A/N: I honestly didn't think I would write a sequel or a Maura's pov to my Nothing fic but a song came on iHeartRadio (yeah blame them seriously because it's inspiring too much in me) and I just had to write. The song is called The Mess I Made by Parachute. You should give it a listen. I'm currently working on a fan-vid for this as well.
Maura finally made it home from work sometime after 10pm, having to finish up paper work on a very difficult case involving a child. If matters couldn't get any worse, she'd had a very loud fight with Jane in the morgue. Apparently Jane didn't care about procedure and structure, all she wanted was the results, an ID and a murder weapon and she wanted it as quickly as possible.
Maura put her briefcase down on the table by the door and let out a heavy sigh. She knew Jane was angry, she'd been angry for the last four months. It was all Maura's fault of course; Jane couldn't possibly be partly to blame.
Maura went into her kitchen and grabbed a wine glass from the cupboard then went to the fridge and grab the bottle of her favorite wine. She took both items and went into the living room. She put the wine and glass on the coffee table then kicked off her shoes. She poured herself over half a glass then took a healthy sip of it. She turned on the TV and stared blankly at it as she drank her wine.
She drank almost half the bottle of wine before she went upstairs to her bedroom. She went into the bathroom and started a bath. She reached for the vanilla scented bath oils but stopped herself. It was Jane's favorite, she loved it when Maura would soak in the tub, the air filled with vanilla and that delicious scent lingered on Maura's body and Jane just couldn't get enough of her then.
She took the oils and tossed them in the trash, they hit the metal can with a loud thunk. She turned the water off then grabbed the raspberry oils and poured some in before swirling it around in the water with her hand.
She stripped off every bit of her clothing before she stepped into the hot water and sunk down as far as she could. The heat felt so good on her tired, stressed out muscles. She closed her eyes and tried to forget the last week of stress from the murder to her constant fighting with Jane. It was the only time they communicated, when they were fighting or when they were being work-polite.
Maura sat in the tub for so long the water started to get lukewarm. She stood up, grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around herself before stepping out of the tub and letting the water go down the drain.
She dried off and put on a pair of underwear and a white t-shirt then her robe and went into her room. She sat on the end of her bed and brushed out her hair. Despite her best efforts she couldn't stop thinking about Jane. She knew why Jane was angry at her, but Maura was angry too. She'd asked Jane not to be so reckless; she'd begged her to be more careful. But Jane didn't listen there was something in Jane that constantly made her want to be the hero and Maura couldn't handle it anymore, she couldn't take wondering if Jane was going to survive.
Maura took off her robe and climbed into bed. She covered up and lay on her side staring at the empty spot beside her, Jane's side. Maura took the pillow from that side and pulled it close to her hugging it tight to her body. It took some effort but Maura finally feel asleep.
The first call came in at a little after one in the morning. Maura thought it might be dispatch calling about a body so when she picked up and said hello she didn't expect to hear Jane's voice on the other end.
Jane asked that she not hang up but Maura could barely understand her slurred words. Maura listened and when Jane said she still loved her. Maura didn't say anything. She knew Jane was expected something back but all Maura did was hang up.
Maura lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. Jane was hurting and a complete mess because of Maura. These last few months have not been easy on either of them. She watched Jane spiral downward. She was getting into verbal fights with not only her but Korsak and Frost. When they weren't fighting Jane would avoid Maura completely. What could Maura do?
Maura soon fell back asleep, her sleep however was interrupted because of the nightmares she'd have of that day. There was a variety of them, but they always started the same. Maura would hear the gunshot and she rushed to Jane's side. She'd try stopping the bleeping but she never could, no matter how hard she pressed down on Jane's wound, the blood kept flowing and she'd have to watch helplessly as the light in Jane's eyes dimmed and then finally went out.
Maura would hear the gunshot and rush to Jane's side and she'd manage to help Jane long enough for the ambulance to take Jane to the hospital and when Maura arrived she would be told that Jane hadn't made it, she'd lost too much blood and then all of a sudden there would be Jane's body on Maura's table down in the morgue with Maura standing next to her.
The nightmare that really got to her was when Maura would arrive at the hospital and they told her that Jane was fine and that Maura could go see her, but no matter how hard she searched to find Jane's room she never could. She'd run up and down the halls panicked, searching. She'd beg for help, she'd call out Jane's name but she could never found her.
Maura's cell phone rang again, this time it was after 3 am. She looked at the caller id: Jane Rizzoli. Maura was tempted to just let it ring, to let her bland voicemail pick up and take whatever message Jane had for her. But on the 3rd ring she picked up this time she didn't say hello.
"Maura, I'm sorry, please, you have to know." She heard Jane said then there was a bunch of shuffling and static on the phone before she heard Jane say, "Please, Maura, I'm still in love with you."
She could practically hear as Jane's heart broke when Maura said nothing on the phone. Maura hung up her cell and put it back on the nightstand.
Maura got out of bed, put her robe on and went downstairs. It would be impossible to sleep now. She went and sat on the couch in the dark living room. Things were quiet around here ever since Angela moved out.
Of course Maura didn't want Angela to go but obviously she wouldn't stay. Jane would think it was some kind of betrayal, as if Angela was choosing Maura over her.
Maura looked around her quiet home, the evidence of the life Maura and Jane shared together for a year was gone now. No more pictures of the couple hung on the walls. None of Jane's sports memorabilia around. No instant coffee in the cupboard or Jane's favorite mug was gone from by the sink. Maura had extra space in the bedroom closet and dresser drawers and there was more room in the fridge where Jane's beer had taken up a spot.
Maura sighed, she knew she made the right decision, she knew that if she didn't break up with Jane that eventually something horrific would happen to rip Jane away from her completely. So this was better, yes she was heartbroken but Jane was alive, she was safe and eventually she would move on and maybe they could be friends again.
Maura closed her eyes and remembered the day that Jane shot herself. How Bobby grabbed Jane and pulled her away from Maura and out of the morgue. She remembered a bang going off and smoke filling the morgue as SWAT came in, she put her hands in the air saying 'Don't shoot' as SWAT cleared the area and moved out. Maura ran for the stairs. She could hear Jane screaming outside, "Shoot him! Just shoot him!" Maura heard Korsak yelling out to Bobby but then she heard Jane yell no and as she got to the door of the department she opened it to see Jane with Bobby. Jane was hunched over, she yelled Jane's name but then the gun went off and Jane and Bobby fell to the sidewalk.
Maura rushed down the stairs and over to Jane. Korsak holstered his gun and ran over as well. Frost and Cavanaugh stood with half the police force behind them, all completely stunned.
"Oh god Jane what did you do?" Maura yelled at Jane as she covered the wound with her bare hands. Jane was losing so much blood, "Call an ambulance!" She yelled at Korsak.
The blood oozed through Maura's fingers, "Please Jane." Maura begged. She franticly shifted her hands on Jane's wounds, "Please Jane, don't die."
Maura opened her eyes; she sniffled and wiped away a tear. That was the worst moment in Maura's life. She had to watch Jane bleeding out on the sidewalk by a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Sometimes she could still feel Jane's warm blood on her hands.