Here is a random series of short stories/conversations/thingies that have randomly combusted inside my brain...or where it's supposed to be.
Disclaimer: I do not, shall not, and will not ever in a million billion zillion ca-zillion million-billion years own the characters or lands mentioned in this story.
The insanity and ooc-ness does belong to me, however. So steal and face the wrath of da cheese, mon.
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Christmas Conversations
#1: Dementors and Ringwraiths
In Azkaban:
Seated around a table, were ten Dementors. They were playing a game of poker against their good buddies from Númenor, the nine Ringwraiths.
The Dementors were always bored, and rather lonely around this season. There was no intelligent conversation and they could never talk to any of the prisoners for fear of accidentally eating their soul.
Then they would be out of a job.
So, they decided to call up some guys that they met at The Bleeding Cheese, a quite popular pub that was famous for attracting the evil crowd.
They had met them last week, the Ringwraiths, that is. They had a grand, drunken time talking about failed capture attempts, accidental murder; that sort of thing.
After deciding to spend the holiday together, they all gathered at Azkaban. Bringing ale and tidings of joy derived from evil.
"Fold." One Dementor rasped as he gave up. He was not too fond of poker; all he wanted was to be a dentist.
After laying out all of their cards, it was one of the Ringwraiths who won.
"Royal flush! Ha, ha!" He whooped as he collected all of his earnings: a toothbrush, contact solution, water, crayons, a full gallon of beer, and some sparkly pink nail polish.
All of the losers (except the one who folded) groaned at the loss of the nail polish.
It was just so sparkly!
"So, what's everybody doin' this holiday, ya'll?" Asked one of the Dementors, he had eaten the soul of a muggle plumber and had regretted it since.
"I'm hopefully going to one of the colleges that I applied to for a dental internship."
"I'm visiting the family over in Narnia."
"Taking the kids to Disney World."
"Visiting the elderly in the Rohan old folks home."
"I'm going to the U.S. Figure Skating Synchronized Skating Training Festival in 2006, in El Segundo, California. It's not until June, but I get to see them practice!"
"Wow. That's great! How'd you get in?"
"I threatened to suck out their soul."
"Works every time." They all said as one as they clunked their mugs together.
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Wasn't that possitively delightful? Does it fill you with the christmas spirit? If it does, consult your local doctor. If in need of special medication, I cannot give you a loan. Side effects include: Headaches, nausea, diarrhea, abdomenal pain, and most of the time, even death.
Dementor: What?
Me: What, what?
Dementor: What are you saying?
Me: I am saying that if something insane fills you with christmas spirit that you should consult a doctor because serious side effects will occur.
Dementor: That makes no sense.
Me: Yes it does.
Dementor: No, it doesn't.
Me: Do you want your dental internship?
Dementor: ...
Me: I thought so.
Review if you would like to. This was sort of a random thing, and there are more strange chappies to come. Although I have semester tests this week so I don't know when I'll get to update.