My Journal To Freddie

by heytheree43

Sam makes a journal for freddie. I'm not good at summaries. Seddie :D

Hey There… So I'm bored right now, and ehh, I just feel like writing something. So yeah, I hope you enjoy :D

Five Years Old

We met for the first time. You had a sweater vest on with cargo pants, your hair perfectly fluffed. You said "Hi, I'm Freddie" and put your hand out to shake mine. I smacked your hand away and pushed you into the sand box, and said "I don't make nice with nubs." You cried, while I laughed. You stood up and tried to push me back. I stopped you, and said, "nobody can defeat Mama, but you're alright for trying." Then, we forgot about the whole situation, and played in the sand box like happy children.

Eight Years Old

I saw a brunette girl eating a tuna sandwich. I wanted that sandwich, so I walked over to her. I introduced myself, and found out her name was Carly. I asked for her sandwich, and she said no. I pushed her. She pushed me right back. "You're alright," I said. We talked for a while, and I soon realized that she were pretty cool. I went to introduce her to you, since you could always use a friend. You already knew her. You lived across from her apartment, and met the day before school started. You looked at her like she was the prettiest girl in the world. I got mad, so I kicked you in the knee. You were confused, but just ignored it, thinking I was just being myself.

Thirteen Years Old

I almost got expelled, but Carly saved me. Unfortunately, we had to watch talent show auditions. You, the nub, were going to be there. We hadn't talked in a while. The last conversation we had was a fight, even though all of our conversations were fights. You walked in and said "I didn't know THAT was gonna be here!" That got me mad. I may be aggressive, but I'm not a THAT. "She, I'm a SHE Freddie, as in girl!" I said, and you responded with "barely." I'm not one to show how that made me feel, but lets just say I wasn't very happy with you after that. After this was the first time I opened my mouth and said it. "Carly will NEVER love you." It felt nice to say that. I don't exactly know why, but it did. Then we decided to make a web show, after you messed the auditions video up, but it all seemed to work out. I never thanked you for that, by the way. Thanks. Of course you wanted to name it iCarly. It kind of got me annoyed, but I agreed, since the whole concept of a web show seemed like fun.

Fourteen Years Old

I went too far. I told the world you had never kissed anyone. It's ironic, because I didn't either, but I loved to see you suffer. I could have ruined your life, but Carly made me feel bad about it. I told the whole world I had never kissed anyone either. I went to talk to you, and apologized to you for the first time in my life. And somehow, we ended up kissing. It wasn't meant to be romantic or anything, but I couldn't help feeling a knot in my stomach the moment our lips met. I ignored it.

Fifteen Years old

Carly found out that we kissed. I told her. God knows what else I said while on that wacky gas! I couldn't believe that I would be the one to tell her. Note to self, don't ask Carly to take me to the dentist. Secrets may be revealed. Anyways, when she found out she got pretty mad. She wanted us to be honest with her. She started to ask us questions, and when she asked us if we liked the kiss, Spencer came in. Some questions just should not be answered. Thanks to Spencer. I would never admit it, but I secretly did like it.

Fifteen Years Old (a few weeks later)

I saw you dancing in the groovy smoothie with Carly. This was when I realized I had a crush on you. I felt jealous, and even though Carly is my best friend, I wanted to punch her face in. But I decided to be a good person, and I walked away. I cried on my way home. Not a Sam thing to do, at all. In fact, I was so not myself that I rejected meat when my mom asked me if I wanted any. But things soon went back to normal.

Fifteen Years Old (A few months later)

A taco truck hit you. Sounds ridiculous. The truth of it all? I was terrified. I didn't show it to keep my façade of a tough girl. On the inside, I was screaming. I thanked God that you were ok, as I chowed down on a taco. A truck didn't just hit you, you also saved her. She was head over heels for you, and you were enjoying it, of course. But who wouldn't be temporarily in love with the person who saved that person's life? I can tell you. Nobody. When Carly told me that she kissed you, I wasn't agitated at all. I knew she really wasn't in love with you, like I really wasn't in love with Noseby Moseby after he gave me all the bacon! **drools** I love bacon. Anyway, I was one hundred and three percent sure that it wouldn't last. I reassured you just to make sure I was right. I was right. Mama's always right.

Sixteen Years Old

It was one of the first times I ever heard it. "Seddie," a name that rang through my brain. A bunch of crazed fans screamed it, along with Creddie. I had never thought of us together at all until Webicon. Yeah sure, I had a crush on you, but I never thought that people actually thought it would make any sense at all. My little "crush" had started to become stronger. This crush was turning into love. I knew it when I wanted to throw out every "creddie" fan in the room. But, since I am Sam, I needed to start drama within the fans and say you were both in love, just to see what it would feel like to hear that out loud. "Carly and Freddie are madly in love" sounds weird. I'll stick with Seddie in my mind.

Sixteen Years Old (Almost seventeen)

I kissed you. I don't know why, but I did. I was peeved off about the fact that EVERYONE thought I was in love with Brad. Sure, Brad's a cool kid, but no I was NOT in love with him. All I wanted to do was scream out, "FOR THE LOVE OF CHIZ I LOVE FREDDIE", but I would kill myself before scream that. When I kissed you, I was confused. I thought there was something mentally wrong with me. I walked out of that lock in before anything worse happened.

Seventeen Years Old (a few days later)

I checked myself into a mental hospital. I had regretted falling in love with you, and I wanted answers on why I was, because clearly, it had to be some psychological problem. You came to talk to me about the kiss. I told you things, and we had decided to go out on a date, to see what would happen and if this would even work and not be awkward. Of course, we needed to take Carly since we would have gotten into a fight without her. The date turned out well, even if Carly felt like the third wheel. We were now officially "Seddie".

Seventeen Years Old (months later)

We broke up. Well, I broke up with you. Why? Because I thought you still had feelings for Carly. This break up basically broke me into tiny bite sized pieces. I know you swore that it was Carly coming on to you, but I honestly didn't think my best friend would do something like that to me, and what happened was real. Nobody accidentally makes out with a past crush. And even if it was Carly coming on to you, YOU let her! Either way, I didn't believe you, and I told you to get the chiz out of my life. And this was one of the first times I cried in front of you (not counting the time me and Carly almost died). I couldn't take it. I couldn't take the fact that you still potentially loved Carly when WE were dating. It was too much.

Seventeen Years old (a few weeks later)

Carly had confessed that it was all her, and not you at all. I felt like a complete idiot, not only because I found out my best friend had betrayed me like that, but also because I flipped out on you. Carly had told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend and needed some comfort, and you were the only one there for her. She also told me you tried to escape her, but she was too hurt to let you go. Then I saw you. I'm sorry I assumed things. Carly had apologized a thousand times, and yes I was pissed, but I didn't want to lose her friendship. Then I had to find you. I knocked on your door, and you opened it, with a shocked look on your face, since I was actually attempting to see you for the first time in weeks. Then I grabbed you and kissed you with the most passion that I have ever kissed you with, and when I pulled away for a breath, you told me you loved me.

Eighteen Years Old

We went to our senior prom together. Carly went with Gibby. Who knew that would work out? When you knocked on Carly's door to pick me up (since I was always at her house), I told you that you were the most handsome geek I had ever seen. You responded with "Oh yeah? Well you are the most beautiful demon that has ever existed." I wasn't sure if I should have been flattered or insulted, but since you used the word beautiful, I decided to take it as a compliment. We had a blast, and when the song Running Away came on, we slow danced. You held me in your arms and I put my head on your chest. I told you to never let go. You promised you wouldn't.

Eighteen Years old (a few months later)

We finally graduated the prison called High School. You were accepted to NYU for film in New York, but I obviously was not accepted to that college. The one college I was accepted to was Seattle Community college, for the culinary arts. You decided to go closer, so you went to UCLA for film. We still weren't very close, but it was a lot closer than New York. I knew you wanted to go to NYU, so I told you to forget about me and live your dream. You told me that you were already living it by being with me. I kissed you, and you blushed like an adorable nub.

Twenty Three Years Old

I graduated from Culinary School, and I was about to become a chef in an AMAZING restaurant in LA, and you graduated from film school and were going to become a filmographer for movies and…such. I had flown to LA, and you were waiting at the end of the airport terminal for me. You were on one knee and held a tiny box in your hand. I knew what you were about to do at this point, and I started crying. I walked up to you, and you opened up the box and said "Will you marry me?" like most people would say. I said yes, obviously, but I smacked you afterwards. You asked me why, and I said "because I actually took the time to do my makeup today, and now it's all smudged because I'm crying." But I honestly didn't give a flying chiz about my make up, so I jumped on you and kissed you.

Twenty Four Years Old

It was our wedding day. Carly was my maid of honor, and Spencer was your best man. Gibby got mad, but who cares? It was our day. I was flipping out all day. Carly assured me that I would be ok, and that I wouldn't pass out at the alter. Believe it or not, I was nervous. I heard the wedding music starting to play, and that was my cue that the show had begun. Since my dad left when we were young, Spencer walked me down the isle, even though he was your best man. When you saw me, you had the largest grin on your face, and I thought to myself "wow, I'm about to marry this adorable and cute nub of a boy." And I smiled to myself. We said our vows like mature adults (for once), we exchanged rings, and we finally had the official "just married" kiss. Our reception was amazing, and our wedding song was (obviously) Running Away. It was the most amazing day ever.

Twenty Four Years old (a few days later)

We went on our honeymoon in Hawaii. I always wanted to go there, but could never afford it. You decided to take the both of us there. I had the time of my life there. You and I both chose to be abstinent until marriage, so our "first time" was absolutely amazing. I'm not going to go into details, since you know the details ;D (rawr) I never wanted to leave Hawaii. It was so beautiful and warm and romantic. But eventually, all vacations come to an end. A few weeks after our honeymoon, I found out that I was pregnant. You were so excited. I was too.

Twenty Four Years old (5 months later)

We had moved from a small apartment to a cute home so that we can give more space to our family. We decorated the house like a cute country home. We found out that we were having twin girls. We didn't paint the babies' room pink, like many people would for baby girls. We decided to paint a mural on one of the walls, of a beautiful tree in a park, and the rest of the walls were a light purple. Our room had a mural in it also. It was a mural that looked like it overlooked a city, kind of like the view from the balcony of your apartment in Seattle. That balcony will always have sentimental value to me. The rest of the walls were a darker purple. I think purple was our color.

Twenty Five Years old

Today, besides my wedding day, was the start of a new beginning. I gave birth to our beautiful identical twin girls, Spencer and Carlie, obviously after Carly and Spencer. It was a very hard process, and I probably gave you a black eye throughout the time I was in labor. They looked a lot like you. Brown hair and those almond shaped eyes and half smiles, except their eyes were blue, like mine. They were born early, since there was more than one of them, so they had to stay in the hospital. You never left their side, or my side. Every day, you would get up and say "Time to go see the babies." And to the hospital we went. After about a month in the hospital, we finally got to bring our babies home. It was a very exciting day.

Twenty Six Years Old

The girls were now a year old, and we already knew who inherited what traits. Spencer was the hungry one, always wanting to eat. Spencer made the most noise, and screamed the loudest. She also slept the most. Spencer had never learned to crawl, which kind of worried us, but one day she just stood up and started walking. She was the mind blower, Her first words were "Mommy", "Daddy", "Nub" and "Ham". She was definitely all Mama. Carlie was more like you. She was quieter overall, but seemed to cry more often when her sister would take something from her, like you would. When you would film the girls, she would get mesmorized by your filming. When she started to move around, she would take your camera and film things, and once dropped the camera in the toilet. You were mad, and I was mad since that meant we had to buy another one that you would become even more obsessed with. Carlie learned to crawl and walk earlier, and talked first, which basically told us that she was going to be smart. She was the daddy's girl. They were precious.

Twenty Nine Years Old

The twins were now four years old and I was pregnant again. We couldn't wait for this child. I hoped it would be a boy, and I think you did too. When we went for the ultrasound, we found out that it would be a boy. I was excited, since we already had two girls. As for you, you were crying and smiling with joy when you found out the gender. And we soon started to paint another room for our baby boy. You insisted on a galaxy wars mural, but I disagreed. I wanted it to be a meatball. We argued for 45 minutes on what we should paint the mural of, but then we finally decided that we should just paint the walls green for now, and wait to see what the baby would want when he got a little older. You hugged me and said "you ready to do it all over again?" and I responded with "As long as you can handle my insanity again." You told me that every day since the day we met was amazingly insane. I hugged you and said "please don't ever let go." And you said "don't you remember that I promised you that already?"

Twenty Nine Years Old (A few months later)

Well, we did it again. We gave birth to our beautiful baby boy. This time, I only punched you in the stomach. No black eye. We named him Ryan. Why? No specific reason. I liked the name. You did too, so that is what we picked. He looked EXACTLY like you. Almost like a clone. He had your eyes, hair, and even your SMILE! (which frankly I was okay with, since your smile is pretty cute). Spencer was mad when we brought him home. She told us that "We had enough people in the house." I probably would have said the same thing when I was four. Carlie loved the new baby. She was always so sweet to him, and always wanted to help us out. Our twins were clearly opposites, kind of like Me and Mel (Oh yeah, you still haven't figured out that she exists).

Thirty Three Years Old

The twins now eight and Ryan now Four, our life was now very…"exciting." Ryan doesn't only look like you, he acted exactly like you too. He would carry his toy camera all around the house and "filmed" everything he saw. He was very smart, and loved to watch Galaxy Wars with you. As much as I HATED it, we painted a Galaxy Wars mural on the wall, which you were content with. After it was painted, I pushed you onto the floor, jumped on top of you, slapped you in the face, then kissed you. You always called me "the strangest wife ever." I liked to live up to my nicknames. As for Carlie and Spencer, they couldn't be more opposite. Carlie was the top student in her class, Spencer…not so much. Carlie was techy, Spencer was the prankster. Carlie was the girly girl, Spencer was the tough one. Carlie always made sure she was clean and never wanted to mess up her hair. Spencer loved to jump in mud and puddles, and let her brown curls fly in a tangly mess, like I did at her age. As for us, we have always stayed the same. Our constant bickering had to be settled by our therapist every once in a while, but our fights had always ended with a slap in the face and a kiss to top it off. We loved each other, and you were always the first to admit it, like the sap of a man you were. I would always make fun of your cheesiness, but I secretly loved it.

Thirty Nine Years Old

I had pains in my stomach area for a couple of days. I didn't know why. I thought it was just cramps or gas or something like that. You were extremely worried, because you had to film part of a movie in Canada. I told you not to worry, and that the pain should subside soon. You insisted that you should stay, but I yelled at you for questioning my demand and told you to leave, and that I would be fine. So you left, and it was just me and the kids. I decided that I would try to sleep off the pain, but the pain was becoming unbearable. I had no idea what was happening. The twins were worried and I told them that I would be ok. Then, I felt a pain that was the worst of them all, and I screamed bloody murder. I told Carlie to call 911 and she did. The ambulence came minutes later, but it seemed like hours later. I was scared, even though I was Sam and I shouldn't be. I was rushed to the emergency room. They took blood tests, and found out that I was pregnant. That was the most shocking news I have ever heard. I told the doctors that it wasn't possible, since I hadn't gained any weight, had no cravings, and I even got my period regularly! They did a sonogram to make sure, and there it was. There she was. They told me I was in labor and they were unsure how far along I was. Carlie called you immediately and told you that I was going to have a baby. She would have called Carly also, but Carly was in Seattle still. I had the baby, without my husband there, so I punched a couple of nurses. The baby was born, and at first I didn't hear crying, but then she cried. I was so scared, since I hadn't taken any vitamins or anything. When I got her back, I found out that she was full term, healthy and perfect. I named her Faith, since Faith brought her to me. You came home quickly, and cried with joy when you saw our baby.

Forty Two Years Old

Faith was a beauty, mainly because she resembled me a lot. She was now three, and had blonde curly hair, with blue eyes and my smile, but she had your eye shape. She was funny, smart, loud, and HUNGRY. A mix of the both of us. The twins were now seventeen, Carlie boy crazy and Spencer in love with a guy kind of like you. She is me to the point that it scares me. We needed to get away from the house for a few days so we left Ryan and Faith with the twins. We went to Seattle to visit Spencer (the original one, not our child) and Carly. We had a great time! We brought back so many memories of iCarly and just crazy times we had together. Carly and Gibby were married and they had an adorable daughter. Spencer was married too, and he had a son. On the way back home, we stopped at a restaurant that sold nothing but MEAT! It was amazing. I bought ribs, you bought some steak. We were enjoying my meal, but then you made me laugh and I started choking. Not just coughing, seriously choking. I was completely scared, and you were screaming. You immediately got up and started to do the Heimlich on me. It took a while, but I finally got the piece of rib out. I started crying and you just held on to me. When I put myself back together I said "I love you more than ever. Please don't let go." And you responded with "I love you too Sam, and I told you many times, I won't."

Fifty Years Old

We are pretty old now, and we still have an eleven year old in the house. Spencer was getting married soon, to her fiancé named Kyle. They reminded me so much of us when we were getting married. Spencer graduated from a local college for acting, and her fiancé went to UCLA for directing. Carlie has had a nice boyfriend for the past year, and she graduated from NYU for medicine. Ryan went to the same college as Carlie, for film. As for Faith, she is one big ball of energy. She is both girly and clean, yet tough and likes to fight her own battles. She is smart, yet she loves to make fun of people for being smart also. She is one of a kind. And us, we are older now. I'm still stronger than the whole family put together, and you aren't weak yourself. But don't ever call me old. If anyone was to call me old, lets just say that they wouldn't live to be old.

Sixty Years Old

All but one of our kids are married with children. Spencer has three children, Carlie has one, and Ryan has two. I don't let our grandchildren call me "grandma". It makes me feel old. I make them call me Mama Sam. It makes me feel powerful AND younger than I already am. They call you Grandpa though, it makes you seem old and weak. Once a nub always a nub. You are MY nub though. Faith is in college, and now it is just us in the house. It's been a while since we have been just "seddie" like we were when we were teenagers. It's been entertaining since it has been just me and you. We bicker, like always. We play meat golf when we are bored, along with watch horror movies and arm wrestle. I always win. We stay up looking at old pictures of our youth, laughing at the crazy pictures we took, eventually falling asleep in each others arms like we are teenagers again. It's fun to grow older together.

Seventy Years Old

As we get older, more things happen in our lives. Both positive and negative. Positives being more grandchildren, more married children, more memories. Negative being fighting sicknesses. We found out that I have cancer. I am scared, but I believe you are scared than I am. Don't be, there is nothing to be afraid of. I am going to try to fight this horrible illness. I tell you not to cry, but you still do. Then I cry. I'm on intense chemotherapy, and you tell me that you feel helpless. But your love is what keeps me alive. You hold me, even though I have lost all of my hair, and say "I will hold you until the day you leave me. I will keep my promise to you." And these are the things that make me cry. The sappy and cheesy lines you throw at me.

Seventy Two Years Old

I am giving up. For once, I am losing. So as you have read, this is my journal to you, so you can always remember what we were. You can look into my thoughts that I've had during the good and bad. You are currently lying next to me in the hospital bed, sleeping. I am slowly fading, but I'm making sure I put in all of the memories I have of the two of us, from the very beginning. I love you, my nub. Thank you for keeping your promise. You never let go of your love, even when I acted like a raging lunatic, and when I beat you up. You helped me through the past two years, but now I am done, and I don't want to suffer anymore. Goodbye, Freddie. Please don't forget me.

Love, Sam

Freddie POV

I wake up to the sound of the heart monitor making that torturous long beep. The doctors came rushing in, telling me to get out immediately. I plead for one more minute with my wife. They agree, but tell me to make it quick. In Sam's hands was a notebook that said "To Freddie. I love you." I took the notebook, kissed her cold lips, and slowly left the room, crying. Outside of the hospital room were my children Spencer, Carlie, Ryan and Faith, with their children. Carly also waited with them.

"She's gone." I said, tears rolling down my face. After I said this, they all burst into tears. We all hugged and cried together.

"My best friend is gone." Carly said, weeping.

"Dad, what's that in your hand?" Said Faith.

"I don't know. I think your mother wrote it for me." I said, holding back the hysterics. "I'm going to read it later." And then, we all left the hospital. I walked home and opened the door. It was weird going into my home and knowing that the love of my life wasn't going to be there. I cried again, to myself. I couldn't believe it. I looked in the fridge and saw the leftover bacon Sam had made a few days ago, before she got worse. I laughed to myself while crying, thinking of Sam's obsession with bacon. I walked past every room in the house. The twins' room, Faith's room, and Ryan's room. When I walked into his room, I thought of the time you tackled me to the ground for painting a galaxy wars mural. I laughed and cried again. Then I walked into our room. The purple walls with the Seattle mural on the wall. Our unmade bed, from when we rushed to the hospital. I sat down on the bed and started reading.

I laughed and cried while reading her journal to me. We had so many memories, and she got a lot of them down. Even though my wife was a demon most of the time, the things that she did, like write this journal, made me forget about the rude things she did. Only Sam would think to write a journal like this before her death. Even though it would only be for myself, I decided to write one last entry.

Seventy Two Years Old

Sam, you passed away today. I found this journal in your hands. I'm going to miss you "Mama Sam." I will never forget the memories we had together, and I did keep my promise, not to just make you happy, because my life wouldn't be complete if I ever let you go. You were energetic, funny, gorgeous, amazingly torturous, and the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I love you Sam, and I hope you will be with me all of the time.

Love, Freddie.

So this was fun to write :D I hope you enjoyed it, it's kind of long. Anyway, review please? :D