By Penpusher
I couldn't remember a time when I had been so
totally lost for words – or so angry.
"I just don't believe I'm hearing this! In the Gateroom? I mean, the General … How
could you?" The look on his face
was almost comically sheepish. He
shuffled his feet, avoiding my eyes.
"Look, Carter, it was a prank, a joke, okay? I didn't mean anything by it, and besides,"
he tried a winning combination of insouciant charm and little-boy mischievous
grin, "It wasn't as though you were ever going to remember it. In fact, you wouldn't have known anything
about it if brain-the-size-of-a-planet here hadn't opened his big, fat mouth
one time too many." He frowned with
unmistakeable menace in Daniel's direction.
"Look, I'm sorry – I, um, didn't realise any of
this was in confidence. I thought –
well, you know, seeing as Teal'c didn't seem to think it was any big deal
…" Trailing off, Daniel kept his gaze
fixed on the carpet and began to slide awkwardly towards the door. At the last moment he weakened and looked
back, only to be skewered by a glare that would have rivalled a zat gun. Oho, watch out, Daniel! I thought, with a certain grim satisfaction,
You can be very sure that you are going to suffer, and soon. The little exchange only served to make
me madder still.
"With respect, sir, leave Daniel out of this." I
retorted, voice climbing in pitch as my rage increased, "You took advantage of
my helplessness in a situation which was totally out of my control. You harassed a subordinate who was in no
position either to protest or to seek redress.
And you truly believe you can justify your actions on the grounds that I
would never know that it happened?"
"Now hold on one minute!" O'Neill's chin jerked up
and he levelled his laser-gaze straight at me.
I held my ground and glared right back.
"Took advantage?
Harassed?" he was almost spluttering. "You think I deliberately set out
to hurt or embarrass you? Hell," he
raked an exasperated hand through his greying hair, "I even handed Hammond my
resignation before I laid a finger on you!"
"And that makes it all okay, does it?" My voice dripped venom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Daniel
wince.
"Well, at least neither of us could be
Court-Martialled!" A smirk spread over his face, fuelling my anger even
further.
"Sir," I replied icily, "Whether or not you were
officially my superior officer at the time is totally irrelevant. The fact is, you acted irresponsibly,
without any consideration of the damage you could be doing to our working
relationship, or to SG1 as a whole. Carpe
diem may be an apt maxim in times of war, but not when it concerns members
of your team!" The Colonel frowned,
glancing interrogatively towards the other SG1 officers. Daniel was still trying to melt into the
carpet, but he replied automatically to O'Neill's unspoken question.
"It's Latin." He muttered, looking anywhere but in
my direction, "It means 'Seize the day'."
Impassive until this moment, Teal'c suddenly frowned.
"DanielJackson, I do not understand." He announced
in his usual deadpan manner, "It is not possible for one to capture time. This statement has no meaning." Daniel pursed his full mouth and tapped his
bottom lip with his index finger. Oh, God, he's going into teacher mode! My mind shrieked.
"It's a figurative term, Teal'c." he began, his
voice taking on a lecturing tone. "To
'seize the day' is to follow the dictates of one's desires irrespective of
future consequences. It is a hedonist approach
to a situation of uncertainty, such as war or famine, when society would be … "
Abruptly, my long drawn-out patience snapped.
"Daniel, for once just can it!" I shouted. He stared at me in shock: even Teal'c looked
mildly surprised. O'Neill held his
hands up in a position of vague surrender.
"Okay, take it easy, Carter." He began. I rounded on him.
"Is that an order, sir?" I enquired, my
voice trembling: I was that close to losing it. "Because if it's all the same to you, I
think I'll just go carry it out somewhere else, preferably a long way away from
here. If I don't, I think it's very
likely, sir, that I'll be on a charge by the end of the morning:
regulations specifically prohibit subordinates beating hell out of their
superior officers, whether or not they deserve it - sir!" It has to be said that I am a full Major,
and officers of that rank are not usually known to flounce out of rooms in full
view of their C.O.s. However, my exit
from the Briefing Room came as close to flouncing as any commissioned officer
could achieve. I totally ignored the
Colonel's outraged "Oh yeah? You and
whose army?" and concentrated on establishing enough leverage against the
Briefing Room door for an effective slam.
I heard O'Neill rounding on his subordinates, particularly Daniel, for a
serious breach of the "don't ask, don't tell" maxim –especially the "don't
tell" part. I smiled bleakly: it
sounded as though Daniel was due for a exceptionally painful death involving a
staff weapon, several pairs of handcuffs and a petrol-driven lawnmower. Teal'c's contribution to this debacle was, of
course, overlooked owing to his superior strength and size in comparison with
practically anyone else on the base.
*************************************
I kicked my office door shut, gaining some small
satisfaction from the sound, turned the lock and sank into my office chair,
resting my forehead in my hands.
"Ah, shit." I muttered, "Just when it was all
starting to fall into place." The team
had been working well. A great deal had
happened to us over the years, and the physical and mental strain had been, and
still was, severe, but we could cope.
Through each life or death situation, each new moral and ethical
dilemma, our trust in each other and our knowledge of each other's strengths
and weaknesses had grown and deepened.
Now Jack had dealt a serious blow to that trust. How was I supposed to deal with this
situation? Judging by your
performance to date, you're not dealing with it at all. My conscience started pricking me and I
shifted in my seat uneasily. That's
scarcely the point, I argued back, I could have him up on a charge for
this. Oh yeah? How?
"If it pleases the Court, the Defendant, Colonel Jack O'Neill, is
alleged to have sexually harassed a subordinate while occupying a time loop. It is claimed by the Defendant that as he
had already tendered his resignation immediately before the alleged incident,
he was therefore technically a civilian at the time. Also the victim of this alleged assault, the Plaintiff, Major
Samantha Carter, is unable to testify as to the veracity of any of her
allegations due to the fact that her memory did not carry over between time
loops. Yes, your Honour, there were
indeed witnesses to the incident, but they cannot testify for similar reasons
to the Plaintiff." Case dismissed. Damages awarded to the Defendant plus costs
on an indemnity basis, and the General will see you right now – Corporal
Carter.
A quiet knock on my office door failed to
galvanise me into any form of response.
The knock was repeated, slightly louder. I sighed.
"Go away, Daniel." I replied in a tired voice.
""Carter?
Are you in there?" There was a
muted thump as the Colonel tried to force the door open with his shoulder.
"Go away, Sir." I corrected, this time in a
slightly more irritated tone.
"Nothin' doing, Major. Get this door open, that's an order!" I sighed gustily and slid out from my desk, unlocking the door
with reluctance. I left the Colonel to
let himself in, turning my back on him as he did so to slump into my office
chair. He turned the lock before approaching
my desk, at once totally alpha male.
"Carter, we need to talk."
"So talk.
Sir." He stamped about my room,
stopping abruptly every few paces to jam his hands angrily on his hips and sigh
in annoyance.
"Hell!" he
added. He turned and looked searchingly
at me.
"Have I said I'm sorry?" I nodded.
"Several times,"
I replied evenly. "With varying
degrees of annoyance and frustration."
He spread his hands.
"So where's the problem?" I gritted my teeth and counted to thirty.
"The problem is a little matter of your invasion
of my privacy." The look of total
bafflement that chased its way across Jack's face was almost worth all the
hassle it had cost me to achieve it.
"Privacy?" he echoed, his jaw slack, "Carter, this
is the military – we don't have privacy!" I was slowly shaking my head.
"The Regulations were designed for a purpose." I
told him, "Sometimes the purpose is less than admirable, often the Regulations
do little to achieve it – but the bottom line is to maintain a measure of control
over a large number of very different individuals all working towards the same
goals. Where interaction between the
sexes is concerned, the rules have to be all the more stringent. Come on, Sir, you know the score! If you and I were having any sort of affair,
do you think we could function as efficiently together as we do now?" Colonel O'Neill looked at me thoughtfully.
"You think – " he began, "You think I want to have
an affair with you?"
"No, of course I don't!" I protested, my cheeks
flushing slightly, "I'm not in the business of jumping to conclusions,
Colonel. However, I am in the
business of helping you to keep SG1 running smoothly for the good of us
all. The fact remains that you played
what you thought was a harmless prank – nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately, it was not entirely without
repercussions." He looked me intently
in the eyes, then sighed heavily and swung abruptly away from me, his hands on
his hips, looking at the floor.
"You've no idea what it was like." He began in low
tones, "Living the same day, over and over again, for four or five months –
hell, I lost track." He paused, then
turned back to face me, his mouth twisted in a quirky smile.
"You know, it was actually Daniel who made Teal'c
and I aware of the possibilities of the situation." He told me. I shook my head.
"Daniel is such an innocent." I replied, a small
indulgent smile creeping over my lips, "In similar circumstances, he would never
dream of doing anything dangerous – or dishonourable," Jack had the grace to
look a little awkward here, "Or even foolish.
So, he would never suspect anyone else of breaking the rules."
"That's Daniel." Agreed the Colonel. I looked at him shrewdly.
"So," I said, "Apart from lip-locking unsuspecting
subordinate officers in the Gateroom, what other, ah, pranks did you and Teal'c
indulge in?" I was delighted to see him
flush slightly before replying.
"Oh, ya know," he waved his hand ineffectually, caught
my eye and subsided, "Okay, I learned pottery." There was a small silence, then an unexpected bubble of laughter
caught me by surprise.
"You did what?" Again, that sheepish look.
"I, uh, made pots. Or, to be strictly truthful, I made one pot." He shoved his hands in his pockets and
studied the carpet. "Over and over
again – the same goddamn pot." He
looked up and grinned. "The last one
was pretty good." I couldn't help it –
I laughed.
"Anything else?"
My mouth simply refused to frown any more and after a moment, I stopped
trying to make it. Although not the
most sensitive guy on record, O'Neill seemed to twig that he might be within
striking distance of safety. He
straightened his shoulders and aimed one of those boyish grins in my direction. It hit me straight between the eyes.
"I, uh, rode a bicycle through the corridors to
the Gateroom," he told me, "You know, during that emergency call, when SG12
came in ahead of schedule? I got there
by bike. Ringing the bell all the time
to warn people I was coming, of course.
I wouldn't want to cause any accidents." I laughed out loud at that.
"And what was the response?"
"Not near good enough. I had to get serious after that."
"And?" He
paused and shrugged.
"Teal'c is involved in this one."
"Go on."
He feigned reluctance.
"Well, I wouldn't like to take any chances on the
consequences of my breaking a confidence …"
He trailed off and hastily backtracked on intercepting a glance from me
that had all the destructive power of a Scud missile. He held up his hands in surrender.
"Okay, okay – we drove golf balls into the
Stargate." Now this one I couldn't
believe.
"Oh yes?"
"Yep." He
nodded for emphasis, rocking back on his heels. I pretended to consider.
"And where exactly did those golf balls eventually
arrive?"
"Alaris." He looked me straight in the eyes
without the slightest hint of a smile. "It was the furthest reference we could
find. Teal'c tells me it's several
billions of miles away. I guess that
has to be a record, huh? Teal'c's drive
is improving." His lips curved into a
reminiscent smile.
"Hey, I even yelled at the General."
"Why?"
"He asked what the hell did I think I was doing –
in the middle of my backswing! I had
to yell at him for that."
"Sacrilege." I muttered, shaking my head. Jack nodded.
"Absolutely.
Hey, y'know, I never had you figured for understanding something as
crucial as that! Frankly, I never
thought any woman could ever understand the importance of a man's
backswing." He paused then fixed me
with one of his unsmiling, piercing gazes.
"So, Carter – am I forgiven?" I
stared right back, unsmiling.
"Forgiven?" I queried. Jack looked away and squirmed ever-so slightly.
"Yeah." He replied, "I think I've grovelled enough,
don't you?"
"Have you told me everything?"
"Absolutely." He affirmed, "Well, except for the
juggling thing."
"Juggling?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "Ya know, Daniel can always be boring, but when you've heard him give
the same lecture upwards of thirty times, you start to go cuckoo. I learned to juggle – with three pieces of
chalk." I nodded semi-seriously.
"Successfully?"
He shrugged and waved his hand non-committally.
"So so." He replied, "I taught Teal'c – hey, I
wonder if he can still do it?" I
frowned suspiciously.
"So is that everything there is to know?" He pursed his lips.
"Well, yeah – apart from one or two small
things." I raised my eyebrows.
"Such as?"
He shrugged.
"I, uh,
sort of – didn't warn Daniel a couple of times when I knew he was about to be
flattened in the corridor by a couple of marines."
"A couple of times?" Jack shrugged again.
"It depended whether he had just plain annoyed me,
or whether I was close to killing him.
Hell, it happens." He
shrugged. "Face it, we were going
whacko. Hey, am I going to have to
account for everything I did during that time?" It was time to get to the main event. Slowly, I shook my head.
"Colonel O'Neill," I said, getting out from behind
my desk and pacing the floor. "When I said I was most concerned about the
effect your actions would have on the ability of SG1 to function smoothly, I
was telling the truth. However, I do
have just one more final reservation."
I stared at him directly, then broke eye-contact and shrugged. "Ah, heck, never mind." I lowered my eyes and shook my head,
allowing a faint suggestion of an embarrassed smile to cross my face. Jack immediately turned to face me.
"What?" he demanded. I shook my head, refusing to meet his eyes. He took hold of my upper arms – a most
unusual gesture from him that made me blink in surprise.
"Come on, Carter." He told me, ducking his head,
trying to intercept my lowered gaze.
"If you've still got some hang-up over my behaviour, let's have it now
and deal with it." I raised my head,
noting that he had not yet loosed his hold on me.
"Well, Colonel," I began again, "I guess it's
really a matter of knowledge – and memory, of course."
"Of course?" he prompted, still not releasing my
arms. I nodded.
"Yes." I replied, giving him the full benefit of a
direct, wide-eyed stare. "My problem is that you carry certain – memories of me
which I don't share. That leaves me at
something of a disadvantage – which I don't like." His eyes narrowed slightly.
"I think you're going to have to give me some help
here." He replied, running his right hand through his hair, then replacing it
just above my left elbow. "Let me get this straight, Carter: you are hacked off
because I remember kissing you in the Gateroom in front of the entire SG
staff, including the General, and you don't?" Gravely, I nodded, still not breaking eye
contact. A small, explosive bark of
laughter escaped him.
"So, I'm supposed to go get my memories wiped,
huh? Like with some of that stuff they
had on that place – Vyus, did they call it?
Carter, there's nothing I can do about that part of it. It happened for me, it just didn't happen
for you." I sighed inwardly: sometimes
Colonel O'Neill's brain could take a little while to process stuff. I remained patiently silent while he worked
through the remaining options. His face
suddenly changed and he let out what I can only describe as a startled yelp.
"You are so kidding me!" Jack retained his grip on my arms, staring wide-eyed into my face
with stunned disbelief. I continued my
steady, impassive gaze, waiting for him to come to a decision. He dropped my arms with a noise of
exasperation and turned away, resting his head momentarily in one hand.
"Carter, this is the real world now." He said,
still with his back to me. "You are an officer under my command – it could be a
Court-Martial situation for the both of us."
He looked round sharply and barked "And I am not handing in my
resignation to Hammond either!"
"I'm not asking you to." My voice was even and
quiet. He turned back and reached out
to take my upper arms again, gently this time.
"Do you seriously feel – that I took advantage of
you, Samantha?" he asked, softly. I
sighed, looking away.
"Yes," I replied.
"But it's difficult to assess how much I resent you for that, when I
don't even remember it!" I levelled my gaze back at him, and this time the
Colonel seemed to have stepped out for a while, leaving just Jack staring back
at me, eyes wide and vulnerable, his usual gung-ho confidence evaporating into
thin air. He nodded slowly.
"I understand." He said gently, and released my
arms to take my face between his hands.
Never losing eye contact, he leaned closer until his lips captured mine,
firm and sweet. His hands crawled
almost automatically around my shoulders, across my back, pulling me hard
against his body, and my skin tingled at his touch. When had I opened my mouth to him? I didn't remember, but now his tongue was duelling with mine, and
his hard, uncompromising lips were sweeping over my lips, harsh and insistent,
bruising me, making promises, staking claims.
What the …? How in hell had this
happened?
Jack pulled away first, his breathing harsh,
muscles tensed for flight. He held me
at arm's length with an almost comical expression of astonishment. I thought he was going to run.
"What – ?" I began, instinctively breaking his
grip and moving towards him. He quickly
raised his hands palms outermost in the classic 'back off' gesture. Slowly I withdrew. There was a strained silence, then Colonel O'Neill caught his
breath, looked up and gave me a quirky smile.
"Woah, Carter." He breathed, shaking his head, "D'you give
your dates notice before they kiss you goodnight? You should carry a Government Health Warning."
"Thank you, sir," I replied gravely, "And may I
return the compliment – now that I know what I'm talking about?" I caught his eye and looked away, trying not
to smile. A sound suspiciously like
suppressed laughter caused me to look up sharply. Colonel O'Neill, my immediate superior, was clutching the edge of
my desk in an effort to maintain his self-control. It was just too much. I
felt my facial muscles, rigid and aching, abruptly give way to uncontrollable
mirth. For some minutes, neither Jack
nor I managed anything coherent.
Eventually, a heavy pounding on my office door alerted me to the fact
that not only were we were locked in, but someone must have been trying to
attract my attention for a considerable time.
"Coming." I replied, still chuckling. I moved away from the Colonel to open the
door. Daniel stepped over the
threshold, guilt written all over his face.
"Look, guys, I'm really sorry I caused so much
trouble." He began, his penitent expression beginning to dissolve into
puzzlement as he glanced nervously between the two of us. "I, um, should have realised when Teal'c
told me – hey, what is it with you two?"
I glanced at O'Neill. Jack was
shuffling his feet, fidgeting, eyes everywhere but on me, lips twitching. I didn't dare look at him. Hurriedly I transferred my gaze to the
carpet, the ceiling, wherever – but it was too late. Jack's lips twitched again, my mouth trembled, then abruptly the
dam burst once more. Through my tears
of mirth, I became aware of Daniel fruitlessly trying to ask questions, then
finally giving up, slamming the office door behind him.
"Hey," Jack finally managed between breaths, "I
feel a whole lot better for that. Ya
know, Carter, we should do this more often!"
I stared at him quizzically.
"Which particular part, sir?" I queried. He didn't answer immediately, but strode
over to my door and opened it. Then he
looked back at me and a very enigmatic smile spread its way slowly over his
face.
"You choose, Carter." He announced with the
satisfaction of one who has finally gained the upper hand. "You choose."
