Once again, Emily lay in bed with Paige, pretending to be asleep. The tone between the two girls was far different than the night of Emily's surprise birthday party, but the weight on Emily's shoulders was no less.
Paige rolled onto her side, her arm casually flopping onto Emily's hip. She snuggled into Emily from behind, burying her nose into her shoulder and letting out a deep, contented sigh. Emily felt a sadness deep in her chest. She longed for the feeling of weightlessness she could hear in Paige's breathing. She reached her hand to her side and placed it atop of the other girl's, gently ghosting over her soft skin. Since the day she met Paige, the girl tried so hard; she tried to be the best, tried to fight who she was. She tried for Emily's affections. She tried to be who Emily needed her to be. She tried to fight for the approval of Emily's friends. She tried to protect Emily from danger, and then she tried to give Emily the life she always dreamed of when it looked like her hopes for her future were ruined.
Emily listened to the breathing of the girl behind her, the girl who held her with a gentle ease. In and out. Soft and slow.
'We have to face facts. We're not going to be together next year.'
The words rang in her head. In and out. Soft and slow. Paige's future was all but set. She had the school. She had accepted the here and now with Emily, knowing full well that it was only here and now. She slept and breathed with ease because she HAD ease. There was no weight for her.
Emily sighed harshly. She didn't want to resent Paige. She loved Paige. It wasn't her fault that things were working in her favor. And she tried desperately to take Emily along for the ride. But so much was coming between the two. Emily just didn't lead a life like normal girls. Why couldn't she just be like normal girls? Girls who weren't running from stalkers and killers who murdered her best friend?
Her best friend...Ali. What if it's true? What if Ali WAS alive? It can't be true. Does she WANT it to be true? Of course she does! Of course she would want Ali alive and well over dead and buried. She would want that any day! But she doesn't understand. How could she just disappear like this? How could she give them no sign, no indication of her life, of her safety, or lack thereof? They could have helped. They could have done something. Maybe this would all be over with. Maybe all of this, all of this time, everything that had happened, never would have. All of the confusion, all of the fear, the danger - the not knowing what is real or who to trust. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe she could have just been with Ali all of this ti -
Emily's eyes shot open. Been with Ali? What the hell was she thinking about? Is that what she wants? Still? After everything that has happened? After all of this time? Is it not more than simply wanting her friend home safe? Wanting a resolution after all of this time? Is she still in love with Ali?
Images of Ali flashed through her mind. Her big blue eyes and the way they would squint when she smiled her big toothy grin. It was like her biggest smiles were reserved just for her private jokes with Emily, the dimples in her cheeks growing deeper by the second -
"You ok, babe?" Paige murmured sleepily.
Emily's eyes trailed down to her hip, to Paige's hand. She gripped it firmly and her eyebrows furrowed as the thoughts that ran through her head conflicted with the feeling of the girl currently pressed against her body. Paige stirred slightly and pushed further into Emily, pressing light kisses to her neck.
"Yeah." Emily answered in a quiet whisper. She squeezed Paige's hand reassuringly and turned onto her other side, facing her. She placed her hand on Paige's cheek and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Go back to sleep."
"Mmmhmm." Paige moaned, already dozing back off.
Emily continued to ghost her hand lightly over Paige's cheek, her eyebrows, the bridge of her nose, her chin. She slowly took in every feature of her soft, unencumbered face with an inexplicably terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that it was only a matter of time before pain and worry wrinkled her features again.