My very first story, so go easy on me ;)

Let me know if you enjoy it, and if you find any spelling/grammatical errors please let me know! I never find them all :)

So stay sweetly numb.
Remain lifeless, love.
Stay sweetly numb.
Maintain lifeless love.

Stay sweetly numb.
Remain lifeless love.

Oh I will be all right...
Just use me, just use me.

It's been a long time since I've even began to think about trusting someone… and I mean really trusting someone. I trust my friends, I'd trust them with my life, but I wouldn't trust them with my secret… no, I couldn't, or I'd end up as a pet, a plaything, and have nothing left to live for. I sighed into my pillow as I realized that perhaps I never would trust anyone enough to be with them forever.

Things have changed a lot throughout my lifetime. When I was little we were ruled by a leader who believed in equality, who knew that segregating hybrids from humans was wrong and would only cause pain and conflict. Since then there have been two new rulers. The one directly after him was not against equality, but he believed in a separate way for both races. When he was assassinated in the last coup we were given a new leader once more… one who had a deep rooted hatred for all things that were not human. He has ruled over us for over eleven years, and his reign won't end anytime soon. He's intelligent, this man, intelligent and deadly. If there is one thing to be feared in a leader it is intelligence and the moral capacity to be able to lie to his people. He was evil in the eyes of the hybrids, but we had nothing left.

So my family went into hiding. We were important before all of this happened, so we had plenty of people who were willing to help us stay out of the government's sights. When my brother was attacked and thrown into prison one day though, we were terrified. If he let slip his hybrid heritage then we were all doomed, and if he were unconscious for any length of time his condition would be obvious. That's when my parents sent me away. They broke all ties they had with me and essentially erased my existence from their family tree. It was a painful and terrible thing, but it was necessary if they wanted me to survive. They made me promise never to show my true nature to anyone, then sent me off with some people I'd never met before. They knew of what I was, but according to my parents they were friends and would never do anything to hurt me. I cried for a long time after that.

The transition was hard for me. I heard no news from my parents from then on, but one day while we watched the news channel at breakfast I saw a picture of a dead hybrid, one that very closely resembled my brother. The headlines read that 'Hybrids are heading towards extinction at last!' I cried that day and didn't set foot outside the house I'd come to call home for almost three weeks after that. My foster parents knew I wouldn't be able to control my illusion in such an unstable mental state and did not question my need for solitude. I wish that they would have these days, because I effectively secluded myself from all of my peers and made myself and outcast. I would never be able to fit in with any one group of children after that, even through high school and into college.

So now I feel like crying into my pillow in my lonely dorm room. I have no roommate due to my mental condition, and I cannot make any decent friends. My foster parents worry about me vaguely, but they have a new child of their own to shower with concern and affection, leaving me to my own devices. One day perhaps I'll show them that I really don't need them, but that day won't be today.

I usually let my illusion fade while I'm in my room. No one ever comes in without knocking first and I always lock my door behind me. I feel somewhat safe here, as though some sort of protection is cast over the place. I wish I could feel that around others, but even around other hybrids I feel out casted and alone.

Unique hybrids are often not killed like my brother was… many were placed into the black market where buyers could choose their favorites to use for whatever purposes they so desired. Our leader has yet to speak against such actions, but considering how cruel and abusive the owners usually turn out to be I can't imagine why he would be disapproving of the business.

I am not entirely sure where I stand on the uniqueness scale for the humans. I'm not all that special, just a part tiger, part human cross. I have many attributes of both breeds, but my tiger abilities make me a formidable foe when cornered. I've used those abilities when necessary, but they scare me because of what those small things suggest of my descent. I want nothing more than to fit in and have friends at this point in my life, but I know that if I let my guard down, even for a moment, that I could be caged and sold. It's a terrifying existence, and it's how I've lived for almost nine years now.

But then something happened. When I was in my remedial classes on the main campus the other day I was approached by a new student. They asked if they could sit near me, then seemed to try and warm up to me. I was shocked, and judging by the gazes being sent our direction, the rest of the student body was as well.

His name was Grim. He had stunning blue hair and eyes of a similar cerulean shade. He was one of those men who drew women to him like a magnet with his smooth muscle and tall, thick build. His looks were unique enough to draw the attention of everyone else in my class, making me feel more uncomfortable than I have in a while, but at the same time he made me feel a sense of relief. Suddenly I wasn't so unapproachable anymore.

"So, which dorm are you in?" he asked me as he went over a question the professor had assigned for what was probably the third time.

"The farthest south one. I was sort of late enrolling so I got last choice of housing," I said with a shrug, finding myself more talkative than normal.

"Yeah, I guess we're in the same boat there. I'm close by, the next closest one is where I'm at. Rooming with someone called… Renji? I haven't really got to talk to him yet. He's got classes at the oddest hours of the day and night. I didn't even know they had any classes at three in the morning but that's about when he gets in every morning."

I knew the man he was talking about. Loud, irritating and overall stupid. Renji was a huge partier and someone who, frankly, I envied. He was all himself, all the time. He wasn't afraid to get smashed and have a good time doing whatever the hell he wanted, and I wanted to have that fearlessness, that recklessness. I guess that really just goes to show you how dearly I protected my secret.

Over the course of the next couple of weeks Grim and I grew closer than I have ever been to anyone else in my life… excluding my family. I let him come over to my room and see me when I was vulnerable, but there was no way I would show him my secret. It was beyond me how I could be so comfortable with him around, and I often had to remind myself that he was human and I was not. My illusion slipped more than once when we were first growing closer. He'd always notice how I'd draw away from him when it happened, acting abnormally quiet or try ignoring him, but he'd call me on it immediately and I knew I couldn't just cut all ties and go back to what I was before. I had a friend for once in my life since the coup.

It happened one night after Grim convinced me to go out to a party with him. I'd never had alcohol before in my life, and after only a few drinks I was completely smashed. I wasn't sure if it was some sort of plan of his to get me to loosen up, but he'd gotten me some seriously strong liquor in an attempt to do whatever it was he wanted to do. I couldn't focus on my hand in front of my face let alone holding my illusion in place, so when he dragged me out into the alleyway behind the club we'd gone to and started kissing me it completely dissipated.

"What the fuck?" he said, but I just managed to giggle something incoherently.

"Ichigo? Ichigo get it together! Are you a hybrid?" he asked, his voice squeaking in a prepubescent manner as he held me at arm's length and examined me clearly. A nervous hand reached out and brushed timid fingers over the tips of my pointed ears, making me sigh contentedly. I loved the feeling of fingers over my ears…

Shit.

"Take me back…" I gurgled, "Please take me back to the dorms!"

"No… no we can't. Someone will see you!" he hissed, and confusion hit me hard. I couldn't manage to put the illusion back in place, and the alcohol that was still effecting my head had it spinning. He was concerned? He didn't want me to get caught…

"I need… to hide, please," I panted as my vision went black and I passed out.

When I woke up I was in an unfamiliar room with red, satin sheets surrounding me and darkness shrouding the entire place. Luckily I had eyesight that was almost six times better than a humans in the dark so I could still see perfectly in the dim lighting. I took the place in and tried to remember what had happened and why I was here in this strange place. I remembered Grim and going out to party and getting drunk, and then nothing. I reached up to scratch my head in confusion and immediately felt my ears. My tail lashed around me and I remembered.

"Oh no," I mumbled, "What have I done?"

I'd let my guard slip… let someone gain my trust, and now I was going to pay the price. Grim knew I was a hybrid. Surely he would turn me in… if he didn't then he would be punished for harboring a dangerous fugitive, and his family would be put under surveillance and eventually killed off. What had I done?

"Oh good, you're awake!" a deep voice interrupted my thoughts as a familiar form stepped inside the room, his thick silhouette easily recognizable.

"Grim?" I whimpered, and immediately regretted the sound. Why was I acting so pathetic? If I wanted to get out of here I could, I was stronger than him, even though I would never let him know it if I could help it. I wanted to run, wanted to hide as he approached, but I knew that it would only make me hurt more.

"Alright listen, I called my lawyer and told him that I'd caught a hybrid and wanted to obtain ownership over it. I told him I wanted it all to be legal…" he told me, rubbing his hands through his hair in a nervous fashion that I had grown accustomed to over the past few weeks. Except that I'd never seen him this nervous before.

"Ownership?" I said instead of focusing too much on that.

"A lot of people saw you Ichi… especially when you passed out. I had to carry you to the car and you were all loopy and smiling… they called it in, I know that they did, so I did the only thing I could think of to keep you safe," he said, meeting my eyes with surprisingly bright blue ones.

"I… I don't think that even the law can keep me safe… it doesn't necessarily apply to me anymore," I told him, thanking god that my voice didn't crack in fear. How many people had seen? How many had been sober? How many had called me in? This was why I knew that staying secluded was better for me.

"Believe me, I have one of the best lawyers in the world, everything will be fine," he said, patting my head, then tentatively brushing his fingertips over the tops of my ears. I flinched at the action, not wanting him to know how the touch affected me. I felt like a dog… I loved having my head scratch just behind my ears.

"How did this happen to me…" I mumbled to myself as I buried my head down beneath my arms and into my bent knees. Grim stiffened a little bit and I heard him open his mouth and inhale like he was going to speak, but nothing came out. I sighed and sunk down deeper into myself and the bed.

"Hey, Ichi…" Grim said, resting his hand on my shoulder, "This can't be all bad, can it?"

"You have no idea… all the trouble I've gone through, that my family has gone through, all of it is for nothing now. The last thing I ever expected was for you to show up and wriggle your way into my life… now it's all over."

"You couldn't honestly expect to have a real life being the hermit you were. You'd never get a job like that," he told me, trying to break the tension.

"That wasn't the point!" I screamed desperately as I leapt to my feet and looked him in the eye. I knew my face was betraying only desperation and fear, but I didn't know what else to even begin to think.

"Ichi I… I'm so sorry… I didn't mean for something like this to happen, I had no idea," he told me seriously, "But I suppose that really doesn't make all that much of a difference anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I should have respected your boundaries and not have forced you to go out."

"But I had a great time," I almost cried, "I agreed to go and I don't regret the time I had."

"None of it?" he inquired.

"No… none of it," I said confidently, "You showed me that living doesn't mean just getting by, it means having a good time and making the time you have worthwhile. I'm glad that's how it ended."

"Ended? Ichi seriously, I'll keep you safe, I promise!" he said, grabbing a hanging hand and pulling me closer to him. His grip was firm, a great comfort, but it wouldn't last.

"Grim, I'm not exaggerating when I say that even you can't protect me. The human leader wants nothing more than to kill my kind. He's not going to go letting people own hybrids just for the fun of it," I told him as I examined our hands.

"That's not true, it's just not exactly legal yet. I'll make it so that it is though, just trust me," he told me with a smile that was not very convincing. He dropped it quickly.

"I know of the black market and their dealings of my kind, I've done my research. I know that those who treat their hybrid pets like trash are allowed them because they won't last long anyways and there's so little chance of them surviving more than a year that they just aren't threats to anyone. I would hope that you wouldn't be like that Grim, but if you aren't you won't be allowed to keep me," I told him hopelessly.

"Your life is worth far more to me than you seem to believe," he chuckled darkly as he pulled me to his chest and brought our lips together.