Drunk Week

by TicklishOstrich

The boys (Dan and Phil) are getting drunk and playing games for the world to see. With guests like Cat, PJ, Lucas, and Tyler, what games will be played? And just what all will be revealed on camera?

Welcome one and all! This is my first phanfic, so I await reviews and comments. I own no one. The boys are getting drunk and playing games for the world to see. With guests like Cat, PJ, Lucas, and Tyler, what games will be played? And just what all will be revealed on camera?

"Hey, guys!" Phil calls out from his younow position. "I know, I'm up on a Monday at ten am. If you haven't seen my tweets yesterday or the day before, this week, I am going to be doing something incredibly stupid, so I've got Danny-boy doing it with me!"

"Hello, Internet." Dan responds, sliding into view. "Yeah, we're going to be doing something really stupid with our friends at 10am, 4pm and 10pm every day this week."

"It's the Drunk Week Challenge." Phil laughs awkwardly. "We're going to be playing various games and getting drunk, and marking a tally for who gets drunker by week's end. Today, we have a sparkly friend."

"Hiiii!" Louise pops up from behind. "Today, we are playing Dirty Minds."

"Which is what, exactly?" Dan asks nervously.

"Alright. Each of us has got some Ribena with vodka mixed in. I'll start it up, reading something suggestive from the app. The two of you compete to give the right answer. When the right answer is given, the other player takes a drink. First to take ten drinks loses. Are we ready?"

Phil gives a thumbs up. Dan gives a hesitant one. Louise smirks and reads the first one out. "Put me in your mouth, lick me and suck me until I melt in your mouth."

"Oh, God." Dan buries his face in his hands.

Phil snaps his fingers. "A Popsicle."

"Correct."

Dan drinks first and then jumps up as Louise takes his place. Dan's turn to read.

"Most girls own me; they play with me and put me away; I start with the letter D."

Louise giggles, but Phil snaps his fingers again. "A doll!"

"Yes."

Louise has her first drink and takes over for Dan. "When you use me, I suck it clean."

Dan groans a little and Phil snaps once more. "A vacuum."

"Are you ever going to drink?" Dan asks, taking his second and stepping up for Louise. Phil shrugs. Dan starts up in a slightly lower voice. "As you rub me, I get wetter."

Phil lets out a chirp. Louise rubs her eye and then has it. "Eyes!"

Phil shakes his head and takes his first drink. He takes the place up front. "Starts with a C, ends with a T; delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid."

"Cunt." Dan has to say it.

"Coconut." Louise has the right answer. Dan drinks his third and stands up. "I come in many sizes. Sometimes I drip. When you blow me, it feels good."

Phil makes a half-moan and suddenly needs the Crash Bandicoot pillow in his lap. "I feel awkward."

Louise jumps up. "I know! Your nose!"

"Yes."

Phil drinks his second and carries the pillow with him as he goes to the front. "Starts with F, ends with K," His voice drops an octave. "If you don't get it, use your hand."

Dan makes a gagging noise. "A fork." Louise states. Dan drinks his fourth and takes the front.

"Play with me long enough and it could make you blind." He subconsciously winks.

Phil moans a little more, clutching onto the pillow like a lifeline. Louise ponders. "A telly?"

Dan shrugs. "I'll give it to you. Videogames."

Phil drinks his third and takes the front, still holding the bandicoot. His voice is a little scratchy, having not woken up to the alcohol just yet. "Press the right button and I'll come all over your face; I usually get spread over your hairy parts."

Dan grabs the Tortoro plushie, needing it in his lap at once. He also bites his hand. Louise is still thinking. "Shaving cream."

Dan takes a fifth drink and then carries Tortoro with him. Louise shakes her head in amusement. "Hard or soft, you still get it off; always comes in hotel bathrooms."

"Damn, Dan." Louise mutters at Dan's sudden drop in octave.

"Shhhh….. soap!" Phil cries out, proud of himself for remembering the word.

Louise drinks a second time and takes the helms. Neither boy has been drinking much aside from a little bit backstage at conventions – but it has been a while. The stream does not yet wake their bodies. In a dramatic voice, she reads out the following.

"The situation was alarming. Several large men had to go down on me. At least most of them were wearing rubbers and raincoats before they wrapped their legs around me."

Dan and Phil simultaneously choke and gag a little. They grab their pillow/animal a little tighter, burying their faces. Louise rolls her eyes. "A fire pole. I'll go again." Dan takes his sixth and Phil takes a fourth.

She takes another card and reads it out. "My shaft is long and tasty, you can shove me in your split. The longer you leave me, the softer I get."

Dan and Phil can't help but glance to one another on this one. They also quickly look down and then away. The boys grab their pillow/plushie and hug it. Both also grab their drinks and down a gulp. Dan's seventh and Phil's fifth. Louise sighs a little. "It's a banana, boys. I'm doing another."

She has a smirk on her face because of how flustered they are getting from only the first game. "There are some fakes and some real. Nicki Minaj has some big ones," She pauses because Phil makes a garbled noise. "It can cost you a lot of money for some good ones, but at least you can pick the size that fits just right."

Dan laughs. The boys giggle and say, "Boobs." Louise shakes her head at how badly they are losing. They take (Dan's eighth and Phil's sixth) drinks. "It was a wig. Next one."

"When I go down, you won't be happy," Dan subconsciously looks to his lap behind the plushie. "If you are on me, your imagination is the limit," Phil gives Dan a suggestive side-glance. "But be careful: without protection, you might catch something nasty."

They offer only immature giggling and take (Dan's ninth and Phil's seventh) drinks.

"I'm shocked, you two. It was Internet."

"My livelihoods!" Dan whines.

Louise shakes her head. "Alright, now think. You put me through a hole to keep me in place. Other times, I am free or loose. You can be gentle or rough with me."

Dan almost loses his balance and instead faceplants to the table. "Hair."

"Yes!" Louise is impressed.

Phil groans and takes an eighth drink. He then takes Louise's place.

"I haves fuzzy balls. Shomeone's gonnsa be beatsen. You starts off wiz love, but thats joesn't lastch." Phil slurs through the question.

"Tennish!" Dan shouts out, proud of himself, while Louise has been busy trying to pick out the words.

Louise frowns, having to take a third drink and take Phil's place.

"Put me in your mouth and if I go deep, you will gag on me,"

She doesn't even get the entire imagery out before Dan shouts out, "Toofush!" – complete with mimicking brushing his teeth. Phil is forced to take a ninth drink and take Louise's place up front.

"Imma inchent vention, large 'n small. 'M'all over th' world, dontcha recall. I give ya pow'r to see chew walls."

Again, it is like drunken Dan and drunken Phil have a psychic connection. Louise is trying to piece together what Phil has said, but Dan has an answer.

"Windowwwwww!"

Louise takes a fourth drink. She goes up front. One of them is about to end the game with a drink. "Alright this is the last one. You two ready?"

The boys nod eagerly, blinking a little. They've been getting drunk for the world to see for the past forty-five minutes. "You don't meet us right away. Sometimes one of us is smaller than the other."

"Us!" The two scream in synchronization.

Louise shakes her head. "Parents."

"They calls me Daddy." Phil remarks, pointing to the camera as Louise shuts it off.

Away from the camera, Louise suggests they stay here and she will bring them some remedies. She quickly returns though, not trusting them alone drunk. She has sugary, caffeinated coffee for the duo – as well as some water and pillows. She watches them drink their fluids and go to sleep on the floor to cure their alcohol overload. They're getting drunk again in nearly five hours.

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Louise leaves after a while, changing shifts with PJ. He shakes his head. He can't believe Dan and Phil have actually agreed to do this astonishing challenge. They've already had ten drinks each, so they aren't going to play that way again. Now, they will play in rounds. He swaps the Ribena and Vodka for a table full of tall Tokyo Ice Teas. He sets up the game and readies the camera before waking the boys up.

"Alright, alright." Dan grumbles. "Is it already four?"

"Two minutes." He acknowledges.

"Great." Phil moans.

Dan and Phil turn to one another to help each other with their fringes and PJ turns the camera on. He clears his throat and the duo turns around.

"Welcome back! We've now got PJ joining us and Louise has helped us come back from the drunker regions. So, Peej, why don't you tell the people what drinks we've got this time."

"Tokyo Ice Tea." He grins. "More vodka like before, but this also has gin, rum, tequila and kiwi liqueur."

"And what are we playing?" Dan asks with faux enthusiasm.

"Walk Home Game's Truth or dare. You pick Truth or dare when it gets to your turn. We'll play seven rounds. After you pick you can't change your mind. But, if you don't want to or can't do the dare or answer the question, you take a drink. And no one-word answers for the truths. I've already input our names and let's do this."

"Dan," PJ reads out. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Okay, of me and Phil, who do you trust more?"

"Phil." He answers immediately. "That's non-negotiable."

Phil makes an 'aww' noise and Dan twiddles his thumbs. He presses the button and it lands on PJ. He picks dare and Phil reads it out.

"Try to lick your nose."

He tries but fails and takes a drink. He downs it easily. He presses the button and it lands on Phil. He picks dare as well, and Dan reads it out.

"Let someone wrap your head in toilet tissue."

He shrugs. "We've done that before, Dan. Go for it."

Dan laughs and leaves the room. He returns just moments later and starts to wrap Phil's head up. As he does so, it is his turn and he picks dare. PJ reads it out with a laugh.

"Use toilet tissue as a headscarf."

"Yeah, no. I don't like things touching my neck. Gimme a Tokyo."

PJ holds one up while Dan finishes wrapping Phil's head. The taste is stronger than expected and Dan nearly loses his balance. He clamps onto Phil's leg and Phil steadies him blindly. Dan sits back down and it is PJ's turn. Dare.

Phil has to lift the toilet tissue out of his eyes to read it out. "Oh, God. Until your next turn, sit on my lap."

PJ wastes no time before doing so. Phil is still pretty blind, due to the toilet paper back over his eyes. It is his turn and he picks dare. Dan laughs a little.

"Act out a commercial for a phone sex hotline."

Expecting Phil to take a drink, he is very surprised when Phil instead turns his attention toward the camera. He drops his voice to a husky octave and wraps his arms protectively around PJ.

"Hey, can't get the satisfaction you deserve? Are you thinking about it? Imagining me there with you, huh? Oh this?" He points to his facial region, still covered by the toilet paper. "Don't worry about it. I can be whoever, whatever you like. Quicksilver?" He continues to let his hands roam over PJ's body, though he doesn't touch him anywhere. "I'm here, my lips are touching yours. Katniss? I'm there, kissing and biting your collarbone. Oh, yeah. Just whip out that phone and call me, baby. Call now at 0701 THE LION. Just 2p a minute. You know you want to."

Dan stifles a moan into the Tortoro plushie he was cuddling earlier. PJ starts to get off, but Phil pulls him back down. Dan and PJ look at him bewildered, but Phil just shakes his head with his regular smile.

"It's Dan's turn." He gulps and brings his voice back to the normal tone. "I mean, it's Dan's turn. You're still on my lap until it's your turn again."

"Yeah, okay. Dan?"

"Dare." He squeaks.

"Do the moonwalk."

"That's it?"

Dan stands and successfully completes a moonwalk. PJ then climbs off Phil's lap and Phil removes the headdress, claiming it is too stuffy. No one minds. PJ calls out truth, and Phil reads it.

"What is your biggest regret in life?"

His eyes widen and he takes a drink. Phil's turn. Having fun and successfully not having to take a drink yet, he picks dare. Dan reads.

"Let D-me, let me style your hair."

Phil pouts but consents. Dan eagerly moves over and runs his fingers through Phil's hair. He finds Phil backing into his hands subconsciously as he morphs Phil's hair in all sorts of ways. PJ raises an eyebrow but continues the game by calling Dan to pick something. He chooses truth. PJ reads it over.

"What is the best gift you've ever gotten?"

"Uh, this little turtle plushie AmazingPhil gave me, way back before we, like, met. Back when we Skyped each other."

PJ raises another eyebrow but picks dare. Phil opens an eye and reads it over.

"Do an impression of Jim Carrey."

"Who?" PJ laughs, not bothering to listen for an answer. He takes a drink. "Your turn, Phil."

"Mmm? Truth."

Dan is still massaging Phil's head and PJ lets Dan read out the truth. "Have you ever been blocked on Facebook?"

"Yeah, by some people I went to uni with. But they never really liked me so I posted some inappropriate things onto their walls."

"Phil!" Dan is shocked. "What kind of inappropriate things?"

Phil almost topples over when Dan removes his hands. He pouts rather than answers and it is Dan's turn. He picks truth.

"What TV show are you embarrassed about watching?"

Dan blushes and instead takes a drink. PJ's turn and he picks truth.

"Tell the complete truth on a lie you told one of us."

PJ's eyes widen once more. He takes a drink instead of answering. Phil's turn again and he selects truth.

"Of us two, who would you rather not be trapped with in an elevator?"

"PJ." The answer is immediate. "Especially after the whole Krave incident."

Dan's turn again and he picks dare. He is told to sing We Are the Champions with passion. He does.

"Weeeeeee arrrrrre the Chaaaaaaampiiiiioooooonnnnnnnnssssss myyyyyy frieeeeends! Annnnnnnd We'll keeeeeep on fiiiiiiiiiiiighting tiiiiill the eeeeeeeeennnnnd!" He lets out a long gasp after that and it counts.

PJ's turn and he picks truth. "Have you got any special talents, whoa!" Phil drops his voice to the sex line tone. "In the bedroom?"

Peej inches away and takes a drink. Dan and Phil laugh awkwardly. Phil's turn and he picks dare. Dan smirks.

"Do a ballerina dance in a frilly skirt."

"So now you want me to twirl? Forget it." Phil closes his eyes and takes a drink. "That's not that bad."

Last round, Dan's turn. Dare. PJ pouts because it is nothing big. "Put your shoes on the wrong feet."

He does so and sticks out his tongue. "Seven rounds and only two drinks!"

PJ's turn and he picks truth. "What was your worst childhood memory?"

"We are not leaving this on a sour note." He takes a drink. "Five drinks. That's good."

Last person of the last round. Phil. He picks dare. "Burp your full name."

"If I try to burp, I will throw up." He responds and takes a drink. "Two drinks. Yeah, it wasn't bad. Byeeee!"

PJ cuts off the camera and Phil runs to the bathroom. Both have already had a dozen drinks today. Dan drinks some water and stays seated. He and Phil eat some crackers with their water about an hour later and decide to have another nap.

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Tyler, replacing the Tokyo Ice Teas with dry martinis, wakes them up later at night. It is almost ten o'clock. This is only the first night and already they are questioning their involvement. Phil is feeling woozy, and he just wants it to be over with. The camera is soon on and Tyler makes the introduction, since Dan is spacey. He also mentions the drink change and that they are playing Classic Truth or dare, by Orange Bubble. It goes in reverse alphabetical order, and the app calls out everything. They are taking six rounds.

"Tyler, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"If relationships were sports, what would you be a professional at?"

"Drink." He answers instead, taking one.

"Phil, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Dance like a ballerina."

"No." Phil answers, taking his first drink of the game.

"Dan, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Who is your personal hero?"

His eyes trail over to Phil, but his mouth doesn't say anything. He takes his first drink and grunts in response. Back to Tyler, he picks dare.

"Allow Phil to draw a mustache on you."

He wills and Phil makes a handlebar mustache with the marker used for the cat whiskers. Phil then picks dare again and is told to do a somersault across the sofa. He sorta does one and they give him points for effort. Dan's turn and he gets dare.

"Allow the oldest to draw an animal on your face."

"When were you born, Tyler?"

He laughs. "1989. Phil's older."

Phil has a mischievous smirk. Dan rolls his eyes.

"Oh, fine. Draw your bloody lion."

Phil takes the cap off the same marker and draws, though he doesn't draw a lion. As he draws a sloppy llama, Tyler picks dare. He is told to beatbox for thirty seconds, so he drinks his second. Phil finishes his drawing and picks truth.

"What is one sexual talent you wished you possessed?" Phil drinks his second.

Dan picks dare. "Lick Phil's nose." Dan's eyes widen and Phil's tongue seeps out of the corner. Dan drinks his second.

Tyler picks dare and is told to do a cartwheel. He drinks a third. Phil's turn and he picks truth.

"How old were you when you had your first lip-to-lip kiss?"

"I feel dizzy." He answers. "I was thirteen, but then the other way I was fifteen."

"The other way?" Dan questions, but he doesn't really get an answer. He picks truth.

"What is your biggest turn-off?"

"Fakers. I don't like people being fake."

Tyler picks dare again and is told to dance the Harlem Shake. He does so, with the help of Phil's animal plushy collection. Phil picks truth.

"What is the meanest thing anyone's ever said to you?"

"Oh, this is that whole quacksack thing." Tyler answers for him.

"Actually, no. I just don't cuss. On camera, much." Phil responds. "Um, I say it how I do and Dan'll cuss for me."

"I will? Okay, I will."

"Um, you're just an effing c-bag,"

"Fucking cuntbag?" Dan translates with a shocked look on his face.

Phil nods and continues. "Of flaming gay shiii effing a-nuggets."

Dan's jaw drops. "Of flaming gay shitty fucking ass-nuggets."

Phil nods with a blush covering his face. Dan drops a hand on Phil's shoulder.

"Who the hell said that to you?"

"Someone from uni." Phil shrugs. "Doesn't matter."

"What the hell?" He asks again.

"It's your turn Dan."

"What? Oh, dare." He answers his fifth one.

"Act out your favorite movie until the others can guess it."

He shrugs and drops to his knees. He pretends to scoop out something and eat it. Gorge on it and he loses his balance on purpose.

"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." Phil answers. "Came out when you were fourteen."

"Uh?"

"Mmm. I went to see it when I was eighteen. Came out in July, before summer school was over because I was already taking classes but I skipped my speech to go see it."

"How the hell do you remember that?"

Phil shrugs. It is the last round and Tyler's turn. He picks dare.

"Call the sixth person in your address book and sing Happy Birthday to them."

"Who's your sixth?" Phil asks expectantly.

"Pewdiepie."

"Ooh, you have all of us down as our usernames?"

"Yep. You're on top of Dan, Phil." He pauses a minute. "Uh, that sounded different in my head."

"I'll bet." Dan mutters.

Phil only smirks and Felix's number is dialed. He answers pretty quickly.

"Yeah, Ty?

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Felix, happy birthday to you."

"Uh, thanks? My birthday's not till October, you know."

A microwave beeps on his end and PJ's voice is heard, though it's hard to make it out. Felix laughs, though.

"I don't know. Tyler just called to wish me happy birthday."

"That's not for ten months." His voice is clearer, now next to the phone, getting something out of the microwave.

"I know."

"Oh, I know what that is. I was at Dan and Phil's earlier. It's probably just a prank or something."

"Oh. Thanks, Ty." He hangs up.

The three boys laugh at that commotion. It is Phil's turn and he picks truth.

"If you could choose just one person to be with you as the last people alive on Earth, who would you pick?"

"Buffy." Dan answers under his breath.

"Dan." Phil answers instead.

"You sure?" Tyler nudges him. "What about, urges? What about, repopulation?"

Dan's face flushes. Phil shrugs.

"In a world where I'm actually able to choose me and Dan over everyone else, Dan can get pregnant."

"What the hell?" Dan almost screams. "Look, I have nothing against mpreg, but me? Why would I be the pregnant one?"

"You really need to ask that?"

"Okay!" Tyler interrupts the bickering duo. "Dan, last question."

"Right. Truth."

"Would your parents be mad or scared if they found out you were dating your best friend?"

"Nah," He brushes the thought of it off. "They like Phil." He pauses. "But that doesn't mean I am dating Phil."

"Yet." Phil adds with a cheeky grin.

Dan shoves him. "Or that I'm pregnant. Because I'm not."

"Yet." Phil adds again as Tyler cuts off the feed.

"Seriously, Phil? You're just goading them now."

"I'm going to vomit."

"Oh, God."

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Yeah, so this is what happens when Dan and Phil are purposefully getting drunk with their friends for the sake of the Internet. Like? Don't like? Leave a comment and let me know! Mwah! Meow! Happy 2018!