Because It's My Fault
Where am I? Had been her first thought. What's that beeping sound? Had been her second. Is someone crying? Was her third.
Kim tried to get her eyelids to open and after many tries finally succeeded. The sight that met her made her groan. Glancing around the room she took in her surroundings: plain white walls, bright lights overhead, and a low window to her right. She tried to move her right hand, but soon regretted it due to the many tubes and needles sticking out of it.
Unfortunately for her, she was so caught up in the pains in her right hand that she had yet to take notice of the brown eyed, brunette sitting to her left. If she had noticed him, however, she'd have seen the dark circles under his eyes and the frown set deep on his face, or the redness of his eyes and the tear tracks that seemed permanently etched on his cheeks. It was quite fortunate for him, though, because as soon as he heard her groan, he realized she was awake and tried to compose himself.
"Kim," he called softly to get her attention. She finally turned to look at him and her heart almost broke in her chest. He looked so sad; she wanted to cry for him.
"Jack?" She croaked her reply. Her voice had turned to gravel from misuse. He noticed and before she could try to speak again, reached for a cup of water on the bedside table. He let her drink, before replacing it on the table, avoiding her eyes the entire time.
"Jack? Why am I here? What happened?" She asked him softly, almost afraid to break the quiet tension in the room.
"Kim, I am so sorry," he began, almost choking on his tears. He picked up her hand and clutched it to his chest, pleading, "You have to forgive me. Please forgive me, Kim." He bowed his head, almost reverently, and kissed her hand, repeatedly and begged her to understand.
"Jack, what do you mean?" She asked, stroking his hair to try and calm him. What was he crying for? "You have to tell me. I don't understand."
"Kim, it's my fault. It's all my fault. I saw you with him and he was all over you. I couldn't let it happen. I can't and I won't." He spoke more solemnly than she had ever heard him, and as confused as she was, she was also afraid.
She remembered nothing, but it must have been bad. It could have only been bad if the signature smirk that was rarely ever misplaced was gone. She put her hand on top of the one he had holding hers.
"Jack, you need to tell me. I don't remember. Please tell me."
At this, he stood and paced. The tension in the room that had been a dull throb was now pounding. Finally, he stopped, facing the window and stood still. His 6 feet 2 figure was outlined by light. His broad shoulders sagged in defeat. Then, he spoke.
"We were at Jerry's party. You were thirsty, and I left to get you a drink. When I came back, some guy, I don't think I even know who he was, was all over you."
Kim could only stare as he spoke. She'd noticed the way his upper arms had flexed and his hands had clenched. She'd heard his tone become thick with frustration and had seen when his muscles tensed all at the same time.
"He had gotten too close and I was so upset with him for doing it and you for letting him. Then, he did something unforgivable and I snapped." He whirled on her, then. The look in his eyes was too intense for her to look away. The possession darkened the brown of his eyes to an almost obsidian color and deepened them in a way that would've drowned her if she hadn't been rooted to the spot by the tension in the room.
"He touched you, Kim. He touched you, and you let him touch you. I remember being so angry that I could only see you and him. I remember pushing through the crowd of people to get to you. I remember reaching you and pushing his filthy hand away. I remember dragging you to the car and strapping you in. Nothing had mattered to me but getting you away from him."
His head fell forward and he turned back to the window sullenly, continuing in a whisper. "I remember you begging me to slow down. You know what I'll never forget, though?" He asked Kim, not expecting a reply but pausing anyway. "I will never forget your screams and moans of pain as that truck met your body in the passenger seat. I won't forget the shame I felt when I saw you laying there, bruised and broken because of me."
At the end of this, a sob shook his frame so violently that she felt it where she lay. His sobs broke her heart and she let her tears run freely. "Jack," she called to him. He didn't respond, opting to stare out the window, rather than into her eyes where he was sure he'd find some form of anger, some measure of the pain he knew she must be feeling. Even worse, he feared the hate and regret he'd been expecting her to feel when she'd woken up.
"Jackson Brewer, look at me." She said even louder, the edge in her voice causing him to wince. He finally looked up at her. "Will you come here please?"
Jack hesitated before inching his way toward her. He finally reached her side, and jumped when he felt her soft hand on his. "Kim, I hurt you. It's my fault you're here. Why aren't you angry with me? I hurt you."
"Jack, I'm sensing there's more to this than you're telling me. What else is bothering you?" She'd seen the flash in his eyes, the pain he held there.
"He wanted to take you away from me. He was trying to take you from me and you would've let him." At some point, his eyes had closed. "I'm no good for you, Kim. This is proof of that. Don't you understand?"
She finally understood, but not the way she knew he wanted her to. She'd known Jack to be insecure and she'd thought that accepting his proposal would have put those fears to rest. She had apparently been wrong.
"Jack, look at me." She raised a hand to cup his cheek, and he opened his eyes to stare into hers. "Jack, listen to me. No one is going to take me away from you. Do you see this ring?" She pointed to her left hand. A look of recognition crossed his face as the light played with the diamond on the engagement ring he had given her and he nodded. "I chose you. It was my decision and no one is going to take me away from you. I say you are perfect for me and nothing or no one is going to take that away from me. Even you."
The tears shimmered in her eyes and she almost choked on her words. "I love you, Jack. Don't you dare ever doubt that. Do you hear me?"
Jack looked at her with such love and adoration in his eyes. She was too good for him. Too good to him. If she had chosen him, who was he to question his good fortune. "I love you, too, Kim."
He finally smiled for the first time since they'd come to the hospital. A true smile. The kind of smile that only a man who was loved and in love could smile. They'd be alright. They belonged to each other. He was as much hers as she was his and as long as there was love, nothing would change that.