The hot, humid air of July strangles her and rushes through her lungs, her thick yellow scarf not helping the way she sweats in this heat wave. Yet stubbornly she holds on to it with her bony fingers, grinning widely despite the temperature threatening to swallow her in a rush of sweat and nausea. The people around her glance at her sometimes, whispering to themselves or their close ones, snickering. She thinks they're a bit stupid, really, because with necks exposed like that, they're just asking to catch a cold. She snuggles her nose deep into the fabric smelling of vanilla and smiles.
The streets are full of people shuffling, kids running around with footballs in their hands and shouting at each other, their voices loud and resonating through her head. Groups of teenagers huddled together and talking excitedly pass her, breaking out into a laugh as soon as they're out of her sight. Of course she can still hear them, but maybe the poor people don't realize it. She pities them for a moment.
Occasional businessmen and businesswomen pass by her, clutching a phone tightly while pressing it to their ear and gesturing wildly at the person on the other line, as if they can hear them. Old people walking their dogs regard her with a smile while she sits down to pet the animals. They always run up to her sniffing at her hair and she thinks it must be because of the bacon smelling shampoo she likes to use. It's homemade and her father made it for her. Sometimes the dogs chew on her hair and leave it all gross and wet but she doesn't mind and merely laughs as their owners apologize to her profusely.
The wind blows in her face and it's the only thing saving her from her system shutting down due to the horrible heat.
A tiny coffee shop on the corner catches her eye as she sees a huge rabbit sign hanging in front of it with the words Buncup café written in huge sparkling letters. She giggles to herself though she doesn't understand the concept completely – it simply seems silly to her and she likes it, likes it very much.
She decides to explore further and opens the glass door with little blue flower stickers all over the surface. The air inside is much cooler, the AC humming silently in the background. It's nearly empty – there's only a couple sitting by the window, enjoying some cake together. One of them has curly blue hair all over their face and is grinning at their girlfriend who just made a mustache with her long fair hair. Luna gives them a tiny smile and while the girl seems a bit embarrassed by her own behavior moments ago, the other one simply returns the favor and goes back to talking to their girlfriend. She moves towards the counter where a girl her age – or maybe a little older, she's not sure – is leaning against one of the walls, listening to some music on her phone. As soon as the girl spots Luna, her eyes widen and she smiles apologetically as she folds her headphones and puts them inside her pocket. The girl's nose dominates her face, her soft full lips pressed together tightly and rosy cheeks standing out against her pale skin. She's obviously of Asian descent. Her long dark hair is groomed into a ponytail and she runs a hand through it, showing off her purple nails.
"Good morning," Luna greets and does a tiny pirouette ended with a bow. The girl in front of her laughs a little at that and has the urge to tell the blonde in front of her that it's actually afternoon, but she doesn't in the end – because the customer is always right.
"Hello. What will your order be?" she asks, her nametag glistening in the light. Luna peeks over at it. It reads CHANG Cho.
"Hi, Cho. Can you make it a surprise? Just mix a few drinks together, I'm sure it will taste great," she says and the amount of conviction in her voice is surprising to Cho. But she merely nods at the ridiculous request and starts preparing an orange cream frappuccino, because honestly, she doesn't know what else to do.
Luna watches her work around the counter, Cho's shoulders flexing as she reaches for things and Luna finds the movement of her hands fascinating, enthralling even, like she could watch it all day – just watch her reaching for different things on the shelves. She lays her head on her hand and puts her elbow on the counter, wide eyes observing. When Cho finally turns around, she can't help the redness in her cheeks as Luna is still staring at her. A not exactly comfortable feeling tickles her stomach but she ignores it in favor of doing her job, of doing this one thing properly, without letting her illness get the best of her.
"Here's your drink," she gulps and hands it to Luna with slightly shaky fingers. Luna nods and smiles dreamily, sniffing it.
"It tastes excellent!" she praises it without even taking a sip.
Cho stifles a giggle and looks away. She's handed the exact right amount of money and a pink fluorescent button.
"Thank you very much, Cho," Luna beams at her and turns around.
"Um, I think you mixed this up with your money," Cho calls out after her. Luna looks around and sees Cho holding the button in the air.
"Oh no, that's for you. It will bring you luck!" she smiles and sighs dreamily, as if she's not fully invested in this conversation and thinking of something else instead.
"Thank you then, I guess," Cho stutters a bit and pockets the lucky charm given to her.
"No, thank you," Luna emphasizes the last word and takes a seat near to the counter.
The next hour not many people visit the café. There's an old lady with a cat tattoo on her left ankle, two little girls with their father and a tall man in his forties who seems really impatient and makes some off-hand rude remarks about how long it takes Cho to prepare the drink. And through all that, Cho can feel a warm interested gaze lingering on her skin as she prepares lattés and stands behind the counter, bored out of her mind. It makes her stomach rumble with slight worry – why is she staring at her like that, does Cho have something in her hair, is she laughing at her? The nagging anxiety threatens to swallow her whole every time she turns to glance at the girl watching her.
Cho turns around when she thinks Luna is finally looking away and grabs her purse. She searches through it, finding the red box quite easily. She takes one of the white pills and swallows it, her throat dry. Her hands are clammy and her heart beats really loud – but she promised herself she'd beat her anxiety and get a part-time job, so she doesn't stop smiling at the customers. Finally after an hour, Luna decides to stand up.
"How long till you can go home, Cho?" Luna hops onto the counter and swings her feet.
"Please don't sit there, it's unsanitary," Cho frowns nervously and pushes Luna off. "And um… my shift ends in two hours."
"Do you like your job?" Luna inquires further.
"I guess?" Cho lifts one eyebrow.
But their conversation is interrupted before Luna can ask more questions as a bell above the entrance rings and a tall, bronze-skinned boy walks in, his coppery hair falling into his face. He heads over to Cho right away and Luna side steps to make room for him.
He leans over the counter and kisses Cho then and Luna watches with mild interest.
"Are you two dating?" she asks, reminding both of them of her presence.
"Yes, uh this is Cedric, my boyfriend. And this is...?" Cho introduces him though she's not sure why she's introducing her boyfriend to a customer – though the customer is incredibly persistent and friendly.
"I'm Luna," Luna extends her hand towards Cedric and he shakes it hesitantly.
"Anyways, I should go. My dad probably needs my help. Goodbye Cho," she announces to them and waves a little.
"Goodbye, come back again," Cho forces a smile. She doesn't really want the girl to come again because of the bugs swarming through her stomach whenever she looks at her, but it's common decency to say that, right? Right.
She palms the button in her pocket unthinkingly, watching the girl – too overdressed for this weather – exit the shop, her hair seemingly radiating in the warm golden light of this day.
Luna arrives home just as the sun sets, casting shadows over the wooden floor of their flat, red sun drawing patterns on the huge blue couch in the middle of the room. She takes off her scarf and shoes by the door, leaving them where she took them off and heading towards the kitchen, where her father usually is around this time of the day.
And indeed he's sitting on his favorite spot by the tiny window looking out at the busy street below, smoking a cigarette, long hair tied into a ponytail and stubble unshaved. His fingers travel swiftly across the keyboard of his red VAIO and he doesn't seem to notice Luna until she comes up to him from behind and wraps her hands around his eyes.
"Guess who!" she sing-songs, her voice cheery and eyes shining.
"Good morning, Luna!" her father smiles and gets up, whipping around to face her. He hugs her tightly and she buries her head in his neck. He reeks of alcohol but Luna doesn't mind. She's used to the scent embracing her every time she steps into the apartment, and it smells like home to her.
"What have you been up to today?" Luna asks and sits on her father's lap as he taps his fingers against the desk.
"I've written a wonderful part of the book! It explains why mermaids aren't a thing – there are only merpeople and they're genderless! You're going to love it!" he laughs and wiggles his finger.
"I can't wait to read it!" Luna exclaims and kisses her father's forehead. She gets up to get some food from the fridge. She finds a tomato and some blueberry jam.
"Anyway, I've been to a new café today! I met a girl with really pretty arms so I gave her one of my lucky buttons! Her name was Cho," she sighs dreamily and spreads the jam on the tomato.
"That's wonderful! How sharp were her ears?" her dad asks, never looking away from his computer screen.
"I think normal, so she's probably not an elf," Luna shakes her head and takes a bite of her snack.
"Good, good, elves can be pretty mean-spirited as you may know. Never date an elf," her dad warns and Luna beams.
"Don't worry! I'm off to my room, have fun!"
Her room is big and spacey, sky blue walls and yellow cushions littered all over the floor. Her walls are covered with drawings of flowers and gnomes and fairies. And above it all, on the ceiling, there's a huge drawing of her and her friends.
She sits down to her big wooden desk and opens one of her notepads.
Softly, she starts sketching some shapes, which turn out to be arms. She doesn't draw any bodies, any faces that belong to them, only arms levitating on the paper and only Luna knows who they really belong to.
Cho likes to tie her hair back and when she gets a phone call from her boyfriend saying that he's coming over, she rushes to the mirror and tries getting her hair to look presentable. But her hands are too shaky and some strands keep slipping out of her grasp and so she ends up sighing and leaving her hair the way it is – a bit messy and annoyingly long.
She stands by the window then, watching cars pass by and waiting for Cedric to show up – a shiny black Volvo and the most beautiful driver ever. She ends up biting her nails unconsciously, and without meaning to, her nail polish is soon ruined. Deciding to cut her nails later, she runs down the stairs, finally seeing the car she's waited for.
Cedric takes her for a ride – he loves to do that. Sometimes she feels like he's showing her off more than anything and she's not sure if that's a good thing but he holds her arms then and tells her he loves her – so she believes him.
(oh but does she really, does she really believe someone could love such a wreck, such a twisted, twisted person, and thoughts are rushing through her head as anxiety looms over her, settling in her stomach at last)
They end up getting some ice cream and eating it on the car – sitting on the polished surface and being quiet because there's really not much to say. Cho's hands feel clammy and gross and she wants to wipe them against her new shirt but then Cedric would think she's disgusting and she doesn't want that so she just clenches the cone tighter until some of the strawberry ice cream drips onto her thumb. Cedric notices it and lifts her ice cream for her, holding her hand and licking the ice cream away. Cho giggles but her stomach feels empty and she knows it shouldn't, she knows this is not how you should be, but she loves Cedric and he loves her, so she pretends to be normal, though there is this gnawing feeling inside of her, growing and bubbling under her surface.
When they finish their ice creams, Cedric kisses her. It's wet and he tastes like grapefruit and she wipes her mouth right after the kiss ends.
She smiles at him reassuringly and he drives her home. Her mom has made dinner already but Cho says she isn't hungry and goes straight to bed instead. Falling on the soft mattress, she feels something bite into her hip. She sits up and notices the bright pink button that was given to her today. Without knowing the reason, she laughs and puts it on her table.
The next day at school is boring – her co-worker leaves too early and so she's the only one present once again. It's kind of annoying, though there aren't many customers so she never says anything. She emailed her psychiatrist about having problems with her anxiety lately and was told to take one additional pill after breakfast. She hopes it starts working soon.
The bell above the door rings and she looks up from where she was reading her book behind her counter to see the girl from yesterday. She's wearing a silver scarf today, her pale hair messy and all over the place. She's wearing a long blue dress with something dangerously similar to ponies drawn all over it. The girl heads right over to her.
"Hi Cho," Luna says and bounces on the tips of her feet.
"Good afternoon," Cho greets and expects an order.
"I'm Luna. I only introduced myself to your boyfriend yesterday so here," she gets an extended hand instead. Carefully she shakes it and can't stifle a giggle when Luna examines her hand thoroughly. "You have really nice hands, Cho."
"Thank you I guess?" Cho goes red in the cheeks and feels the hotness settling in her face. Yet somehow the familiar cold hole in her stomach isn't there this time, she just feels warm. The pills probably started working then, she thinks.
"Do you have any pink drinks? I decided to drink pink today. Oh, it rhymes too. Drink pink!" Luna starts talking more to herself than to Cho. Cho smiles a little at that.
"Well, we have strawberry, raspberry, cranberry and cherry milkshakes. There's also strawberry flavored frappe," Cho lists from memory.
"Just choose one that has a nice color then," Luna gazes at her and her wide eyes bite into Cho's soul slowly and she can feel the warmth swallowing her once again. She coughs and turns around, getting one raspberry milkshake ready for the tiny girl.
"You have nice arms," a voice pipes up from behind the counter. Cho doesn't turn around and pretends she didn't hear that. Her heart is hammering in her head and she can't think of a single thing to say, so she just keeps her mouth shut.
The drink is soon ready and Cho hands it to Luna carefully. And once again, Luna takes out the exact amount of money the drink costs and a button and pushes it into Cho's hand. Cho opens her palm to take a look at what the button looks like today. It's a sickly white one, square and cracked, but somehow it reminds her of Luna's skin and she decides to keep it, putting it into her pocket once again.
Luna spends the next twenty minutes watching her and this time it makes Cho feel safe rather than nervous. Every time she turns to Luna's table, she's there, her eyes steadily locked on Cho, her fingers playing with her drink rather than actually drinking it.
The door slams open a girl running in laughing. Soon after her comes a teenager with blue hair falling into their face. They come to the counter and order a latté together, their hands linked, like they need to touch each other all the time. They sit down and as soon as they do the door opens again and this time it's Cedric coming in. His hair is slicked back and he looks just as dashing as always. He heads right over to Cho.
"Can you take a break for me?" he asks, his voice urgent and quiet. Cho looks around at the only three customers, none of whom looks like they need her help. She nods and takes him to the back of the shop. It's pretty dark there and there are boxes of powdered flavors lying around.
"What is it?" Cho asks, nervously clutching her hand.
"You might want to sit down," Cedric says and Cho merely obeys, taking a seat on one of the boxes.
"Remember the colleges I applied for? Well I got in."
"That's great news," Cho exclaims.
"Yeah, anyways I already decided which one I want to go to," Cedric avoids Cho's eyes.
"Well?" she inquires.
"It's in Switzerland," Cedric says and finally faces her.
"Oh that's- oh. When are you going to leave?" Cho's hands tremble slightly and she feels like she's going to throw up. Her hands feel sweaty and she wipes them on her jeans.
"Next month. I have an uncle there so I'm going to visit him and start living with him," Cedric whispers.
"Well we can still write to each other and mail and…"
"Cho."
"We could also video call through skype, long distance relationships are really not that uncommon lately-"
"Cho."
"And I could come visit you once or twice a year-"
"Cho!" Cedric nearly shouts and apologizes immediately as he sees Cho flinch.
"Look, I think it's better that we end it now while it's still good rather than let it get bitter and sour," Cedric holds her hand and she gets up, her hand flinching away from his touch.
"Okay," Cho nods and tears gather at the corners of her eyes. She blinks them away, avoiding Cedric's gaze. The clock on the wall ticks away, fracturing the silence.
Cho's eyes turn to the ground and whispers fill her ears as an emptiness inside her grows. She stands up, feeling as though her limbs are detached from her and nods towards the counter.
"I should go back to work," her voice doesn't shake, though her knees do. Without waiting for a reply, her legs take her to the shop and she stares at the café emptily , her eyes glass-like and her mind void. The abyss in her stomach makes her heart beat faster and faster as she sees Cedric exit the door and as the bell above it rings away the last traces of his flowery scent with it.
Cho sits down on a chair next to her, her feet sliding away from her slowly.
A voice rings through the silence. It's clear and fragile, like a flower petal flowing through the wind.
"Hi Cho. Can you prepare your favorite drink for me?" the blonde girl asks, her eyes wide and lingering on Cho's tired form. Cho squeezes out a smile, but it feels like a frown more than anything and drags herself up to her feet. She starts shuffling around the counter and it takes her twice as long to find the necessary ingredients. Her head feels fuzzy and foggy but Luna doesn't complain, neither does she look impatient, she just smiles and waits.
The warmth coming from the drink makes her sweat and she turns to Luna.
"I'm a simple person, sorry," Cho says as she puts the hot chocolate on the counter.
"No, don't apologize and thank you! I don't think I have any more buttons on me today though, sorry," Luna frowns a bit as she searches her pockets. Finally she gives up and hands Cho the cash – the exact right amount once again. Her grin is too wide for her face and Luna worries it might split for a while, but it doesn't. Luna turns on her heel and starts walking away.
"What about your chocolate?" Cho calls out to her, making the teen with blue hair turn and stare.
"Keep it, it's a gift. From me to you," Luna waves at her and skips away.
Cho's heart beats too fast for her chest and she takes a pill to calm herself, swallowing gushes of the hot liquid to fill the abyss inside.