*~*

Altus Amor
'Deep Love'

Full synopsis: Harry: 'My 7th year at Hogwarts will be a testing time for matters of the heart when I develop feelings for someone I think I've never met before; and on top of this; Snape starts acting strange.' SLASH; HPSS; SSHP; Harry/Severus; Severus/Harry; OOC; AU?

Changes: Disregard events from HBP onwards.

Warnings: SLASH; HPSS; SSHP; Harry/Severus; Severus/Harry; OOC; AU?. Please no flames regarding any of these warnings as you have been forewarned.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (unfortunately) and I am simply writing this story for fun; with no financial gain.

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CHAPTER 1

Principium

'Beginning'

It was the middle of August; there was little movement in the trees and the strong midday sun was beating down upon me; leaving a warm glow. Ron and I were both lying on our backs in the grounds of The Burrow; once again abandoning our summer school work to do absolutely nothing. I could feel my eyelids fighting to stay open as I was drifting lightly into unconsciousness.

'Pass me the water.'

Ron's voiced pierced through my peace like a hot knife through butter. If I was near enough; I'd reach over and hit him.

'You're a bloody wizard Ron; get it yourself;' I murmured.

Even though the bottle of water was resting against my leg; I was too annoyed to grab and throw it to him. I could vaguely hear Ron muttering something like 'lazy' and laughed to myself quietly.

'Accio;' Ron said; pointing his wand to the bottle of water. It flew into his hand and he took a much needed sip. Then another; and another. If he didn't leave any for me; I swear; I was going to-

'What's that?' Ron suddenly asked loudly.

'Huh?' I replied.

'That.'

I reluctantly turned onto my side with a sigh to see Ron pointing at the contents of my pockets that I had discarded on the grass beside me before lying down.

'My stuff;' I said.

'Yeah but this;' Ron said; picking up what probably looked to him like a blue muggle credit card.

'Oh; that's an oyster card;' I explained; but Ron's expression was completely blank; so I elaborated. 'You use it to travel on London transport; buses; tubes; trams-'

'Tubes? What the hell is that?'

I laughed at my friends complete and utter lack of muggle knowledge; Mr Weasley would be appalled. 'Well its trains; but they're underground in London.' Ron didn't look at all impressed and shook his head.

'What's the point of that when you have your apparating license?'

I started laughing again; but soon stopped when I noticed a familiar figure at the corner of his eye. I closed his eyes and opened them again; thinking that I must have imagined it. But no; it was definitely him. My mood changed in an instance.

'Ron; what is Snape doing at your house?'

Ron's head whipped around in the direction I was looking; just in time to see Snape entering The Burrow.

'I don't know;' he told me. 'But let's go and find out.'

Ron and I walked into the house and through to the living room where we could hear voices. Sure enough Snape was talking to Mrs Weasley in his usual low drawl. Ron cleared his throat to announce our presence. Snape turned to look at us.

'Mr Weasley… Mr Potter;' Snape said dryly; narrowing his eyes as I looked suspiciously at him.

'What are you doing here?' Ron asked; feeling braver in his own home than in a Hogwarts classroom.

'Ronald; manners!' Molly shrieked in embarrassment; her cheeks turning bright pink. 'I'm so sorry Professor.'

'Not to worry Mrs Weasley;' Snape replied to her; but I saw a hint of a smirk playing at his lips; he was probably privately admiring Ron's sheer cheek; after all it was a valid question.

'Professor Snape is here to see Arthur;' Molly told us impatiently. 'So I suggest you two go and make yourselves busy elsewhere; it doesn't concern you.'

'But-'

'Ron; go.'

Ron sighed and turned to me. 'Come on; let's go.'

My eyes met Snape's for a brief moment before I turned to follow Ron out of the room. Hatred still boiled up inside of me every time I saw him. I was still partly blaming Snape taunting Sirius at Grimmauld Place as a contributing factor to his death. I doubted I would ever forgive him and I didn't care how many times Dumbledore or anyone else reiterated that Snape was to be trusted; I didn't trust him one bit; and I never would.

*~*

Later that same evening; after a delicious meal cooked by Mrs Weasley; I excused myself and went up to Ron's room and took my laptop out of my Hogwarts trunk that was being stored there. As soon as it loaded; I logged straight into my e-mails; with my heartbeat quickening when I saw that I had received a new e-mail from him at last.

G.T;

First and foremost my apologies for not responding to you sooner; I've been tied up with various commitments the past few days and I wouldn't wish for you to be under the impression I purposely hadn't responded.

Moving on; I hope my e-mail finds you well and that you're making the most of the summer?

I do understand what you're going through. When the realisation dawned on me that I was gay; I felt scared and alone. I eventually confided in my best friend and she was wonderfully kind to me. She encouraged me to accept who I was and feel comfortable in my own skin.

But in all honesty I'm not would you describe as an out and proud gay man; but it's not because I'm ashamed of who I am. I'm a naturally private and closeted person; I've never let many people get too close.

You explained to me in your e-mail that you have two best friends; I recommend you have a good long think about telling them you are gay. I know it's daunting; but if they are as good friends as you describe they'll be asking why you didn't tell them sooner rather than disowning you.

Your friend;

Renas

I read the e-mail three times before turning the laptop off and returning it to the trunk. I looked out of the window at the descending sun on the horizon; the sky was beautiful and I couldn't help but smile. Renas was right; I needed to tell Ron and Hermione; I constantly felt slightly on edge around them knowing I was keeping this secret to myself. But I decided that I was going to enjoy the summer first and tell them both together at Hogwarts; where we would all be spending our seventh and final year of studying. The past six years had gone so quickly; I couldn't even entertain the idea that it would soon no longer be my home.

*~*

Two weeks later the three of us walked into the Great Hall at Hogwarts along with all the other students; after a lengthy journey upon the Hogwarts Express. I instantly felt at home and couldn't help smiling like a Cheshire cat. It felt good to be back. As per tradition; the first years were brought in front of the sorting hat to be sorted into their houses. I clapped along as McGonagall worked her way through the list; although clapping somewhat louder every time Gryffindor was called out. After the last person; Daisy Walker; sat down at the Ravenclaw table; Dumbledore stood up and the Great Hall fell silent.

'Welcome to another year at Hogwarts;' Dumbledore said. 'For some of you your first... and others your last. But let's not waste anymore time for the moment; tuck in.'

The tables filled with every type of food you could imagine. There were gasps all around from the first years and I laughed; thinking fondly of when I was sat here for the first time six years ago. A lot had happened in those six years.

'You're not thinking about SPEW are you Mione?' Ron asked; as he helped himself to some chicken legs and potatoes. Hermione was staring around at the food with a frown.

'No; I'm wondering what to eat; that's all. I'm on a diet.'

Ron started to laugh so I busied myself with drinking some pumpkin juice; not wanting to get involved in this.

'A diet?' Ron exclaimed. 'But there's nothing of you. If anything you need to put weight on.'

Hermione scowled at Ron and then turned to start speaking to Ginny who was sitting beside her.

'Well done mate;' I whispered.

After dinner all the students retired to their common rooms. As soon as I got to my trunk; which had been placed at the bottom of my four poster bed; I pulled out a quill; ink and some parchment; scribbling down the note I'd promised to send to say my arrival at Hogwarts was a safe one. I put the note in an envelope and went to send it straightaway.

I climbed the stairs to the Owlery and then looked around for Hedwig. I walked over to her and for a few seconds just stroked her absently whilst staring out at the dark sky above; the moon just visible through the thick clouds. Thoughts of him came rushing through my mind all of a sudden.

'I still miss him Hedwig;' I said softly. 'It's been over a year and... nobody even mentions his name anymore. It's like he never existed; just a... a figment of my imagination.'

Tears leaked from my eyes and; feeling embarrassed even though I was alone; I wiped them with the back of my hand before pulling the envelope out from my coat pocket.

'Anyway; take this to Remus.'

Hedwig took the letter and flew off into the night. I watched until she was a faint dot on the horizon. I had only seen Remus once over the school holidays; briefly; when he and Tonks were at The Burrow for a meeting with Mr and Mrs Weasley one evening. Remus had invited ne to his home on numerous occasions but I had politely declined each time. The truth was I was reluctant to grow attached to Remus like I had Sirius. I didn't want to get my hopes up that I'd have a father figure in Remus and someone to whom I could always turn to; only to have him cruelly snatched away. After all; Remus was an active member of The Order and frequently put himself in danger by entering werewolf circles.

I strongly suspected that Remus was hurt by my snubs and probably felt I didn't see him as much more than someone I write to out of boredom and loyalty; and that I could never love him the way I love... loved Sirius. I wasn't prepared to lose two of my fathers best friends; and anyway; I still had Dumbledore; Hagrid and Mr Weasley.

'Harry?'

I jumped at the sound of my name and spun around to see Dumbledore looking at me with a twinkle in his eye.

'I didn't mean to startle you.'

'It's ok Sir; I was miles away. I should get back to Gryff-'

'No need;' Dumbledore jumped in as I made to move. 'I was looking for you.'

'How did you know I was...' I stopped speaking when I saw Dumbledore smile mischievously. My mind wandered to the Marauders Map; which at this moment was locked safely in my trunk. If my father; Sirius and Remus were capable of that; it intrigued me greatly what secret possessions and inventions Dumbledore had up his sleeve.

'Harry; I wanted to keep you informed on the ongoing plans against Voldermort.'

'Oh right... has something happened Sir?'

'No; and that's precisely what I came to tell you. I was made aware at the beginning of the school holidays that Voldermort had taken up residence in the capital of Egypt; Cairo; and by all accounts he is still there and lying low.'

'Do you think he's planning something big?'

'Perhaps. Although our Spy Network hasn't shown any evidence of the sort. But he may be keeping his cards close to his chest; confiding in those only closest to him. But we will continue to watch him and be on our guard. I shall of course still be searching for the remaining horcruxes and will call upon you when needed or when I have further information.'

'Thanks Sir... for trusting me with all this information.'

'Not at all Harry; it's your right to know. But for now I'd like you to just enjoy your last year at this school. Goodnight.'

'Night Sir.'

By the time I returned to Gryffindor Tower most people had already gone to bed. Ron was looking half asleep; sat on one of the armchairs by the crackling fire.

'Ron?'

'Hmmph; oh Harry there you are. What took so long?'

'I ran into Dumbledore;' I told my friend; sitting down on the arm of another chair.

'Has something happened?' Ron asked in alarm and I shook my head.

'I'll tell you and Hermione what he said over breakfast tomorrow; but honestly there's nothing really to tell.'

'Well that's good isn't it?'

'I guess;' I half heartedly agreed; but it didn't stop the uneasy feeling in my stomach.

*~*

'Ron... Hermione; I'm... I'm gay.'

I sighed and moved away from the mirror. As if I could just blurt it out like that! Renas had told me to trust. Did I trust Ron and Hermione? Of course; but it didn't stop me being racked with nerves at the mere thought of confiding something so personal with them. What if they were disgusted? What if they did disown my lifestyle? I mean; it wasn't as though I'd chosen to be gay; I just was. It was a part of me.

It was the end of our first full day of lessons and I was fast running out of reasons (or excuses?) to put the inevitable off. I sat down on my bed and tried to think logically. I was getting into a state; everything was going to be fine. I gave myself five more minutes before going down into the common room to find Ron and Hermione. They were sat at a table playing chess.

'Guys; can I talk to you?'

'Sure; what about?' Ron asked without taking his eye off the chess board.

'Well it's kind of... personal. Can we go out into the corridor?'

'Harry are you alright?' Hermione asked in a motherly tone.

'Yeah; there's just something I need to tell you both; in private.'

Ron and Hermione stood up and followed me through the portrait hole and out to the seventh floor corridor. I swallowed nervously; here goes nothing.

'Well; ok... the thing is... I...'

'Is this about You-Know-Who?' Ron asked in a panic and Hermione suddenly looked concerned.

'No it's not... it's something about me. I should have told you both ages ago but I've been so scared of how you'd take it... I don't want to lose you as friends.'

'Harry; what is it?' Hermione demanded.

'Yeah just spit it out mate;' Ron added. 'Are you sick... is it contagious?'

I couldn't help a small laugh as Ron took a step backwards away from me. I shook my head and then breathed deeply before speaking again.

'Ok... I'm... gay.'

Hermione laughed in relief and Ron was looking at me as if to say 'you pulled me away from chess just for that?' I wanted to hug them both; but didn't want to give Ron the wrong idea.

'So neither of you care then?'

'Of course we don't;' Hermione said. 'Harry; you're our friend and we love you; no matter what.'

'Yeah;' Ron agreed. 'And if you choose to... you know; with guys... so what. To be honest we had an inkling.'

'And you never said anything?' I spluttered; completely agog.

'We didn't want to offend you;' Hermione said. 'So; have you been seeing anyone?'

'No,' I replied shyly; feeling my cheeks turning red. 'I saw this muggle guy for a couple of weeks at the beginning of the school holidays but apart from that... oh I have been talking to a guy on a gay wizard website; but we're just friends.'

'Isn't that dangerous?' Ron asked and Hermione was nodding along with him. 'I mean; he could be anyone.'

'I'm not using my real name or anything;' I replied defensively.

'What name are you using?' Hermione frowned.

'Well its just initials really. G and T.'

'What's G and-' Ron started to say but I interrupted; talking quickly; feeling embarrassed about discussing certain subjects so openly with my best friends.

'It stands for Gryffindor Tower; I was sitting in the common room trying to think of a name and that's what came to me. Anyway; I enjoy talking to him; he's really helped me come to terms with things. So can we leave it now?'

'Well just be careful;' Hermione said and then the three of us went back into Gryffindor Tower; whilst I wondered why on earth I'd been so reluctant to tell them I was gay. I had the best friends in the World.

*~*

The first few days at Hogwarts went really slowly and already I was feeling as though I'd never left. The amount of homework seemed like double from the year before and all the lectures from the Professors about how seriously we should be taking our studies was getting tiresome; although Hermione of course; had been hanging on their every word.

Friday morning brought with it Double Defence Against The Dark Arts with Snape before lunchtime. We'd already had one lesson with Snape on Tuesday and I wasn't at all surprised that he was his usual bullying self; praising the Slytherins and criticising everyone else. It was so annoying I had to take this class to become an Auror.

As everyone began to pack their bags at the end of the two hour lesson; Snape's voice bellowed over us all with 'Potter; stay behind.' I groaned sat back down; sighing. Ron and Hermione took their tine and were the last to leave; with Ron giving me an encouraging thumbs up at the door.

'Potter!'

I looked away from the door and back at Snape. I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything wrong and didn't intend on talking myself into a detention; so decided to keep things as formal as possible.

'Yes Sir?'

'I believe congratulations are in order for your werewolf friend Mr Potter?'

'I don't know what you mean... Sir;' I replied honestly; feeling the frown on my forehead. What was he going on about?

'You mean to tell me your father's dear friend has failed to include you in the news of the... impending arrival?' Snape was smirking now; thoroughly enjoying this moment; but I refused to rise to it.

'Can I go now Sir?'

'You may; I daresay you'll be eager to get to the Owlery.'

I chose to ignore his comment and left the classroom. By the time I joined Ron and Hermione in the Great Hall for lunch; I was seething. I wished; just once; that I could wipe that smug look off Snape's face with a punch.

'I hate Snape;' I said angrily; grabbing a piece of bread to eat.

'What did he want?' Ron asked.

'Said something about congratulating Remus on an impending arrival. He looked ecstatic that I had no idea what he was talking about.'

'I bet Tonks is having a baby;' Hermione squealed happily. 'Oh that's such good news.'

'Yeah it is;' I said quietly. But of course; why hadn't I worked that out at the time? I could have called Snape's bluff. Then a very unsettling thought occurred to me. 'But... why does Snape know before me? And how did he know I hadn't been told?'

'Maybe they only just found out;' Ron suggested.

'I don't think it's that;' I replied. 'I think someone's told Snape that Remus and I aren't exactly on the best of terms.'

'There's only one way to find out;' Hermione said. 'Send Remus a letter.'

*~*

As soon as the last lesson of the day ended; I rushed from the classroom; out of the castle; and made my way towards Hagrid's Hut. Maybe he knew what was going on? When I reached Hagrid's I started smiling to myself as I heard Hagrid talking to Fang. I walked up to the door.

'Hey;' I said; standing in the open doorway.

'Harry! Come in.'

I went inside and sat down whilst Hagrid boiled the kettle. Fang wandered over to me and put his head in my lap so I started scratching him behind the ears.

'Ow was yer first week back?' Hagrid asked.

'Long;' I told him. 'Hagrid; um; did you know Remus and Tonks were expecting a child?'

'Are they?' Hagrid said in surprise; turning away from the kettle. 'Well that's great news that is. It's about time Lupin had some luck.'

'The thing is; I only just found out from a snide comment Snape made in class.'

'And yer think it's unfair he knows first?' Hagrid asked with a knowing smile. I shrugged and looked away from Hagrid. 'Snape is involved with the Order and sees Dumbledore every day. That will be where the information came from Harry. Dumbledore probably thought Remus wanted to tell yer himself.'

'Yeah I guess;' I replied with a small smile; feeling a little better as what Hagrid said sounded entirely plausible. I'd probably been jumping to conclusions; of course Snape was going to find out things quickly with being so close to Dumbledore. But it still bothered me that he knew first; perhaps Remus didn't care about me anymore? I was going to write to Remus as soon as I went back to the castle and was also itching to e-mail Renas; as I hadn't had a chance since coming back to Hogwarts and for a reason I couldn't quite understand; I was actually missing him.

'Hoping to be the little one's Godfather are yer?' Hagrid asked; pulling me away from my thoughts.

'Oh; I hadn't really thought. But I don't think they'll ask me;' I admitted truthfully; and a little bit sadly.

I jumped suddenly when one of Hagrid's china cups crashed on the floor; but smiled fondly when Hagrid quietly mumbled 'Reparo' and pointed a pink umbrella at the broken pieces of china which fused back together; good as new.

*~*