It's been three awful years since that Christmas eve.
I gave up on him the way he did on me. I fought hard, for months, hard for his love.
But how do you fight for someone that doesn't want to be fought for?
"Love fades. Mine has."
Those words were etched in my heart, carved into my very soul. They haunted me day and night, leaving my mind, always there, always being said.
I never went back to Court. Lissa understood why, and I was grateful. I wasn't a guardian anymore, I free lanced.
I promised to never go back, back to that place with the worst memory, yet.
Now, here I am. Standing in front of my father's house, in Christmas eve.
I opened the door without knocking and walked in. I follow the laughter into the living room, where they are all sitting down, laughing. Something I haven't done in years.
"You made it!" my father's voice was full with excitement. My eyes drifted towards Dimitri. He was holding the hand of a pregnant Moroi.
My heart broke more, if possible. I averted my eyes.
"Hi dad. Just stopped by," was all I said.
"Oh will you stay for dinner?" he asked.
I shook my head, trying to keep my face neutral.
Trying to hide the pain that was shooting through every fiber of my being. My heart was being ripped apart and stepped on. It was getting hard to breathe, and I could hear my heart break.
Lissa bounced towards me to hug me, momentarily distracting me.
I hugged her back, glad to see her.
"I've missed you," she whispered in my ear.
"I did too," I said back.
I was hugged by the Belikov's, Christian, Eddie, Mia, Mikhail, Sonya, and my mother.
"Please stay," Mia and Lissa pleaded, and I couldn't resist.
A few happy tears were shed while dinner.
"Rose," Dimitri said. His voice was like salt to the wound.
"Guardian Belikov," I nodded over to him, pulling my guardian mask up.
"This is Sarah Collins," he introduced me to his wife. It was like stabbing me in the same wound all over again, but going deeper this time.
I didn't say anything to her, just gave her a smile.
Because what do you say to the woman who stole your man?
Adrian was there, a guarded look. His eyes never leaving me.
"I hope one day you can forgive me," I told him, when I was alone with him. He only walked out, leaving me as alone as I felt.
A few hours later, instead of driving I walked. I didn't know where I was going, nor did I care.
Snow was falling from the sky, hitting the pavement. It was cold, a dry coldness. The wind blew my hair and little snow flakes fell on me, immediately dissolving.
My thoughts drifted off towards Dimitri. He was happily married now, a child on the way; something I could never have given him. And god knows how much it hurt.
My heart truly did hurt, and if it were possible, it was beating slower by the minute. Did anybody know what if felt? What it felt like to be so broken? To feel so much pain in your heart and mind?
I was slowly dying... Did I care? No.
Three years ago in a night like this, I realized something.
It was always meant to end this way. And I was okay with it, as long as Dimitri was happy.
But how do I tell my lips that were pleading for his that they would never feel them again?
How do I tell my hands that yearned for his body, that they would never have him?
And how do I tell my heart, that he was never coming back?
But it was something he said when I was leaving that bugged me: "I'm glad you got over me."
"Who told you that?" I asked him, before walking out.
I had to laugh at that.
Did he remember all the crazy things we did?
And who told him I got over him?
That I sleep just fine, without any dreams of him?
Who told him that I don't think about him anymore?
Who told him that our love is just history to me?
He shouldn't believe when they say I don't love him anymore, because they lie.
I still do. He had no idea how much.
My life, my heart was empty without him.
It hurt to love him the way I did because I knew he didn't feel the same.
Was I always destined to pain?
Who told him that I didn't fight hard enough for him? That I just let our love fade?
He doesn't know how many tears I have shed, since that night.
I always go back to that night in December, and I regret it every day.
I wish he knew how desperate I was to have his love back, like a fish drowning in his own sea.
Who told him that I don't love him?
Because I will always love him, even it it kills me.
Even if he is with her.
A love like that one that I feel for him, a love so intense it burns my soul, a love that is etched in my body, could never and would never fade.
.
.
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I've had this stuck in my head since this morning... I might revise it and post it again.
Its probably just a one shot. :)
Review.