thing. Since we became friends, everything seems easier. I never feel like I'm faking feelings with her.
"Quinn, we were just talking about you!" Kurt said as soon as he saw me standing next to the door.
"About how much I need to fix my gaydar?"
"Exactly," He said and then, started laughing with Mercedes again.
I missed being around them, one more benefit of this friendship with Rachel: it made us get close again. Kurt and his flawless clothes choice, Mercedes and her optimism. Probably the best friends I've ever had. I love Santana and Brittany, but we were never that close, even though we're closer now, it's still not enough.
"So, now that Quinn is here, you guys can explain to us how you two discovered about it." Rachel said, calling me to sit next to her.
Kurt gave us a questioning look. "Sam?" We only nodded and he looked at Mercedes again, but she asked him to start the story. "Well, Mercedes told me that he was acting weird after our double date and asked me to talk to him, because he wouldn't talk to her about it. I did what she asked me to do and… well, after some hesitating, he told me he wasn't feeling comfortable around me and Blaine because we are, obviously, gays and he was still trying to come to terms with his sexuality. I asked him why wouldn't he talk to Mercedes about it and he said he didn't want to hurt her."
"Sam Evans is cute." Rachel said by my side and I turned to her with a confused expression.
"Also gay," She slapped my arm, making me laugh. "I'm just helping you to remember…"
"I didn't mean to say this and you know it. I have a boyfriend, Quinn."
I rolled my eyes, why Finn had to always appear in our conversations? "I'm sure this fact is very clear." Kurt and Mercedes shared a look while Rachel raised her eyebrows. "What? I know he's good guy and stuff, but your dad don't seem to like him, Rachel. And you should trust your dad's judgment."
"He doesn't seem to like you, too."
"But I'm progressing! He smiled to me when I said 'hi' to him today!" Her suspicious face became a slight smile before I've even finished the sentence.
"Are you serious?"
"Yep. I was trying to figure out if that was a natural smile or something else, but then you called me up stairs."
Her smile grew a bit and she whispered. "Awesome…"
She focused Mercedes and Kurt again, waiting for them to continue, but I kept staring at her when Mercedes started talking. "Then Kurt told him he'd hurt me more if he didn't figured that out, so he came to me and asked for a time. I looked for Kurt because I naturally didn't understand a thing. I remember he didn't want to make our relationship public in the beginning, but that was a deal, I didn't want it to be public, too. So, I went to talk to Kurt and he said he couldn't tell me what exactly was going on, but that it was related to something that Sam was trying to figure out."
"Well, that 'time' lasted almost a week, what I don't consider much because he needed to figure it out and admit it to himself, so I actually thought he wasn't gay when he asked to talk to Mercedes."
"Sam is not stupid," I interrupted Kurt, turning to look at him. God, how didn't any of them notice that I was staring at Rachel's face all this time? I mean, that's good, I guess. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Kurt clearing his throat. "Yes?" I was met by all the three pairs of eyes staring confused at me.
"What did you said, Quinn? I couldn't hear."
"Yeah, it sounded like a whisper," Mercedes completed him.
"Oh, I said that Sam isn't stupid. He may believe in stupid stories when he wants to, but he's definitely not stupid. If he did focus on figuring out if he was gay or not, without relationships and pressure, he'd do it easy. Actually, he did, right?"
Kurt bit his bottom lip, nodding. "Quinn? Was he jealous with you? I asked Mercedes, but she said it was impossible to know, because they didn't spend much time together."
"Well, I don't know… I mean, there was that time with Finn, but he had reasons. So I guess not. Why?"
"Because he saw a call from Blaine on my phone last night and he got really mad. Really, really mad. It was very cute, though."
I gave him a smile while he looked at the roof, blushing a little. "You told him that?" Kurt looked to me and blushed even harder. "Did he blush that much too?"
Rachel and Mercedes started laughing and Kurt seemed like trying to find a hole to put his face in.
Mercedes took a deep breathe to contain the laughs. "But now, continuing: Sam asked to talk to me and said that he really didn't want to hurt me, so he would maybe not tell me the reason of breaking up with me that was whatever he was trying to figure out. I tried to make a joke and say something like 'Why? Are you gay or something?', but he didn't laugh, instead he asked me how did I know that. And I was chocked. Not much, though, I had considered that option but I didn't expect that. So I was like 'you just told me…', so he tried to apologize, but seriously, how can I accept his apologies for being who he is. It's ridiculous."
"Also, he is Sam Evans and, as Rachel said, he is cute." Kurt said making everybody laugh again because of his lovingly looks.
"And then Mercedes helped him with you?" Rachel asked.
"Actually, he didn't want to admit that he had a crush on Kurt in the beginning, he just explained to me he was feeling uncomfortable in the date because he wasn't sure of what he wanted. But we became friends and some weeks after this it was obvious for me that he liked Kurt Hummel." She smiled looking at Kurt, I copied her and I notice Rachel smiling, too.
"And I was having problems with Blaine because of the all distance thing. So when we broke up, friendly, Sam came to me and said he was in love with me. That was a double chock, because I didn't know he was gay. I mean, Mercedes was always with him and I never asked her about him, so how was I suppose to know?"
"Your gaydar is not the best, too."
"I guessed he was gay before he even knew that, my gaydar is awesome, Fabray. I can smell gayness from kilometers." Okay, Kurt, you don't need to stare so hard at me, people can notice.
"Movies time!" Rachel said, saving me from whatever Kurt wanted to say.
I heard as somebody got up and tried to stay as still as I could. Rachel had made bed in the floor for everyone, but I've been in her bed since all of them had fallen sleep. Not that I had a problem with sharing a bed in the floor with three of them, but it was really uncomfortable; I don't like to sleep around people, too. Basically, because of what was happening before I heard the sound.
I felt a hand moving over the blanket and knew I'd have to give some explanations. "Quinn?" I wanted to turn and look at Rachel, but then she'd notice I was crying so I just stayed quiet. "Quinn?" She poked me, asking again. "I know you're awake, okay?"
"How in hell did you know that?" I said as low as I could.
Rachel tried not to laugh too loud. "I didn't." I rolled my eyes not caring that shecouldn't see them. "What are you doing here, Fabray? You were the one who asked me a million times to sleep in the floor with you guys..."
"I know, I just-"
"… even though it's not the most comfortable place in my room to sleep and I need a good night in a comfortable place to be willing to do anything tomorrow and- Quinn? Quinn, are you crying?" She sat by my side in the bed and took the blanket away from my face. "Quinn, could you please look at me and explain why are you crying?" I shook my head. Just to explain to her I'd have to go through a lot, and that was all I didn't want to do. "Quinn… just… can I lay here?"
Shit. "Sure." She did it and some minutes later I felt like she was getting uncomfortable. "If you want… I can go back to the flo-"
"No!"
"But you seem uncomfortable."
"I just… don't know what to say to you to make you calm down and I always know what to say so- I don't know." I laughed a bit. Rachel Berry didn't know what to say. Apocalypse.
I turned around to look at her and just then, I could notice how close we were. "Can I ask you something?" I put my hand on my lips; I wasn't supposed to say that.
"If it's going to make you feel better…"
"Don't give up on everything you ever worked on having."
She laughed and turned her face to stare the wall behind me. "What?"
"You've thought about it, didn't you?"
"I don't even know what you're talking about, Quinn." I just stared at her in silence and waited for her to turn her face back to me again. "I can't understand, okay?" She said coldly.
"You understand perfectly what I'm trying to say and you're trying to make it look like I'm crazy, but I know you. And you're a terrible liar, Rachel Berry." She laughed sadly and I knew I was right. Terrible liar.
"I always tell Finn that he can go to New York with me if he tries harder to get better grades… that some universities in there are still looking for more students, but he's always all about 'why can't you just accept that maybe I'm not going?' and 'an A+ is not gonna change their minds about me' and I don't know what to do… Maybe I should just wait one more year, it's not like Julliard is going anywhere."
"Can you please stop? You're not going to let go of this opportunity because of him." She opened her mouth to protest, but she wasn't going to, I wouldn't let her do that to herself, she was my friend, after all. "He's just a boy, Rachel. A crush that will stay in Ohio for a long time, if not forever. It doesn't matter how much you try, he doesn't even seem like wanting to leave."
"But I love him, Quinn. And… he loves me, too." Rachel looked hurt and I wanted to stop and just leave her alone, forget about this subject, but I couldn't. She was changing her dreams, she was changing herself and Finn didn't even deserve it.
I sighed deeply and stared at her. "I thought you were better than this, Berry. I mean, I thought your dreams were different. Every girl in that school dreams about having a perfect boyfriend and being popular… you used to be that one who dreamed about being great and big on your own, not caring about what anyone else would think about your clothes because, when you get to the top, they'll be wearing just the same thing, being proud of your attitude and your voice because those would be the most loved parts of you. And now you just seem like any other girl, considering giving up in one year of your success because of a guy."
"It's not just a guy, Qui-"
"Oh my God, I used to say that too, right? But you're right; Finn is less than just a guy, Berry. He doesn't deserve what you want to do for him, he doesn't even deserve that you consider giving up on anything for him."
"Would you give up on love?" I saw the tears starting to come to her eyes and just then notice I was crying for a while now. Oh God, help me.
"It's a high school love, Rach. It's not eternal. It's not perfect. Why would you give up on something you've always planed?"
"It's just a year, it's not for ever."
"In ten years you might be saying the same. I don't want you to break up with him, if that is going to hurt you. Just… if Julliard wants you, go. Make your dream come true. You can love then."
"God, why is this so hard?"
"Believe me, there are things that are harder than that." She looked in my eyes and I thought she was trying to read my mind for a moment.
"Why were you crying before?"
How did she do that? "I always cry at night, every night. That's why I never came to your sleepovers, by the way."
"You know you can talk to me about it, right? I don't care if she's with my mom now, my therapist already helped me with this issue." I started crying even more and she got closer, trying to hug me. "You miss her, don't you?"
"Not trying to be rude, but what do you think?" I cried even more, hugging her back.
"I can't say I know how you feel, but… must be something like what I felt."
"No, Rach. That was your mom's choice, not yours. Now, in my situation… I rejected her; it wasn't like Puck didn't want to keep her, I just… I'd never be enough, I'd never-"
"Shh," she hugged me tighter, and I tried to contain my cries.
We stayed a time that seemed like hours for me in that position, but I bet it were only some minutes. "Thank you." She said as I pulled myself away from her.
"Why?"
"You're right. My parents didn't want me to stay her for much longer, too. I can try to talk to Finn about a distance relationship until next year, he must accept it." She slapped my arm as I arched my eyebrows.
"I'm glad you listened to me."
"I think my dad is going to start liking you if I tell him you kind of helped me to see the light."
"Kind of?"
"Shut up, Quinn!"
"Shhh, they're sleeping."
She turned to look at Kurt and Mercedes and said my thoughts, "How?"
"You think I know?" We laughed silently.
"You know what time is it?" She looked adorable sleepy.
"Nope," I said smiling. "But I bet it's sleep time."
"I'm sure," she said with a yawn. "I'm sorry if I hold you, hit you or whatever happens while I'm asleep, okay?"
I laughed slightly. "Okay."
Sometime later, I noticed I didn't say something I wanted to her, but she was already asleep, so I just turned to the wall to sleep. But I could swear I heard Rachel say something like 'you're so much more than you think you are' in my hear before completely falling sleep. Maybe I was just dreaming.