Lost Time Memory Mello X Matt

Even after years, the shadow doesn't fade

It only invites more emotions

I crouched, and drew alone

Matt kneeled on the small concrete courtyard outside of his cramped apartment. He gripped a tiny piece of chalk with trembling fingers; the colorful dust rubbed off of the chalk and stained his fingers green. Blurry memories clouded his thoughts. What did Mello's face look like? He tried as hard as could to recall, but his friend had been gone for too long. It was of no use to try and remember anything anymore.

"Damn it all!"

The chalk was crushed underfoot and left on the pavement.

Under a blazing sun, on a hilly road

We walked, blurry figures

The summer heat in our eyes

"Don't mind me."

"Just go off somewhere."

And I brushed your hand away

In a dark room, Mello lounged in a chair, angrily biting off pieces of his chocolate bar. He had no problem remembering. Everything he did with Matt up until his departure was clearly visible in his mind. His last words had been so cruel. He didn't want to think about how Matt must feel. Oh God, he had been so terse and unkind that last day, hadn't he?

Mello shook his head, trying to clear it of sentimental thoughts. He was a mafia member now, and there was no room for that kind of thinking. There was no room at all.

"Don't go."

You said to me

And grabbed my hand back

Something dripped down onto the brightly lit screen of Matt's DS. He froze for a moment, staring at the small droplets distorting the image on the video game. Tears? With a bitter swipe, the screen was cleared. Swallowing hard, Matt continued with his game.

"You're so annoying!"

I walked a little bit ahead

Without looking back

What's your real heart?

Nothing worked. Mello nearly screamed with fury, holding his head in his hands and falling backwards onto the couch. Why couldn't he just get on with life? Matt was gone now, gone! They'd never see each other again! He closed his eyes and bit his lip, trying to just forget all the stinging remarks he had directed at his friend that day. But then again, nothing worked.

With things like "wisdom," I can't look forward

There's no reason, so I keep rotting

If only things could be wound back

As many years pass, I won't die

Always proclaiming hopeful ideas

Even though naturally, you're still not here

The sound of keys being tapped filled Matt's bedroom. A pair of headphones was slung around his shoulders, and he stared wearily at the computer screen. Life had been a dull monotone for months on end. He couldn't remember anything, and there was nothing to look forward to. He had spent the last two weeks shut up inside his room, waiting for something, anything to happen. Something like Mello coming back to him.

Matt remained hopeful. Maybe Mello would get bored, get tired just like him. However, he knew that there was no such chance. Mello had left, and things would stay that way forever.

Saying "I don't care, go die, go die,"

I grab my wrist and curse

I can't do anything, so I just casually

Indulge in life

Gunshots. Screaming. Mello ducked, reaching for the gun in his back pocket. A gang member fell to the ground beside him, dead. The air was heavy with the thick, metallic scent of blood. He cocked the gun, ready for anything that came his way. To his surprise, nothing did. Cautiously, he looked around the corner of a building. There was nobody in sight, save a few blood-soaked bodies.

Then everything hit him at once for the thousandth time that month.

"No! Stop it! Just stop!"

He fell to his knees, his pistol dropping onto the ground with a clatter. No matter how much he indulged in life, in excitement and in danger, he couldn't protect himself. No matter how strong it was, no gun could save him from the painful memories that attacked him.

If summer can show me dreams

Let us go before you were taken away

"Why? Why did you leave?"

Lying curled up under a thin sheet, Matt gripped the sides of his head and tried not to cry again. There were no more happy dreams anymore, only nightmares.

The days I hid out of shame light up the air

Scorching my mind

Mello didn't understand. It had been almost a year since he had left, but he still felt guilty about everything. Everything! He wondered if maybe he should go back and try to find his ex-best friend, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to look a t Matt after all that had happened. The shame burned inside of him, eating him from the inside out. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

A boy at the age of 18

Waited somewhere again

It's a blurry silhouette, but

He remembers the shape

The photo was faded and fuzzy. Matt stared at it through the orange-tinted lenses of his glasses. The Wammy House. Yes, he remembered that, at least. He stared harder at the two figures standing outside of the building, but they were too blurry to see the details. He knew it was him and Mello; he just couldn't see their faces. He knew he never would.

On a campus clear under the sun

You were smiling again

Again you said "let's play"

And gently swayed

Mello looked more closely at the photograph. He wondered if Matt had kept it all these years. No, he probably wouldn't want anything to do with Mello anymore. Something panged in his chest, and he dropped the photo, watching it flutter slowly onto the floor. Matt's face. It was a little hard to remember, but Mello could see it. Matt had always been so optimistic, so happy, willing to do anything with him.

And he had ruined it.

"I'm worried" says an awkward face

Some neighbor wouldn't understand

Stop pretending to be so sad

Matt frowned, biting his thumbnail and watching the tiny pixelated characters on his computer screen. He could remember Near, the logical, white-blonde genius, and L, everyone's role model, but he couldn't remember the most important person in his life. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair, muttering that no matter who it was, nobody would understand how he felt anyway.

Let's keep living faint and unnaturally today

Let's keep to living to yesterday's pace

So I won't forget your warmth

The air was freezing. Mello shivered and shoved his hands in his pockets. He walked down an empty street, feeling lightheaded and cold. As he did, he passed two men leaning against a graffiti-covered wall with cigarettes in their mouths. He paused, looked at them with wide eyes, and when they gave him strange looks, he hurried on. The scent of smoke only made him more faint.

If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true

Then I'll just embrace the hurt past

And have a dream I won't wake up from

With a groan, Matt dragged himself from his bed. He never really wanted to get up anymore, but he still forced himself to clamber wearily out from in between the sheets, get dressed, and eat something. Sometimes he was too tired to even light a cigarette or tap the buttons on his DS, but he just kept moving on, moving on, until he was so weak he could do nothing but collapse onto the ground and cry tears that refused to come.

He didn't know he had cared for Mello so much. Of course, they had been good friends, but nothing more, right? Well, considering the past few weeks…wrong.

As if naturally, I secluded myself

So you can't even see tomorrow, then?

I'm perfectly fine with that

I stain my hands to kill off the boring days

Because I chose to be alone

Mello looked down at his hands, which were dripping with blood and sweat. When had he become such a monster? Killing people was nothing to him now. This wasn't like one of Matt's stupid video games; nobody had five lives to spare. He wondered what his friend would think if he saw him like this.

This must be hell. This must be his punishment for running away, for secluding himself, for choosing to be alone. There was no yesterday, no tomorrow. Life was nothing, a fragile but powerful thing that had spun out of control for Mello. He had thought that joining the mafia would make him stronger, but all it had done so far was make him weaker.

A rotten, 18-year-old youth

Was praying another day

Your colorful smile still

Clings to him

To the blazing sun I muttered "Just take me with you, somehow"

And my breath quietly stopped

Two young men stood facing each other. Mello gripped his rosary with a tight, shaking hand as if praying, and Matt almost forgot how to breathe. Everything came flooding back to him.

"Hi."

Matt nearly cried at the sound of his voice. How could he have forgotten? It was so familiar now, the face, the voice, the personality. Mello had come back to him. The most important person in his life had come back to him.

"Hey."

Mello looked slightly different, he noticed, a little more defiant, but also a little beaten, as if he hadn't slept much for a while. Which was actually true. The blonde let go of his rosary, the beads clinked together as they swung back and hit his chest.

"How's life?"

"Terrible."

"Same."

"You should have taken me with you."

"Maybe."

The voice of "Can you hear me?" vanished

And I somehow understood the reason

I reached out to the summer warmth

Under the blazing sun, a youth

Had wished to stand in the "then"

Your summery smile still

Was unchanging

"Are you sure?"

"They're not going to shoot you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Promise me something else, too."
"What now?"

"That you won't die."

Mello sighed, looking up at his friend. Matt looked earnestly into his eyes, waiting for him to say something.

"Okay. I promise that, also."

"Good."

Matt smiled happily, going back to gaming. Despite himself, Mello couldn't help but smile back. Matt was so naïve, so trusting, it was almost…he didn't really want to say it, but…cute. Mello opened his mouth, shut it, but made up his mind.

"So you have to promise me you won't die."

"Huh?"

The DS was clicked shut. Matt looked at Mello in surprise.

"You won't die either, right?"

"You care about me?"

Mello was taken aback. He smirked.

"Of course, idiot."

"Okay. I won't die."

"I died. I'm sorry," you say

"Shall I say 'goodbye'?" you say

"You promised, Matt! You promised!"

Mello didn't try to hide his anger. He didn't try to hide his bitter sadness. The sight of Matt's body, bloody and limp, was too much. Now he was sure of it, this had to be hell. But he had made a promise, and even if Matt had broken it, he would make sure to stay true to his word. He couldn't die. He had to stay alive for Matt no matter what sort of nightmare his world had become…

Don't say such lonely things, don't go away

The silhouettes stood by

And they watched me