Sooooooooooooo I decided to make this... it is pretty crappy so… It is angsty and romantic (I think) WARNING: implied sexual abuse and sex scene and they may be a bit OC... -.-

There were leaves falling, or were they petals? Perhaps it was snow? I cannot remember anymore… it does not matter, nothing matters… I'm waiting. For who, you ask? For the only person who can take the pain away… that can soothe me… the one and only that can love me and make my heart whole.
Was it so long that I seem to forget it all? Was it so bad? So painful? What happened? Why… my head hurts… but I do want to remember…
Even if the truth will pain you even more?
I want to know…
Even if knowing it will only bring more sadness?
I don't care… I have to know…
Even if you forgot the truth because you wanted so badly to?
There must have been a good reason… I have to know… I need to know…
Forgetting pain is convenient, remembering it agonizing, but recovering the truth is worth the suffering…

Shingyouji lay on his bed every single day, not caring for anything that was going on around him. He was no teen anymore; he was past his early twenties. He had a job, but the doctors had told him no good would come of him working in that state. He was becoming forgetful, his head in the clouds. He would do the normal activities, like hygiene, food and such, but for the rest was the bed a serene destination.
His parents, though divorced, decided to pay for everything until he got better but that was already quite long and Shingyouji's state was still the same. It had been worse at the beginning, nightmares, delusions, fever, depression, insomnia, but now he was just lying in his bed like an ill infant, no strength or will to do anything else.
No one came to visit, not even family. People were afraid it might be a contagious disease, his friends were occupied with job and personal life affairs yet they still sent him letters. His parents sent him letters. But no one would come to visit.
Not that he cared, the only person he wanted to visit was the only one that would not come, no matter how much he wished. Who was that person? He barely could remember now.

OoO OoO

I wonder why Shingyouji hasn't even sent me anything for over more than 2 and a half years now… I remember leaving him nice and sound, going for his first day of work looking as silly as ever, that warm smile that graced his features… We were going out, or I thought we were… I really had never told him explicitly that I love him or to go out with me… I guess I had always implied everything and took for granted that Shingyouji would follow like a loyal puppy to his master…
But there must be something wrong… Even if I was working outside the country and now in Osaka, while he's in Tokyo, that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to him anymore or something… oh how troublesome… I can only imagine what has been going on his little head… I am to blame also… so absorbed in my work I didn't spare a moment for him… still… coming from Shingyouji it's still strange.
It's time I got back to our house and see what's wrong, besides now that I'm finished, the working post was transferred to Tokyo anyway.

Misu packed his things quickly. He was eager, eager to be home, eager to see his puppy. A smile designed on his lips, Misu looked expectantly to the clock. The train would be departing soon.
Because of his work, Misu had to take an extra course outside the country, in France. Even though he was not fond of the idea or the language, it was a must. He had come back very recently but one of the main leading figures was in Osaka and had requested that he come to verify some work related aspects. He was so tired with all the working and studying and not being fully happy. He wanted to go home to where he was totally at ease.
He slept most of the trip, feeling a bit drowsy, but as soon as he heard the arrival, his eyes opened wide and he rushed. He wanted so badly to see him.
Getting a cab in a big city seems easy, but somehow Misu was taking more time to find one than normal.
As soon as he was in front of the apartment door, his heartbeat went crazy, pounding hard, he could barely breathe. The key clicked and the door opened. It was dark and empty.
As he turned on the lights he saw Shingyouji was nowhere to be found. The House hadn't had anyone living there for a long time, he observed.
He tried to reach him by phone and nothing. He tried to call friends but no one would pick up the phone. The only number he hadn't tried was Saki Giichi's. It was important and he had no other choice.
"Moshi moshi?" came the familiar voice.
"Saki, tell me you know something of Shingyouji, he isn't home and I can't reach him and he hasn't even tried to contact me all this time…" Misu almost pleaded.
"Misu… you should know that better than anyone… maybe it was all a big misunderstanding… Takumi told me Shingyouji has fallen sort of ill, he doesn't get out of the house, he barely leaves the bed… He's been through a lot Misu, you can't even imagine, me and Takumi were there often to take care of him, he had high fevers, he had no will to live, he would not eat, he would not sleep and when he would he'd have horrible nightmares… We don't know what exactly happened, he never talked about it, he refused to talk, he'd cry and cry but not say a word… And now it's like he doesn't remember it at all, he kept on saying he was waiting for someone… We could already guess who, but he said he didn't know, he couldn't remember who… it's been a hell these past years you were away, what did you do that would leave the poor boy in that state?" explained Saki. He sounded weary.
"But… How… I don't know why he got like that! He doesn't talk to me ever since I left! Tell me where he is, I'll go to him, I need to know all that has been going on from his lips, please tell Saki, tell me"
"He's at his family's old house… I do hope you can solve things"
"Me too…"

OoO OoO

Shingyouji woke with the sound of the doorbell. Someone had come to visit.
He slowly got out of the bed, feeling his back doing cracking sounds, then he walked to the door, hesitating. Finally, he opened the door and stood there in shock.
Who was that person? Why did he have a vague memory of that person? And why did that vague memory bring tears to his eyes? And pain to his heart.
"Ano… who are you?" he asked, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Shingyouji… you don't remember me? It's me, Misu, Arata Misu"
Arata Misu… Arata-san…
"No I don't, have we ever met?"
"Tell me you're joking… tell me you remember me, I need to know what happened to you, why you are like this… we… we shared something so… important… how can you forget something like that?" Misu was having a hard time expressing himself.
"We shared… if you are the person I have been waiting for, then you can help me remember, I want to remember so badly… I want to go back to normal…"
He couldn't take it… Shingyouji looked so miserable…
"I will do everything I can to make you remember" he promised.
Shingyouji smiled, his puppy smiled.
"Everything will be okay…" he whispered.

OoO OoO

Shingyouji seemed to regain his memory bits by bits, but with that, unpleasant bits of memories started to torment him.
They had gone to a doctor who was using a new therapy towards memory loss, and all brain parts that included the work of memories. So far, it was working well… maybe a bit too well…
However, everything related to Misu was still blurry and it had gone already for 6 whole months.
Misu decided to confront him during dinner that night.
"Shingyouji, I am your master so why haven't you contacted these last 5 years? As a good puppy you should worry about your master… or was there someone else in your mind? Tell me, do you dislike me that much? Why do you keep on feigning memory loss? Is it to be more painful? Answer me"
"What are you talking about? I don't dislike you... and there's no one who'd be more on my head than you… but …. Why didn't I contact you? Why… I… it hurts… my head… I don't know… the reason... I'm not feigning… it hurts so much… I… you left… I remember… you left… I wasn't here… I was at an apartment… our apartment? We… we were living there together… but were we going out? … There was someone… someone came… ouch… it hurts… the name… it was a senpai… Sagara-senpai… why did he come... he said he knew… he said I stole… stole something from him… but he said that didn't mean I won… he said victory was his now… he said he had that something and… it was you… he said… he said… he said you loved him! He showed me… he showed me photos of you smiling... photos of you… in many situations… a photo of… a kiss… it hurts! You abandoned me! You didn't want me! You treat me like a dog! Why! Why… why do you need to hurt me so? I just loved you… pure and simple… why must you hurt me so… just leave me!… I don't need someone like you… he beat me… he… touched me… he said since you were already his he'd just finish what he started… oh my god… no… it hurts Arata-san… I need you… please save me…" Shingyouji stuttered, screamed, he seemed delusional, he was reliving every memory.
Misu's eyes were wide shocked. He hugged his puppy, whispering soothing words in his ear, until his cries subsided. He kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his neck, his lips.
This wasn't exactly the best time to take his puppy, but he had to show him everything was okay, that he loved him, that he needed him, that he couldn't go on living without his puppy.
He kissed the closed teary eyelids, so softly and caring, every gesture showing his love. He used his hands to massage the boy in a reassuring way. Shingyouji's head was spinning, he remembered everything… it hurt, it did, but Arata-san had come for him, his master was worried, his master loved him as much as he did, his master would never leave him. But he needed to hear it.
"Arata-san…"
"Hm?..."
"I need to know…"
Misu knew what his puppy wanted to hear… yet…
His hands gained a life of their own, replacing the massages for caresses, reaching lower.
He wanted to satisfy the longing, the need in himself, in his puppy, he needed to feel the boy's warm body against him, hear him cry his name, hear him beg for more, feel that he was needed by the object of his affections. Shingyouji was thinking along the same lines.
Exhausted, they lay bare on the bed, curled in each other, bodies glistening with the moonlight.
"Shingyouji… you're mine you know? And I won't ever give you up to anyone, not now or ever. I will make him pay for what he did… He has become obsessive… those photos weren't anything special, most of them were taken when we were still both at school, it's normal he'd have them. The kiss… I have to tell you he came to the airport and kissed me right there but I didn't know he had a camera, and It was one-sided, he forced himself on me, so to put your mind at ease remember that"
Shingyouji chuckled. A pure sound, music to Misu's ears.
"It was foolish of me to ever doubt you… I guess the event's just triggered my defensive barrier… a barrier I developed when my parents used to argue like there was no tomorrow… when they divorced… it was my only way of forgetting pain… instead of dealing with things and think I would just shut down… I'm sorry I worried you Arata-san"
Misu smiled, his eyes held a sparkle.
"Do you know I could stay all day long looking at your smile?" Shingyouji teased.
"You're still such a brat… saying those things… so shameless" Misu scolded, a blush colored his cheeks.
"I'm not a brat, but if you say I am, then I'm your brat, yours and only"
"Shameless… so shameless my puppy is… do you need more punishment?"
"I gladly do" Shingyouji answered, his look one of mischief.
Misu's eyes widened. Was his puppy openly teasing him like that? No shyness, no pleading but really defying.
He patted the boy's head, ruffling his hair.
"I need a shower"
"Arata-san, what about punishment? Or are you getting too old for second rounds?"
He was asking for it.
"Shingyouji…" Misu breathed, before covering the boy's lips with his own in a gentle kiss.
"I love you…" he whispered in a husky voice into the boy's ear.
A shudder traveled Shingyouji's body, his heart skipped a beat. The magnitude of those words was making him feel fuzzy inside, suddenly it was hard to breathe and the temperature seemed to rise a few levels.
"I love you too… Misu…" he said, burying his face in the other's chest, inhaling the sweet scent that was of his one and only beloved.

Owari

crappy I know... xDDD still I tried my best ! hope you enjoy.