RvB – Continuation in Blood Gulch
By BenRG
Disclaimer
Halo and the characters and situations of the Halo Universe are the trademarks and copyright property of Bungie Software and the Microsoft Corporation.
Red vs. Blue and the characters and situations of that story are copyright and trademarks of Rooster Teeth Productions. This is a not-for-profit fan work for free distribution through the Internet. Some parts of this work are direct quotations from broadcast episodes of 'Red vs. Blue –Blood Gulch Chronicles'. Please go to http:// redvsblue . com / archive /?sid=rvb (remove spaces) to see the real thing.
Author's NotesThis story carries on from the climax of Episode 100 of 'Red vs. Blue – The Blood Gulch Chronicles'. This story was written before 'Red vs. Blue – Reconstruction' came out and thus contains none of the expanded continuity from that story or from 'Recovery One'.
I will be playing merry heck with continuity as I see fit. Being a latecomer to the RvB fandom, I might not know as much as I need to know about the universe, so I apologise in advance for any continuity and canon howlers that I commit.
I'm going to presume that the reader knows the characters and technologies of the Halo universe, so I won't be troubled to explain things in too much detail.
Censor: R – This is a war, ladies and gentlemen, and the story of some brave people who have been at the hot end for too long. Expect bad language, off-colour humour and all the pain, suffering and degradation that comes from conflict.
Episode 100a - Ba-da-ba-boom!
"Six… five… four…"
"Andy, do not, I repeat, do not detonate! Abort! Is Tex there? Can you see her? Tex, do you read…?" Church's desperate call was cut off when the Pelican drop-ship flared into white light… and vanished.
There was a long, drawn-out pause as the eight members of the Red and Blue Armies on Blood Gulch stared up in the sky. Finally, PFC Grif, probably the most obnoxious guy ever to wear the armour, finally spoke up. "Boo! That sucks! Where is the explosion? Why don't we get…?"
KA-BOOM! The explosion was surprisingly muted with distance but there was no mistaking the blue flash followed by the orange-red fireball that marked the detonation of a plasma bomb. "Wow…!" PFC Donut said quietly. "That was a great explosion!"
"What? Where?" Grif had looked down and missed it. "Do it again! Do it again!"
"Tex?" Church had not looked away. Actually, he knew that he would never stop seeing that explosion. All he could think about was all the things that he had never told Alison Kelly, COM handle 'Texas', all the things that he would now never be able to tell her. He turned away from the pack of Reds and stalked away, his body posture stiff and unreadable. He ignored the sound of Tex's voice in his mind. He knew that he would never stop hearing her.
"Church?" He looked up at the speaker, Tucker. As much as he loathed the cocky little shit in teal armour, there was sympathy in his eyes that made Church feel a little better. "Church, what do we do now?" All three members of Blue Squad were looking at him for guidance – Tucker, who had never seemed to need guidance before, naïve Caboose and even the new kid, Sister.
"Yeah? What are you gonna do?" A mocking Texan voice yelled out. Sarge. The leader of the Red Squad was probably the most arrogant bigot and homicidal worshipper of war that Church had ever known and he had known politicians and Republican voters in his time! "Are you sad because the great Red Army made your buddies go bye-bye? Awww! Boo-hoo! Let's all cry big fat Blue tears 'cause he lost his girl and the alien freak of nature! Ha! I always said it should be women and children first…" BLAM! "Son of a bitch!" Sarge collapsed with a scream. The 5mm APTT (Armour Piercing Titanium-Teflon) bullet from Church's M-7A3 sniper rifle was capable of travelling a mile in a straight line and then penetrate an inch of synthesteel. At point-blank range, it punched right through Sarge's super-hardened polyplex shin guard and pulverised his right kneecap.
Simmons, Sarge's butt-licking ADC snapped up his battle rifle in an instant. "Fucking double-crossing Blue shit…!" He probably would have shot Church if it were not for the fact that he was now looking down the barrels of two rifles and even little Sister's semi-auto pistol.
Church smoothly re-loaded his M-7 and levelled it at Simmons' chest-plate. "Alright, Reds, you take your cock-sucking asshole of a leader and get out of my face. If I see you shits anywhere near me again, I'll shoot something that can't be fixed, are we clear on that?" There was a lot of simultaneous 'klack-chak' noises as the Blues all pulled back their weapons' cocking mechanisms, just to emphasise the point.
There was a long pause before the maroon-armoured Red turned to his two comrades. "Guys! Backup here?"
There was a singular lack of response that was startling until you recalled that Simmons was the only member of Red Squad who actually cared whether or not Sarge was alive. Certainly, no one was willing to try to beat the Blues to the trigger just because he had been shot. Instead, Grif spoke up. "You know, I think that them letting us walk away is a good thing, Simmons."
"But they shot…"
"Yeah, and if we stop to fight now, Sarge bleeds to death. However, if we take this opportunity to drag his sorry ass back to base, then, god, I can't believe that I'm saying this, Doc can save his life for us." Simmons relaxed slightly, seeing Grif's point.
Meanwhile, on the ground, Sarge was enjoying a fringe benefit of the Moljinir armour: Its' on-board medical suite. The armour had already tightened around his injured leg to minimise bleeding, had filled in his wound with antiseptic sealant and had pumped him full of anaesthetic, anti-shock and anti-infection drugs. These had a curious cumulative effect. "Hey! Look at all the bunny rabbits! Hell, I never knew bunnies came in those colours! Simmons! Both of you! Look at 'em!"
Grif shook himself. As pleasing as it was to watch Sarge make an ass of himself… well, more than usual… he had to get the rest of the squad out of here alive before the mad-as-murder Church decided he wanted all of their heads on spikes outside Blue Base. "Uh, okay, listen up you Blues. You've lost one and now you took down Sarge, so I figure we're pretty much even…"
"Actually, they lost two, Grif," Donut spoke up, "Junior and Tex. Besides, Doc can get Sarge back on his feet in a day so I don't think that a serious wound really makes us…"
"NOT HELPING DONUT!" Grif yelled at the pink-armoured irritant-in-chief.
In a startling display of either bravado or complete stupidity, Simmons used the distraction of Donut's brain-fart to aim his rifle at Church. This would have been a great idea if Church had been watching the side-show of Grif holding back his urge to wring Donut's scrawny neck. Instead, a 5mm Hi-Ex round struck Simmons in the middle of his chest plate. The Moljinir armour's electromagnetic shield absorbed most of the energy of the detonation but the transmitted kinetic force threw Red Squad's 2IC flying backwards.
"Fuck this! Every man for himself!" Grif pulled a smoke grenade out from behind his back and the orange-armoured slacker, who was also probably the smartest of the Reds, tossed it at the Blues.
"Cover!" Church yelled as the grenade lofted towards his squad. The Blues dived for the ground, except Sister who stood there, probably wearing a stupid expression under her face-concealing helmet as the grenade rolled to a stop at her feet. There was a white flash, a surprisingly loud 'pop' and Sister vanished in a cloud of red marker smoke. "Well, shit, do I feel like an asshole," Church muttered, as he watched the Reds flee for their vehicles.
Grif ran for the Warthog. Simmons staggered to his feet, grabbed the still-delirious Sarge by the arm and went off in pursuit of Grif as quickly as he could. Donut hopped onto his Ghost hover-cycle and was gone in an instant.
"Uh… was it meant to do that?" Sister's voice came from the smoke cloud. "Guys? Are you even still there?"
Church somehow restrained the urge to laugh. He figured that if he started he would never stop. "Come on, let's go home," he said at last.
Episode 101 – Unanticipated Consequences
There were several fringe benefits to being acting squad leader like Church was. One of them was that he didn't have to bunk with the rest of the team. This was a good thing because Caboose talked in his sleep (and managed to be more irritating than when he was awake) and listening to Tucker's night-time… manipulations… was enough to make Church want to blow his own brains out, let alone Tucker's.
Instead, he had Captain Flowers' old office… well, basically a closet with his bunk, his footlocker and a plank balanced on some empty packing crates and a few other crates masquerading as chairs so he could do the squad paperwork when he felt like it (which was never, of course). Church unlatched the helmet of his armour and pulled it off, thankful for the work that Sarge and later Lopez had put into his robotic body – right down to an Animatronic replica of his face. Okay, no sensation and his stubble didn't grow but it at least meant that he looked human. Right now, he rubbed at the corners of his eyes. He felt very, very tired.
Just when he was thinking of closing down his robot body and trying to figure out for the ten-millionth time how a ghost could sleep, Tweedledumbest and Tweedleslut appeared at the door. Naturally they didn't knock.
"Gee, I never saw your face before Church! Did you know that you have bags under your eyes?"
"Woah! That goatee is hawt! Wanna make out?"
"Caboose, Sister, I assume that you have a reason for barging into my office?" Dead silence. Church decided that he should execute Plan Conversation With Caboose Bravo (Plan Conversation With Caboose Alpha involving a rocket launcher loaded with micro-nuke warheads). "What. Do. You. Want?"
"What? Oh, yes! Sheila says that she is okay."
Okay, that was unexpected. "What did you say?"
"Oh dear! The bags under your eyes must have sucked up your memories! You don't remember Sheila, the nice lady in the tank! You don't even remember what I've just said! Oh, disaster! Oh fate…!
Church found the sound of his gauntlet hitting the side of Caboose's helmet quite relaxing. "Caboose, when did Sheila tell you that she was okay?"
"Just as we got back to the base. I was feeling sad, and Tucker was feeling sad and you were feeling sad..."
"I was okay!"
"Yes, thank you Sister. Get to the point, Caboose."
"Then Sheila appeared in a flash of purple light and told me that she was okay! So I'm not sad anymore."
"Woo-hoo! Go tank-lady!"
Having been inside Caboose's head on occasion, Church could well believe that the blue-armoured baby-faced village idiot of Blue Squad was just seeing and hearing stuff created by his own misfiring synapses. However, he had to be sure – Sheila was practically their only surviving competent fighter, after all. "Caboose, did anyone else hear this?"
"No! Sheila said that she was not using 'Project Euan Mode'. Who is Euan Mode, Church?"
"That is 'Projection Mode', Private Michael Caboose," a kindly if oddly toneless feminine voice said out of thin air. Suddenly a shimmering purple image appeared hovering beside Caboose, being projected from the map projector lens on the kid's armour. Sister jumped back with a little shriek of surprise. The image was of a curvaceous young woman with curly dark hair in a pageboy bob, wearing a skin-tight unitard covered with glowing purple circuitry.
Now it made sense! "Sheila! How did you get into Caboose's armour?"
"When the O'Malley entity took control of the Pelican, he freed Gary and the two of them tried to delete me. Fortunately, I was able to access the data link I had established earlier with Caboose's armour to monitor his attempt to rescue you from Freelancer Wyoming. I then uploaded myself into his armour's AI memory slot."
Now Church was confused again. "Hey, Tex said that vehicle AIs can't interface with Moljinir armour!"
"Freelancer Texas was partially correct. However, I was able to circumvent the incompatibility by copying Gary's basic system architecture and reformatting myself into it. I also was able to save memory by simply uploading my personality pattern and general databases whilst abandoning my vehicle control software."
Church grinned. "Well, it's good to know that you're still around, Sheila. It wouldn't be the same without ya." Hell, with her around as a second brain in Caboose, the kid might even become an effective soldier!
Sheila smiled. "I am, of course, always pleased to perform a useful function Private Church." There was a flicker and Sheila's projection was gone.
"You look after her, Caboose. You're responsible for her now."
"I always think about Sheila. I'd never let her get hurt." Goddamn it! The kid really sounded sincere! Maybe Tucker was right! Maybe it was love! As Church was shaking his head about how un-fucking-believable his after-life was getting, Caboose left the room, amiably chatting about having a party to welcome Sheila into his armour. With a start, Church realised that, from now on, Caboose really might be talking to someone when he started raving to himself. Life at Blue Base was just getting more complex all the time.
Church looked at the girl in the canary-yellow Moljinir armour who was still standing in the room, shifting nervously from foot to foot. "What is it, Sister? Somehow I don't think you came in here to give Caboose moral support."
"Huh! Yeah, as if! I mean, he is as cute as a puppy but, woah!" Church just decided to stand there and stare at the girl until she got to the point. "Oh yeah! Well, I was talking to Doc and he explained the whole O'Malley thing? You know, Tex feeling responsible for him and wanting to make sure that he doesn't hurt anyone else?" Church nodded. Yeah, he knew. He also knew that Tex had a crazy idea that she could ensure that he destroyed the Covenant and then stop him before he spread his genocide to humanity. This was despite the fact that, on almost every other occasion, the AI formerly known as Omega had shown the ability to completely control her actions no matter how hard she tried to resist.
"Like, anyway, I was thinking." Church's eyebrows nearly leapt off his forehead. That wasn't a word that he had ever previously associated with Sister during their short association. "Like… You… You shouldn't feel down about what happened, Church."
Church froze. Part of him wanted to rip the girl's arms off and beat her to death with them. Part of him wanted to start screaming in agony or bawling like a baby. "She… she was the only girl that I ever really cared for. So, smart-ass, why shouldn't I feel bad about her getting blown up?"
"Because she won." Church gaped at Sister in a way that made him look like he was auditioning to be a flytrap. "She wanted O'Malley stopped before he could hurt anyone else and she wanted the alien bug-things stopped before they could attack us and when the ship blew up, she got what she wanted."
Son of a bitch! She was right! O'Malley was dead and, with Junior dead, the Covenant lost their Chosen One around which they would build the society that would ultimately attack Earth with genocidal intent. "I… I guess I hadn't thought of it that way."
"'Course not," Sister said confidently. "You were hurting too much from losing ya girl. I'll say this though: Like, she would have wanted you to remember that she won. And she would have wanted you to remember the good times."
"You're smarter than you act, kid."
Through the visor of her armour, Church could see the girl's eyes crinkle as she smiled. "Yeah, in a small town, girls are supposed to be slutty and dumb. If you are trying to survive, you have to be what they want you to be." Sister gave Church an awkward pat on the shoulder before making a hurried exit. "Like, keep smiling, big guy! It suits you!"
Yep, that's his Blues. They were probably the most eccentric, unreliable and downright-annoying folks in the universe. Sometimes they made him want to kill them. Sometimes, they made him want to kill himself. Yet, somehow, they were also his family.
Episode 102 – What Now?
With everything that had happened, Church thought that Tucker had earned some time in his rack. As amazing as it sounded, he had actually bonded with that horrific abomination of nature that he had brought into this world, so it would be better for him to decompress a little before going back on duty. And there was no way Church was letting Sister on duty until he had some time to drill her on some basic skills. She had done him a favour today, so he figured that he owed her to ensure that she survived at least her first battle.
So it was that he and Caboose found themselves on the ramparts of Blue Base keeping watch for the Reds (although Church figured that they wouldn't try anything until after Sarge was back to full health). An environment on one of the ring-worlds built by the enigmatic and long-vanished Forerunner civilisation, Blood Gulch was on the inner face of a 20,000-mile diameter ring with an artificial mini-sun fixed in place at the very centre of the circle. As it never was facing away from the sun, it never got darker or lighter. Nonetheless, Church's personal mental clock said it was evening, and so it was evening and fuck anyone who said different.
There wasn't much to see and do tonight. Fortunately, Caboose's normal inane chatter had been absent. It was possible that he had exhausted his babble with Sheila. It was even possible, although freakishly unlikely, that he was as affected by today's events as Church and was thinking about them.
Church was actually pleasantly surprised by the kid's first words after the quiet 'Yo, man' when they met on the ramparts.
"Church?"
"Yeah, Caboose?"
"Do you ever wonder why we're here?"
Once, Church would have snapped out a sarcastic retort or maybe even sneered at the younger Blue for catching religion but not tonight. Tonight, he had good reason to think very carefully about that question. "You know Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that's happened, you know what I've learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or a pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant or an idiot or know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody."
Church sucked in a breath before continuing. His robotic body didn't need it but sometimes you just feel like you gotta suck in a breath to clear your head. "You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're Red, or because they're Blue, but because ya know them, and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them, because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag."
Caboose seemed very impressed by that and was silent again for a long time. "Church?"
"Yeah, Caboose?"
"I meant, 'Why are we standing up here in the blazing sun when we can be down in the shade at the bottom of the walls?"
That was actually a very good question. "Uh… Okay, let's go stand in the shade. I don't think that Grif and Simmons are gonna try anything tonight."
Caboose started. "Grif and Simmons?"
Church smirked behind the anonymity of his facemask. "Yeah, the fucking retards have been perched on the ridge line for the last thirty minutes watching us through a sniper scope. I don't know what they think they're gonna see. Maybe us jacking off? Having a threesome with Sister? Writing our secret plans in three-foot-high letters in luminous paint on the walls?"
Another long pause. "We can do those things if you think that will help."
Church laughed. "Maybe some other time."
Grif and Simmons were indeed watching. Church was actually dead centre of the crosshairs of Grif's M-7. He watched as Church said something and then Caboose walked off towards the ramp into the interior of Blue Base. "What are they doing?"
Grif jerked at Simmons' voice so near to his head and only by a miracle avoided firing the rifle. "What?"
"What. Are. They. Doing?" Simmons repeated.
"I don't know man! They're talking! That's all they ever seem to do! Just stand on the ramparts and talk!"
"Well, I just don't think we should leave them unmolested…"
"Now don't get any ideas, man. Sarge said that we shouldn't try anything until he was back on his feet." Simmons muttered something under his breath that the microphones on Grif's helmet couldn't discern. Doc had regenerated Sarge's knee but had ordered that the gruff NCO stay off his feet for a standard day to ensure that the tendons and muscles knit properly. Having Sarge out of action for a day was a dream come true for Grif. The thought that the arrogant, sadistic fuck was even now completely alone with Donut (who had been ordered to protect and care for his superior) only made it sweeter.
"Well…" Simmons wouldn't argue with Sarge's orders, even though he was surprised that Grif would defer to them. He looked back at Blue Base "What were they talking about anyway?"
Grif lowered his rifle. Some days he just wanted to walk over to Blue Base and surrender to them. Having to deal with those crazies (and, worse, his sister) on a daily basis had to be better than dealing with the shit-flinging chimpanzees in the Red Army. "You know what, Simmons? I really hate you."
Simmons sniffled and sounded strangely nostalgic. "Yeah, I hate you too, buddy."
These are the ones on my side? Grif asked himself. Out loud he simply said: "Come on, let's head back to base. I'll bet Donut has got Sarge climbing the walls by suggesting flower arrangements for the 'sick room'." And, damn it, there was no way Sarge was gonna be tormented without Grif there to turn the screw a bit tighter! The two Reds jogged away. Which was lousy timing, really, because they missed the good bit.
Back at Blue Base, Church was seriously thinking about flipping Grif the bird when a voice suddenly echoed from his helmet's COM speakers. "That was a very moving speech you gave to Caboose, Church. Since when did you have more philosophy than a 'droid?"
Church froze. He was going crazy. He had heard echoes of her voice ever since the explosion, but this was something else.
"Hello! Blood Gulch to Church! Wake up, cock-bite, I'm not gonna talk to myself!"
"T… T… Tex? Is… Is that you?"
"Woo! Score one for the man to whom being a half-wit is a step up in the world! Who the fuck did you think it was? Tinkerbelle the tooth fairy?"
Church swung around with his M-7 raised. After all, Tex wasn't always the most pleasant of people to meet when you were on your own. The ramparts were clear. Church quickly checked all around him. All vectors were clear – there was no sign of a Freelancer wearing black armour. "Where are you, Tex?"
"Where…? Shit! I forgot!" There was a pause before Tex resumed in a venomous mutter. "Fucking useless technology… What did Omega…? Ah! Got it!" Suddenly there was a flickering of green light and Tex was standing before Church. Or at least what Tex would look like if she glowed green and wore a full-body skin-tight unitard with green circuitry all over it instead of her Moljinir armour.
"Tex? What the hell…?"
Tex grinned and, when she spoke, the voice didn't come from the figure in front of him, it came from the speakers in Church's helmet. "Hõla, Cockbite, how ya doin?"
Episode 103 – Still Alive!
Tex had to grin at Church's reaction to her appearance. His body first went totally rigid and then completely slack. It should be impossible for a robot body controlled by a ghost to faint, but he got close. "So, you gonna say something or are you gonna stand there making like a store mannequin?"
"T… Tex…? Tex, is it really you?"
"Always one for the super-intelligent question, eh, Church-boy?" That got a response. Church visibly tensed and Tex couldn't help but smirk and mentally mark up a score on her mental tally chart. Okay, she still liked Church a lot, he was an okay guy when he tried to be, but he was also arrogant, pushy and controlling. Tweaking that fragile ego was a kind of life's work for her.
"How?" Church had to find out whether this was really happening or whether he had finally qualified for a life pass to the Blue Army's Recreational Gulag for Cognitively Challenged Veterans. "More importantly, why? I thought that you wanted to be around to rein in O'Malley during his little genocide?"
Tex sighed, or rather made the sound of a sigh whilst moving her avatar appropriately (and those movements, given her avatar's near-lack of apparel, nearly derailed Church's brain). "I tried to stop him deleting Sheila, Church, but I couldn't. When that happened, I realised that I couldn't control him at all."
Church smirked. "So, do I get to say 'I told you so', babe?"
Tex scowled. "It was a lucky guess and don't call me 'babe'!" Tex reined in her temper as best as she could before getting back to her story. "I couldn't eject him from my brain, so I decided to follow Sheila's example. Remember that a Freelancer and their AI share all their knowledge, so I knew how to do O'Malley's 'body-hopping' trick. When you tried to call me, I used the open carrier wave to upload my personality and memory patterns into your armour's AI slot." Tex looked at her glowing hands. "I didn't know exactly what to expect but I guess I'm your Cortana now."
Church laughed. "Well, it's good to have you back, Tex. It's always good to have you around." He shrugged. "As for O'Malley… well, you can forget about that shit. He's vapour." Tex looked at Church in the way she always did when he said something stupid. Church immediately began to panic as that look usually promised violence. "Well, he is! We saw Andy detonate!"
"Yes you did, Church, but what else did you see?" Church frantically searched his memory for a few seconds. "Stupid cock-bite!" she muttered. "Hang on, I'll show you!"
A video window opened up on the HUD of Church's helmet visor. It was that nightmare image of the Pelican rising away and vanishing in a blue-white flash. A few seconds later there was the flash and fireball of Andy's detonation. "What did you see?" Tex asked.
"The Pelican blowing up? I'm glad you got off that thing, Tex. Well, I'm glad that your brain did anyway…"
Tex groaned. "For fuck's sake, Church! No you didn't see that! You saw the Pelican disappear and then an explosion a few seconds later! O'Malley had heard that moron Andy transmitting his countdown in the clear and had my body throw him off the rear ramp just before the Pelican activated its Slipstream Drive!"
Church's mouth dropped open. "So that means…"
"That means O'Malley is alive and in my body. He's got Lopez and his mechanical genius, Gary and his way with computers, a starship and Junior! He must be parsecs away by now! And he's still got all those betrayal issues and dreams of genocide." Tex's voice dropped ominously with that last bit.
Church finally regained control of his mind, as he finally understood what Tex was telling him: O'Malley was alive and he was still a threat. "Which means we have to go after him."
Tex laughed. "Well, I have to go after him, but given my current condition, I'm pretty much reliant on you to do my legwork." Church was quiet for a long moment. Tex's holographic face frowned in concern. "What is it, Church?"
"Or you could use O'Malley's trick and just take control of my body… or hop over to one of the others and control their body." Church's voice was level, but his heart was full of dread and fear.
Tex shook her head. "I have non-stop nightmares every night, Church. That fucking genocidal maniac not only ruined my life but he used me to ruin as many other lives as he possibly could. He forced me to be completely aware as he used my body to murder hundreds of people. He did unimaginably horrible things and made me watch… listen… feel…" Tex closed her eyes for a moment before looking back at Church. "I could never do that to someone, Church. I'd delete myself first."
Church had never understood before exactly how much Tex had suffered as a pawn of the rogue AI. He understood her monomania about Omega/O'Malley a lot better now. It just added another reason for him to personally put a bullet through the douchebag's forehead and laugh with a merry smile as he did so. "We'll find him, Tex, and we'll stop him. You can count on me."
"Can I count on you, Church?" Tex's body language was full of longing and hope. It made Church feel very good.
"All the way. When I thought you were finally gone onto the next life, I was ready to move on myself. It wouldn't be worth staying in this world without you… Alison." Church rarely used Tex's given name. It was a level of intimacy to which he felt he had lost the right to when she had broken things off with him. "There is so much that I want to tell you but I was afraid that I'd lost the chance."
Tex smiled and her avatar reached out, her fingers passing through Church's helmet to brush against his face. Despite the fact that the 'face' had no sensation, Church swore that he could feel little electric shocks like a feather-like touch drifting across his cheek. "Hey, game face on, Church," Tex said with a warm smile. "We have to save the universe and then… Then we'll have all the time we need to figure out what to do with ourselves… and each other."
Tex deactivated her holographic avatar but Church knew that, as long as this hybrid of a robot body and Moljinir armour existed, she would never again be apart from him. "First, we need to find a ride to get off this rock and get after him. We can't use my Longsword – I sabotaged its drive so he wouldn't be able to use it himself."
"No, first we need to find out where he went," Church contradicted. "What is more, I think I know who we need to ask." Church leaned over the rampart to look at Caboose, who was in the shade at the foot of the walls. "Yo! Caboose! I need to talk to Sheila. Get your butt up here!"
Episode 104 – Prepare for Action!
Caboose was looking frantically between Tex and Sheila as the ghost-turned-AI and the former tank autopilot discussed O'Malley's actions on the Pelican. What had happened to the Mean Lady's armour? More importantly, why was she dressed like Sheila? "Unfortunately I was in the process of fleeing Pelican-318's computers when O'Malley was programming the slipstream drive, Alison," Sheila said apologetically. "I do not know what destination co-ordinates he set."
Tex's holographic avatar sagged in defeat. "Shit," she said at last. "It was probably a diversionary jump to throw us off his trail but at least it would have been a start."
"There has to be a way to find out where they were going," Church growled. "Come on, people, think! O'Malley and Gary can't have been the only ones who had that data."
"Oh yes they can," Tex said grimly. "Trust me, Church, O'Malley is a paranoid little prick and he wouldn't have given that data to anyone who he couldn't either trust implicitly or kill on short notice, usually both!"
"We can attempt to find the information in the computer at the old alien installation, Private Church," Sheila said. "However, I calculate a 99.998% probability that Gary would have purged the system's memory when Freelancer Wyoming transferred him over to the M-808Z's control system."
"There has to have been a loose end," Church said, beginning to pace distractedly. "They aren't perfect and there must have been some place those co-ordinates were that wasn't purged or destroyed."
"The Bad Voice was in Sheila's body!" Caboose said.
"Shut up, Cab…" Church stopped and stared at the younger Blue, making him wonder what he had done wrong. "Well I'll be fucked with a broom handle…! From the mouth of babes…!" There was a long pause as the other three sentients stared at Caboose making the young soldier feel nervous. Was the Mean Lady going to shout at him? Was Church going to shout at him? Worse, were they both going to shout at him?
"The tank," Tex said at last.
Church nodded, grinning under the anonymity of his helmet. "Okay, it's late and this is going to take everyone. Tomorrow, we're going on a road trip."
"Goody!" Caboose chirped. "I love trips!"
Tex boggled at the blue-armoured kid. "Damn… how old are you anyway?"
"Oh! This is a question about the past, isn't it?" Everyone just stared. "How do I know that all of the things I remember really happened? If any of them weren't real, then I can't count that bit! I might only be half…"
Where does he come up with this shit? Church asked himself. "Caboose!" he said aloud, interrupting his stream-of-consciousness babble. "Caboose, kid, you did good today but from now on I want you to only talk to me in critical situations, okay?"
"Okay you sad excuses for soldiers! Get your shit together and listen up!" Sarge watched impassively as the band of pathetic waste materials that masqueraded as his fire team formed up in front of Red Base. "Okay, ladies! We've struck the first blow and whittled away the accursed Blues' numerical superiority. With their tank and that crazy Freelancer gone, we even have a firepower advantage, so we're gonna make it count!"
"Brilliant idea Sarge!" Simmons enthused.
"You bet your sweet ass it is, Simmons!"
"His ass is sweet?" Donut asked, sounding genuinely curious.
Simmons turned to the pink-armoured Spartan standing next to him. "Donut, could you stand on the other side of Grif for me? That's right; good work."
"What's the plan, Sarge?" Grif asked.
"Plan? Great horned toes, Private! Plans are for Blues and cowards! We're gonna use pure Red fighting spirit! We're gonna charge 'em in the Warthog and Ghost and cut 'em to pieces with our first attack run! Then we'll take their flag and go home the heroes that we all know we are…! 'Cept you of course. You aren't a hero."
"Great! I can't wait," Grif's body language and tone of voice couldn't have more contradicted his words if he tried.
Church glared at his fire team and wished with all his heart that he had a slightly more capable selection of soldiers to choose from. "Okay, Blues, heads up! We've got a couple of ops to carry out today."
"Yeah? Damn, I know I should have let Doc schedule that psych evaluation for today!"
"Shut the fuck up, Tucker. Anyways, we've confirmed that O'Malley survived yesterday's events so we need to figure out where he is going."
"Why? I mean, so he is gonna take out Crunch-bite's people? So what? I mean the bastard knocked me up without even bothering with a kiss or a drink!"
Church just stared at Tucker until the teal-clad Spartan shut up. "If you think he'll stop with the aliens, Tucker, then you've spent too long jacking off to those magazines of yours." Church swept his gaze over the other three Blues. "Make no mistake, people. Once he's finished with the Covenant, O'Malley will move right on to us humans. By then, he'll probably be so powerful that nothing could stop him, no not even the Master Chief, Sister, so we have to stop him now or Tucker will die a virgin."
"Hey! I'm not…!"
"Caboose, I want you and Sister to go out to the tank. At close range, Sheila should be able to access her old body's systems and see if Gary left any clues in the memory cache before he was sucked into the Pelican's computers. I'm gonna check out the alien installation with Tucker."
"Church! No way am I going there! I don't want to get knocked up again!"
"Tucker, you impossible fuck-stick! Crunch-bite and his people are long gone from there!" Everyone (even Caboose) stared at Tex's avatar as it suddenly appeared in their midst and Church reflected that he probably should have warned them all about Tex's return.
"T… T… Tex? Is that you?" Tucker blurted.
Tex leered at the man. "You bet your ulcerated ass it is, Tucker. Church once threatened to shoot you if you didn't act like a soldier. Well, I'm in his body now and I promise you that I won't do that!"
"You won't threaten to shoot me?" Tucker's voice had gone up an octave.
"No, I'll just shoot you without threatening you first!" Tucker squeaked and snapped to attention. Church was willing to bet that Tucker had found his sense of duty again.
There was a sudden crackle of static and Sister cocked her head. "Yo! Hey! Like, 'sup Big Bro 'o mine?" There was a pause as she listened to Grif's voice and Church wished that the girl had thought to patch her brother's signal into the squad communications network. "Yeah? Yeah? Fuck that! No way! No way! NO WAY!" Sister shook her had. "Okay, thanks for the heads-up Bro! Yeah? Yeah, well that's the least you can do!" There was another crackle as Grif hung up. "Sorry about that, Boss-man," Sister said. "So, what is it we were gonna do again?"
Church felt a headache coming on, which, given the fact that he was dead, wasn't physically possible. "Sister, what did Grif want?"
"Oh! He was saying that the Reds are coming right now to kill us all. Apparently, they are just gonna mow us all down without warning! He said that he would make sure that I got away okay though. Isn't that great? He is the best big brother you could have!"
Tex's eyebrow rose mockingly and she turned to Tucker. "Still want to stay at the base, Tucker?" Tucker turned and ran for the ramp, muttering something about getting his stash of extra clips.
Caboose raised a hand like a schoolchild asking a question. "Um… Church?"
"Yeah, Caboose?"
"Shouldn't…? I mean, I got in trouble last time because the nasty Red men took our flag! Now they're coming back and we're not going to be here… are we?"
Church couldn't help but smile grimly. "Caboose, get the flag, wrap it up in its travelling sheath and bring it to me." Caboose ran for the ramp too. Church smiled at Sister, who he bet was smiling back. Church activated the communications system in his armour. "Church to Doc. Come in Doc!"
"Doc here, Church. What can I do for you? Is anyone hurt?"
"Nah, everyone is fine, Doc. How would you like to do some house-sitting?"
Episode 105 – All Tooled Up and There's No-one at Home
Donut looked at Blue Base through the x10 magnifying scope on his sniper rifle. "I can't see anyone on the ramparts, Sarge."
Sarge grinned wolfishly. "They're poor excuses for soldiers! Even for Blues! They haven't even bothered to post a guard!"
"Um…" There was a lot of trouble promised in that one syllable and all the Reds looked at Donut. "The access hatch at the top of the ramp is sealed!"
"Those cunning Blue devils! They must have seen us coming and have locked down their base! Well, we'll just blast them out! Simmons!"
"Sir!"
"Simmons, load the rocket launcher with HEAT shells and blow down that hatch!" There was a long pause. "Simmons…?"
"Uh… Sarge… about the rocket launcher…?"
"Simmons…!" Sarge's tone now held a warning.
Simmons swallowed and finished his report in double-time. "I haven't seen the launcher since yesterday and I'm sure that I had it then but I must have dropped it when I was shot and I'm very sorry and I promise not…"
"Shut up, shit!" Sarge sighed and wished that his helmet wasn't on so he could rub his eyes to hold back the headache he felt coming on.
"Nice! Where did you get that, Church?" Tucker was impressed. That was one serious piece of ordinance! It was loaded too!
Church shrugged as he clipped the rocket launcher to one of the weapons carrying points on the back of his armour. "I found it lying near where the Pelican was parked," he said. "I dunno whose it was originally."
The Warthog pulled up at the bottom of the ramp leading up into Blue Base. "Anyone got any ideas?" Grif asked. "I mean, we could shoot at that hatch with the chain-gun or our rifles' grenade launchers for hours and not get through it!"
"Maybe I'll kick your defeatist ass over the walls so you can open it from the inside, Grif!"
"You wouldn't do that!" Grif's confident and humorous tone suddenly went quiet with fear. "Would you?"
Sarge groaned deep inside. "Donut?"
"Sarge?" The young PFC leapt off his parked Ghost hover-cycle.
"Execute Entry Plan 2A!"
"Sarge!" Donut drew his pistol and shot Grif in the leg. The armour of Red Squad's resident slacker easily deflected the low-velocity pistol bullet but he still felt the impact quite clearly.
"Ow! Son of a bitch! That hurt!"
Donut, meanwhile pulled a grenade off of his bandoleer, pulled out the pin and threw the hissing metal sphere over the wall of Blue Base. There was no explosion, however the Reds saw a cloud of grey-white smoke begin to rise from inside the base. "Now we just wait," Sarge said. "That's Glue Gas! It hardens the material that makes up the flexible joints on Moljinir armour. They'll need to get outside the base or it will turn them into statues! As soon as they show their dirty blue faces, blow 'em off, boys!"
There was a series of clicks as the Reds cocked their weapons and pointed them up at the ramparts of Blue Base. "Um… maybe I should go up to the ridge to get a better line of fire?" Grif offered.
"Don't push me, Grif," Sarge growled.
Suddenly, there was motion on the ramparts. Everyone tensed. Donut got off a shot first and the 5mm hard-tip bullet from his sniper rifle bounced off of an electrostatic over-shield. "Hey!" A panicked but familiar voice yelled. "Cease fire! I'm a non-combatant!"
"What the…?" Sarge peered forward as best he could and saw a figure in purple armour emerge from the cloud of gas. "Doc? Doc! What in the name of all the hells in heck are you doing in that base?"
"Um… house-sitting?"
Grif made a noise that Sarge vowed to punish if it turned out to be a laugh.
"You are… house-sitting?" Sarge parroted in disbelief.
Church held down a desire to giggle as he watched through his sniper rifle's scope as Sarge performed a demented dance of fury. The trap had been sprung. Between Sarge's temper and Doc's stubborn neutrality, the Reds would probably be occupied all day! "Okay, guys, you've got your missions, let's get to it!" There was a chorus of affirmatives as the Blues turned and set off down the canyon towards the sea.
"Damn it, Doc! I don't have the patience to listen to you babbling on about neutrality and pacifism! Just open the fucking hatch!"
Doc looked down at Sarge, feeling the older man's murderous glare even through the reflective visors of both of their helmets. "Er… yes… that… er…" He swallowed before continuing. "Church told me to say something if you asked me to do that."
"He did?" Simmons was genuinely curious. "What?"
Doc continued in a nervous squeak. "'No, oh no, I won't let you in! Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!"