Playing Daddy
HB; when its not in soul's pov it will be Zoro's ok? Very random this. Half from an episode of Charmed and Three Men and a Baby.
"Oi, JoJo!" I called down to the dozing swordsman, who was leaning against the railing.
"What?"
"We're gonna go now. You coming?"
"Where you going?"
"Nami and me are going to go shopping, sadly. The guys are going to be back in a minute. See ya later then, 'kay?" I said, climbing down the ladder, hearing him grunt in reply. I met Nami at the bottom and we walked off into the town. I'm signing my death warrant by going with her.
"Oi, Marimo". The swordsman groaned. I never get a moments peace round here. He opened his eyes and looked round to see Luffy, Usopp and Sanji climb onto the ship, their arms laden with bags.
"What?" he asked, gruffly.
"Where are Nami-san and Soul-chan?" Sanji asked, puffing on his cigarette.
"Went shopping not that long back" Zoro replied, closing his eyes again.
"I'll cook dinner, then"
"WHOOHOO, SANJI!!"
"SHUT UP!! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!"
Before any of the men could retaliate, they heard harsh talking not that far from their ship.
"Soul, you can't be serious"
"What else could I do? I'm too nice a person for my own good, ok?!"
"It can't stay!"
"HE, ok, he! And I know that! I'm not asking to keep him! We just need to look after him for a bit until we find out where he came from!"
The men glanced at each other, unsure of what their female companions were on about, until they had climbed onto the ship. They then all joined the 'Who Can Open Their Mouths The Widest?' competition when they noticed, in Soul's arms, was a small baby.
I muttered obscenities under my breath as Nami dragged me into shop after shop, throwing obscene clothes after obscene clothes at me. I sighed and just did whatever. I really couldn't be asked today. I'm tired. Night watch really takes it out on me. When we entered the town centre, I stopped and looked over at a small crowd of men who were huddled around a crying baby wrapped in a blanket, lying on the bench.
"What happened?" I asked one of the men, who were leaving the group.
"Poor thing was abandoned," he explained, scratching his beard. "Was found in a bush r-"
"Abandoned? That's awful"
"That's why it's a crime, Soul" Nami said, annoyed, trying to drag me to another store. I kept my gaze on the baby, who cried louder, when one of the men waved a rattle in his face.
I ignored her "You know, they're scaring him, waving that thing in his face like that". I pulled my arm out of Nami's grip and walked over to the baby. "Hi, mind if I try?" I said, taking the rattle and sitting on the bench. The men all seemed to scarper, happy I had taken over. I put the rattle on the bench, and picked the baby up, holding him close to my chest. He almost immediately stopped crying.
"Hi, little guy" I sang in a baby voice.
"Soul, we have to go" Nami said, patting the baby on the head. "Give the baby to someone else"
"Fi-" I stopped as I noticed blood on the baby's blanket. Moving him around, I noticed he wasn't hurt at all.
"Ok, he's coming with us" I said, standing, the baby balanced on my hip.
"What?!"
"Nami, he was abandoned, there is blood on his blanket. We'll take him just until we find out where he comes from, ok? Ok" I turned away from the navigator and made my way back to the ship.
"WHY AM I STUCK CARRYING THE SHOPPING?!!"
"Ah, Soul-chwan, you're so loving!" Sanji swooned around the kitchen. I sighed, adjusting the baby on my lap, which was sucking on my finger.
"Where do you reckon he's from?" Usopp asked, sitting across from me.
"I dunno," I said.
"The blanket's lined with silk, so I'm guessing his parents are rich!" Nami said, her eyes replaced with stars. "Maybe there would be a reward". Heartless witch.
"It also says 'Chandler' so I'm guessing that's his name" I said, showing them the embroided part of the blue blanket.
"What are we gonna do with him?"
"I dunno. I'm gonna ask around town, see if anyone knows where he comes from" I said. "We got him some stuff on the way here. Diapers and what not, so he should be ok"
"Wait a minute. You're not taking him into town with you?" Zoro asked, from the doorway.
"No. He's a baby. You can't lug him around everywhere with you" I explained. I grinned evilly. "You guys will look after him"
"WHAT?!" they all shrieked, making Chandler start to cry.
"Now look at what you've done," I said, trying to calm the baby.
"I demand we draw straws"
"What?"
"To see who looks after the baby" Usopp explained, beginning to cut up the straw. "There are two long ones. Whoever gets the long ones, will go around town. The ones who get the short ones look after Chander"
"Chandler!"
"Fine, just do it!" Zoro snapped, reaching for a straw.
"DAMN IT!" he yelled, a moment later, seeing his short straw. Nami grinned at me. She had also drawn a long straw, while all the guys had short ones.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, USOPP!!"
"SHUT UP!! YOU'RE MAKING HIM CRY!!!"
Zoro grumbled under his breath. Damn women!!! He cringed as Usopp unpeeled the diaper, hesitantly. The baby had done god knows what, and they had all decided to change its diaper together.
"Damn, Nami and Soul" Luffy moaned, pouting. "It's Soul's fault he's here. She should look after him". He yelped in pain, as Sanji kicked him in the head.
"NEVER INSULT, NAMI-SAN AND SOUL-CHAN!! I'LL KILL YOU!!" he yelled. "Soul-chan brought this baby back with the goodness of her hea-!" He broke off gagging, as Usopp finally got the diaper off Baby Chandler. The others joined him, trying to divert their eyes.
"How can something so small produce something so disgusting?!" Zoro said.
"Don't ask me!!"
"Just get rid of it!!! Get rid of it!!" Luffy screamed from his spot on the floor, his head swelling, his hands clamped over his nose. "I elect Zoro and Usopp to take over the job of diapering!"
"I second that motion!!"
"Why us?!"
"You're nearest!!". I'm going to kill you, Luffy!!!! Zoro thought, as he took a step closer to the baby, who just stared, unperturbed by the going ons of the kitchen. He picked up the baby's legs, as Usopp pulled the diaper away with some pliers and dropping it in the bin, while Sanji started spraying air freshener on every surface.
"Jesus Christ!"
Zoro and Usopp paused, as the baby made cooing sounds. "What do we do now?" Usopp asked, rubbing his nose in thought.
"Clean it?" Zoro replied, grabbing the bag that Soul had left with the baby, and upending it on the table. Scanning over the contents, he grabbed the wipes. He turned to Usopp. "You do it"
"What?! You do it! I got rid of the diaper!" Zoro gritted his teeth and took out one of the wipes, and picked up the baby's legs again.
"Just dab at him, Marimo"
"Do you wanna do this, ero-cook?!". Zoro did as Sanji had suggested and dabbed at the baby until he was clean.
"How do women do this?" Luffy asked, sitting on a box.
"YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING?!"
"Diaper, Usopp!" Zoro snapped. Usopp grabbed a clean diaper and moved it under the baby and began to do up the tags. The baby squirmed against the material, making it hard to do up the tags.
"Usopp, that diaper is miles too big" Sanji said, putting out his cigarette, remembering Soul's harsh words about not smoking around Chandler, and what she would do to his 'unmentionables' if he did.
"They're ultra absorbent!" Usopp finished the diaper and stepped back to admire his work. "Yes!"
Zoro leant forward and picked up the baby, almost as if it was a bomb. "Wow, it stays on" The baby smiled at him. What? The diaper then fell off, and Zoro felt something wet on his chest, growing at an alarming rate. Looking down he saw his shirt absolutely drenched. The others remained silent, as Zoro seethed and the baby just laughed.
"This sick little insect.... was waiting for the diaper to come off"
"Why don't you try feeding him again?!"
"I already fed him!"
"I know, ero-cook! That's why I said 'again'!"
"Don't turn against each other, that's just what he wants!" Luffy yelled, joining in, and pointing accusingly at the crying baby in Sanji's arms. Zoro scowled. The baby was definitely getting on his last nerves. He was going to kill Soul when she got back.
"You take him," Sanji stated, dropping the baby into Zoro's lap. "I'm going for a smoke," he muttered, leaving the kitchen. Zoro glared at the baby that began to drool on his haramaki. Usopp and Luffy tried to 'stealthily' leave the kitchen, but stopped as Zoro glared at them instead.
"Soul should do night watch after this" Usopp muttered, sitting at the table. "For a month"
"Oi! Not the haramaki" Zoro grumbled, maneuvering the baby higher up his chest so he stayed away from his waistband. The baby blinked at him with blue eyes before laughing.
"I think he likes you, Zoro!" Luffy laughed, rifling through the fridge. Any second now Sanji would dive in, attacking him for all his worth. Zoro reached forward and grabbed the blanket off the table, laying the baby on the floor beside him. Chandler waved his feet in the air, and made squeaky noises, laughing when Zoro touched him.
"Bottle" Zoro demanded to Usopp, who on instinct chucked the formula right at him. Zoro tilted the bottle until it was in Chandler's mouth, and the baby drank with gratitude.
"GAH!" They blinked at the yell, Luffy removing his head from the fridge, his mouth stuffed with meat. Chandler even stopped drinking, the milk dribbling down his chin. They yelped as a crash and even more yells were heard.
"OI, COME OUT HERE AND HELP YOU SHITTY BASTARDS!! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!" Luffy ran out of the room with a roar, Usopp following halfheartedly. Zoro made to get up, and was almost out of the room, when he heard a soft whimper. Glancing back he saw Chandler looking up at him, almost expectantly from the floor.
"What?" he asked. "I can't take you" Chandler whimpered. "Dammit"
"The bastards!"
"Soul!"
"What, Nami? They are pure bastards" I glanced to the woman walking beside us. "To make you give up your baby like that…he's just lucky I didn't kill him" the woman nodded, still clearly shaken at the display of savagery me and Nami had shown to the gangsters. Siera, the woman, her husband had died recently, leaving behind so many debts to such little fortune. Don Gyna, who had the most business with the family, blackmailed and threatened Siera, saying he would call off the debts if she gave up Chandler. For his slave compound.
Siera refused, and abandoned Chandler, wanting to protect him. We found her, told her he was safe, and like we Straw Hats do…beat the crap out of the bad guy.
I could almost jiggle, I'm so happy!
Siera gasped. Merry was under attack. I growled and ran forward the other two right behind me, and I released my scythe. I climbed up the ladder, and blinked.
"There is no point to me fighting if you guys finish them all of is it?" Siera gasped at the piles of bodies on the deck, and the cook, captain and sharpshooter standing there all smug.
"These are Gyna's guys too," Nami said. "They have the same bandanas" I blinked at the next sight I saw. Zoro kicked one of the men off the ship. In his hands were his two usual and not as important swords, in his mouth, Chandler was dangling by the neck of his onesie, which was clasped between Zoro's teeth, instead of the usual Wado.
Well, you don't see that every day.
Chandler smiled, laughing as Zoro dropped him from his mouth, and cradled him to his chest. I couldn't help but smile softly at the fatherly image Zoro was giving off. Chandler's hands were bawled into fist, holding onto Zoro's shirt, as his head was in the crook of Zoro's arm, and Zoro glanced from the piles of bodies to the baby, trying to obviously make a connection, holding him protectively, incase more turned up.
Knowing he hadn't noticed me yet, I crept up behind him, signaling to the others to keep quiet, which they ignored talking amongst themselves. I stood behind Zoro and stood up on my tiptoes. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before whispering in his ear, "You look good…Daddy"
I smirked seeing an identical one appear on his face.
HB; Tiniest ZoroXSoul…not really anything, just wanted a little Daddy Zoro thing. The Plot Bunnies would've eaten my brain if I didn't write this.
Anyway REVIEW. And If you like Harry potter, check out this poll on my profile.