Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters.

Summary: The thing Havoc most regretted was having gone after Roy's most prized possession, Lieutenant Hawkeye. But how was he supposed to know this would end up dooming the rest of his love life?

Author's Note: Haha. I have no idea why or how the idea for this story popped into my head, but nevertheless it did and demanded to be written. So here it is. Oh yeah, I warn you, this is silghtly (quite) OOC and not a serious piece AT ALL. Like, I'm not even joking. Also slightly dirty.

ROY'S REASON

Havoc found that some of the most interesting conversations that he took part in were the ones when either Colonel Mustang or Lieutenant Hawkeye (or both) were absent from their cramped little office. Now don't get him wrong, it really was greatly amusing to take part in watching the two of them and their 'secret' antics when they were both in the room.

Really, there were only a certain number of times Roy could use the names Ilena, Leah, and Yunn before he caught onto it. And there were only a couple of phrases I, L, and Y could stand for, and it wasn't I Like Yoyo's, believe him.

Getting back to the point, there were several reasons those certain conversations amused him to no end. When the Colonel was absent, he and Breda enjoyed grilling the Lieutenant about Mustang's 'charming eyes and drop dead body'. He could always have a good silent cackle the moment before she pulled out her guns about the way her eyes glazed over, probably thinking about the contours of a certain man that Havoc did not need to know the details of.

On the other hand, it was always highly entertaining to throw a 'Hey, what size d'you think the Lieutenant is? I mean damn, those things-' he usually didn't get much farther than that, though the Colonel always did have a hazy smile the second before he pulled out his gloves, undoubtedly thinking about the body of a certain woman. (Though Havoc would admit he wouldn't mind knowing a few of those details.)

In any case, he had been looking forward to one of these mockeries today, as he had been dumped this morning by his girlfriend. Unfortunately, the world likes to do things benefitting his dark haired boss and his right hand woman.

So when Roy walked into the room, as per usual only greeting his favourite First Lieutenant, (Havoc always did wonder how she managed to arrive at work two hours earlier than he did when he had not a doubt in the world that she'd probably spent the night at his house, or vice versa) he gave the Colonel what he hoped to be an indignant glare. (He also wondered why the girls he dated left him for Roy when Flamey was already clearly smitten with Riza. He would never understand how a woman's mind worked.)

Mustang, catching onto Havoc's vibes, merely sent him a smirk, "Well, good morning to you too, Blondie. What happened to you? Another one of your girls dump you for me?"

Typically of them, the rest of Mustang's subordinates decided sucking up to the boss would do more good for them than sucking up to Havoc and spilled the story to the man. Grumbling noncommitically, Havoc threw out his cigar, only to replace it with a new one in his mouth before drawling casually, "Doesn't matter, I've had my eye on this other one, lately."

Leaning back in his chair, he propped his hands behind his head, before coughing on smoke to Roy's next words, "Ellen, you mean? One of my ex-es. Outta your league, Jean, trust me."

Damn the man.

"You know, Havoc," Hawkeye, piping up for the first time while sifting through a pile of paperwork in front of Mustang's desk, (and undeniably giving Roy some good eyecandy as certain parts of her moved up and down lightly at the movement of her shoulders.) "You might be able to keep a girl longer if only you'd stop eyeing other girls while currently dating one."

"Or you could find a Hawkeye replica to be faithful to you." commented Breda, earning himself a glare from said woman. Havoc's face could only pale as Roy's cat grin only grew wider, the dark haired man placing a hand on Hawkeye's hip, high enough not to be reprimanded by a higher-up but low enough that he got some nice feel on her ass. "Oh, he tried."

Almost instantly, the office perked up, its inhabitants' ears suddenly interested in the conversation. Even Hawkeye stopped filing the papers to cock her head inquiringly at him. "Didn't I ever tell you why I constantly stole Havoc's girls while I was still on the market?"

Fuery spoke up first, "I always took it to be that the two of you had similar tastes and you were just too lazy to find your own."

At this, Roy's smirk grew, staring straight into Havoc's smoke clouded eyes as his subordinate's guesses. Breda shrugged, "I always thought it was simply out of spite."

"I comprehended it to be a show of superiority. You know, alpha male and all." commented Falman. Hawkeye simply continued questioning Roy with her wide carmine eyes.

"Of course not, men, and woman," he commented, turning his gaze to his blonde, and lazily drawing her closer so that his nose was face to face to what was vaguely her belly button area. "I only stole his girlfriends because he made a move on my woman, first." he said, pressing Riza's hand to his chest, reminding Havoc of the first woman he had tried to chase since becoming under Roy's command.

Of course, how the hell was he supposed to have known that she was already Roy's and that going after her would damn him from getting laid for the rest of his life?

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Author's Note: I think that was quite out of character, but that's up to you to judge. :D. Reviews are loved.