Feli's Existence
By TheBlackKid
Act 1 – The Truth Comes Out
"Fufufufu! I can see it! It's coming! The day where I finally get to have my fated day with Lemres is almost here! And there's no way it'll go wrong this time! I've planned every step in advance, using every possible charm to aid me in my conquest of his love! And if anyone gets in my way, I'll drown them with a hex of endless suffering! I don't want to have to do such a thing to these cretins, but…
SUCH…
IS…
FATE…
Fufufufu!"
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
"Hey! Feli! Keep it down in there! The neighbors will complain about you again!"
"S-Sorry, Mom! I-I'm going to bed now! I-I p-p-promise!"
"Hmph! You better!"
…
…
"Evil bitch." I silently whispered to myself.
It was pretty much a normal night for me. I was talking to myself in the mirror about one day my dream of being together with Lemres will finally become a reality…and then I get interrupted my mother, who would often yell at me to shut up and go to bed. I don't really get along with my mother…like not at all. To the point where we hate each other. I seriously can't stand my mother…
…
…w-well, to be honest…I actually fear my mother. She's kinda abusive to me. And when I say, "a little", I actually mean a lot. She beats me whenever I act out into my other personality. And with doing this every day, the beatings happen every day. And it's how she beats me that makes it even worse.
Whenever beating time comes along (that's what she calls it), she forces me to remove my panties and get on her lap. Then she starts beating my bare bottom with a wooden paddle. And every time she does it, she does it harder than the last. I would cry throughout the whole time, begging her to stop and have mercy on me, but that only pisses her off more…thus making her beat me even harder.
When she finally has had enough, she just leaves me on the ground to cry out my pain. And she doesn't even give back my panties either. Like they would help, anyway. It would be too painful for me to sit down anywhere for days at a time.
Plus, it's also embarrassing for me to constantly go out and buy a pack of panties every week.
But…there's a good outcome to that. It's something I've been planning for a while now if things go from bad to worse with my mother, but…I don't want to think about it right now.
Right now, I need to prepare. For tomorrow…my true desires will finally come true! As destiny has foretold, I shall be with Lemres, my one true love! And this time, I'll make sure no one gets in my way!
"Wait for me, Lemres! I'm coming for you soon! Fufufufu!"
"FELI…I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GO TO BED!"
"Gah! I-I-I-I am! I-I-I'm going to bed now! P-P-P-Please don't beat me again!"
"If I hear one more word out of you, I'll make your ass bleed! Got it?!"
"Y-Y-Yes! I-I-I u-u-u-understand!"
Once I heard footsteps getting quieter, I got underneath my blanket and did what I normally do every night before going to bed…
…Cry myself to sleep.
"W-Why…j-just why? M-Mommy…D-Daddy….j-just why did you abandon me? W-Why did you leave me all alone when I needed you the most? I may hide it on the outside, but inside…I'm miserable without you two. I miss you both."
I say these words every night before closing my eyes and falling asleep. When you think of me sleeping, you probably think I dream about me and Lemres being together as lovers, huh?
Well…you're wrong. By a long shot.
Every night, I dream about past days of my life. These days that I dream about are really special to me. Because they're the last memories that I have of my parents.
That "mother" that I said I feared, she's not my real mother. I'm actually adopted. My parents abandoned me when I was 3-years-old. And I ended up with this old-hag.
She never cared for me. Not even once. She never treated me like a daughter…but instead like a dog.
Although, I shouldn't really say that. Cause I'm pretty sure she'll treat a dog way better than she treats me.
When I think about it, I think that woman only took me in for the money she gets from the government. When she gets it, she spends it like crazy on stuff that doesn't relate to me.
Clothes (for her)
Shoes (for her)
Make-up and jewelry (for her)
At one point, she asked the government for more money so she can "go all out for my 13th birthday". But she didn't do a damn thing for that day, or any of my birthdays for that matter. She just bought more crap for herself.
I often have to steal money from her purse in order to fend for myself. It was the only way I was able to secretly buy food, clothes, and those multiple packs of panties in order for me to survive.
I usually hide these things in my room, which is also where I hide whenever I'm home. Sometimes I practice my charm making and read into the future…but most of the time, I spend my time crying to myself in my closet. Asking myself what did I do to have my parents abandon me like this. Why did they give up on me? Why must I suffer this hellish life with someone who not only doesn't love me, but doesn't even treat me like a human being?
These thoughts are always circling my mind like a high-powered fan on its highest setting. They've infected my body like a deadly virus slowly eating away my happiness and sanity. I try so hard to hide these feelings whenever I'm outside…
…but there are times where I just want to curl up into a ball underneath a tree and cry the heaviest tears of sadness and despair. All I want is for someone to love me. To not be alone anymore. That's why ever since I met Lemres that one day, I've been chasing him to this day. What he did for me was the only nice thing that's been done to me.
I want that type of love to happen to me every day. But at this point, I can't decide if I want it or need it. I can't really tell the difference, honestly.
All I can say is…whether it's "want" or "need", the feeling of love…deserves to be mine!
Because there are some things a simple charm can't fix…
…
…Like a shattered heart.
My morning routine is always the same. I wake up earlier than that woman, like WAY early, just so I don't have to come in contact with her. I honestly don't need to have any more fear and sadness to clog up my mind.
I quietly sneak around the house in order to not wake her up. to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth, the kitchen to sneak some food with me, and then back to my room to eat said stolen breakfast.
Every time I do this, I think to myself just why the hell am I sneaking food like a rat in my own home? Living here and being treated this way for so long…I guess I just got used to it.
Although I wish I didn't.
After a few minutes of silently crying to myself, I (somehow) managed to calm myself down and sneak out my bedroom window so that my "mother" won't hear me. Down at the bottom of this rope that I always keep with me is my dog, Baldanders. But I just call him Bal for short. During one of my charm practices, I accidentally summoned him in one of my spells. He's always been incredibly loyal to me, and has always been my one and only friend. Like most my other stuff, I kept Bal hidden from "mom". Because if it wasn't for him, I probably would've committed suicide by now.
"I'll be back, Bal. Don't get caught, okay?"
"ARF!"
I then gave him a quick pat and rub on his head before beginning to sneak out the house without getting caught.
As I walk down the block away from my house, I ready my thoughts on the one and only thing that makes me happy in this life I'm in…
…Seeing Lemres today, like every other day I've done this.
Seeing his cheerful smile and his abundance of candy disguises my misery and sorrow from the outside world. Sometimes, though, a bit too much.
I desire the happiness and love that Lemres' aura gives to me so much, that I tend to go a little crazy. I'm actually known in town for having a screw loose, as I constantly go into this little chant that involves curses and stuff.
I'm not proud of it. I want people to see me as a normal girl and treat me as one too. But with me saying such creepy things to everyone and looking so scary like a gothic lolita (whatever the hell that is), I don't blame them for thinking I'm crazy.
I don't even respect myself sometimes.
"Hey! Feli! Wait up!"
Crap! Someone saw me! Much act creepy! As much as I don't want to…
"Morning, Feli! Today's a nice day, isn't it?"
"Ah. Amitie. Yes. Today is a nice day. Nice day, indeed. Fufufufu!"
"Heh-heh. Yep. Sure is…"
sigh. Amitie. The always cheerful girl with not a single worry to think about. The girl who always has a smile on her face no matter what the situation is.
She's a bit of a dunce, but in a way…I envy her. I bet she gets tons of love and respect from everyone. I mean, I can see it. She is a pretty girl. What I don't see is how come she doesn't have a boyfriend. I don't have one either, but…
…That won't be a problem much longer.
I can only hope.
"So, uh…Feli. What do you plan to do today?"
"Well, I'm currently…"
"Hey! Amitie!"
"Hi, Arle! Hi Ringo!"
sigh. Great. More people whose happiness I envy so much. Although I don't really know these two much, with them being from different worlds and such. But much like Amitie, I'm secretly jealous of their happiness too.
"Whatcha doing, Amitie?" Arle asked her.
"I was just talking with Feli."
"R-Really?" Ringo asked. Then both girls turned to look at me with looks of…uncertainly.
"What's with those looks?!" I yelled with my occult girl persona.
"N-Nothing! W-We weren't starring! W-Why would we give you such odd looks?! W-We were just spacing out, th-that's all!" They both panicked with fear.
Damn. I did it again.
Like I said, I'm known here in town to be a bit scary. From the outside, it'll look like I don't care. But inside, it actually hurts. A lot. But I can't really show it to anyone…
…More like, I don't have anyone to show it to.
"A-Anyway, Feli…what were you going to do?" Amitie asked me. She looked and sounded ineffective to my creepy voice disguise, which made me a little happy on the inside.
"I'm actually looking for Lemres. I'm hoping that today he'll finally realize that our love is bounded by fate, and be my one true love for all eternity! Fufufufu!"
Once again, Arle and Ringo looked like they feared me at this very moment. But unlike them, Amitie was somewhat calm. I say "somewhat" because she had a look of nervousness on her face.
"U-Uh…F-Feli. D-Don't you know?" She asked.
"Huh? Know what?"
"Uh…well…"
"Speak already, you vile vixen! What has happened to my dear Lemres?! Tell me now or suffer the most deadly of curses! KEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"GAH! J-Just tell her, Amitie!" Arle shouted in fear.
"P-Please tell her! I-I'm too young to die!" Ringo also shouted in fear.
"Alright, alright! Just calm down already!" Amitie said. "Well, Feli…y-you see…L-Lemres…is gone."
I blanked out a little after hearing that. I shook my head a bit to try to wake myself up. Because what she just said can't be true, right?
…
Right?
"Wh-Wha…What did you say?"
"I-I said he's gone. A-As in…h-he moved."
"M…Moved?"
"He had something to take care of that involved the comet warlocks or something like that. He had to move away to be closer to the situation, and he left yesterday."
"Wh…What?" I started sounding weak.
"I'm so sorry you had to find out this way, Feli. If there's anything we could do to make you feel better…"
"W-WE?!" Arle and Ringo panicked.
They continued talking to each other, but I stopped listening. I was too busy trying to keep myself from bursting into tears right then and there. I couldn't believe it…I just couldn't believe it. Lemres, my true love, the only person that kept me happy through my life of hell…is gone.
Gone forever.
Never to be seen by me ever again.
Forever separated.
Gone.
I couldn't hold it anymore. I had to cry. But not out here in plain view. I needed a place to be alone. A place to accept the fact…
…That I'll forever be alone.
So I left. I started walking away from the three girls without them noticing as I went to go look for a place to cry.
It didn't take long for me to find a place to be alone. I found a big tree in the park that had a big shadow casting over it. So that no one would be able to see me cry.
Whether or not if they'll hear me…well that's a different story.
"W-Why, Lemres? J-Just why? Why did you abandon me too? First my parents, now you. Why is it that the people I love keep abandoning me like this? All I want is for someone to love me. To treat me like a normal human being. Is that fucking too much to ask?!"
After I yelled that obscenity, I continued to cry to myself as I now have a fully broken heart. I was positive that nothing could fix it now, and I was hoping that nothing could make it worse.
Unfortunately, I was only half right.
"Hey, guys. Have you seen Feli around? I'm trying to look for her."
I heard Amitie's voice, which made me stop crying and look around the area to make sure no one saw me. As I got up from under the tree, I gained a view of Amitie's hat behind a bush and went over to get a closer look at what was happening.
What I saw was the three girls from before: Amitie, Arle, and Ringo. But this time, they were joined by Raffina, Klug, Sig, and Lidelle. All of them were in a group huddle of some kind. And for some reason, my name was brought up.
"Huh? Why are you looking for Feli?" Raffina asked.
"Well, I told her that Lemres moved away from here and she looked pretty sad afterward."
"Huh. How sad. But I really don't know, or care, where that creepy she-devil ran off to."
"C-Creepy she-devil…?" I whispered to myself.
"Raffina! How could you say something like that?!" Amitie asked.
"Really, Amitie? Are you THAT naïve?"
"I'm not surprised. You expect that from someone who's as dense as her." Klug added.
"H-Hey! I'm not dense!"
"Oh, really? Then how come you haven't noticed that Feli is nothing more than a psychotic freak?"
"P-Psychotic…freak?" I whispered again.
"As much as it pains me to say this, but Klug's right. Feli's a mental little girl." Raffina said.
"M…Mental?"
"Don't you guys think you're being a little bit too mean there?" Amitie asked.
"Oh, come on! Open your eyes, Amitie! You see how she acts every day! She's a psychopath! A loon! Brain damaged! It's so damn obvious!" Raffina shouted.
"R-Raffina's right, Amitie. Feli is a scary person. Every time I'm near her, I fear that she'll kill me with one of her hexes." Lidelle said.
"And you saw how me and Ringo acted earlier. We were completely terrified." Arle said.
"She haunts me in my deep thoughts and dreams. Her voice alone fills my body with fear." Ringo added.
"Everyone thinks this?" Amitie asked.
"Yes! Everyone!" The rest shouted.
"Even you, Sig?"
…
…
"Sig!"
"Huh? What were we talking about?"
"About Feli." Klug said.
…
"Who's Feli?"
He doesn't even remember me?!
"sigh. Well that should prove our point."
"Do you get it now, Amitie? We all fear and/or just don't like being around Feli." Arle said.
"Surely you've noticed yourself, right?" Ringo asked.
Amitie went silent for a good while. Everyone was waiting to hear what she thought about all this.
Everyone…including me.
"W-Well…okay, yes. She is scary. Especially when she would talk about being together with Lemres. It just brings shivers to my spine."
"Hmph. It's her fault that Lemres left in the first place. That demented lolita." Klug said.
At this point, I had full blown heavy tears of sadness and hurt running down my face. Never in my life have I heard such hateful descriptions about me. I mean yes, I had an idea that they think I'm crazy. But for them to use those words to describe me…
…My depressed state of mind was slowly being taken over. My thoughts of despair and loneliness were temporarily replaced…
I can't take it…
I can't take it…
I can't take it…
I can't take it…
I can't take it…
I can't take it…
…
…
…
I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!
…with nothing but rage.
I stepped out through the bush and stood behind the group of people who talked nothing but crap about me just mere seconds ago. Some of them had intense fear shown right on their faces, and they had every right to.
"F-Feli?! W-Were you here the whole time?!" Amitie panicked.
"Well, that made it easier on us to tell her." Klug said.
"Screw you…" I whispered.
"Hah? What did you say?" Klug was starting to get irritated.
"Screw you…"
"What the hell did you just say to me, you little psycho?!" Raffina shouted while raising up her sleeve and forming a fist with her right hand.
"I said…I said…I said…I SAID SCREW YOU! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU! YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLES! I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU!"
These were the last words I said before running off while crying a heavy set of tears all the way home. I didn't get to hear what they had to say…not that I wanted to, anyway.
They're all dead to me.
As soon as I got home, I hid in my closet and continued to cry for the rest of the day. Didn't even come out for lunch or dinner. But I did come out every once in a while to use the bathroom, due to the bunch of snacks and drinks I hid in my closet.
As I continued to cry, I eventually got into a fetal position and regained my eternal sadness from earlier. And I had run out of tears as I started thinking to myself…lost in my own depressed thoughts once again.
"It's not fair…it's just not fair. Just what the hell did I do to deserve this suffering? Constantly being abandoned and left alone, beaten every day just for being myself, WHY AM I FORCED TO LIVE THIS WAY?! WHY?!"
I started beating the floor in angst and despair. While doing so, I hit something with my hand. What it was…
…It was a knife, that I've kept hidden deep inside my closet.
I'm not afraid to admit this. I've actually considered suicide multiple times throughout my life. And each time I've tried to do it, I always chicken out. I never had the heart to take my own life. My heart is shattered, but not shattered enough for that.
I then remembered something from earlier. That one thing I mention this morning.
My secret plan.
I dug around the closet looking for the other secret item that I've hidden there. I gained a tiny smile on my face once I finally found it.
It was a jar full of money. Filled to the brim. Every bit of change I gathered from buying food and panties for me, stealing money from my "mother", and if I get lucky, on the floor whether at home or out on the street. I saved it all and kept it in this jar. Simply labeled…
…My Freedom Jar.
"It's time. I have to do this. I've saved enough money for this moment. And it's clear to me that I'm not wanted here…
Not respected here…
Not loved here."
So it was decided. I was going to run away. Away from the pain and suffering that's plagued my heart for so long. To where, you ask? I don't even know, or care for that matter. Anywhere would be better than the hell-hole I've been in for the past 12 years.
So I waited. Waited for when everyone was asleep. That was the perfect time to make my escape. I changed out of my black maid-like dress and into a black hoodie and black shorts and switched out my pretty red shoes for some black & white sneakers. I kept the red ribbon on my head, though. It was a present from my true mom, and I didn't have the heart to leave it behind.
I then packed all of my snacks and drinks, along with the remaining pairs of panties I had left over, and my Freedom Jar into a magic backpack (that I also hid in my closet), and headed out my bedroom window. Slowly climbing down the rope to the ground.
Before I left, I took one good look at Bal. He's too big for me to sneak away with me, so I left him a note and patted his sleeping head one last time.
"Bal. I'm so sorry." I whispered, trying not to shed a tear.
I then started my undoubtedly long trip to freedom, a new life, and possibly a heart filled with love once more. I didn't want to have it end up like this. I'm basically leaving all of my possessions, my only friend, and everything I've come to know and somewhat love about this town. Just so I can reclaim the happiness that I had 12 years ago.
But such is fate.
End of Act 1
AUTHOR'S NOTE: So here's a new story centered around Feli. This came to me during a time where I was taking a break from the other two stories, as I wasn't feeling motivated to write those. But maybe after this, I'll get back to those. Anyway, feel free to review, favorite, and/or follow the story. This will have 3 acts, and I'm not sure when I'll start the second one. Thanks for reading. Later.