Fear is How I Fall

by Noyoki

This is a songfic based on the song Crawling by Linkin Park. The lyrics just fit Jonathan too well to pass up.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Batman characters, or the lyrics to the song Crawling by Linkin Park

In an instant the tables were turned. A simple twist of the writs by the Batman and everything changed. I felt my own greatest creation fill my lungs like stagnant water. A shutter clawed its way down my spine as the fear toxin slammed into my system, tearing my mind apart with terror.

Crawling in my skin,

These wounds they will not heal,

Fear is how I fall,

Confusing what is real.

A scream tried to claw its way out of my throat as the world was brutally twisted out of shape. The monster holding me up snarled savagely as black poison spilled from its gaping maw. My eyes widened unbearably as my lungs shrieked for oxygen. I couldn't breathe though the scream which had lodged in my throat refusing to escape.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface,

Consuming, confusing,

This lack of self control I fear is never ending,

Controlling.

Something inside me tore violently and I was shoved back. From what seemed like a great distance away I heard my own voice speak "Dr. Crane isn't here right now, but if you would like to make an appointment…"

I can't seem to find myself again,

My walls are closing in,

Without the sense of confidence,

I'm convinced there's just too much pressure to take.

The darkness thickened around me and I welcomed it. This is so much better than the terror the world had become. But, I could feel my body moving, and I knew I was not the one moving it. Vaguely I could still hear the beast bellowing in rage, but I was too far away to answer. For a moment I tried to pull myself back to the world, but there was no use, I'm trapped here in the darkness.

I felt this way before,

So insecure.

There was a keening laughter which sounds almost like screaming as my body was thrown harshly into a wall. I heard the door slam shut and felt my fists as they slammed into it. So strange, I felt this way before. So long ago, when the rage grew out of my control I remember that tearing pain, the rage, and the darkness. I woke to the bloody and broken form of that wrenched old women. The darkness made sure she would never hurt me again.

Crawling in my skin,

These wounds they will not heal,

Fear is how I fall,

Confusing what is real.

The darkness faded and was replaced again with the terrible world. I thought that perhaps I was in a cell at Arkham, but it was impossible to tell at that point. The walls were made up of torn bloody flesh, but when I reached out to touch them I thought maybe it was padding.

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me,

Distracting, reacting,

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection,

Something grabbed my shoulder harshly, twisting me around. But, there was nothing there. Just a bit of straw and a single glistening crow's feather. Terror gnawed at my heart like a rat as I reached for the feather with trembling finger tips. The terror bloomed like a frightful deadly rose when I saw my hand, no longer flesh and blood, but a stuffed farmer's glove. My breath caught in my throat as I felt the bugs crawling though the straw in my chest. I raked my nails harshly down my chest causing blood to flow like rain over parched corn fields. The pain grounded me, not straw and cloth, but flesh and blood. I am not the scarecrow…I'm not…

It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again,

My walls are closing in,

Without the sense of confidence,

I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take.

The sound of the lock snapping open shattered the silence like a twig breaking underfoot. Again I was shoved back into the darkness. So far back I could no longer feel my body, but, I could still hear the screams, the howling laughter of the other inmates as they were freed. I guess I was in Arkham after all. I wonder where I'll be when I wake.

I've felt this way before,

So insecure.

There was a girl once, in high school. She was so beautiful, long straw colored hair, skin dusted with freckles, and shimmering blue eyes. I am unable to recall her name now, but she used to ask me for help with her school work. Though, by help, she meant me doing the assignments for her. But, I thought, I…well it doesn't matter now what I thought. I asked her to prom that year, and she laughed, oh how she laughed. That night I remembered the fury, the rage burned though me like acid. I remembered the darkness. And waking up covered in blood.

Crawling in my skin,

These wounds they will not heal,

Fear is how I fall,

Confusing what is real.

Again, I woke to the world around me. Even through the terror I laughed. The feeling of the massive beast under me, all power and equine fury, all mine to command, to control. With a shriek of laughing fear I rode down the other monsters around me, reveling in the sounds of screaming, the crunch of bone under hooves. Then, through the poisoned mist I saw her. The one who escaped me and brought the Bat down on my head. With a savage smirk I spurred the horse on. Agony erupted on my face as the imaginary fire became real. Darkness again…

Crawling in my skin,

These wounds they will not heal,

Fear is how I fall,

Confusing, confusing what is real.

I woke, laying flat on my back in the gutter. My mask was gone and my face hurt terribly. The pain was a blessing though as it helped to fight the terror which tried to overwhelm me. Above I see the flying rat, eyes blazing as the good citizens of the Narrows screamed in terror. If I weren't so afraid I would truly be enjoying myself.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface,

Consuming, confusing what is real,

This lack of self control I fear is never ending,

Controlling, confusing what is real.

The Batman appeared out of the mist like some kind of nightmare. I twisted around trying to get away but only ended up screaming instead when my left leg gave out underneath me. The painful cry was cut off by the Bat when he pulled us up by the back of our jacket. Terror was a living thing in our chest and it was all I could do to keep from screaming. The other one, he was clawing at the confines of my mind, trying to escape again into the world. But, the pain is too great; it holds me to the flesh for the moment. Our eyes locked on the flaming pits where the monster's eyes should have been. So focused on the horror we barely even felt the prick of a needle in our neck. Scarecrow threw back his head and laughed. Foolish Bat…"Too late! Much too late for that Bat MAN!" The darkness is almost comforting as the mad laughter roles out of what used to be my body.