Disclaimer: Newsies is the property of Disney. Darn it!
I am a walking non-stereotype. I am a gay man, yet I despise musical theater. Rather, I used to despise it. I was a student of legit theater (Shakespeare and Ibsen and such) so I considered musical theater to be far below me. Something about the way everyone just randomly started singing and dancing, knowing the right words and the right choreography bugged me. Not to mention, more often than not, the characters were one-dimensional archetypes and the plots (if the show actually had one) were so unbelievable predictable. To me, musical theater was the lowest form of entertainment possible, even below mime.
My freshman year of college my friend Violet was cast in a production of Into the Woods as the Witch. She made me swear I would come see the show. As much as it pained me, I knew good friends supported each other and even if I was a musical theater hater, I was a good friend first and foremost. So I begrudgingly shelled out 10 for a ticket and slouched down in my seat, hoping the show wouldn't last too long.
The next two hours flew by. I found myself entranced by the story unfolding onstage. The characters were fleshed out, the plot had many twists and turns, and what's more the singing didn't bother me. In fact, I quite liked many of the songs. The musical numbers weren't used only to entertain, but also to expand upon the story and the characters. The lyrics were fun and witty and the music really helped to set a mood. When the cast came out for the curtain calls, I was among many to offer a standing ovation, not so much for the actors (though they were good), but for the show itself. I looked at the front of my playbill and saw "Music and Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim." As I went to hug and congratulate Violet I stored and filed that name in the back of my mind to look up at a later time.
As fate would have it, a theater near my school was holding auditions for another Sondheim show, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, two weeks later. To my surprise I was cast as Hysterium, despite my lack of vocal training. I was giddy with excitement to start rehearsals. The legit theater snob who had once considered all musical theater to be utter rubbish, and here I am in a musical and raring to go! I'm sure my friends thought hell had frozen over.
On our first day of rehearsal I arrived at the theater much earlier than necessary. I slipped into a seat near the front of the auditorium and began looking over my script. The show wasn't as heavy or as deep as Into the Woods had been, but it was just as intricately written and had just as many plot twists. It was a farce, but a good one.
Just as I had gotten to my big solo number, I heard someone behind me. "Hi, are you here for rehearsal?"
I turned to see the most beautiful man I'd ever seen in my life. His hair was brown and hung almost like a bowl cut. His brown eyes were soft and smiling. When he grinned at me I saw dimples forming on his cheeks. Cute, I thought. "Yes," I said, holding out my hand to him, "I'm Josh or Hysterium I guess I should say."
"Hero," he said shaking my hand, "though my real name is Francis." He made a face at that. "I kind of hate it. Everyone around here calls me Pie Eater though."
I raised an eyebrow. "Wow…well that's kind of interesting."
"I kind of have a sweet tooth," he said with a sheepish grin. "You'll get a nick eventually too. Everyone does. It's kind of an initiation."
"Oh, so am I the only new guy in the cast?"
"Of the guys, yeah, but I think some of the courtesan girls are new also. But don't worry, everyone here is really nice. My first show here I was nervous, but after our first rehearsal it was like we were one big happy family." He slid into the seat next to mine. "How far into the script are you?" he asked, leaning slightly over my shoulder to look. I could feel his hand brush against my arm and the heat rose in my face. This was going to be interesting.
Francis (or Pie Eater as I too would begin calling him) was right about everyone being nice. I was immediately regarded as an old friend by the cast and director. Pie was also right about me eventually developing a nickname. Soon the cast was calling me Specs due to my glasses. It wasn't nearly as interesting as Pie Eater or especially Bumlets (which was the nickname of our choreographer), but they really couldn't think of anything else.
Through the course of the show Pie Eater and I grew increasingly closer. I admitted to him that I originally hated all musical theater and that I wasn't very well educated in it. He decided to take it upon himself to educate me. Considering this education process involved going over to his apartment to watch videos and him taking me out to shows, I didn't particularly mind.
Our first date was two weeks after rehearsals began. A revival of Company was happening on Broadway and Pie Eater thought that I would love it (and I did). What I loved even more was him kissing me gently on the lips when he dropped me off at my apartment. Two weeks later we christened our relationship as the songs of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street blared through his stereo speakers.
I was in heaven.
Forum opened and closed, but Pie and I still were going strong with our relationship. I felt that Sondheim had begun our relationship and had no strengthened it. Not that our entire relationship revolved around Sondheim, mind you. Pie tried to get me to enjoy non-Sondheim musicals. While I could appreciate some, I found that the majority of them just weren't worth my time, especially the ones by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Sondheim seemed to be the only one with that special something to make a musical seem like more than just song and dance. His shows made me want to watch and commanded my full attention.
We had been an item for four months when Pie was cast in the chorus in a production of Evita. Despite my loathing of the show, I was very proud of him and promised I would be there opening night. However, as rehearsals began I started seeing less and less of Pie. I understood that rehearsals were time demanding, but I started to feel jealous of the show. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that show, those cast members, and that director were getting to see more of my boyfriend than I was. When he wasn't in rehearsal he was in class and so was I. I thought we needed something special, just the two of us. I asked Pie when he knew he would have a night off of rehearsal and he told me that on the Friday of the next week he wouldn't have rehearsal. I told him not to make any plans for that night. We were going to have a proper date if it killed me.
I knew that Assassins was playing at a local theater and I reserved two tickets for that Friday night. I figured we could grab a quick bite to eat one of the nearby restaurants. Maybe after the show we could grab some coffee before heading back to my place for…well…I'll leave that up to your imagination.
That Thursday my math class was cancelled. Seeing that it was only noon, I thought I'd drop by Pie's apartment and take him out to lunch. I grinned as I knocked on the door, thinking about how wonderful the following night would be.
As soon as the door opened I could hear The Phantom of the Opera playing in the background. I was about to groan in disgust when I saw Pie. He was completely shirtless and wearing only briefs. His hair was askew and I noticed hickeys on his neck that had most certainly not been put there by me.
"Specs," he squeaked out, "what're you doing here? Don't you have class?"
I silently pushed the door open and saw an equally undressed man lying on Pie's couch. I recognized him as another member of the Evita cast. We had met briefly one night when I met Pie after his rehearsal. The asshole smirked when he saw me, stretching out more to show off his nude body. "What the hell is this?" I asked Pie, trying in vain to keep my voice from shaking.
Pie bit his lip, his eyes filled with guilt. "Let's talk outside," he said as he pulled on jeans and a T-shirt. He gently escorted me into the hall of his building and closed the door behind him, leaning back against it. "Look, Specs I think you're a great guy.."
"If you're about to give me the 'It's not you, it's me' speech you can save your breath!" I snapped.
"Look, I've been doing some thinking and we do not belong together!" he shouted.
"Oh so did you just decide this? You are officially the ruler of who does and doesn't belong together? God, you could drive a person crazy!"
"Oh, poor thing!" he snarled. "Christ, you try to be honest with a guy and see what it gets you," he said, his eyes flared with anger.
"Well I hope you and the little man whore on your couch are happy with each other. What a pretty little picture the two of you must make." There was a thick silence as the two of us glared at each other. My eyes softened. This wasn't the way to win him back and I knew it. "Look, we've both said some things and I know we're going through a rough patch, but…Pie, please stay with me."
He hesitated before shaking his head. "Specs, I'm in love with him. I wish it weren't true, but it is. If I hadn't met him it would have been wonderful, but I did meet him. What's done is done."
"But we had a good thing going," I pleaded.
He nodded with a small smile. "We did," he agreed, "but it's over. We have to do our own things now, there is no other way."
"So I guess this is goodbye," I whispered softly.
"It is." He pulled me into a gentle hug, but I made no move to respond to his touch. This was all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to end for us.
I left Pie's apartment and drove. I didn't know where I was driving, I just knew I couldn't go home, I couldn't go anywhere that would remind me of him.
Somehow I found myself at the local mall. In a zombie-like trance I walked through the doors and found myself in the music store. I slowly made my way down the aisles, not really looking at the titles and artists. I stopped short, though, when I saw the CD Sondheim Sings: Vol. I with a picture of Sondheim himself on front. It was like a gift sent from heaven and I knew it was just what I needed. I reached out and just as my hand wrapped around it a second hand shot out for it.
"Oh, I'm sorry," said the owner of the other hand. He was a guy about my age with unruly blonde hair and blue eyes accentuated by glasses. "You got it first, I guess," he said with a grin. A beautiful grin.
"Oh…I'm sorry," I stammered. I didn't want to give it up, but I also didn't want this man to go without his Sondheim fix.
"Hey no worries," he said. "I'm just glad to see there's another Sondheim fan here. Besides I can order my own copy." He gave me a smile and turned to walk away. I had to say something to keep him here.
"I have an extra ticket to Assassins for tomorrow night," I blurted out. "I mean, I think I should give you something. I wouldn't want you to go away empty handed or anything."
He laughed. "You're offering a ticket to a complete stranger? For all you know I could be a psychotic killer."
"Well, you're a Sondheim fan so you obviously can't be that bad."
He looked at me, considering my proposition. "Okay," he said finally, "I'd be glad to take that extra ticket off your hands Mr…"
"Oh, uh my name is Josh. And you are…?"
"Dutchy," he said. Seeing my look he nodded. "Yes, it's my real name. My parents are kind of spacey."
"I like it," I said smiling. My face darkened a bit. "You're not an Andrew Lloyd Webber fan, are you?"
He snorted. "Are you kidding? No chance in hell. I mean, Jesus Christ Superstar is pretty good, but the rest is just…bleh."
"Good," I said with relief. "So tomorrow at 7:30 then?"
"I wouldn't miss it for the world!" he said, his eyes sparkling. Unexpectedly, he leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow night, cutie."
I blushed as he walked away, but I was grinning like an idiot at the same time. As I brought the CD up to the register I looked at the face of Stephen Sondheim grinning impishly. It was as if he had been planning it all along.
I knew then that Sondheim was a god among men.
AN: There are ten references to Sondheim songs in the break-up conversation that Specs and Pie have. If you can find all ten you have my utmost respect!