Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D. nor the characters.
Chapter: Oneshot.
Rating: T/M (there's one sexual reference that's kind of M-ish)
Author's Note: I haven't a clue where this came from. Like, I was working on another fic when the dialogue started coming at me. It was weird. But, I like it, so...
"Pick a card."
Cuddy jumped slightly at his voice, unaware that House had entered her office. She turned away from her desk and straightened up. House stopped in front of her, cane in one hand and a deck of cards fanned out in his other.
Eyebrows drawn, Cuddy looked from the cards to his face. "What?"
"Pick one," House instructed and held the cards out to her.
"Why?" Cuddy eyed him cautiously.
"Magic trick," House told her. "Come on."
Cuddy reached out and pulled a card from the ones in his hand. She looked at it. Two of hearts.
"Don't show me," House quickly warned.
A small smile forming, Cuddy clutched the card to her chest. House extended the cards out again.
"Put it in," he said.
Cuddy shoved the card in amongst the others. House set his cane against her desk and shuffled the deck of cards three times. Cuddy watched his skillful hands do it with speed and ease.
"Now," he brought his eyes back to her, "I'm going to tap the deck three times and your card will be on top."
House gave three quick flicks on the top of the deck. He held it out for her.
"Take the top card."
Cuddy eyed him up carefully again and took the card from the top of the pile. She looked at it and frowned. Ace of hearts. She held it up for him.
"This isn't my card."
"I know." House smirked. "Two hearts become one."
Cuddy gave him a pitied smile. "That's not very-" She paused suddenly, eyebrows drawing together. "Wait, how did you know I had the two of hearts?"
House fanned out the cards to her, revealing they were all the two of hearts. Cuddy laughed and shook her head. Her laugh quickly dispersed, but her smile remained.
"That was a good one." She returned the ace of hearts to him. "Where did you get fifty one two of hearts cards?"
"There's only about forty eight here." House placed the deck back in his pocket. "Gonna hop in the sack with me now?"
Cuddy placed a hand on his arm and looked him in the eye in order to make sure he understood her answer. "No."
House frowned. "Worked on every other woman so far. Guess you really aren't a woman, then."
"Yes, your card trick proves it." Cuddy's smile returned as she moved around House and to the other side of her desk. She sat down. "Inspired by that magician you had as a patient?"
"Hey, I taught him everything he knew," House replied.
"Yeah, I'm sure." Cuddy gave a roll of her eyes.
"Fine." House raised his chin. "Don't appreciate my talent. I'll find someone who does."
"Okay," Cuddy said, giving him a smile.
House glared slightly, making Cuddy's smile grow that much more. House turned from her and headed out of her office, pulling the deck of cards from his pocket on the way.
"That wasn't too bad, House." Cameron commented on House's card trick as she made her way towards the emergency room. "Well, until you added in that line anyway."
"What's wrong with sex, Cameron?" House asked her.
"You try that on every woman at the hospital?" Cameron ignored his question.
"Only the easy ones," House replied, stopping outside of the emergency room doors. "So, what do you say?"
Cameron stopped and faced House. "I'm dating Chase."
"Should I do the card trick on him too?" House leaned in towards her.
Cameron gave him a look and then disappeared into the emergency room. House straightened, frowning, and headed off, the deck of cards still in his hand.
"Pick a card."
House extended his hand of cards toward Thirteen. She finished taking off her coat and set it on the chair at the table in the conference room. She was glad Tuab and Kutner were still at lunch.
"Seriously?" Thirteen brought her eyes to House.
House rolled his eyes. "Like you have anything better to do."
Thirteen frowned in agitation, but pulled a card from the pile he held out to her. She looked at the card and then to House.
"Don't tell me what it is," House said.
"What's the point of this?" Thirteen asked, dropping her shoulders and giving House an annoyed stare. "I can see a card sticking out of your pocket. I assume it has something to do with the trick."
House eyed her carefully. "Are you trying to distract-"
Thirteen reached out and retrieved a card from his pocket. She held the face of the card up to his line of vision. House's eyebrows drew together as he plucked the card from her fingers and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Thirteen called after House as she watched him leave the room, a two of hearts card still in her hand.
"I didn't know you were so experienced in trickery," House said as he entered Cuddy's office and hurriedly crossed the room.
Cuddy looked up from her desk. "What are you talking about?"
"This." House stopped in front of her desk and showed her the card Thirteen had pulled from his pocket.
Cuddy glanced at the card and then looked to House. "And?"
"That." House pointed to the words written on the card. "Right there."
Leaning across her desk, Cuddy looked at the scrawled writing. "What does it- oh." She brought her eyes back up to House. "You know, writing that yourself isn't-"
"I didn't write it!" House exclaimed and drew the card back. "You slipped it into my pocket." House suddenly paused, his mind switching gears. "Unless..."
"There ya go." Cuddy gave a roll of her eyes and returned to her work.
"I'll be back," House gave her fair warning and retreated from her office.
"Should I show this to the BF?"
House held up the card with the writing on it for Cameron to see as he made his way toward her in the emergency room. Cameron didn't look to him as she attempted to stop the bleeding from a squirming child's right arm.
"What?" Cameron applied more pressure to the child's wound. "House, I'm busy."
"Thanks for the little love note," House continued on. "However, I think-"
"Can you help me out here?" Cameron cut him off and turned to him.
House looked down at the crying child and then back at Cameron. "I don't like blood."
"Can I get a little help over here?" Cameron called out and a nurse came hurrying over to assist. "Thanks."
"I don't have all day," House said, frustrated that Cameron was ignoring him.
"Can this wait?" She called over her shoulder at him.
"No," House answered, sighing loudly. "You wrote this."
"Wrote what?" Cameron grabbed more gauze pads.
"This." House held the card in her face.
"No, I didn't." Cameron tilted her head so she could see her hands. "Cute trick, but I didn't like it that much. Besides, I don't make my a's like that."
House looked back at the writing on the card and frowned. He did know who made their a's like that. "Damn it."
"You're terrible," House accused as he made his way back into Cuddy's office.
Cuddy held back her laugh. "I have tricks of my own, House."
"Any of them involve you in the missionary position?" House asked as he crossed to her desk.
"Not with you," Cuddy replied, giving him a mischievous smirk.
House chuckled, her response throwing him slightly off guard. He didn't know she was going to play. "So, I'm your ace, then? With a little heart on the side?"
Cuddy gave a shrug and nonchalantly turned back to her work. House returned the card to his pocket as he eyed her up, knowing she was putting on an act. He seated himself across from her desk.
"I didn't know you were so impressed with my magic," House commented on the message she wrote on the card.
"I'm not." Cuddy didn't look up at him.
House stared at her. "You knew I was coming with a card trick, didn't you?"
Cuddy brought her eyes to him and gave him a look, but not an answer. She rose to her feet and moved around her desk. House stood up quickly and followed after her. Cuddy stopped a few feet from her couch and turned toward House.
"Are you going to block me in?" she asked him.
"I thought you were leaving," House replied honestly.
"No." Cuddy picked up a chart from the table next to the couch.
House took another two steps toward her and now stood dangerously close to her while blocking her path. Cuddy went to move back, but her calf bumped into the table, keeping her there.
"Wilson told you about the trick." House connected the dots.
"He gave me fair warning you had a trick, but he didn't say what it was," Cuddy easily gave in. "After all, you did litter his office with all the unused cards."
House couldn't hold back his small laugh at recalling Wilson's face when he saw his office covered in playing cards. Cuddy gave House a shrug.
"I thought I'd join the game," she continued on. "Lucky guess putting that you're my ace on the ace of hearts, huh?"
"Yeah," House agreed.
Cuddy waited for House to move back in order for her to pass him, but he didn't.
"You're standing too close," Cuddy told him.
"I know," House replied.
Cuddy placed her hands up to his chest, flattening the chart against him. House stared down at her, not making a movement. She stared up at him, not being able to push him away.
It took Cuddy a few seconds to snap out of the trance. She lowered her gaze and squeezed past House, almost falling back on the coffee table in the process. House turned and watched as she crossed back over to her desk.
House dug his cane into the ground and moved toward her desk as well. "So, I'm not your ace, then?"
Cuddy stopped alongside of her desk and faced him. She let the chart drop to her desk as her eyes were on him. "Nope."
"I guess that's the death of my card trick then." House raised his eyebrows and gave a shrug.
"Oh, please, don't give up on your one passion in life because of little ol' me," Cuddy told him in a sweet voice that barely covered her sarcasm.
"I thought it was a good idea." House kept his eyes on Cuddy. "Romantic, even."
"Romantic?" Cuddy repeated and placed a hand to her hip.
"Two hearts becoming one," House said. "It was unexpected, it made sense, it was charming."
"You do know you're flattering yourself, right?" Cuddy asked him.
"You think it was a bad trick?" House took a step closer to her.
She thought it over a moment and then shook her head. "No. But, coming from you made it lose its charm."
"Wow, thanks," House replied sarcastically.
"No, I meant it as," Cuddy paused. "No... that's how I meant it."
"That's a shame." He pressed his lips together.
House took another step toward her and slipped his hand through the gap between Cuddy's bent arm and her hip. He pulled her close to him, while she quickly put her arms up against his chest, keeping him from getting too close.
"What are you doing?" Cuddy asked harshly, taking herself out of the game they were playing.
House released her quickly and stepped away. He gave a shrug. "Was trying to make you disappear. Guess I need to work on that one."
"Yeah," Cuddy replied, her eyes on him as she tried to determine his actual motive.
"Well, I'm going to go show Brenda the card trick." House hurried to the door. "Wish me luck!"
"I already warned her!" Cuddy called to him.
House ignored her and left her office, shutting the door behind him. Cuddy frowned slightly, wondering what he did. She turned around and moved behind her desk. She stopped when she felt an itching against her back.
Panicking and knowing it had to do with House, Cuddy reached her hand along the back of her skirt. Her fingers skimmed over the smoothness of one playing card. She pulled it from her skirt and brought it back around. It was an ace of hearts, declaring one simplified message with an 'I' placed over the top of the center heart and a 'U' placed below it.
Cuddy stared at the card for a moment, a mixture of shock and confusion on her face. She lifted her head and looked toward the door, searching for House, but he wasn't there. She looked back down at the card and flipped it over. There was a message written on the back.
I can play your game too, mistress of the cards.
Cuddy flipped the card back over and smiled to herself. House, on the other hand, peeked around the corner he used to hide himself. He watched as Cuddy set the ace of hearts in the top drawer of her desk, a place where she kept her favorite pens, her keys, and a few pictures of her family. House turned away from the sight and headed in the opposite direction, a smile that matched hers forming on his face.