Saying Goodbye
Xanxus has to say Goodbye to someone important.
It had been twenty-six years since Xanxus had last seen or heard from his mother, the very woman who had raised him for eight years to ship him off to someone whom she thought she slept with and was the father of her child, to be cruelly mistaken and disappeared from his life without a trace.
Until now, Xanxus age thirty-four had received a phone call, stating that his mother was now on her death bed and requesting for him. How they found him, he never knew but he didn't care to how things were done. Being who he was, he didn't have much to keep him going, failing to be the tenth, not being bloodily related to man who raised him as a boss,being badly burnt,being in depression for seven years, never being married but had occasional sessions with Italian hookers when ever he felt he needed to 'realease' some anger, and being known as 'half-blooded' never made him motivated to keep himself alive, he only stayed alive due to one thing, hoping to know the truth behind certain things, one of which was to why his mother was so willing to leave his life in an instinct.
Xanxus drove himself to the hospital in which his mother was located, parking his black Toyota in a cheap narrow carpark, he entered the hospital. Walking to the front desk he saw that many people turned their heads and stared at him, many where elderly people, children and people who where too damn nosey for their own good.
"May I help you sir?"
A young nurse asked Xanxus from behind the counter, her smile was as fake as the colour of her bright hot pink lipstick, and her tone of voice was forced. The tone of most nurses who had worked many years with people who may or may not been sick or depressingly annoying.(not disrespect to nurses)
"Hmm, yes trash, I'm looking an associate of mine,you called me about her yesterday, so where is the woman located?"
Xanxus glared at the nurse, cutting straight to the point was always Xanxus plans when it came to nurses, police officers and anyone who just annoyed him by a simple glance.
"What's her name sir?"
"Angela..Angela Fiammo"
"She's in Saint Mary's Ward it's down straight and it's the second one on the left with the blue door, sir"
Xanxus grunted a thank you of sorts to the young nurse, he began his journey down the sterlized corridors of an extremly overly packed hospital. Young children on beds amongst the corridors, the occasional person on their wheelchair waiting for their nurses to bring them somewhere. Xanxus looked for the ward in which his mother was at. On occasion asking a nurse for another helpful direction till finally he found the ward and the room to which his mother was located.
Xanxus saw through the glass, the machines to which his mother was hooked up to, her brown hair loose around her, and her eyes where closed, she looked to be in her fifties but indeed she did look like she was dying. Her chest barely raised up and down and the odd wheeze was heard from her, every few breathes. Xanxus couldn't believe that the very woman who raised him was now lying here dying in front of his eyes, although he often claimed she was a no-good mother, she still raised him to a certain point, not that he can remember much of his childhood now, but she did something right if he's still some what alive.
Xanxus knocked on the door to her room, the nurse looked up to meet Xanxus gaze, she spoke to his mother before leaving the room.
"You must be Xanxus, your here to see your mother right?"
"Yeah, along those lines, what's wrong with her?"
"Your mother has extreme organ failure, we can't tell when exactly she will die, but it is quite soon, I'm sorry, but you can talk to her if you wish, she's been calling for you"
Xanxus walked into the room, the woman didn't stir,the monitor beeped to show she was okay and living and the room smelt of what Xanxus knew to be death.
Xanxus sat on the chair beside her bed, it was a meter away but still close enough to be consider beside her. The woman's eyes opened and looked at his direction, her eyes were red too, but did not burn with as much passion as they did when Xanxus remembered her last. She gave a weak smile to him, before attempting to reach her hand to touch him, her attempt failed due to the distance and her lack of energy.
"Your...Your my son Xanxus right? Please let it be true...who are you?"
The woman's voice was weak and barely noticeable but due to years of being near Squalo, Xanxus had learned to hone down on particular people's voices in different environments.
"Hmmm of course I'm your fucking son, who else would I be?"
The woman gave a sob to the answer Xanxus had given her, Xanxus felt something in the pit of his stomach, the feeling was guilt of making his dying mother cry like that, making the poor woman suffer emotionally while dying physically.
"You been gone for too long, you can't expect me to be over the moon to see you after twenty-six years, you gave me to the bastard and left me, never asked for me ever"
Xanxus rubbed a hand through his mane, letting a huge sigh out of him as he looked at the thin,elderly woman cry on her death bed. Her tears streamed down her face as she still made full eye contact with him.
"You grew up so..well my child...I remember when you were born...you cried in my arms and I held you so close...you sucked my finger till you fell asleep..and when the nurse tried to take you..you cried and your little..hands lite up...she screamed and I held you again...and let you suck my finger again..till you..nodded to sleep again...your flame died down...you were such a sweet baby..so..so sweet..and..gentle"
The woman spoke, her voice wheezing in difficulty, the occasional cough broke her speech and she looked at Xanxus again, examining him with every last bit of her will.
"I..never..wanted to..give you..away..but I..I..knew that..I couldn't keep you..no matter..how..much ..I wanted to..I owed you..a life..of..freedom..and..I..knew your flame...would get you far..you were always..such a lovely..child...playful, motivated...passionate. I knew..that..the poverty..would kill you..I cried..every..night..after I...passed you to the Vongola...I never had..a chance....to tell you...that I...I..love you..and..that..I my..heart..was...broken.
Xanxus was silent, he moved his chair closer to the dying woman, holding her hand softly in his larger hands, it had been years since he had ever held her hand, ever sat near her. She was now dying and he could do nothing but watch her die. Xanxus had never cried, as he grew up but the first time ever he wanted to, the tears did develop in his eyes, but the sudden touch to his cheek stopped the needed flow of tears.
"Don't be upset..Xanxus...I wasn't a good..mother...if anything...If could...go..back..in..time..and do anything to keep..you...anything..even..if..it..meant..selling..myself..to..keep..you..safe.
I remember..when..you were..little..and..cried..I would..hold..you..and sing you...the..lullaby"
Darling bambino non piangere,....
ho intenzione di tenere questa sera, cantare una canzone che renderà l'oscurità si svanire. Tenete il bambino stasera, mammy farà tutto va bene, in modo da sonno questa sera, sarò con voi, per sempre e sempre, il mio bambino ragazzo.
Xanxus looked at his mother, seeing her hand slip off his cheek and onto his hand, her smile still weak as she held his hands in hers, she looked at him, with so much pride, love, compassion and most of all with paternal care,at this very moment he would have done anything to keep her alive, to keep her with him just so he could have a mother for a little bit longer.
"Don't forget...that..no...matter..what...you'll..always...be..my..little..boy"
One tear streamed down her creamy skinned cheek, as the monitor beside her began to beep her death, Xanxus held to her tighter, not wanting to let go, not wanting to say goodbye to his mother, not yet.
"Do something trash, anything, just don't let her die!!"
Xanxus screamed at the nurses and doctors who tried to resuscitate the woman, each attempt failing, Xanxus looked through the glass as his mother's life slipped through his fingers, like last time, he didn't get to say goodbye to her..but she knew that he had always missed her too.
The line died and the nurses and doctors stopped, helping her, she was now officially gone from his life, like last time never to see him again, see him through his life.
"I'm sorry , we did everything we could to help her"
Rei: Sorry for Xanxus being out of character, please rate
The song in english is:Darling baby don't cry, I am going to hold tonight, sing you a song that will make the darkness fade away. Hold on baby tonight, mammy will make everything alright, so sleep tonight, I'll be with you, forever and always, my baby boy.