"That is the very last time I help out on front desk!" Elaine erupted into the squadroom.
"Hey Elaine, before you go postal on us, just.." Louis Gardino flapped an arm at the civilian aide.
"Elaine!" Lt. Welsh's voice boomed from his office.
"Hey, Baybriss!" Jack Huey called to her.
"No!"
"No?" all the men replied.
"No! A million dozen times! No! Absolutely not!" Elaine shouted.
"Wow, Elaine, what happened to you?" Ray Vecchio's voice called from his corner desk.
Elaine grabbed some tissues from her desk and started to wipe at the substance sticking to her shirt.
"Front desk are short handed because of this flu thing, so I went down to help out. I can't believe that all the weirdoes, freaks and loonies in the Greater Chicago Area decided that today was the day they were gonna be arrested!" She scrubbed at the stain on her shirtsleeve, frowning at the mark.
Ray wandered over, proffering the roll of kimwipe he'd swiped from the kitchen.
"Elaine, that's an everyday occurrence, here, try this."
"Thanks Ray. Hey! How come you've got this?"
"Trust me, working with Benny, you never know what he's gonna bring home with him. And if it's not him, it's the wolf."
"I don't know how you can be so mean to that animal, or that poor man," Elaine told him, "He's pulled you out of all kinds of different dangerous situations!"
"After he's got me there in the first place!" Ray exclaimed, "Hey, did you know that you got that purple stuff in your hair too?"
"No! Oh, this could not get any worse!" Elaine collapsed on her chair, deflated.
"What is it anyway?"
"I don't know. Some guy comes in with this tin of what ever this is, and starts throwing it at us! The desk sgt was caught full in the face with it, her glasses will never be the same again."
"What, he just wandered in?"
"No, he was under arrest. Ray, people don't wander in here for the sake of their health! Holmes, Jim Holmes bought him in from some demonstration being staged outside city hall that turned violent."
"Oh, I love this city. Animal testing? Environmental nuts? Save the whale? Has anyone told these people we're living in a landlocked state?"
"No, this one was arrested for attacking a police officer, it seems the arrestee wasn't happy about his basic civil and human rights being violated by, now what did he call it? Oh yeah, a outmoded and fascist state monopoly." She paused, "Yeah, well, something like that anyway."
"What was he protesting against?"
"Police Brutality."
Elaine looked at Ray, who looked back at her. They both fell about laughing.
"Oh, that's a good one!" Ray said, wiping the tears from his face.
"Tell me about it!" Elaine said, passing him a tissue from her desk.
"Vecchio! Is the city paying you to hobnob or investigate crime?" Lt Welsh appeared from his office.
"Investigate crime, sir."
"Oh, good. Ya know, I was starting to wonder if I was perhaps running some sort of social club here?"
"Just, er, checking that my colleague wasn't seriously injured after an unexpected and unwarranted attack on her person, sir."
Lt Welsh rolled his eyes and shook his head at his detective. However before he could reprimand Ray any further his phone started ringing, and he turned on his heel away from the pair of officers.
Ray watched him go.
"I don't know how you get away with it."
"I'm blessed, Elaine. We all have our talents. Like yours is organisation, and Benny's ability to tell a suspect's life story from his footprint, mine is the gift of oratory."
"What?"
Ray sighed dramatically.
"Elaine, you need to read more."
"And you need to stop hanging out with Fraser! 'Gift of oratory' indeed!"
"Yeah, and you'd like to fill in for me?" Ray teased Elaine as she turned red.
"Ray Vecchio, one of these days.." she told him.
"Good morning, Ray!" Fraser's cheery greeting rang across the office.
"Benny, the very man we were talking about!" Ray clapped his friend across his red serge clad shoulder.
"Really Ray?" Fraser sounded worried and then he dropped his voice to a whisper "Because I told you, there really was nothing going on with the Inspector, nothing at all."
"Uh-huh." Ray stuck his tongue very firmly in his cheek.
"I was merely assisting her to adjust the sunlight in her office. You know, the windows are placed very awkwardly in that section of the building."
"Which part of what building?" Elaine appeared at his elbow.
"At the consulate. Really, I cannot believe the integrity of that fine building has been so recklessly tampered with over the years."
Elaine looked at Ray for a translation.
"He means who ever had the building before them ripped it apart and trashed it."
"Isn't that what I said? Oh dear, I apologise if I failed to explain myself properly, Elaine."
"No, that's okay," Elaine told him, thinking that she would be riveted if Fraser decided to declaim Shakespeare to her, or merely read her that month's statistics from the Commissioner's office. "However, why were you talking about the consulate?"
"I was explaining how the window placement there is less than satisfactory on occasion, isn't that right, Ray?
"Yeah, as a deflection of why I found you in a less than professional clinch with the Dragon Lady, you were," Ray took satisfaction of seeing his friend's face match the colour of his jacket.
"Oh really?" Elaine was fascinated, despite her immediately wishing she had been in Inspector Thatcher's place.
For a moment she zoned out to that place, "Oh Fraser" she'd say, "This is so unexpected! I never knew!" and just as she was imagining his lips on hers, someone calling her name interrupted this more than pleasant daydream.
"Elaine. Elaine. Elaine!!"
"What?"
"Why have been staring out the window?"
"Er, sorry, I, um, was thinking. About what I was going to do next.."
"Uh huh, so Benny was just about to explain himself."
"Ray, this is slightly embarrassing!"
"So? It's never stopped me before. C'mon Benny, spill."
"I thought your boss didn't like you?"
"I just don't know, Elaine. She is one of these people who seems unable to decide upon anyone."
"You mean she blows hot and cold?"
"Precisely. She was very curt with me this morning, yet yesterday we had a charming conversation about tracking."
Ray rolled his eyes. "Benny, are you sure that didn't mean you rambled on while she stood agog at the subject matter?"
"Rambled on?"
"Well, okay, maybe that's a bit strong. Perhaps I mean, er, waxed lyrical?"
"No Ray, you said 'rambled', do I ramble?" Fraser fixed his friend with a stare.
"Honestly?"
"I would expect nothing less from you, Ray."
"And you won't get upset? Or sulk?"
"Ray, you are my friend, my partner. I value your opinion. Of course I won't get upset."
"Sure?"
"Sure. And for the record, I do not sulk."
"Right."
"So, do I ramble? I mean, I know sometimes I know I tend to expand more than is perhaps necessary during an anecdote or explanation, but I think that could be because as a small child…" he paused.
Ray looked at him and smiled at him ruefully.
Fraser looked at Elaine, who nodded in a sympathetic way and patted his arm.
"Oh dear…."
"So, Benny? The Inspector?"
"Ah, now that wasn't what you thought it was."
"Benny, You had your arms round her waist and were eye to eye with each other – how else could that be something other than how it looked?"
"Inspector Thatcher has a small room where she can, well, prepare herself for functions on the occasions she has no time to go home to prepare for."
"Right. Like a bathroom?"
"Exactly. But with a small changing area attached."
"I'm with you so far…"
"And last week she had to invitation a formal dinner with a Canadian trade delegate who was passing through Chicago en-route to New York."
"Okay."
"Which necessitated her going straight from the consulate to the engagement."
"Benny, I'm there. It doesn't explain why I walked in and found you two, well, you two.."
"Ray, I am endeavouring to explain to you without 'rambling' – please, be patient."
Ray sighed and walked to his desk, Fraser closely at his heels.
Both men sat down at Ray's desk and Fraser lent over in a confidential manner.
"The Inspector first told me that she was officially finished on duty for that day, and then, half an hour later, she called me to say she required to see me in her office."
"But if she was off duty, why weren't you?"
"Ray, we were meeting after work – you were working through on a case and I decided to work on until you called me to say you had finished."
"Yeah, right. So?"
"I went through to the Inspector's office to see what she required to find her struggling to close the window she had opened to allow the condensation from her ablutions to escape through."
"Benny, she's a qualified Mountie – what, she can track Moose across Whitehorse but can't shut a window in central Chicago?"
"Ray, it would take very little training to track caribou through Whitehorse as, I'm sure you aware, that is an urban environment. But to return to my explaination? The window is on a sloped part of the roof, Ray, and the hinges are stiff. I don't believe it gets used a lot, and as a result they had partly rusted due to this infrequent usage. I have, of course, thoroughly lubricated both hinges now."
"Benny?"
"Sorry, Ray. The Inspector had endeavoured to use the closing device she has just for this occasion, but, well, it broke. It's probably my fault. I should have thoroughly checked that as part of our inventory when I took on the rest of my responsibilities."
"Fraser?"
"The Inspector merely asked me to close the window, but I couldn't reach, and there was not chair or platform I could use to stand on to elevate myself."
"You don't have ladders in Canada?"
"We do, Ray, as well you know. We did have one in the Consulate but Constable Turnbull left it outside after taking down our Christmas lights and I'm afraid it has been misplaced."
"Someone stole it more like."
"We can't know that, Ray. It is possible someone needed it to assist in a low level rescue in an emergency situation and means to return it."
"And it's taken them six months? Boy, that's some emergency. So, no ladder, no chair?"
"Ah, yes. The Inspector suggested I boost her to reach the window and she might be able to close it, so I did."
"Any excuse eh?"
"Any excuse to do what?"
"Nothing."
"We did succeed in closing the window, but I'm afraid the Inspector's attire wasn't exactly suited to our task."
"Benny, the woman was in a little black dress and high heels!"
"Yes, and that's what caused her to lose her balance as I was lowering her to the ground. She slipped and I merely caught her. You see, Ray?"
"Oh, I saw alright."
"So you saw that there was nothing to see."
"I wouldn't say that."
"Ray, really, I must remind you that the Inspector is my commanding officer and, as such, fraternisation is forbidden between us."
"Even if you wanted to?"
"I don't know what you mean, Ray."
Ray studied the colour rising to his friend's face, high above the stiff collar on his jacket.
"We'll shelve this conversation for now, Benny, but don't think I'm not gonna make a return trip here – okay?"
"Ray," Fraser started to fluster, "I really don't think that this…"
"Benny, Benny, Benny," Ray reached for his jacket, "don't get worked up. C'mon, I'll buy you lunch, you can calm yourself down,"
"I am perfectly calm already."
"And tell me what else I've missed with you and the Dragon Lady."
"Ray!"
"Just joking, Fraser, just kidding around! I promise I won't tease you anymore about it."
Fraser relaxed his shoulders and picked up his hat.
"Thank you Ray."
The two men walked out the squadroom. Ray paused in the corridor.
"Unless there's something you wanna tell me?"