Better Judgment
Notes: This is my first Star Trek fan fiction although I have written stories for other things. I recently began re-watching the entire Original Series after seeing the new movie. I had watched it before because my mother was a fan thanks to watching it as a kid with my grandfather. Well, be that as it may, this is a story about Ensign Pavel Chekov and Irina Galliulin. You might remember her from the episode "The Way to Eden". I grew to really like them but she was sadly a onetime character like a lot of love interests on that show. Well, enjoy this. Next chapter will be up soon although I'll be moving soon to start college so that may slow down later chapters. We'll see.
Chapter I: The Unending Cycle
He faced her, nervous and uncertain; his valuable shore leave time being spent in heart wrenching anxiety. She stood holding his hands all smiles. Their last meeting was nothing close to perfect but the feeling of their lips meeting had never left his mind completely. His eyes wandered down in fear, staring nervously at her burn scarred feet. After what seemed an eternity of awkward silence she spoke.
"Pavel, it's okay now." One hand gently raised his head up by the chin while the other still passively gripped his. He never thought his going home for a month would be anything so difficult. He was looking forward to dinner with his parents, walks about town, playing in the snow, and wearing his favorite heavy coat. But not but a day after his homecoming she showed up at his door in all her beauty and majesty. What was he to do? He was caught in her web as they stood in the den awkwardly reconnecting. She had the tools to enchant him: her beautiful face, curvaceous body, playful disposition, and melodious way of talking. She made him hate himself. He had always been so proud of his rigid self-control and level headed decision making yet he loved something so much his opposite. He felt as if she was a part of him that needed to be denied. She brought forth his id. Pavel hated that side that wanted to be careless, lustful, greedy, and undisciplined. Yet she always brought forth cruel temptation to become that Pavel. Irina made him so fraught with inner conflict he could hardly stand it. Then again at the same time she was his drug. She made him feel so bad in some ways but the other feelings she elicited always made him come crawling back. He would grovel at her feet if she wanted it.
Quaking unskillful hands gripped her arms, pulling her closer to him. He begged himself to stop, to turn away from this bad decision but he couldn't. He kissed her, arms wrapping around her to press her closer. The Pavel who was normally locked deep inside had begun to surface as it always did with Irina. She tormented him. She used him when she was on the Enterprise, making him jeopardize the job he worked so hard for. She was a cruel puppeteer but she didn't mind. Her disposition allowed her to do whatever she wanted and feel no pain unlike him.
"Leave Star Fleet, Pavel. Stay here with me. We can find peace and happiness together. I know we can. Believe me…" He found himself drunk on her affection, half-believing her against his better judgment. He began to think that if he quit Star Fleet he could open that bar he had always wanted to. Share his favorite drink of vodka with so many different people and live with Irina in happiness at last. Soon, however, his sense began to reappear and he pulled away from her and looked away. He could never leave Star Fleet. He had worked so hard to be stationed on the starship Enterprise. To leave Star Fleet would be to abandon his sensible self and everything he had worked for at the academy. She grabbed on to his arm and pleaded for him to stay with her, to at the least get a desk job in the Russian division of Star Fleet's Earth department. She relented when he turned to look at her. His expression alone was enough to convey his apologies and conviction to his duty.
"There is nothing to be done. I love you, Irina, but my responsibilities trump my feelings." His words were like a knife to her heart. She fell to her knees and hugged him about the legs burying her face into them to cry. He placed his right hand atop her head, stroking her silken locks. It pained him to see her in such agony but in a way he felt almost pleased to know that she was beginning to understand what he felt every time they met. After a moment he whispered, "In spite of it though, will you allow me one more night to be true to my heart?"
The next morning he awoke alone. She had left in the middle of the night leaving behind a note that read "We shall meet again. – Love – Irina". He didn't want to get out of bed. He felt almost regretful that he had let his good judgment over take his love. Eventually though he dragged himself from his blankets and took a shower. The hot water and soap stung the scratches she had left on his back but he found this to be a positive. The physical pain would remind him of the emotional pain she had caused him. He leaned his head on the tiled wall below the shower head in disappointment. He knew that not even the greatest physical pain the world would stop him from crawling back to her. Next time they met the cycle would repeat. He'd give in for a moment but his discipline would never allow him to be irresponsible enough to be with her. This is how it would always be between them. He knew that she would never marry him if he stayed in Star Fleet. Her free spirited ways would never allow it. Irina didn't want to be a Star Fleet widow like so many other young women. He either had to stay with her or continue this painful cycle. His sense made him choose the latter.
The rest of his leave was spent in agonizing distraction. He couldn't relax or enjoy himself. Every time he tried to converse with someone his thoughts would wander off in another direction. His father attributed this to missing space but his mother knew better. She knew about her son's troubling romance with Irina Galliulin and saw the scratches that covered his back while he was changing shirts. She told him time and time again to find another girl, someone who suited his proper sensibilities. Alas, her words never got anywhere with him. He smiled and nodded but always knew he was stuck in this rut. His body and mind desired one person who sadly appealed to his hidden self. No matter how many pleasant young women his mother attempted to thrust upon him it never seemed to make any difference. He had experienced nearly every kind of woman during his employment on the Enterprise and none ever seemed to even come close to Irina and her hold on him. Larisa didn't want to believe her son was completely lost in that woman's spell but it was so. Andrei was fortunate in is ignorance of the complicated situation.
The relief he felt stepping aboard the Enterprise was great. Leaving Russia was his chance to begin attempting to disconnect from the strangle hold she had on him during his entire stay. He knew he could never fully shake her off but at least he'd be doing something for the side that found her unpalatable. Even the captain was surprised at the enthusiasm Chekov had at resuming his post at navigation. Mr. Scott assured the captain that the lad had simply missed the glorious starship but Kirk could tell there was more to it. He was fairly experienced in difficult romances and saw an expression on Ensign Chekov's face that was all too familiar to him. He opted not to pry though. His experience told him it'd just cause Chekov more problems to enquire about it and he had a fairly good idea of who it was any way.
End of Chapter One -