A Thing Without a Name

Author's Note: Um, yes. Interestingly enough, whilst I was diligently studying for my Anthropology final, I was assaulted by a large number of plot bunnies, and this is the result of one of them. This is a strange little Aeris POV, meant to take place after Cloud's date with Tifa. I warn you now that this fic contains some implied yuri (female/female romance), but no "action" as it were. If the idea of romance between two women, or between Aeris and Tifa in particular, offends you, I recommend you look elsewhere. If it offends you and you read it anyway, feel free to flame me; even negative feedback lets me know I'm being read.

"…so yeah, it was a little strange, but overall, I'd have to say it was a good night."

I know how I'm supposed to react to this. And it shouldn't be hard. I shouldn't be angry right now, and there's no reason I should be. Cloud doesn't feel that way about me, and that really doesn't bother me one bit. So why to I have to force this?

"I'm glad to hear you say that," I tell her with a smile, brushing some invisible dust off of my skirt just so I have something to do with hands that seem shaky, all of a sudden, "I've been a little worried about you, lately. Just with everything that's been going on…"

Well, at least the last part is true. I have been worried about her. She's strong, sure, but the sort of things we've been fighting through are enough to make anyone's head spin. I swear I'm still a little out-of-breath after every battle. I keep waiting to get stronger, or something…a little more like her. Then again, I don't think that would happen if I fought nonstop for the rest of my life. She really is spectacular, but she takes so much upon herself…

"You know…" she says, a conspiratorial twinkle in those eyes somewhere between velvet-brown and ruby, leaning close to me like a schoolgirl about to tell her best friend a secret, "After tonight…I really think Cloud and I might be, well…turning into something. Something serious."

Okay, breathe. Why am I so furious about this? And why does she have to be sitting so close- and on the bed, no less? And why is that even a consideration? No. No, no, no. This isn't happening; I'm not feeling this, I'm-

"Aeris…what's the matter?" she asks, and a part of me is stupid enough to wish I knew what to tell her.

"N-nothing," I say, shaking my head and giving her another smile, trying to look as honest as I can, "I'm really happy for you, Tifa."

Please don't push this…Just let it go, don't catch that I'm lying through my teeth…

"I get it," she says, facing forward again, looking down at her knees and giving her legs a swing, her crossed ankles making the toe of only one boot drag on the floor, "You…you're j-"

"Don't say it!"

…By the Promised Land, tell me I didn't just shout that. But of course I had to. I couldn't let her say that. For now, whatever I'm feeling is nameless, so I can just pretend it will go away. This isn't how I'm supposed to feel, so I can't let her speak that word. I just can't. If she says it, I'll have to admit it exist, have to admit that I…I don't even want to think about it. But if she's the only girl I've ever-No! No, no, no! I can't think like that…I-

"Aeris?" she asks, concern in her voice and her hands on my shoulders, "Aeris, I'm sorry. Just pretend I didn't say anything, okay? When it comes down to it, you're my best friend, and I don't want to say anything to hurt you. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course," I tell her. My voice is shaking, it's hard to keep my eyes on hers instead of letting them drift. She's touching me, she's leaning so close. I've never wanted so much for one thing to stop and keep going all at once.

"Thank you," she says with a relieved sigh, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, hugging me close, "You really mean a lot to me, Aeris. I never want you to think that you don't, alright?"

"I know," I tell her, returning the embrace, trying to force myself not to bask in it, even as I feel her chest press against mine, "You mean a lot to me too, Tifa. And I really am happy for you. If he ever breaks your heart…"

She laughs, and pulls away, and I don't know whether to be relieved or crushed.

"You're such a scrappy little thing, you know that?" she smiles, "Downright fierce! I'm glad you're on our side."

"I always will be, Tifa. We're friends after all, right?"

"You've got it!"

Friends. And that's how I'll make it stay.

Even if the very idea of it makes me feel like I've been pierced by some cold blade.