The Ultimate Evil Organization
Episode 1
*Writer's note: Here's a quick list of all the (major) characters and what anime/manga they're from:
Hao- Shaman King
Vice- ULTIMO
Aizen- Bleach
Tobi- Naruto
Yami Bakura- Yu-Gi-Oh!
Medusa- Soul Eater
Phantom- MAR
Gerard- Fairy Tail
Cell- Dragon Ball Z
Father- Full Metal Alchemist/Brotherhood
Eneru- One Piece
Fate- Negima
Millennium Earl- D. Gray Man
Other characters will appear as the story goes on, but... Yeah, I hope you all enjoy! :)
[Hao and Vice are sitting on a sofa while eating popcorn and watching an episode of Super Friends.]
T.V.: Blah blah Legion of Doom blah!
Hao: Hey, Vice… Vice… Vice… Vice… Vice… Vi-
Vice: WHAT?
Hao: You know what we should do?
Vice: What?
Hao: We should start our own Legion of Doom… But with anime villains!
Vice: All right, good luck with that. Send me a post card, yada yada.
Hao: Hey, you're gonna help me!
Vice: Give me one good reason why I should.
Hao: Because if you don't, I'll break the fourth wall and tell the audience your secret.
Vice: You don't have the guts.
Hao: Oh?
Vice: *Gulp*
Hao: Hey everyone, Vice-
Vice: All right fine, I'll help you with your stupid thing. Just don't say anything. Please!
Narrator: And so Hao and Vice continued on with their stupid thing, going their separate ways to assemble members…
[Domino City]
Hao: Finally I found this place. Geez, you'd think it'd be easier to find an effeminate, white-haired British kid. (Rings the door bell.)
Yami Bakura: Look, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't… Oh, morning Hao. I thought you were Marik.
Hao: What's going on with-
Yami Bakura: Don't ask.
Hao: Okay…
Yami Bakura: Anyway, what pray tell brings you here? Are you selling Girl Scout cookies?
Hao: Nah, that was last week. I'm here to offer you to join the evil organization I'm starting.
Yami Bakura: Will there be cookies?
Hao: If I say yes would you join?
Yami Bakura: Sure, I guess.
Hao: Then yes. Yes we will.
[Akatsuki HQ]
Tobi: Zzzzz…
Vice: Tobi, wake up.
Tobi: Just five more minutes mommy, I'm a good boy. (Vice stabs Tobi) Owwwww!
Vice: Oh shut up.
Tobi: That hurt! (In demonic voice) Now I have to destroy you.
Vice: What?
Tobi: (in normal voice) Nothing.
Vice: Uh…
Tobi: Tobi is a good boy!
Vice: …
[Medusa's house]
Medusa: What a surprise that you two came here. If I hadn't realized it was you I would have stabbed you.
Hao: BUT YOU DID STAB US!
Medusa: Details, details. Here, help yourself to some of my homemade cookies.
Yami Bakura: Score! (Eats)
Hao: Well, I guess… Hey wait, do these have peanuts?
Medusa: What if they do?
Hao: Well, I'm actually allergic to peanuts.
Yami Bakura: Oh well, more for me.
Hao: Shut up limey!
Yami Bakura: So what kind of cookies are these?
Medusa: Peanut and insanity cookies.
Yami Bakura: Peanut and what?
Medusa: Insanity. It has a nice taste to complement the peanut and easy to find. You just have to go to any political building, just like you can find loneliness at any anime convention. Now, when you're mixing you want to make sure…
Hao: Uh… Medusa?
Medusa: Yes? (Hao points to a crazed Yami Bakura.) Sigh. I'll go get the plunger.
[Earthland prison]
(The wall breaks, showing that Tobi destroyed it with a wreaking ball.)
Tobi: Now they won't notice a thing!
Vice: Yes… Because nothing says subtle quite like a WREAKING BALL!
Tobi: (Demonic voice) Do not question my methods mortal.
Vice:…
Tobi: (Normal voice) Hey look, it's Gerard. Hi Gerard!
Gerard: (Sarcastically) Oh joy.
Vice: We're here to bust you out.
Gerard: Really? Gee, I thought you brought a wreaking ball and killed several dozen guards because you wanted to play Go Fish.
Vice: Knowing Tobi, that's not too wild a guess.
Tobi: (Demonic voice) Do you have any 7's?
[Hueco Mundo]
Aizen: And this is the room we use to torture any traitors.
Yami Bakura: Sounds painful.
Aizen: Eh, they get used to it.
Hollow: DEAR FUCKING GOD IT HURTS!
Aizen: Now in this room…
Hao: We've been at this for three hours Aizen! THREE HOURS!
Aizen: Look, I'm just observing common courtesy.
Hao: Yeah, because I really want to see all fifty-seven of your bedrooms.
Aizen: Well excuse me, princess!
Hao: Hey!
Medusa: Would you like any insanity tea?
Hao: Not now Medusa!
Medusa: Killjoy.
[Chess Piece HQ]
(Gerard and Phantom are staring at each other)
Tobi: Wow, it's like watching someone look at themselves in the mirror.
Vice: Yeah, it's almost as exciting as watching paint dry.
Gerard: He has a hair style…
Phantom: … Just like me!
Gerard: And he uses magic…
Phantom: … Just like me!
Gerard: And he's an evil asshole…
Phantom: … Just like me!
Gerard: You know what we must do, right?
Phantom: Right.
Gerard: (Singing.) We're Marley…
Phantom: (Also singing) … And Marley! Avarice…
Gerard: … And greed! We took advantage of the poor, just ignored the needy! We specialized in causing pain…
Phantom: … Spreading fear and doubt! And if you couldn't pay the rent, we simply threw you out!
Vice: Are you two done with your movie reference yet?
Gerard & Phantom: Silence!
[Magical world]
Aizen: Are you sure you want this guy in our organization?
Hao: Why wouldn't I?
Medusa: We already have one white-haired limey, do we need two?
Hao: Don't you people know anything. More British is good, since they are the second evilest group of people.
Yami Bakura: Fine, but I'm not sharing my cookies.
Hao: Hey there- WOAH!
(Fate is standing in front of the naked, chained body of Asuna.)
Fate: Oh, um… Sorry, I was just finishing up.
Hao: Uh-huh. I bet you were…
Medusa: I'd like to request a seat away from Fate.
Yami Bakura: Me too.
[The Ark]
(Vice is dragging Gerard and Phantom.)
Tobi: Was it necessary to knock them out?
Vice: Of course! I don't want to listen to the two of them sing the entire time!
Millennium Earl: Good morning!
Vice: Uhh…
Tobi: Hi!
Millennium Earl: Can I turn you into a living doll of evil?
Vice: Sorry, someone beat you to it.
Millennium Earl: And you…
Tobi: (Demonic voice) Bitch be trippin.
Millennium Earl: Oh look, dead people!
Tobi: (Normal voice.) They're not dead, they're unconscious. (To Vice) I learned that word from the dictionary!
Vice: …
Millennium Earl: Can I turn them into dolls?
Vice: I'll pay you if you make them into dolls that don't talk.
Tobi: I was friends with a doll once.
Vice: I'm sure you were.
Tobi: Yep, Sasori and I had some good times.
[Cell Games arena]
Hao:…
Aizen:…
Medusa:…
Yami Bakura:…
Fate:…
Cell:…
Aizen: So…
Cell: No talking yet.
Fate: Why not?
Cell: To pointlessly drag things on as is tradition in my show.
Hao: So, anyone got any cards.
Yami Bakura: I do!
Hao: I meant REGULAR playing cards!
Yami Bakura:… Never mind then.
[Skypeia]
Vice: C'mon guys it was just a joke.
Gerard: Uh-huh, sure.
Millennium Earl: Can I…?
Gerard & Phantom: NO!
Tobi: Umm, I don't want to interrupt your conversation, but how is an island floating on top of clouds?
Vice: Because this is One Piece, and trust me it's known for weirder shit.
Tobi: Oh, okay!
Eneru: Who dares step upon the land of god?
Tobi: Wait, is this heaven?
Eneru: …Sure… Why not?
Tobi: Yay! Tobi WAS a good boy! I wanna go meet Jesus and Buddha and Zeus and Odin and Ra and Allah and Amaretsu and Kira and- (Gets shocked by Eneru.) OWWW! (Demonic voice.) What the fuck was that for?
Eneru: Because you're annoying and I don't like you. Oh, and also because I'm god.
Tobi: If you're a god, then Keanu Reeves is a good actor!
Eneru: Oh, you're asking for it!
Millennium Earl: Can I…?
Tobi: Earl, if you don't shut the fuck up I will rip out your large intestine and eat it!
Millennium Earl: …
Vice: Damn Tobi…
[Underground layer, Amestris]
Hao: I thought you were going to ring the door bell!
Cell: I'm waiting to build dramatic effect.
Hao: Oh for the love of Kira! (Rings door bell.)
Father: Welcome! I have everything set up as you requested.
Yami Bakura: So where are the cookies?
Father: We actually have a room made out of cookies and tea.
Yami Bakura: AND TEA? Where?
Father: Down the hall, first door to the left. (Yami Bakura runs down the hall.)
Aizen: Hey, thanks for doing this for us.
Father: It's my pleasure. By the way where are the others?
Hao: They should be here any… (The other six crash through the ceiling.)… Minute…
Tobi: Hi!
Vice: Well, I got your team together, so know you won't blackmail me with my secret, right?
Hao: Oh, that's right, hey everyone, Vice watches the Golden Girls!
Vice: DAMN YOU HAO!
End of episode one.