ソニック：ドライブ
Drive.
Wordsmith Entry:
This is a haughty, arrogant, and pompous modus operandi of writing literature that someone of my extremely high caliber of conjuring up a critical, crucial magnum opus, which this primordial realm needs!
The intellectual, well read, articulated, such sophisticated and dashing novelist, that would be me not you, is not entirely in control, but really I am because I'm an amazing writer, to put this simply for you to understand: is that another character and what I mean by 'character', doesn't have the benefits of this powerless , not really I just do it so you can feel better about your incompetent life, well articulated wordsmith!
I got the idea from another source, not really as being a high scholar myself I thought of it first, where characters from stories that are simply, as sad as it is when such primitive savages attempt to write, incorporeal representation, which I'm not doing because I have a degree in writing, to be manipulated. Used and abused by such common apes! I'm not sure, I am sure because I'm right and you're not you shoddy writer you, work or not, I do because like I said: I'm right, but it's an idea that's been swirling around in my head, and I need to give it a try so here it goes...
Two heavy steps pattered against the slab of the driveway. One stopped at the driver's side of the shoddy, stale scrap metal while the other trekked to the passenger's.
A flickering street light warded off the darkness with a hue of washed-out cyan.
Crickets performed their wondrous symphony: the song of wanting to fuck.
A white-gloved hand reached within his pant's chamber, rummaging for the stowed object; muffled rattles and clanks of keys chimed within the cavity of the pocket.
The slats of copper murmured as they crashed into each other when he pulled from one of them.
It rapt against steel as he missed the lock.
An abrupt click ensued from the mechanism.
The door swung open as the inside lights chased the void away.
The stark figure extended their jutting sausage fingers before lapping them over the frigid door's latch, tugging it open, they stared at Sonic.
"I've got it."
They smirked as they leaned against the car's crusty roof with their arm crossed on it
Sonic narrowed his nasty ass, fleshy median thing between his eyes."You're too slow. Yadda, yadda and all that other cheesy lines. Okay, let's get this over with."
"Da fuck? Are you retarded?"
"No." Sonic shook his head. "It's in the script." He leaned his head to the side and delved into his pockets for a while before he sighed. "And forgot it."
"How?" The stark figure squinted behind the pointy shades.
"Eh, I wing it all the time." Sonic shrugged. "It's why my lines are shit."
"Wouldn't say shit? They're funny." The stark figure halfway faced away with a sliver of their teeth between their outstretched smile. In the same vein as 'The Room.'
"I know what your thinking." Sonic's eyes half-lidded.
"These days, that's a compliment."
"Sure." Sonic crossed his arms. "Y'know, no one going to know what you're parodying."
No response.
A pricking, frigid jolt surged through their tensed spine.
"Good job, you chuckle dumbfocky." Sonic flicked his nose.
The stark figure wagged their finger in the air.
"I don't care."
They raised their brows as they tilted their head back and smirked. "Also, fuck you dumb fuck."
"Ha, you're the dumbfoc— I mean, dumbfo- dumb..." Sonic clasped his lips before he huffed. "You've neutered my speech!" He threw his splayed palms aloft.
"Oopsy doopsy."
"Bullhocky!" Sonic set his hands above the car, he curled his fingers into a fist as his head dipped to his shoulders while he shut his mutant eyes and clenched his teeth.
He sighed, relaxing his body before pursing his lips. His arms collapsed by his waist.
"It's better if only one of us can." The stark figure inched forward, they crossed their arms and rested them on the roof. "Ready?"
Sonic crooked the side of his lip down. "Sure, whatever."
The stark figure sucked air through their teeth, their drool caused the air to make a slurping sound.
"Not with that attitude."
They swayed their head side to side like a pendulum. Their snarky grin dimpled their cheeks. "Cheer up."
Tilting his head to the side, Sonic faux a toothy smile as his eyes widen and brows parted.
Does he have brows? Flesh brows?
He spoke through his clenched teeth, "Can we move on?"
"No." The stark figure cupped their hand over their chin. Their brows knitted as they raised their head heavenward. "I'm having a conundrum." They stared at Sonic, narrowing their eyes. "Do you have eyebrows? And...your muzzle? Is that skin?"
Sonic shoulders drooped as his facade withered into a bitter stare.
Sweat trickled along the stark figure's forehead
Their brows wavered.
They rubbed their quivering hand along their chin and pressed their lips together.
Their gnarled gut churned from the dire, dreadful, desiccate enigma.
Is it flesh? No.
Is it hair? No.
Is it...quills...? No?
More odious, pensive thoughts clawed their way along the mind, ravaging and riving the sanity and burrowing into the synapses of the brain.
They shut their eye, obstructing the cruel, complex world.
Ruminating on such convoluted thoughts.
Failing to find the truth.
Inhale, exhale.
Stop.
Harrowing, visceral ideas racked their feeble mind. The stark figure crept an eye open, their vision blurred and seared as they focused on Sonic's blue fur? Quills? Flesh?
Their eye tracking along the contours of the jutting spikes behind Sonic's head, seeming soft to touch.
Should be quills? No.
Should be hair? No...
Should be fur? No... but it looks like it.
Sonic froze. The world stopped. The stark figure tooted.
"Stop stalling." Sonic tapped his finger against his arm.
"WWWWhhhaaaaaat?" The stark figure set their palms on their chest, they shook their head. "I'm not."
"Then move the darn story along." Sonic's disturbing, fleshy brows narrowed.
The stark figure shuddered and stuck out their tongue between their teeth.
"What was the next line?"
"I only remembered mine."
Sonic shut his eyes, he set his hand on them, holding in place for a brevity of time.
He inhaled, letting it rest in his lungs, he exhaled. "Improvise?"
"Improvise?"
"Yes, improvise."
They said it together, "Improvise!"
Sonic raised his palm in the air. "Wait, hold on, I think I got something." He bobbed his head. "There's nothing here." He snapped his fingers and pointed at the stark figure.
"Shit, this sounds dumb."The stark figure raised an arm and rested their palm against their cheek. "Tis thwarted thyself."
"Too bad, now hurry up." Sonic rotated his hand encircles.
"Yeah...ugh." The stark figure nodded, they sunk their teeth into their lip. "Hold on, umm." They scratched behind the ear. "Got it!"
"That's right?"
Sonic faux shock in his voice, "Who the hell are you?" He paused as his eyes rounded and mouth hanged agape. "You must be new."
This is going to be shit.
"I'm the writer..." The stark figure shook their head. Absolute shit.
"Whoa, really? I couldn't tell!" Sonic's eyes slanted.
"I've decided to write fanfiction for Sonic." The stark figures' sweaty palms wavered. Their stomach contorted.
"Really? You?" Sonic paused. "Are you going to take this verbatim?"
The stark figure raised the side of their flat hand horizontally and waved it side to side. " Somewhat, but it lacks meat, needs subtext."
"It's an ask fic?"
"Interview."
"Same thing, " Sonic said.
"Anyway, what's odd about that?"
"Lazy."
"Atrocious."
"Script format."
"Garbage, complete garbage."
"Shitty and ugly format, dumb-as-hell plot, and a total waste of time."
"Remove it."
The stark figure caressed their sultry tongue along their dry lips. "Oh-baby fuck yeah! Now you're speaking my language. " A warm sensation coursed between their legs.
"You let me curse?"
"Na, that was just stolen from a WR review, now back t-"
"Can't make your own?"
The stark figure shrugged "Eh, tried. Sounded as bad as his fics."
"Those were the best around."
"No."
"Don't lie."
"I'm not, his work offers nothing."
"People learned to write thanks to him."
"They also gave up." The stark figure's fist clenched.
Sonic shrugged and shook his head. "So? They're bad."
"They still have a place."
"How?"
"They're someone's dreams and ideas." The stark figure inhaled the bitter, chilling air.
"They deserve to be here just as much as anyone else's."
The back of Sonic's cheek raised while he crooked his lip up. "You like it when people clog the place?"
"Drowning out the good work?"
"Spamming?"
The stark figure rubbed their clasped, wavering lips together.
"Tsk, I'm right."
Bulbs of sweat welled on the stark figure's forehead as they shook it.
"You hate it too, don't you?"
The stark figure leaned their head back, averting their gaze from him.
They sighed, shut their eyes, and nodded before they opened them when they raised a finger in the air. "But." Their brows raised.
"They have every right to be here as anyone else."
"Besides, you can use tags or check people's favorites."
Sonic rolled his eyes.
"Sorry but not sorry."
"His work is shit."
"Shouldn't tarnish his legacy." Sonic wagged his finger.
"He shouldn't have been a disgusting pedo." The stark figure leaned their head back as they scratched below their chin. "Shouldn't have ruined the dreams of teens." They clenched their teeth, the side of their lip quirked up as simmering, stoking ire pitted in their gut from the vile thoughts, and they rested their arms on the car's roof while they narrowed their eyes when they stared into Sonic's. "And sure as hell shouldn't." They slowly shook their head. "And I hope to the damned god himself." They paused to inhale, extending a finger out to point at the roof. "That he didn't disguise his abuse as help."
Sonic whistled. "Where's the subtext?" He smirked when the stark figure's brows twitched. "He helped a lot."
"No, the only thing to gain. Is his style." The stark figure paused, searching for words. "That's all, he's trash."
"People owe him." Sonic leaned his head forward, his brows compressed.
"Like?"
Sonic shrugged, cocking his palm back before plummeting it below the roof.
The stark figure shook their head. "They don't owe him shit."
"They still owe 'em... even if he's a..." Sonic did air quotations. "Creep."
No response.
The stark figure tilted their head back and shook it while they sighed. Their brows parted.
"Okay, hypothetically say he wasn't here." Sonic rested his arm on the roof, he leaned forward. "What would happen?"
"There'd be more people."
"And?" Sonic shrugged, he extended an arm towards the figure, pointing out with his thumb while his other hand's finger tapping the bottom of his palm. "They'd lose interest eventually." He rapped on it again and his pointer jutted out. "Second." A toothy smirk peeked from his lips. "No one would've taken their writing serious." Rapid, breathy snickers escaped his mouth. "You'd end up with more trash." He paused. "Y'know it's hard to find stuff."
Silence.
"Don't you agree?" Sonic raised a brow.
Seething, scorching rage cried within the stark figure's pitting stomach as ravaging ire surged through their tense limbs: their fissured mind bellowed.
Labored, deep breaths escaped through the cracks of their lips.
They shut their eyes and raised their brows for a moment.
Fuck no.
Neither of their gazes budged.
Sonic shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Why?"
No response.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Sonic wagged his finger. "Don't bite off more than you can chew."
"Whatever." The stark figure cocked their wavering hand back and glided their palm down through the air as it crashed against the roof.
"That's cute."
The stark figure faced away, they inhaled the biting, chilled air, holding it for a second, a long drawn out exhale seeped out. They stared at the distant horizon, its mound of light-shielded it from the emptiness.
"Get in and fucking drive, bitch."
"Say the magic wo-"
"Please." The stark figure paused. "Bitch."
The side of Sonic's lip quirked down. "Say it without the b-word."
"Please..." The stark figure bit back a smile, struggling with it as its ends curls up. "Bitch."
Sonic crossed his arms and tapped his finger on it. He leaned his head back while his eyes narrowed and brows furrowed.
This is too easy.
"Don't be pissed."
"Funny coming from you." Sonic slowly blinked.
"Never could win an argument."
The blissful smirk faltered, the stark figure squinted while their brows came together.
"...Please..."
"See? That's not so hard."
Cunt, ass, shit fucker.
Sonic stared at them, he huffed. "Do you really need thoughts?"
"They're always pointless."
"Yes."
"It's not doing anything."
"It looks pretty."
"Pretty bad."
Says you.
"It's pointless, wrong, and bad." Sonic smirked, his smile caused the stark figure's blood to seethe as they clenched their fist. The keys jingled when he set his hands below the roof. "Stop using it then I'll drive." They told them no. "Still can't take critique?"
Silence.
Sonic whistled but stopped when the stark figure snapped.
"I can."
"You broke down and cried."
"Used to."
"Used to means longer than a day."
The stark figure's moved their mouth, no words came, they stared aghast with their jaw hanging before it shut.
Sweat trickled down their forehead.
Teeth clenched and muscles tighten.
They shut their eyes and blew out the welling ire between their wavering lips.
The imitation leather seat creaked when Sonic sat on it. The keys clattered as he turned the ignition on; the motors came to life as the engine whirred. His voice masked by the droning sound, " It's sad that you can't take it."
The stark figure stared up at the night sky. Their mind raced, rummaging for answers; their words snared in their throat, failing to find their way out; they sighed, accepting the biting, bleak truth.
Well fuck.
"Stop using thoughts, they're pointless. If you want a bigger word count, then learn to write!"
...Yeah...
They stepped into the putrid, rancid car, the trash on the floor crinkled as they sat on the faux leather, slouching back, it crinkled while they did. They shut the door and put the seatbelt on.
"Seriously, stop using them. It waters your italicized words. "
Eh, that's a sacrifice I'll live with.
"You're such a bick...bich...— — — ?" Sonic's tone sharpen. "Oh? Now you let me swear, you — — — — — ." He paused, blinking before shaking his head. "You — — — — .— "
"Huh, guess filters are useful." The stark figure covered their mouth with their hand and yawned. Their half-lidded eyes trailed off to the desolate lawn to their right as they rested their lax arm on the door.
The grating clacks of the shifting gear rung out. The car strolled back before both of them jostled in their seats when the wheels made contact to the asphalt.
The faint hue of the street lamp illuminated the inside as rays of light crept through the tinted windows.
"Where to?"
Both of them glanced at each other before the stark figure shrugged.
"Cool." Sonic flicked his nose, he pulled the stick down and the car lurched forward.
The world around moved on, each passing object blurred by as the car sped up; its engine bellowed and shrieked. Streaks of washed out yellow streamed by on the contours of the two.
The stark figure halfway faced Sonic, their voice ebbed, "Back to the parody?"
"Huh?"
"The parody."
"Yeah, sure."
"Where were we?" The stark figure leaned their head back, mulling on their pensive thoughts.
"Why are you asking me?"
"Cuz I hate thinking."
"Agreed." Sonic bobbed his head up and down, his lips clasped. "But I don't know where we were."
"Well shit." The stark figure sunk their teeth into their lips, sucking in air and making a popping sound before parting them.
"Improv?"
"...Improv...?"
"Improv."
"Improv!" Sonic threw his hands up from the steering wheel and shook them in the air by his face. He halfway faced them. "Wait..why are we doing this?"
"Because I can't remember."
"No, I mean all of this."
"Could ya turn on the heater, it's kinda cold." The stark figure crossed their arms and rubbed their hands against their warm surface.
Sonic's unamused expression caused the stark figure's skin to prick.
"Never mind.." They leaned forward and turned the temperature knob to the right before they messed with the other. The warm heat brushed against their face as the vents thrummed. They slouched back into the seat before they reclined it.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"Are you going to answer the question?" Sonic tapped a finger against the driving wheel.
No response.
Bulbs of sweat welled on the stark figure's forehead, they set their wavering palm on it and smeared it between them they failed to wipe it away. They stared down at their feet, blinking.
Their gut contorted while their mind hushed.
They rocked side to side like a pendulum.
The faint swooshes of passing vehicles warded away the silence.
"You don't know?"
The needle plummeted towards zero as The car came to a stop at a vacant red light.
The stark figure scratched the side of their head.
Their lip curled back.
Mind blank.
Neither of them said a word nor a sound to each other.
Neither of them faced each other.
Neither of them cared.
Awkward, annoying silent clutched the moment.
The stark figure's chest caved as their mind traversed the barren land for a feckless answer.
Their breaths rapid, inhaling the searing air through their dry mouth.
The light turned green and the car accelerated.
"I hate that question."
Sonic smirked, he fought back a chuckle. "Why?"
"For such a small word, it blows."
"Wh-"
"Will you stop!" The stark figure's shoulders wilted.
"Answer me, then I will."
"Ugh."
"The sooner the better."
"Okay, sure." They stark figure raised their hands in the air and huffed. "I like to have a little self-indulgence."
"Disgusting." Sonic snickered. "Then why post it?"
The stark figure extended a finger in the air. "Beca-" They paused, curling it back into their fist before blinking.
"Wouldn't it be better to keep it to yourself?"
"I like to express myself."
"So do bigots."
"And?"
"It's stupid." Sonic glanced at them.
"There's nothing wrong with that."
"You're wasting people's time."
"Maybe?"
"Are you stupid?"
"Probably? I did hit my head a lot." The stark figure placed their wavering hands in their lap and fiddled with their fingers. "Why's it a big deal?"
"It's bad writing."
"Even trash has wisdom." The stark figure sprawled out and extended their arms over their head before they splayed their fingers as they stretched and yawned. "You learn what to and what not to do."
Sonic spoke under his breath, "Sound like a fortune cookie."
The stark figure jutted their lips out like a fortune cookie, they blew air through it, making chuffs.
"Seriously, answer me."
"Elaborate." The stark figure's labored breaths ebbed.
"Why did you pick this fandom when no one is going to get it?"
They shrugged.
"Uh-uh, you're answering it."
"Where's the subtext?"
"Just answer the darn questions." The speedometer climbed towards the red bars as the surrounding blurred by.
"Can I answer it with subtext?" The stark figure smiled.
"Sure, whatever. Just answer it."
"Well, I just like to write."
Silence.
"What?" They faced Sonic.
"But why this fandom?"
"Reasons."
"I'll crash if you don't answer."
The stark figure's stomach knotted as a vile, violating chill surged through their unease veins.
"I've...been..." They paused, rubbing their tooth against their lip. "Thinking about getting back into it." Their eyes trailed away towards the door while their heart pounded. "And there's someone who's got my attention."
"Why?"
Potent piercing apprehension raked the mind.
"Just cuz."
"No really, why?"
The stark figure played with their sweaty, wavering hands.
"There's a..." They sealed their lips shut, gulping down their remorse.
"Forget it." They shook their throbbing head.
Their flushed cheeks seared while their chin quivered.
"Spit it out."
"N-no!"
"Do it so we can move on."
"Ehhhhhhhh, it's bad."
Sonic put his palm on his chest. "This is my fandom we're talking about."
They nodded. "True."
"So what is it?"
"Don't judge me."
"I already am," Sonic said.
"It's..."
"It's what?"
"Better not laugh."
"Say it."
Heart thrashed. Mind crumbled. Words snagged in their searing throat.
"Ugh, umm..." A grin stretched along their cheek as sultry sweat trickled down their forehead.
Each word pricked their throat.
"It's...a..." They whispered, "S-h-i-p."
"Garbage. Absolute garbage." Sonic peeked at them, who sagged their shoulders and kept their body wrapped up like a mummy. "What ship?"
"The most trashiest trash of St. Trashieton."
"Which is?" Sonic peeked at them.
The stark figure cupped their palms over their lips, They inhaled air through their clenched teeth. "You'll never know, besides, that's promoting."
"Yeah, but you love it."
The stark figure's heart teemed with joy as it skipped within its chamber. They bit back a smile as it dimpled their strained cheeks. "Maybe, probably? I think I do?"
"Tell me."
"Why do you care?" The stark figure eyes darted away.
"I don't, but you're forcing me to."
"True, fuck it."
"Guess."
"Umm...I guess." Sonic rubbed his hand against his...furry? Fleshy like? Chin. "None."
"Dick."
"I'm not in the mood for your antics, move your dang story." Sonic shook his head. "I really hope your writing picks up these bad habits."
"Sheesh." The blissful joy seeped from their drawn-out exhale.
"Ready?"
The stark figure shrugged.
"Well start it."
"Ugh..." They shut their eyes as their twitching brows knitted. "I'm the writer."
"Didn't we do this?"
"Just fucking do it."
Sonic rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Really? I didn't know?"
The stark figure's voice withered with each word, "I've decided to write shitty fanfiction."
"Wow-whee, chilly dogs! Thank you, whoever you are!"
"What's odd about that?"
Sonic paused, he blinked as he kept silent. "Ugh..." He scratched the side of his head, he stared lost in his thought.
The stark figure leaned in towards Sonic and whispered, "The line is..."
They paused, retaining the words at the tip of their tongue.
Holding their breath, they let it escaped their lips.
Voice rising in pitch.
"UGA BUGA BUGA!"
The car veered to the left.
Jerking the steering wheel and slamming the breaks, Sonic leaned into the turn when the car skid sideways across the road while its tires shrieked and emitted its putrid, pungent stench before it hitched itself straight. enchanting bliss coursed through the stark figure who jostled within their seat, the vehicle climbed into its lane as Sonic panted, and his face drenched in sweat: he cursed under his breath for minutes. He pulled over to a vacant parking lot, each heavy drawn out breath sent pricking shivers down the stark figure's spine.
They leaned in towards Sonic and whispered into where his ears could be.
"Want to hear about my ships?"
Sonic inhaled, holding it, he let out a long drawn exhale after each tightening grip that caused the faux leather to crinkle.
The stark figure grinned, bits of giggles escaped their crooked lips, and they dived back into their seat.
Silence.
Neither of them budged as they clashed gazes, both refusing to make a move.
Sonic's bleak, stern gaze pierced their mind.
"What?"
No response.
No gestures.
Nothing.
"Ugh...what?" The stark figure blinked, their skin pricked from Sonic's unflinching stare.
"You're wanting an apology?"
The side of Sonic lips curled down.
"Sorry?"
Silence.
"If you want, we can move the plot along..."
Sonic tapped his finger against the wheel while he smiled, jerking his head to the side for moments before leaning it back and shaking it; he shut his eyes while he huffed while his low voice carried like a faint breeze, "You can't keep this up." He clenched his teeth, grinned, while his gaze narrowed. "STOP WASTING MY TIME!"
He slammed his fist against his lap as he faced the stark figure.
"It isn't cute."
"It isn't funny."
"It isn't." He cackled. "Fun."
"You think it's nice torturing me?"
"Sort o-"
"I DIDN'T SAY YOU CAN TALK!" Sonic laughed and shook his head. His cold eyes met theirs as they winced. "This was supposed to be a parody."
He inhaled. Held his breath. He exhaled.
"Tell me, and you better answer me." He shut his eyes and smiled.
"Where." He paused. "Where is the daNG STUPID PARODY AT?"
The stark, quivering figure shrugged.
Sonic jerked his head to the side and huffed, he leaned back in his seat.
"Do...do you want to...finish it?"
No response.
"Kind of a buzz kill, man."
"Finish it."
"Can't have a little fu-"
Sonic thrashed his fist against the horn, its blaring sound rung out.
"ISN'T THIS FUN!"
"LET'S BE ANNOYING, SO DANG ANNOYING!"
"WOW SO FUN WASTING TIME!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, SO RANDOM AND FUNNY!"
Trickling sweat trailed down the stark figure's forehead. Their gut knotted as a stinging, nerve-wrecking feeling surged through their veins: they spoke up.
"Where's the subtext in that?"
Sonic flailed his arms and kicked as he yelled before he slammed his head against the top of the steering wheel. He whispered, "Put me out of my misery."
"Not till your franchise dies."
"Or this ends." Sonic sighed. "Can we end it?"
"When we finish the parody."
Sonic lifted his head off of the wheel, his jaw hung and eyes sagged while he changed the gears. "Right...the parody." The car crawled out of the parking lot, dragging itself along the road. He blinked, fixating on street. His voice ebbed, "Where were we?"
"I said..." Mulling on their thoughts, the stark figure rubbed their hand against their chin. " 'What's odd about that.' "
"Ugh...you don't look like a rabid fangirl, gamernut, or a furry?"
Atrocious, callous words snared in the stark figure's throat.
Forgot how self-centered this line was.
Bile built within their churned gut.
Their chest caved as they faux a hyperbolic ascent.
They puked the putrid, pretentious garble.
"I'm not." They set their hand on their chest as they upturned their nose.
"Well, I'm something like a 'science fiction writer. That means I'm better than you"
They gagged.
" 'I'm a literature buff.' " They rolled their eyes. "It means I'm so smart."
Can't...take it, so pretentious! Ugh.
They dried-heave.
Sonic extend a hand at them, he rotated it encircles.
"Hold on, it's just so...wrong." The stark figure shuddered as the searing bile brushed against their esophagus. "Okay...here it goes."
"Some of my favorite 'novels' are 'Author C. Clarke's 2001 Space Odyssey, or H.G. Well's Time Machine..."
"That's...apart of it?"
"Yes."
"You're kidding."
"I shit you not."
Sonic blinked, he raised a brow.
"I know, it's dumb."
"And I thought I was a show-off."
"I know, right?" The stark figure chuckled. "Fanfiction writers." They stare at you with half-lidded eyes.
"The audacity of some people."
The stark figure faced Sonic. "Yeah..." They rubbed their nose before they flicked it.
"I mean...you can't really talk, you like WR."
"That's because he helped my fandom." The car entered a tunnel, its fire orange lights drowned out the outside void. The vehicle's muffled hums echoed throughout it.
"He put a dent in it." The stark figure crossed their arms.
Sonic shook his head.
"Honestly, what good did he do?"
"I already told you."
The stark figure raised their splayed palm before they collapsed it through the air by their waist.
"Anyway, the 'parody.' "
The sides of the stark figure's forehead throbbed. They pulled the seat's lever and set themselves upright before they rested their arm against the door.
The road twisted and turn as the passing lights warped around both of their contours, illuminating the bitter gleam of ire within the stark figure's eyes; the hum of the engine reverberated within the tunnel, throttling the silence; each washed out road marking vanished in seconds, distracting them from him.
"Are we starting?" Sonic glanced at them.
No response.
Sonic huffed. "Okay."
The stark figure open and closed their fist, rummaging through their mind for the right words, but the stoked animosity seized it.
Their rebuttal clung to the tip of their tongue.
They shut their mouth as the bitter rage slipped through a crease of their wilted lips.
"Y'know, just admit it." Sonic paused, he scratched his nose.
"Maybe then you wouldn't feel so bad."
Maybe?
The stark figure crinkled their nose as they upturned their head, and stuck out their tongue at Sonic.
The orange tint dissipated as they exited the tunnel. They vehicle decelerated before it halted at the city's red light.
Sonic placed his palm over his mouth while he yawned. "Can we finish the parody now?"
The stark figure lazily shrugged. "Sure, why not."
"Okay, start it."
They both sat in silence for a moment.
"Well?" Sonic said.
"You had the next line."
"Oh..." Sonic's head jerked back for a moment. He blinked. "Ugh, where were we?"
"The retarded fucking part about reading."
Sonic cupped his hand on his chin, rubbing it up and down. He stared at the stop light in a daze. "Ugh.." He shrugged. "Got nothing."
"Yeah I know, it's dumb." The stark figure snickered. "Get this." They struggled to contain their laughter as bits slipped out of their crooked lips. "You're supposed to say..."
" 'You read much Heinlien?"
They rolled their eyes.
Sonic blinked, he moved his mouth as to speak and stared heavenward.
He recoiled his head back, shaking it. He threw his palms in the air while he huffed. "What's that mean?"
"Hell if I know, it's as dumb as this damn light."
"Yeah, it's probably a malfunction."
"Or the writer doesn't know how they work—I mean, I do!" They leaned in towards you, whispering, "I have no damn clue."
Just like writing!
"What are my lines again?" They both jostled in their seats as the car lurched forward.
"Hold on." The stark figure reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a Kindle. They booted it up, slid their finger against the screen, and clicked on the PDF before they handed it to Sonic.
"You had this whole time?" Sonic snatched it.
"Na, plot convenience." The stark figure cradled their head in their palms.
Sonic furrowed his brows, his lips crooked down as his eyes narrowed.
"And the light?"
"Oh, I forgot about it, y'know how it goes." A toothy, wavering smirk dimpled their cheek. Faint chuckles escaped their mouth as they faced away and coughed. Whoops/
Staring at the script, Sonic eyes darted back and forth like a typewriter. He jerked his head back, a sliver of his mouth open as he blinked.
"Should've just let it go."
The stark figure shut their eyes and nodded while they pursed their lips and parted their brows. "I've tried, but it's like being constipated ." They sighed. "The more it lingers, the worse it gets."
"Take a laxative." Sonic tossed the Kindle in the back.
"That's what this is."
Both of them staggered as the car trekked onward into the city.
"Why not format it like his?"
The stark figure stared into space, their lips parted as they mused.
"I don't kno—fuck it I do, it's because what he did was boring."
"You mean his whole work is boring."
"Fuck yes, it's butter toast—na-na-na, no." The stark figure shook their head and smiled.
"That's a compliment, it's stale wheat bread." They stared heavenward, pondering on their vile thoughts. "This is rude of me to say..." Their sweaty palms wavered, fluttering gut contorted, and quivering jaw rotated encircles while they premeditated: they spat the words out like bullets. "Fuck it."
"Boring, bland, and bleak. Wasted, washed out work that's less interesting than most fics."
"The writing style is vapid and by the books."
"The worst thing than being offensive is..."
"Boring."
"And it's all so fucking boring."
They paused to breathe, letting the bitter ire escape their lips.
"And they had the audacity to make this? And honestly I can't tell what's worst."
Beads of sultry, sticky sweat stream down their tense, throbbing forehead.
"The fucker who wrote it, or the pseudo-intellectuals who eat it up because it's a chamber of their own godforsaken thoughts."
They panted, clenching their teeth and fist.
"Dime a dozen, dimwitted dolts with their heads, so far up their asses they can't see through the shit they spew."
"You done?" Sonic yawned.
The stark figure tapped their finger against their chin as their brows rose. "No, but I'll stop."
"Oh thank goodness."
"What?"
"Where's the subtext?"
The stark figure knitted their brows while wiped the sweat off of their forehead.
"Also, can we end this?"
"No."
Sonic groaned. "Then hurry up and finish it."
"Okay...where were we?"
Sonic shrugged. "Something about books?"
"You had the next line."
"Oh...ugh." Sonic scratched the side of his head.
"What are you doing in a place like this?"
"There's more."
Sonic tilted his head back while his shoulders slumped. He huffed. "Hate thinking."
"Amen to that, brother."
"Star F- Sonic is a — — — trash heap. There's nothing for your...kind?"
"I like how he jumbled up everyone's endeavors."
Sonic sighed through his nose. "Yeah, now I hate this guy."
"Welcome to the club."
"Anyway." The stark figure imitated an over dramatic pompous voice.
"That's not true!" They set their palm on their chest as they raised their hand in the air.
"Iiiiiiiiiit's not a trash heap!"
They both burst into laughter.
Sonic whistled. "That back peddling."
"Yeah it's dumb." The stark figure shook their head. "As long as you have a sock puppet speak what you want, it's fine."
They stared at each other without a word for minutes before they faced away.
"Oh yeah? Prove me wrong then." Sonic paused, mulling on his thoughts. "All the plots are done to death, and there's nothing left worth writing about." Sonic breathly chuckled.
"That doesn't make sense, everything been done before. Doesn't stop people"
"Right? Just because someone else does it, doesn't mean you can't." Sickening, disturbing disgust coursed within their veins. "Even if the plots been done, there's still insight and wisdom that others offer." They sighed. "Continue."
"Do yourself a favor, 'Scholar', and leave this place. You ain't welcome around here, boy."
They both laughed.
"Oh no! A typical boring writer that doesn't do anything different isn't welcome!" The stark figure rolled their eyes. "A fandom that fetishizes military, chased out its whole entire queer community, and basked in rape fics."
"Boo-hoo, boo-hoo. My writing is too good to be welcome."
"Fucking revolting."
Their chest clenched up as they set their wavering palm on their tense forehead.
"I don't know if I can take this anymore."
"Neither do I."
The stark figure shut their eyes and dipped their head forward. They pinched the bridge nose. "There's plenty to write about, it's just no one has bothered to." Putrid, searing, chunky vomit crept into their mouth before swallowed it back down.
"This place is only a 'trash heap' because so much around here make it so."
They placed their palms on their face and rubbed them encircles before they leaned their head back and huffed. They pursed their lips, pressing them together while tightening them.
Sonic's brows raised as his eyes rounded. "That's apart of it?"
Silence.
"Is it?"
The stark figure faced Sonic, their lips wilted and eyes drooped
"It gets...worse."
Sonic tripped over his words as his mouth moved. He sighed. "Hit me."
"I was going to write about YUUUUUuuuu."
"Soulja Boy Up in this ho."
"Watch me crank it, watch me roll"
"Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy."
"Then Superman dat ho."
"That's not apart of the fic, is it?"
"WWWWWhat?"
"I can't tell what's what."
The stark figure swiveled their head to the side, cupping their hand on their ear.
"WWWWWhat?"
Sonic spoke slow, "What Is. Going. On."
"YYYYeauhhhhh."
The world crawled. The sounds drone. The truth escaped Sonic's lips.
"Y'know you're a derange lunatic, and it's bad to steal jokes?"
Sonic glanced at them, shaking his head.
"None of this makes sense."
The stark figure's idle heart plummeted, crashing into their pit like a tailspinning jet.
They wilted in their seat as the truth tore its way in.
Their jaw hung before their rebuttal exhumed.
"That's why you slap parody on it. You can get away with anything then."
No response.
Passing hums of vacant vehicles and stationary object prevented the silence as
flashes of contorted light crawled along both of their contours: neither of the two peeked at each other while they drifted through the sleeping city; they glanced at the looming, elegant structures that pointed to the stars.
The stark figure tinkered with the nobs. Soothing blues invigorated the bleak mood.
They both stared at the desolate road.
Passing a stop light before trekking up the highway's ramp, the vehicle stalled until it bucked and jumped forward as it crawled up it.
Sonic revved the engine, it bellowed as its structure rattled from the intensity.
The stark figure peeked at Sonic, who rested his elbow against the door while he leaned against his arm. They played with their fingers and leaned their head back when they averted their gaze from him: mindlessly staring at the ceiling.
Their stomach sunk as their chest compressed.
Abrupt chills shot through their spine; mounds jutted from their pricked skin.
"This was a regret."
Sonic yawned, he blinked from his stupor state as he dragged his head to glance at them.
"Oh, now you realize."
"I've been sitting here thinking about it..." The stark figure wiped their palm down their face and stopped at their chin to cup their hand on it. "And it's bad. I haven't laughed. And it's just insane."
Keeping his mouth shut, Sonic nodded.
"Fuck it, let's finish!" The stark figure huffed. "Sick of looking at this shit."
They flicked their hand towards Sonic and pointed at him.
"Right." Sonic scratched the side of his head. "Oh, I get it, it's one of those poetic drabbles..." He crinkled his nose as he stared with his mouth suspended open on the detestable, disturbing words. He compressed his lips while they wilted.
"I know, it's painful."
Appalling, atrocious, abominable words seeped from Sonic's clenched teeth as he forced them out. "Those drabbles tend to not have anything going on with them."
Silence.
Crossing their arms, blistering ire pitted within the stark figure's sunken gut.
"Y'know some of the best fics I've ever read were less than five K."
Sonic slowly nodded.
The stark figure raised their brows and tilted their head to the side for a second.
"And they've had more meaning than his hundred of thousand words."
Their chest tightened as their searing forehead furrowed.
They shut their eyes and sighed.
"Disappointing."
"You okay?" Sonic peeked at them.
"Yeah, let's keep going." The stark figure clenched their fist, tightening them as much as they could. Their voice struggled to stay sound, "Actually, I'm telling your story!" They paused and shut their eyes, mending their rived thoughts.
"Because apparently that makes me a good writer!" Agitated, breathy chuckles darted from their mouth. "Wow! Just because everyone else is interested in-." They halted their words, sweat trickled down their red throbbing forehead.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
The blistering rage ebbed. "People write what they won't. You're not better because you wrote something else that no one was interested in."
"Who are you talking to?"
"Myself, hopefully..."
The stark figure shook their head. "Anyway, continue."
"If you think the kind of people who read popcorn in these archives, and enjoy it, are going to give half a shit about your." Sonic rolled his eyes. " 'High-minded' Science Fiction and Literature. Well then, you've got another thing coming."
Da fuck does that mean?
Both of them peeked at each other, neither said a word.
"I think he's on another level," Sonic said, "We can't comprehend his genius nor his intellectual humor."
"It's missing something."
"What?"
The stark figure leaned forward and popped open the glove compartment, rummaging through it: they pulled out an incredibly ridiculously itsy bitsy inflated whoopee cushion.
They held it in their palm as they collided their hand above it. Its whisper of angles sung, which sounded like a constipated, grunting man in a Walmart stall readying his B-29 to deploy his steaming, sultry, liquidity nukes on those communist, Marxist, nihilist scums that hate our beloved, patriotic, bible thumbing country of the great and almighty U.S.A.
"Needs fart jokes."
"Everything does."
"Anyway, back to the story..." The stark figure scratched the bridge of their nose.
"BUT I'M DIFFERENT MOM! They like different because I'm a special little snowflake." They gagged on their words.
"Because yeah...different is what gets people's attention."
This is killing me.
"...Do I have to say it...?"
The stark figure nodded.
Sonic sunk his teeth into his lips, he blew air through them. "This is painful, y'know."
"I feel ya, but you gotta do it."
"Please?" Sonic groaned. "It's killing me."
"I know, it's kind of sad?" The stark figure shrugged. "Just bite the bullet." Their lips wavered as they fought their smile that crept up their cheeks.
"Oh...man..." Sonic eyes drooped. "Can we skip it, please?"
The stark figure shook their head.
Sonic spat his words out as fast as he could, "An' each an' every one of them lyin' through their teeth." He winced and shuddered while he retched, discharging his words like rapid fire, "Even if they don't know it." He tripped over his tongue. "They like it all the same."
"Have you seen all the sappy romance junk flying around? That's what they want!"
He rolled down the window and vomited, shaking his head before setting himself upright.
Staring into the void while resting their hand on their chin, the stark figure shook their head.
"As a romance writer." They placed their hand on their chest. "I'm offended."
"You're a romance writer?"
The stark figure nodded. "I mean, not completely, but it's why I write."
"And to be fair, he does have a point?"
"Hmm." The stark figure clasped their lips together while they swayed their head side to side.
"You have to agree somewhat."
The stark figure flicked their lip against their teeth, mulling on their pensive thoughts.
Maybe? ...Kind of? Not really?
They shrugged.
"Even trash has wisdom," Sonic said.
The stark figure narrowed their eyes as their brows knitted. Their stomach plummeted as the words clung to their nerve-wracking mind.
Goddamn fucking asshole.
Sonic eyes half-lidded as he leaned his head back, wagging his finger while smirking.
"Okay, I agree to an extent." The stark figure crossed their arms, their head slumped between their shoulders. "But romance isn't the crux of the issue, it's that it's the focus."
"What do you mean?"
They tilted their head and stared skyward, their jaw hung open.
"It's...like—it's a spice. And when it's the main focus, like anything else, it's too much."
"Mind you, I'm a person who loves ships."
"But what's the problem?"
"It's that." The stark figure extended a handout, moving it as they spoke. "It can't hold a story alone, romance is an amazing spice, but not the main course of the story."
No response.
"It's bad when it's in your face constantly, or puts the story on breaks." They laced their fingers together, faced the top of their hand at theirself, and extended them out to pop their knuckles. "But to call it sappy junk? How far up your ass do you have to be?"
Sonic's brows rose and dropped. "Continue?"
"I don't know if I can. Might hang myself at this rate." The stark figure placed their wavering palm on their sweaty forehead. "Give me a sec." The shut their eyes, their mind muted while they recuperated. "Okay..."
"It's not science fiction, mom. It's art! There's character narrative, which others do but I guess fuck it. They don't count." They sighed.
"There's a serious story here that everybody and their sister have seemed to miss."
Stock sitcom laughter plagued their ears before it faltered and Pee Wee Herman's laugh trailed behind.
"I'm not convinced."
"Don't you want to be an important character instead of a plot device?"
"I've seen gay porn of my so- me. I don't need any artificial fame."
The stark figure picked their nose with their shaking finger. They halfway faced away, peering into the void of the sky.
They rotated their jaw encircles while they ruminated on the pensive thoughts and deciphered the convoluted, idiotic ideology.
The words clung to their throat, clawing their way out.
Their voice shallow and meek.
"Do you sometimes think people...I don't know..." They paused. "Say some really dumb shit?"
"Hm?" Sonic raised a brow.
"It's like... that one thing someone says that just rubs you wrong."
"I sorta get ya."
Silence.
"I'd like to believe it was an accident...bu-"
"Can you get to the point?"
The stark figure fiddled with their fingers.
Their chest compressed.
Mind hushed.
Speechless.
Aching, aggravating plummeted within their stomach as burning bile sloshed within the chamber.
There's no movement.
There's no thoughts.
There's no words.
Silence. Pitting, putrid ire surged. Discharging the throttled conscious.
"I'm probably reaching here, but fuck it." Their voice raised like a tide. "I've read some vile shit, and I mean shit that's made to be offensive." They paused, resting their raking, scornful words within their aching lungs. "But it's when it's subtle. That's when it pisses me the fuck off." They inhaled. "Because they think they're being sneaky with it." Agitated, breathy chuckles slipped past their clenched teeth. "It's not cute. It's not funny. And it's sure as hell not fooling anyone." Their breaths accelerated while they tapped their foot against the floor.
"If you have a problem with queers, say it." They crossed their arms. "Don't beat around the bush, just admit it."
"Didn't he review gay stories?"
"Yeah...but, that's the part where it feels like I'm reaching, but, then why would they focus on that one thing?" The stark figure scratched the side of their head. "That's what confuses me. Because it's obvious this is a rant fic, so. It had to have wrapped their panties in a bunch."
Sonic shrugged. "Poor wording?"
"Na, the subconscious speaks volumes."
Clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, Sonic shrugged.
Fuck it.
"I'm done."
"Huh?"
"There's nothing more that needs to be said, besides..."
"There's bigger fishes to fry."
Sonic blinked.
"You want to know why I picked this fandom?"
"Not really...but go ahead."
"Wingless Rain."