A/N:Hello! Thank you for giving a damn and tuning into my story to read ^^. Zombie lovers a-like; I am glad you are all reading and I would beg on hands and knees for some reviews.. but I'm not THAT pathetic... but anyways you might know me as a friendly reviewer by the names of 'NiteNdPurity' or annon. user TooLazyToLogIn...
Anyways back to the point, these are a series of random zombie slaying one shots. I'd like to stick to the regular zombie crew, but if any requests come upon the 'Five' crew or the 'Call of The Dead' crew I'll think on it. Anyways I won't bug you with random talking and please, If you like my style of writing and whatnot, and would like to see a different scenario of some kind with the characters please feel free to leave a review with ideas and I'll write it up! Also sorry for the over use of big words and overly describing things :p.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or some other things that might be mentioned along these various one-shots in this story, they belong to the developers of Call of Duty: World at War and Call of Duty: Black Ops; Treyarch. I simply own small elements in where the inspiration comes from... at least I hope I do!
Enjoy!
Christmas in Jul- I mean June!
The four men finally managed to get a break from the zombies' hordes. The night had hindered to be colder than most. Tank managed to grab the scattered, lit, gasoline barrels that strangely have not managed to blow up yet and bring them over to a lone soviet space Lander near a peculiar purple perk-a-cola machine.
"Damn! Why is it so cold? Isn't it like...? Jul-"
"Nien Dempshey! According to ze several documents and zhe peculiar climate inRussiait is actually June!" gave a small chuckle to the very annoyed American solider as he tried not to lose his temper to the crazy doctor.
"One-month difference," he scoffed," Big deal! Anyways that's not the point! I'm freezing my nuts off here!"
Followed by a burp, a slightly overweight Russian man made his way up the stairs rather brashly as a small Japanese man gave a shove to the drunk and made his way to the other two men.
"Russian have no honor!" Takeo marched forward and made his way between Dempsey and Richtofen to join them at the small fire.
"Shut- up small mustached man! Nikolai drink vodka now!".
Now all four men were surrounded about the make-shift heat source, a awkward silence floated between the four. An abrupt cough ended it between them as the crazy German doctor arose and randomly pulled out a stick of some sort and tapped it on the barrels grabbing the others attention.
"Ok everyone gather around!" he gave a gleeful smile. Dempsey groaned. "Zhe doctor has a Christmas story for you!" Dr. Richtofen grasped his gloved hands taking a deep breath and was getting ready to speak.
Before said doctor could speak, Nikolai leaned forward from his seat on the floor and took a small swig from a vodka bottle, "O-oh story time! I love it!". The marine thought otherwise as he gave another annoyed groan as he shifted positions and rested his head in his palm, his deep voice rang slightly. "Oh joy... I'm warm and fuzzy already". The doctor tried his best to give Dempsey and annoyed stare, "Feel free to leave Dempshey... or kill yourself", the stares continued between the two. Something in the marines mind clicked as he smiled cockily to Edward, "Is that Mistletoe? Suddenly I feel like kicking you on the mouth". He tried his hardest not to crack a smile as Richtofen began to look around a bit panicked hoping the Christmas plant really wasn't above them.
Chaos slowly started to arise as Nikolai began muttering, 'Vodka... Where's my vodka?'. Ignored, Edward continued, " Zhis Christmas story zhat I have for you vas one my grandfather used to tell me vhen I vas a little, little liebchen!" (Small A/N here, sorry if that German word isn't the correct one... It's kind of hard to tell how exactly that word was spelled from trying to write this from words spoken in a video :p) In between a small laugh Nikolai spoke up trying to remember something else he remembered as a child. "Oh it's like grandpa used to talk 'bout hookers!"
All of them gave Nikolai a dead-panned look.
"Nien... It's nothing like zhat..", Slightly feeling a bit moronic the soviet, nonchalantly, took another small swig from his vodka bottle. Lightening up the situation, Takeo spoke up a bit, "I rank hookah!". The doctor eyed the Japanese man warily. Clearing his throat, "T'was zhe night before Christmas, and all through zhe house, not a creature was stirring... except for a mouse," As if on queue a small squeak followed by small patters of feet echoed on the metal flooring of their camping locations. Shortly it was ended by a loud bang from a gun, just a small squeak before Takeo took a honor-ful victory, "I kill de mouse!". A small acknowledgement was made from the doctor before he continued on giving the three other men a livid image of the story.
As the words left the Nazi's lips, the marine, the soviet, and the jap began to let their minds wrap around the story and imagine the situation themselves. Shotguns acted as stockings, and a lovely home, instead, decorated in blood and the floor littered with corpses of the deceased. At the mentioning of 'Zombie Clause' they all began to snicker and boast excitedly, especially Nikolai. It all began to play out as he then began to explain how they all were sleeping peacefully, of course with the exception of beautiful murder in their heads. An appraisal of hoots and hollers came from Dempsey and Takeo; apparently they're a bit TOO content with murder it may seem. The story continued as both Nikolai and Richtofen too, slept with their respected head gear, blissfully waiting for the jolly zombie. To add to the ambiance Nikolai began to snore obnoxiously gaining a raised blonde eyebrow and a small eye roll from another.
Snapping out of his acting role, the Russian nudged the Nazi with his elbow, grabbing his attention, Nikolai gave a wink, "I be big spoon, you be little spoon!" Richtofen smiled slightly before shushing the drunk and whispered, "Don't tell anyone!" "Okay!"
I think Dempsey was going to be sick.
Stepping over the top Richtofen began to get into more detail. "Vhen out on ze lawn, zhere arose such a clammer!" he then realistically reached back to retrieve an imaginary shot gun and 'pulled back ze hammer'. The crazed doctor then began to get even more into his Christmas tale and acted out a bit more. Running over to a window, "Away to ze window, I flew without haste! I opened the shutters and-" his voice rose and he yelled triumphantly, "BEGAN TO LAY WASTE!" He gave out a slightly demented laugh as the others laughed along to the spectacle. "Bonzai!" yelled Takeo. It just began to get a bit creepy once the doctor slightly forgot the actually purpose of the story as he began to get a bit into his necrophilia obsessions.
"And to what my vondering I should I see, a miniature sleigh..." the doctors face showed with discuss while managing to get out the end of the sentence, "with flithy monkeys," A chorus of hate went between the group, "Uh.. I hate monkeys," Nikolai grasped his bottle slightly angry as the rest began to agree with the Russian.
Of course his hatred went a bit deeper, the image of that damned cymbal monkey played in his mind with that awful and ugly smile on the stupid toys face.
The thought went away quickly as Edward continued with the hatred of the monkeys. "Monkey have no honor!". Once again, the men had themselves agreeing together that monkeys were no good. "As I pulled back ze trigger, all set for ze kill... down came the chimney came Zombie Clause! Ahaha!" gave a high-pitched laugh as the rest 'O-oh'd' and 'Aw'd'. "Ja, vhat a thrill!"
Going into detail Zombie Clause was a very... interesting fellow. Wearing the flesh from the actually Saint Nick with claws all bloodied, from the blood we all know came from. "Ah man... This is sick," Tank shook his head in distaste for the zombie all too quick. "A bundle of limbs... poked out from his sac," at this Edward's green eyes started to shine a little, "He looked like a hobo, just having a snack!" Getting up a bit for another swig of the alcohol Nikolai just felt to announce, "Just like brother! He is broke!" Dempsey gave an amused smirk to the man before getting his attention back to the doc. "His eyes vere glazed over, his nose vas not zhere! His cheeks were half eaten! But he had not a care!" Dempsey just seemed to look even sicker now as the sadistic doctor continued. A strange groan echoed around them. "Zhe drool from his mouth split onto the floor, and ze stench from his carcass!" The doctor moaned as his eyes rolled to the back of his head a bit as he tried to hold it back, but he loved seeing the others slightly uncomfortable at himself so he felt he just had to add this in for shits n' giggles. "I simply adored". The others tried their best not to give a strange look to the doctor. He had just sounded like he 'let himself go' a bit too much there. "Oh and did I mention he vore some intestines around his head like a reef?". The doc was REALLY trying hard to contain himself there. It showed. "He had a distended belly zhat shook vhen he moaned... like a bowl full of jelly!"
At this point even Nikolai who really didn't seem to give a damn given under situations that he was a bit tipsy started to get pretty sick as the story went along. Takeo seemed a bit taken to the story, he decided to further enhance the image, "Like pregnant hookah!" Tank looked at Takeo a bit surprisingly, 'Damn, what's with him and hookers?' "It was deliciously gaunt, it made me giggle! And I laughed and I laughed! I vet myself a little!"
"It happens!" By now the story was bizarre enough that any random outburst was acceptable.
"His eyes popped from his head! O-oh!" was having trouble holding himself up now, "How I love zhe sexy undead!"
Except that? That was a little stranger than a random outburst. "Really?" the American clenched the bridge of his nose as he tried his hardest not to slap the doctor for being so… Weird. Leaning over the Russian seemed to agree, "He's not well..."
"He spoke not a vord and went strait for my heart as I leveled my twelve- gauge and blew him apart!" Another encore of "Woo's" strained across the men as Richtofen laughed. Apparently all over the tree were several tiny body parts spread across so 'beautifully' decorating the festive plant. "And zhen! In an instant! He sprang back to life as I threw back the gun and reached for my knife!" The story escalated as then Richtofen and Zombie Clause began to battle it out. Before long the fat bastard managed to start escaping up in the chimney, on the way up he left the German a present. The finger. Absurd! Nikolai felt the need to shout 'Come back Zombie Clause!' but of course he cannot. As Zombie Clause left he chanted about and left one word of advice. Flying away, Richtofen remembered the words well, "Merry Christmas to all! And to all... a good bite!"
Another chorus of laughter rang out as the seamlessly peacefully night and the strange story came to an end. Catching the punchline a bit too late Nikolai always seems to let us know, "To all a good bite! ahah! Get it?" The men gave the drunk deap-panned looks as he found himself cursing again, "Ah fuck you!"
And to that, although not Christmas, no Zombie Clause in sight, the men slept contently to await the next of the moans of the undead to call for them to lay another can of whoop- ass for whenever the zombies seemed to want to play again
Alright guys well, thank you very much and if you'd like to see the mother of this One-shot go ahead and look up A Very Zombie Christmas, The Night Before Christmas on Youtube. I would have added more but it's late and my mom is going to kick my ass in a matter of minutes so... Good night and I'll see y'all next time!