Disclaimer : STILL not mine. I don't live in the right country even… I can only dream.

A/N : Set after 'Journeys End'. An unplanned companion to the angst-y fic "I Play You On Repeat". You don't have to read that one first if you don't want to!

A reflection of all the things that the Doctor and Rose went through, and an attempt to sort through the emotions that Rose feels now.

Inspired again by Alex Turner!

Fireside - Arctic Monkeys - AM

And also

I Belong To You/Mon Cœur S'ouvre À Ta Voix - Muse - The Resistance

R&R! I love the reviews whether they are complements or constructive criticism! -B

—vous êtes invincible —

He left me there, standing in the cold, with my heart shattered to pieces. Again. I had him with me this time, but not how I had planned. Really, I only had a piece of him. My Doctor was hurtling off into time and space, leaving me on this stupid miserable beach with his…clone. He didn't even have the guts to tell me that he loved me himself. NO, he left that to Doctor-point-5.

I couldn't feel anything anymore. Well, I felt a lot but none of those feelings were particularly warm and fuzzy. I gathered my senses and figured that I should talk to mum. She would be freaking out right now, seeing me here stunned on this godforsaken beach. Since Tony's been here, well, she freaks out about the littlest things now. Especially when they're things I do. Motherhood is a strain on her, even with my 'dad' there. He's so busy running Torchwood now, is a miracle he even has time to tie his shoes in the mornings. Good thing that the Doctor isn't around, or mum would put that palm to good use on his face if he even mentioned bananas.

I don't like where this train of thought has taken me, but I just sigh. I wonder if my new-new Doctor still likes bananas. I also realize that my new-new Doctor is still standing beside me, waiting for a cue to do anything. I look up at him, and I can see a flurry of emotions in his deep, beautiful, expressive eyes. Within myself, I know its not fair. To him or to him to brush my new-new Doctor to the side. I just have to get my own thoughts in order.

I grab his hand, my first step to a new promise with him. He smiles a tentative smile and squeezes my hand in his. I sigh, and think that we will have to talk. There will definitely be enough time for that on the ride home. Hand in hand, we walk up the beach towards where mum is standing. I know that she wants to get home to Tony, and I don't want to cause her any more stress than she is already under. I can't put this on her shoulders to avoid the weight on my own.

Walking up the beach, it strikes me how similar this is to the first time I was here. Heart in a million pieces. No hope of ever seeing that daft man again. A new resolve that made me stronger. And that is what changed me. Because I am not the silly young girl that I was then, the first time. I am a changed woman. A stronger woman. I have a potential that I realized within myself, and I have acted upon it. I have a good job, that I enjoy, because it makes me feel closer to my old life. And I have hope this time.

—

"I'm not sure if I should/Show you what I've found/Has it gone for good/Or is it coming back around."

There is a radio on in the zeppelin, and I keep hearing snatches of songs, along with bits of conversation that mum and dad are having. I try not to think about what I hear them say too much, but I cant help their words from bouncing around in my head. "I wonder if she can handle this shock. Is she going to be alright this time?" "She's strong, I know, but this takes a different strength. One you don't get from chasing who-knows-what over hill-and-dale." "Is my little girl going to be ok, Pete?"

I look across at my Doctor, and see that his brow is creased in a frown. I know that he can hear what mum and dad are saying too, and that it bothers him. I take a breath to speak, when he interrupts me.

"Rose?" he says, a little bit sadder than I expected.

I'm shocked at the raw emotion I can hear in his voice. When I reply, I have to try to keep my own voice from cracking.

"Yeah, Doctor?" I see his frown alleviate slightly when I call him 'Doctor'.

"What are you feeling? I mean, cause I can leave. If you don't think this will work. I mean, I meant what I said on that beach. I am him. I mean, I'm not him but I am him. I have every single memory of you, of us, that he had. I can remember what it felt like when I grabbed your hand and said 'Run'. I can remember it like it was yesterday…"

He's talking at a million miles an hour, and I swear its just like all those times when he explained the huon-stabilizer has to 'rotateatexactly30rpmsandifitdoesn'tthenthevortexcouldpossiblyimplodebutIcanfixit, Rose!' and I just laugh a little. A panicked look flits across his face, and I reach over and grab his hand.

"No Doctor, theres no need for that. I know that this is weird, and it might take some getting used to…" I hear a song floating over the speakers, and point up. "Listen. This, this is what I felt like looking for you."

"I can't find the words to say, they're overdue/I'd travel half the world to say 'I belong to you'"

He looks up, considering the lyrics. I cant tell what he feels, other than the intensifying squeeze on my hand. He considers them a moment and then, he smiles. Its not one of his "Rose we just saved the world!" smiles, or even a "Well done, Rose." smile. It isn't a smile that I have seen before from him. It is a smile that expresses love, but holds underlying sadness. His deep eyes light up, but the corners hold unshed tears. "And, I found you. I know that in my heart, this is right. You and me, we were meant to be. You might have been some 900-and-whatever-year-old Time Lord, and I might have been your average didnt-even-get-her-A-Levels-living-in-estate-housing kind of girl, but we were meant to be. And this is how we were brought together. I know you love me. If you didn't, hell, I don't know…this you would've thrown yourself into space without a suit on or something to escape this universe. But this, this is perfect. You know why?"

"Why, Rose? It seems far from perfect to me." His voice is thick, but I can hear hope in it. He dares to hope, which waters the little bloom of hope that I have been trying to cultivate by myself. "Because, Doctor. Now, we can have that forever that I promised you." I grin, and I can't help myself. I throw myself at him, wrapping my hands around his neck. He's initially startled and stiff, but softens into my embrace. He folds his arms around me, a solid comfort. I sit on his lap, a peaceful haven where I can push all my tumultuous thoughts aside, and let only one fill my mind. That I, Rose Marion Tyler, love my Doctor. And I know that he is truly my Doctor.

—

Back at the Tyler Mansion, the Doctor seems a bit more himself. There is a hesitancy still there, but I think it is more nervousness about being included than a desire to avoid 'domestics'. We hold hands the entire time, and I catch a few glances from my mum, questioning me with her eyes. I just nod and grin at her, and she huffs an annoyed sigh, resigning to getting the details from me later.

The family reunion is great. The Doctor sits through a messy family supper, messy because of Tony, and even has a conversation with my dad. There is no tension in the air, and I am grateful for that. His hand strays towards mine under the table, fingers reaching for mine. Mum walks behind us, serving coffee cake for desert, and catches our little exchange. Rapping him on the back of the head ("Ow! Be careful of my hair!") she shoots me a glance and exclaims that "There is to be none of those displays of affection at my kitchen table, Rose Tyler! Doctor or no Doctor, hands to yourself. Honestly, you would think you were teenagers…" I laugh and sink my teeth into some delicious double-chocolate-banana cake, and think that it really is like being a teenager. I, honestly, am ecstatic to have the man I love with me to keep with me forever. He is too busy delighting in the 'brilliant' mixture of banana and chocolate for me to gauge a reaction to my mums exclamation. But, I think he feels the same.

After putting Tony to bed, I sit down to have a serious conversation with my mum. The Doctor is off examining the various appliances in the house, and debating whether he can upgrade the toaster with just a paperclip and a hand-crank-chargable flashlight. After yelling at the Doctor to "leave my bloody television alone", Mum goes and grabs two cups of tea. When she returns, she shuts the door, deliberately puts down the tea, and puts her hands on her hips. "Talk, Rose. You're either hiding something, or I don't know you. And I know you." A sigh from me, a scowl from her, and I start talking. I tell her how I feel about him leaving, how that broke me again. I tell her how I feel about falling in love, how I can love this Doctor. I tell her how I felt, chasing him, when I knew that it would only make me happy. I tell her how he told me he felt, this Doctor, and our embrace on the zeppelin. And, in all honesty, it feels good to get this off my chest. She looks on, and for once doesn't comment every two seconds. She is actually quite quiet, and just smiles when I tell her what I feel now.

I know that there are a lot of wounds to heal. I know that there will be a lot of getting to know each other. I know there will be a lot of arguing over domestics, and how much take out we should get, and who gets the bathroom first in the morning. But, aren't those the trials of love? I am willing to do anything to prevent losing him again, and what we have just feels right. I can't say that I don't miss my Doctor, my first Doctor. But I love this Doctor. He is everything that I couldn't have, except this lifetime I can have him. We have one life together, and I am determined to make it the best forever, ever.

(Another) A/N : Please tell me if I missed anything important, editing wise! I have had some issues with my laptop lately.