"Having one more mouth to feed isn't going to stop our food shortage, Tabby!"
"Well then go buy more food!" Tabitha Smith shouted. "No! Not you, Blondie!" she quickly said into the phone. "Yes, yes, I know you like muffins, hun, I'll tell Lance to get them for ya."
"Right!" Lance Alvers roared, throwing his hands up in the air as he followed her to the living room. "Sure, I'll get the guy some muffins! The second you hand me some money!"
Tabitha rolled her eyes and put a finger to her lips. Pietro Maximoff snickered from the couch at the look of pure agitation on Lance's face. Ever since Tabitha moved back in the two had been at each other's throats trying to figure out how to get necessities for the Brotherhood. They and Fred had gotten jobs, but Tabitha and Fred got fired after a week (Tabitha had a fit and blew a coffee machine sky high, and Fred ate most of the inventory in the local grocery store). So now Lance was fighting to support them, and losing.
"The city's going to shut our water and electricity off again, Tabby!" Lance was shouting. "Tell your friend he has to go somewhere else!"
"Yeah, I can't do another winter without heat, yo," Todd Tolanski said, shivering at the thought.
"Look, I know it's going to be a long trip, but you've gotta get here as quick as you can," Tabitha told her friend, sticking her tongue out at Lance's glare. "Because we need more money, and Lancey here doesn't believe you can help get some."
"What's-the-big-deal-about-this-guy-anyway?" Pietro asked when she came over to the couch (Tabitha had a habit of pacing when she talked on the phone. It was amusing to watch). "He's-not-going-to-turn-us-into-the-working-class-is-he?"
"What? Yeah, that was Speedy...no, he doesn't suck eggs! Does he sound like who? I don't know-Urgh! Just get over here!"
"Why can't you listen for once!" Lance roared when Tabitha hung up. The house shook for a second with his fury. "We can't afford any more people! We've got enough with us four, Fred, and Wanda! One more is going to kill us!"
"He needs a home, Lance!" Tabitha insisted. "Just like we do! Fred's out looking for a new job anyway, so don't stress so much!"
"Stress? Me? I'm not stressed, why should I be stressed?"
"You know, when you say that through clenched teeth, it sounds like your gonna explode," Todd pointed out.
Lance turned his glare to him.
"...But you don't look stressed..."
"Okay," Tabitha sighed as Pietro snickered again. "I'll make you a deal. If my friend does move in, and it doesn't work out, I'll find somewhere else for him to stay. Maybe see if Xavier can take him in."
"You couldn't do that before you invited him?" Lance asked.
"It's definitely on the bottom of his list to move there. For some reason you all interested him, so he wants to see what it's like here."
"We-interest-him?" Pietro scoffed. "Who-is-this-guy, a-news-anchor?"
"Eeeeeeew! Way to insult someone!"
Everyone jumped out of their skin and turned to the person leaning against the doorway. He had this big grin on his tanned face, spiky blonde hair, and green eyes. He wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans. Lance furrowed his brow at the statement across the shirt front: "Hey Look, I'm in a Fanfic!"
"Sharron!" the kid cried, holding his arms out to Tabitha.
She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Just kiddin'! Hi Tabby!"
"How did you...get in here?" Lance asked as Tabitha smiled and rushed into his hug. Their front door had been locked.
"Through that portal over there."
The boys looked around him to find what he was talking about.
"...What portal?" Todd asked.
"That...oh, hey," the kid said when he looked behind him. "Those things close up fast!"
The boys stared at him, then Lance shook his head and cringed.
"Look, Tabby told us you need a place to stay," he started. "But we don't have enough room here, so you're going to have to-"
"Your face is really toned!" the kid said as he grabbed Lance's jaw. "Or, you could say, rock solid!"
He released Lance's face as he laughed uncontrollably. Lance backed away as the other boys stared at him.
"Don't start antagonizing them, Wade!" Tabitha laughed.
"Wade?" Pietro repeated. A lightbulb went off and he paled. "Wade...Wilson?"
"Correcto Inuyasha/Hermes wannabe!" Wade cried as he plopped onto the couch beside the speedster. "And can I just say that I can see why all the girls make those kinky stories about you! Snicker! But your dad totally looks like Buzz Lightyear."
Pietro gave him a disturbed look and leaned away as Wade turned to Todd.
"...You reek…" he told him. "...That's really it you just reek!"
"Okay, I've had enough of-" Lance started as Todd sighed.
"Shhh! Shhh!" Wade said, holding his arms out in front of him. "There's voices!"
Everyone listened, but no one heard anything.
"What are you…" Todd started.
"I'm serious! One just evilly laughed 'cause the writer said they could leave reviews on their page!"
"Oh, Wade, those voices aren't real, hun," Tabitha sighed as Pietro scooted to the other end of the couch.
"But they are! One of them is going spelunking!"
"Okay! You can go now!" Lance shouted.
"Lance-" Tabitha started.
"I'm-with-Lance-this-time," Pietro said as Wade scooted down the couch and grinned at him.
"I don't know...he's not that bad," Todd said.
"He's a nut," Lance growled, matching Tabitha's glare. "We may as well have invited Pyro to come live with us."
"C-Can-we-switch-John-for-this-one?" Pietro asked, pushing Wade's face away as he drew closer.
"You know, your eyes are really pretty for a dude!" Wade said. "Would you consider donating them?"
Pietro zipped off the couch and up the stairs, leaving Wade to thunk his chin on the couch.
"Dang, and I almost had a hair sample…"
"Tabby…" Lance snarled, his fists clenched tightly as he and their home shook.
"He's kidding!" Tabitha assured him. "Right Wade?"
"Yep, totally," Wade said, giving the rock-tumbler his signature grin. "Just like I'm sure you were kidding when you cut your hair like that!"
Todd fled to the kitchen as the house practically bounced off its foundation. Wade squeaked as Lance grabbed him up by the collar and threw him to the doorway.
"Get! Out!"
"But I came to help!" Wade whined as he straightened. "Tabby said you needed it!"
"We'll get it somewhere else! Just get out!"
"Lance, c'mon!" Tabitha cried.
"No, I'm not going to let some doofus come in and waste our time-"
"You're not going to kick my cousin out, Lance!"
Lance froze and stared at her, slackjawed. The house settled back down as Tabitha crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a triumphant smirk.
"What's the matter, Rocky, didn't see that coming?" Wade asked as he came over and wrapped an arm around Tabitha's shoulders.
Lance stammered for a moment, then groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes.
"Oh, come on!" Tabitha cried. "He's not that bad!"
"Yeah!" Wade said, pointing up at the ceiling. "I'll even be super helpful and get those groceries you needed!"
Lance lowered his hand and raised an eyebrow.
"You will?" he asked skeptically.
"Sure will! I needed muffins anyway!"
He gave Tabitha a kiss on the cheek and raced for the door. Lance stared after him, then turned to Tabitha.
"How would Wade be making us money?" he asked.
Tabitha's eyes widened, then she gave him a nervous smile.
"Well...see...he's uh…" she stammered. "He's...sort of a...mercenary…"
Lance stared at her blankly, as if her words didn't process. Tabitha glanced out the window, then looked up at the ceiling.
"And he just took your Jeep…"