Character(s)/Pairing(s): Sam Witwicky, Miles Lancaster, Agent Simmons

Warnings: Old one shot written in 2008. Not canon-compliant with the second or third movies. Humour.

Summary: AU - After the events in Mission City, Sam gets the chance to met Miles' favorite, crazy uncle for the first time. Except, it isn't exactly the first time they meet, and their first meeting didn't go well. Also, let's not forget the 'alien' thing is supposed to be a secret. Well, it's awkward...

You Don't Chose Your Family

"You'll see, you'll like him. He was my favorite uncle when I was a kid. Too bad he almost never comes over anymore; he was fun to hang around. I'm not sure what he does exactly; he's some kind of super secret agent. Or at least I think he is, but my Mom and Aunty say he isn't. I just think they are covering for him," Miles whispered in his friend's ear. "From what I heard, it's a family job passed from father to son since my great grandfather or something like that, but they always try to deny it."

Sam nodded bravely. He had drowned under the flow of words escaping from Miles' mouth, and Sam had almost fallen asleep at one point, but by some miracle he had been able to follow the one-sided discussion.

Apparently, Miles' crazy uncle was in town for the day and had phoned to say he would come to see them before leaving. Truthfully, the young Witwicky didn't know what to think.

Sam had met his fair share of Miles' relatives. Most of them were nice fellows, if a bit eccentric, and some were downright creepy. Miles' uncle on his mother side, however, had never come here before. There were no photos of him in the family album, so Sam didn't even know what he looked like.

The doorbell rung and Miles smiled at him before running to greet the visitor. Ten seconds later, he was almost yelling his welcome. Sam smiled to himself; it felt nice to know Miles was still so innocent. After Mission City and everything that happened since Bumblebee had followed him home, so to speak, Sam doubted he would be able to be so carefree ever again.

"You'll see, he's cool! My best mate since we were toddlers!" he heard Miles say. Another voice sounded. "Don't think I met him before."

Sam froze. He knew that voice. Slowly, he turned toward the door. Miles was leading a very familiar man into the room.

Sam and the man stared at each other, horrified by what they were seeing. They may have been unaware of it, but they thought exactly the same thing at the same second. Why, of all people living on this planet, did it have to be him? Is that the universe's idea of a good joke? Or is it my unique brand of luck? God, why do you hate me so much?

"Sam, I hereby present you my uncle Reggie! Well, Reginald Simmons, but I'm sure he won't mind if you call him Reggie too, isn't that right, Uncle Reggie?"

Sam was too much in shock to hear Simmons' answer – a grunt that could be interpreted as a 'no'. Instead, his brain almost broke as he thought about Miles dressed like a Sector Seven agent. Oh God, he was going to faint...

Miles frowned. "Sam? Are you feeling okay, bro?"

Sam put a fake smile, nodding and saying he was fine and forcing himself to say hello to the bast...hum, his friend's uncle he already hated. Simmons twitched, greeting him too, although he seemed to force himself even more than Sam.

Oblivious to their discomfort, Miles smiled, happy to finally officially present his best friend to his crazy uncle. Soon, they were chatting or at least trying to. Sam was uneasy, Simmons looked ready to shoot someone and Miles was oblivious – or looked oblivious, they didn't know and didn't care at this point.

Sam coughed. "So... when are you leaving?" he asked as politely as possible. Simmons smiled tensely. "As soon as possible; I wanted to ask Carly to drive me to the airport," he answered swiftly.

A cough made them both glance at their best friend/nephew. "Ah, well, about that... Apparently, Mom's car is broken, so I was wondering... Sam, you think we could take your Camaro?" Miles hesitated.

Simmons paled. Sam almost screamed. There was no way Bumblebee was going to be fine with that. But he couldn't say no without starting a feud with Miles. And neither he nor Simmons could exactly tell Miles that the Camaro was more than a nice ride – it was supposed to be secret, damnit! The two condamned men shared a glance

It was going to be a long, long drive…

End