Death Note does not belong to me, etc. Wrote this fic after being kept awake by snow plows and wishing for a death note to shut them up. And yes, it really is that cold in Wisconsin.
Let Sleeping Lights Lie
Once upon a time there was a young man named Yagami Light. He attended the University of Wisconsin at Madison. You might think he might have a hard time living in foreign country by himself, but actually he did quite well because he was a charming genius and spoke English fluently. Also, Madison is filled with millions of Asians, many of which are Japanese.
Anyway, Madison is much colder than Tokyo, and one Saturday morning Light woke up to find it was snowing outside. Blizzarding, more exactly, followed by icy
rain. In other words, REALLY FUCKING COLD.
However, Light was very happy because he liked to play in the snow. So he bundle up very thoroughly, "borrowed" a tray from the local cafeteria, and went sledding down Bascom Hill. Unfortunately, he was forced to go back to his dorm after an hour because, as was mentioned before, it was REALLY FUCKING COLD and still blizzarding out (with a side dish of icy rain). Even geniuses have their limits. Also, he had a ridiculous amount of Hebrew and Farsi homework to do. Personally,
he blamed the Hebrew teacher, because he didn't like her, even though Farsi took up the majority of the homework.
Light spent all day Saturday doing his homework, slept all day Sunday, got up at 6 PM, and then spent all night finishing his homework. He finally put down his
pencil at 1:30 AM. Sufficed to say, he was very tired but he still didn't fall asleep until 2:30. Light is an insomniac, did I mention that? He had acquired it from all that time handcuffed to his good ol' friend L, who would repeatedly drag him out of bed to raid
the fridge--or more exactly, the cookie jar. Even though it had been some time since he had last seen L, Light still woke up several times a night with a mad
craving for cookies.
So it was no surprise that he woke up tonight with, yes, a mad craving for cookie. Fortunately, being a genius, he had expected as much and prepared ahead of
time by buying Chunky Chips Ahoy! from the dorm canteen. Anyway, Light happily devoured the few remaining cookies in the package and was about to go
back sleep when a loud rumbling accompanied by an annoying beeping sound and flashing lights came by his window.
Light tossed and turned, but could not fall asleep. That damn rumbling kept moving back and forth in front of his window! He tried covering his head with a blanket and then with his pillow, to no avail. Finally he looked out the window and realized the rumbling was coming from a snow plow. Worse, it didn't look like the snow plow intended to leave any time soon.
Light was tired. No, Light was very, very tired. He wanted to sleep, and by God he would do whatever it took to shut that damn snow plow up. So he wrapped himself up in his winter coat, stormed downstairs, and shouted at the guys running the snow plow. They shouted back at him. He demanded their names. They gave it to him. He wrote them down and swore to complain to the government. They laughed. 40 seconds
later they all died, because he had written their names down in a Death Note. Light turned the snow plow off--he figured out how to work it pretty quickly because he was a genius--and happily went back to bed.
Meanwhile, the bodies of the workers froze into giant ice cubes.
When Light woke up again, there was a big commotion outside because of the turned-off snow plow and the frozen ice cube bodies. Light didn't care about the
obstruction because he was environmentally conscious and walked or biked everywhere (read: he was too poor to own a car). However, he did end up getting a good night's sleep, so he was very happy. Light went to class, turned in all his homework, and subsequently passed all his classes with flying colors because he is, after all, a genius.
Some time later, his good ol' friend L showed up to investigate the frozen ice cube bodies, but Light bribed him with lots and lots of Chunky Chips Ahoy! and L agreed to ignore the whole incident. And everyone lived happily ever after, because they were no longer woken at 6 in the morning by noisy snow plows.
THE END