The Abysmal Adoption
One night in Quahog, Glenn Quagmire was making love to an attractive young judge in exchange for having all of his prior sexual harassment convictions dropped.
"So, Glenn, what do you do for a living?" asked the judge while Quagmire had fun experimenting with her gavel.
"Hey Your Honor, I got a question too," said Quagmire. "Why the hell are you still here?"
"Because I have one more case for us to deal with," said the judge. "It appears your long-lost half-brother Gary Quagmire and his wife died in a fire some years ago and their children have been forced to toil in a barbaric boarding school until a suitable guardian has been found. Mr. Quagmire, you are now responsible for the care of triplets."
"Oh no!" yelled Quagmire. "I never asked for a threesome!"
"If you have any issues, feel free to contact me." The judge gave Quagmire a business card reading "Justice Strauss" before she quickly put her robes back on and walked out the door to catch the next bus out of Quahog.