(A/N): Well, I am entirely in love with Supernatural, and I decided to finally get off my ass and write this thing that's been circling about in my head for the longest time: a drabble-ish type thing series, Wincest of course, wherein I slash up every episode in some manner that I've probably imagined a thousand times while watching that episode. Anywhoseles, like I said, it IS Wincest, so if that isn't your cup-o' tea, there's the lovely "back" button on the top of your browser that will allow you to go back to whatever it is that you were doing before. =) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D

Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot -

Jess is dead. The girl that I was trying so hard to be Joe-College with is nothing more than an awful smell in my no longer existent apartment. I feel like I'm going to throw up, but I don't. Dean would kill me for getting it on the upholstery...Dean…I was getting away from Dean with Jess, getting rid of all that wrongness that came with Dean. Dean was safety and love, but Dean was also temptation and iniquity.

You're not supposed to want your brother, that's not how that's supposed to work. Even though he's been the only stable thing in my life for as long as I can remember; the only one that was always there, the one that always stepped in between the monster and me, the one that gave me the last bowl of Lucky Charms even when he wanted it for himself, the one who insisted that I take the bed farthest from the door so that whatever got in would have to get past him to get to me. My savior…he was the only entity that I could ever call home, but me and my fucked up mind, I had to ruin it by wanting more than a brother ever should. And to mess it up even more, Dean wanted it too. I don't know if it was just how long we'd spent together 24/7, 365 and all that jazz or if he just realized sooner than I did that anyone else either of us would try to get involved with would just end in their death.

We couldn't always protect civilians, there was always the danger that something would happen to them when we weren't around, but I could sure watch Dean's back while he pumped some ghoul full of rock salt. We could protect ourselves, and that was a luxury we couldn't afford not to have in a partner. He was the only person I trusted, the only person I could trust. He was my everything and I had to leave him to give both of us a shot at a life that wasn't filled with inappropriate desires and kisses stolen while dad was out drowning his sorrows on the sympathetic shoulder of Jose Cuervo or out on a hunt. It might have been good enough for a mess like me, but I didn't want that for Dean, he deserved more than my punk ass weighing him down, but now, as I cry my eyes out for a girl that I loved, but never could quite be in love with on his shoulder, a calloused hand weaving through my sweat-matted hair, I find myself more tired than I've ever been before in my life. Can't I just be happy for once? Can't I just let myself go and drown in something meaningful?

"You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are."

"And who is that?"

"One of us."

One of us...maybe I wasn't destined for normal. Hell, nothing else about my life has ever been normal, why should this be any different? I've decided, I don't care how long it takes, I'm tired of pretending, I want to go back home.

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