Warning: Spoilers
A/N: It's been a while and I wrote this very quickly while still in immense pain. My apologies for any mistakes or if it's horrible. Thanks for reading :)
He waited until they left. Until every last one of them had said their goodbyes and tossed a handful of dirt into the hole where she would now rest. He stood there, brushing off each concerned look from his family, from his fellow soldiers, because he wanted to be alone with her. One last time. This was all he had of her now, and as soon as the 2nd Mass moved out, chances were he would never have the chance to come back.
His approach was slow, measured, almost as if he was stalling in hopes he would wake from the nightmare he was living in...but it wasn't a dream. It was real and /God/ did it hurt. It wasn't until he sunk down to his knees near where her head would rest for all of eternity that the tears finally came. His vision blurred and all he could manage for a few minutes were broken sobs. How hadn't he seen it coming? Why couldn't he have stopped it? These are the questions that had plagued him since the moment Anne had declared she was gone.
Once the tears began to slow, he quickly caught his breath and reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a jagged, uneven stone that he had spent several frustrating hours carving. She deserved better than the shabby cross they placed on the graves of the people they lost. He happily would have spent longer perfecting the small headstone for her if he'd had the time, but time wasn't a luxury he had much of these days. Brushing his fingertips over the surface of the stone, he read it aloud to himself before placing it in the dirt right above her head. "Here lies Lourdes Delgado...I'll never forget you."
He allowed a few moments of silence before letting out a soft sigh and shaking his head. This is what he really came here for, though the stone was a kind gesture. "I'm so sorry, Lourdes...all of this...it's my fault. Indirectly or not.../I killed you/. I made you a promise and I broke it. I couldn't protect you...from what I myself had a hand in creating. Eyeworms or not, /I/ handed Lexi over to Karen, /I/ allowed this to happen to you...and I will carry that burden with me for the rest of my life." The numbness that had set in was comforting in a way, at least it was better than the suffocating pain he had felt in his chest up until now, but it somehow felt like a disservice to her. To the beautiful girl who never let go of the faith that things would be better. In fact, it felt an awful lot like resignation to him and that wasn't the way to honor her death. She wouldn't want him to give up, she never had. So he wouldn't. Taking in a shaky breath, he closed his eyes for a moment before slowly rising to his feet and looking down at her resting place one last time. "Wherever you are, I hope you're safe."
Grabbing a handful of dirt from the ground, he tossed it lightly onto the grave before turning away. Each step hurt more than the last, but also strengthened his resolve that he couldn't give up. He had to keep fighting, had to protect those he had left in honor of the ones he couldn't. As he moved back to where the others would be waiting, his fingers reached into his pocket and pulled out the small string, the three circled symbol hanging from the end. He hated what it represented, a lie that had cost Lourdes her life, but it was the only piece of her he could manage to sneak away with and he wasn't about to let go. Bringing it slowly up to his lips, he held it there for a moment before sliding it carefully into the breast pocket of his jacket, right where it belonged. Close to his heart, just as she would always be.