I don't own anything Mass Effect related. This can technically be seen as a response to my other story, Illium.

I sat at the desk, waiting. There is little else to do when the information hits a slow point. Behind the door, Nyxeris had to be busy trying to chase the next lead I had given her. There is no time to rest. Even if she fails, there are still terminals around the port that I need to get into, but should either of us go, it would raise far too much suspicion to do anything good. It was always better to stay in the office. The Shadow Broker knows I'm here, and in this room, it is safer for everyone else that way. There is a voice from behind the door. I look up as the door opens.

"A shipped flagged as the Normandy has been sighted heading our way, Liara." The Normandy. This is confusing to no end; such a ship was destroyed, I had seen it happen.

Vivid memories of the ship being torn apart, ripped to shreds. And from the life pod, I had watched you, my beloved, tumble into the great void. Falling. Struggling to breathe. Desperate for help without a hand to save you. I had always said I would do anything I could to help you. Had the others in the escape vessel not restrained me, I would have followed you in a heartbeat.

My hands fell heavy on the desk, head dropping slightly. I have to escape the memories. I have work to do.

"ETA?" I had asked.

"I'll send someone to greet them." Nyxeris had used a comforting tone, but it came off sounding awkward. I looked over and tried to smile. It must have looked painfully broken; I could feel it. She moved back behind the door instantly. Without her prying eyes, I fell back into the chair. Would you be there? Would you even want to look at me, knowing what I had done? Two years, and I had waited. After some time, the waiting became more painful. I stood up and moved towards the window, wanting to watch the people walk by. After over a year here, it has an oddly calming effect. They move like a sea.

When you arrived, however, I was distracted. There was a phone call.

It is always irritating when people are unhappy with the information given. On one hand I try to give people want they want; the integrity of the profession halts quickly, depending on what it is they're after. People ask about you, too. Goddess, all they want to know where you are, what happened to you and if you're really gone. The second you had appeared again, I knew about it. But I tried to keep you hidden as long as possible. Good news travels fast.

"Excuse me!" He called me back. Were he not so angry, I might have thanked him.

Then you arrive. You were always strange when it came to timing. You hear me quote my mother; it works in an odd kind of way. It had terrified me when she first spoke the words, and the effect seems to carry. I wish you had been seconds late. I turn around to find you.

You, in all your glory. With a face I never thought to see again, staring at me with slight scrutiny. It is overwhelming. This place is wearing me down; hope had dwindled in two years with no word of you. But I never gave up. I couldn't. A world devoid of you would be equivalent to one with no oxygen; every day I had felt myself drowning. But here you are. Perfect and waiting. There is a hint of a smile on your face, one I am compelled to capture. In your presence I try my best not to allude to what has been going on for the past two years. But you know me. You know I've never been a strong liar. In two years I have built on the talent, but... You know me.

At any rate, the compulsion engulfs me; I urge Nyxeris not to allow any disruptions. You deserve my attention- No. You deserve more. I step towards you, and you don't pull back like I feared. You wait for me. I reach over, lifting your hand with mine. In that moment I curse your armour, I need to feel your skin again. I need that contact to pull me from my disillusions. It's difficult to know you're really with me again without feeling the desire and affection that radiates from your every touch. For two years I have missed and craved it like nothing else, and I need it now. So I lean inwards, but doubt begins to pull itself forward. However I try to ignore it, when I finally kiss you, I stumble on my thoughts and it reads in my actions. You feel this uncommitted gesture I can't take back. I've ruined it by thinking- now believing- you hate me. That after you know it all, I'll never see you again.

I turn my head and shake. Not at you but at myself. And now, determined to ignore my own failure, I pull away and pretend you didn't feel any hesitance.

The Shadow Broker is listening, and they already know I love you. Coming with you makes you a target, and while I know you can handle yourself, I won't be responsible for anymore hardships you have to endure. I will do this on my own, and hope you'll wait for me. There are things I need to do, debts to repay. There is a life lost because of my actions- I let him fall for you. If I tell you it was all for you, the burden will fall on your shoulders to save his life. I won't do that either. When I know the truth about him, when I make it right and get revenge for the both of you, I'll find you again, whether you want me or not.

I trust you to trust me.