Shion has gotten word from her friends that Satoko caught a cold. That she has a fever. Immediately, she thinks about cooking something for her before visiting, something healthy, something that Satoko hilariously hates but is good for her, anyway. But she realizes this is the least of her problems. She's not worried about the food.
She is worried about Satoko.
Rika has been attempting to convince Shion that it's okay. She can simply skip the club activities, go home early, and look after her by then.
But Shion insists. And when she insists, she insists. She tells her she should have fun with Mion and the others. Rika-chama's gonna need it. After all, she's been taking care of Satoko for a good while, and Shion thinks, with the free time she has, she'll use it to look after her.
Rika's hesitant at first, but eventually approves, and she looks at Shion with those wide eyes like she trusts her with her life and she says, "That's right. For as long as it's Shii, Satoko will surely be happy. Niipaaaa~"
Shion's smile is uneasy.
She doesn't really believe those words.
On the way, she is fairly hands full with a bag of groceries and feels a fresh pang of relief when she finally sees the house just nearby. There's something about the weight hanging down her fingers that tells her she may have bought a little too much.
When the bags softly drop to the ground, she lifts her free hand to knock on the door. She does it the second time. All that answers back is silence and she figures that Satoko must be asleep.
Shion thinks of calling out when she actually tries the door.
It's open.
She frowns as she slides it open and enters the house, almost ready to literally dash up the stairs and backhand Satoko for not locking up.
Backhand Rika even harder when they meet again.
But her pace is leisurely and sure as she carefully goes past the first floor and to where Satoko's room is. She's almost only a breath away to the threshold when she hears Satoko call out. Meek, but not at all uncertain.
"Shion-san?"
Her breath hitches momentarily and this stops her at once, a moment of surprise that has her blinking before her lips curl into a small smile and she slides the door open to the room.
Then she sees Satoko lying on the futon and her gut wrenches. Feels as if concern becomes an instinct whenever Satoko's ill. Whenever she's in danger. Whenever she's tired. Whenever. Whenever it's Satoko.
Shion's smile remains.
"You knew it was me. You're good, huh?"
At this, Satoko suddenly laughs. Weak yet distinct. "Ohohoho. You're the only one I know whose footsteps sound like heels, Shion-san."
Shion lets out a tinkling laughter of amusement then puts down the bags and lowers to sit on the floor. "And what if it wasn't me. Hm? Why was that door unlocked? Who knows what could have happened?"
Satoko's face distorts into something defensive. "Ehh? Maybe Rika definitely forgot about it! Ahhh, that Rika—"
Shion interrupts with a bark of laughter. She doesn't buy that and she pokes Satoko's forehead through her bangs. "Now you're putting all the responsibility on Rika-chan? That's unladylike!"
Satoko pouts.
"Shion-sannn..."
At this, her grin gradually mellows into something that of unease, studies her bright eyes and the mop of blonde hair usually tidied up with a black headband and she asks, "Has your fever gone down?"
Satoko nods. "Mmm. I'm doing better." But something in her knows that Shion's never convinced with simple words like that, and so she thinks of reassuring her like she always does, "You don't have to worry so much."
Shion crosses her arms and shakes her head as predicted. "You've been bedridden for days. Are you hungry? I can prepare something for you, so just rest up."
At that, Satoko immediately protests, almost sits up to hold Shion down by the arm to keep her from fussing away. "I'm not hungry at all." Then another idea hits her. "Oh, but maybe you can wait until dinner if it's not much trouble. You and Rika can cook something for me just for tonight."
Shion quirks a brow and opens her mouth as if to say something else, then a sigh falls off the edge of her breath when she resigns, "What? So I'll be having dinner with two kids? I feel so old."
Satoko easily bursts into laughter at this, and to Shion's ears it sounds like birdsong and the sight of sunrise for the first time on daybreak and she feels reassured. She feels better.
"But really, if you need anything. Just tell me."
Satoko's smile turns serious. "You've already done everything for me, Shion-san."
Shion pauses. She looks down at the floor and softly curls her fingers into fists and her voice doesn't sound like hers at all.
"It's not enough. It's never enough."
Satoko's eyebrows furrow in question but she doesn't say anything more. Shion is silent for a while, squares her shoulders as she contemplates on her thoughts and she doesn't trust herself with her words.
"You know, Satoko. I've been meaning to tell you. I've been having these dreams." She stops. Then corrects, "Nightmares."
"Nightmares?"
Shion nods. "Of you. Of me. And of Satoshi-kun." She shakes her head. "No. Actually, of everyone."
Maybe this isn't the right time to talk about nightmares, considering Satoko's well-being, but Shion oddly feels that she has to say everything now. And she feels even more convinced of that as Satoko keeps her eyes on her, ready to hear everything. No matter what it is.
No matter how terrifying.
"What happened?"
"I've done horrible things to you. Really... horrible things. Like I wasn't myself. But it felt real. Really real and... even to everyone else. To sis." The light in Shion's eyes tremble and Satoko can't help but mirror the sadness on her face because she hates the look of it and it's so wrong.
"Shion-san." She thinks Shion doesn't want to talk about what these things are. And so she ventures, "How horrible?"
She flinches a little at that; the way the word horrible rolls from her tongue. Because that doesn't even cut it. But it's written all over her too, all over her skin and engraved in her and even deeper still.
She was a killer. She is a killer. A killer.
"Unimaginable. Just unforgivable." She looks away, brow heavy.
Satoko's smile is reassuring. "But those were only nightmares, Shion-san. Why are you feeling guilty over them?"
Her words can't be any more accurate. "They were real."
Satoko slowly sits up, gaze now thick with worry. She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know if the right thing is to prod or to just listen. She doesn't know.
Tentatively, she reaches to hold Shion's wrist. "You're doing nothing wrong. I'm okay. Everyone's okay."
She watches her for a reaction, and when she sees the hints of near-tears at her eyes, she pushes on, "I know you'd never do such things either."
This successfully spurs Shion, turns her head to look back at her and her voice cracks midway. "I thought you should have died. I told you, that if only you weren't alive, Satoshi-kun would be free!"
Satoko's eyes widen. "Shion-san..."
"But I was wrong! I was wrong! The one who doesn't deserve to live is me—"
The pulse in Satoko's chest is thunderous.
"Shion-san."
"The one who shouldn't have been alive—is me!"
"Shion-san!"
At once, Satoko lunges herself straightfirst at Shion in a tight embrace. She clings like she's her lifeline and her fingers curl against the fabric of her clothing; maybe even tighter, as if saving Shion from falling apart.
Shion chokes on her breath in shock, feels that her cheeks are wet and she realizes she's been crying.
When Satoko speaks again, her voice runs low and muted. Yet she sounds so sure, like she's ready to fight anyone who says otherwise: "The Shion-san I know is friendly. Talks a lot. Is scared of canned foods."
Shion chews on her lip. Hard enough for it to hurt. "Satoko."
"Gets really worried and angry when her friends are upset or in danger. She'd do anything to make them happy. That's the Shion-san I know." She lifts her head to look up at her.
"So please, no matter what happened, don't talk like that anymore."
Shion freezes like she's been caught, lowers her head to wipe at her tears then returns the embrace. Satoko's body is small. Frail and helpless like Satoshi's but she has been through so much. So much.
"... Yeah. Sorry I got you worried. And at a time like this."
Then she's quiet as she realizes something else. Something she feels guilty for. Something that has her hate herself even more. Yet it sets her free.
Satoko has forgiven her.
"Thank you... thank you so much."
She doesn't see it, but she feels Satoko smile against her chest.
"The cold will pass on to you."
"That's fine. I don't mind."
Shion doesn't let go and lifts a hand to gently rub her head. There's a twinge of nostalgic pain and happiness in Satoko's chest, a familiarity she acknowledges only when she's around Satoshi and she knows she's safest right where she is.
"Satoko. Until Satoshi-kun comes back, I will protect you."
She nods. "I know."
"If anything happens," she almost grits her teeth as she hugs tighter. "... get behind me."
Satoko doesn't say anything but frowns as she sets her gaze on the floor. "No. I will do my best, too, Shion-san. I won't hide behind anyone anymore."
Shion blinks in surprise. Then quickly smiles when she feels a stab of pride, like seeing a little sister all grown-up and it's kinda sad.
But maybe a little... rewarding.
"Let's go shopping when he comes back. You, me, and Nii-Nii."
It's the mention of Satoshi that shreds her all over again. She swallows back a lump and keeps her voice steady.
"That'll be fun." Then she smiles and it's painful. "Satoshi-kun will be happy."
Satoko slowly pulls away just enough to look at her. "I think he is."
Shion knits her brows. "... He is?"
"He knows I'm in good hands." Satoko embraces her again. "With you, Shion-san."
Ah.
Maybe Satoko has no idea how much it affects Shion. How much it kills her. And now Shion has her eyes closed with her arms around Satoko and she thinks, 'I'm so glad. Satoshi-kun.'
When she opens her eyes, she feels Satoko sink deeper in her grip and Shion figures it's about time for her to sleep. At least for a while.
"Good night, Satoko."
She closes her eyes into a serene sleep, dreams of another day in Hinamizawa. Of another tomorrow in this village. With Satoshi. With Shion. With Rika.
With everyone. With the cry of cicadas.
"Good night, Nee-Nee."
Good night.