A/N: I'm pretty new to FFn so I'm also looking for a beta if anyone would like to offer their services! This story is rated M for mild bedroom (and elsewhere) antics (but no lemons), some harsh language, a little mayhem, and underage drinking (this is the reason it isn't rated R)... sounds fun right? Again, this story features canon couples, and mostly in-character, so... whatever difference that makes to you... that's what it is.

I promise Edward returns eventually, so just remember how you stuck with New Moon even though he was missing for a large part of it. I certainly haven't read anywhere near all of the fanfic available, but I haven't seen this yet, so I hope you'll enjoy! If Edward fans can bear with me for a bit, I think you will like this story, though you might disagree at first.

This fic is written in the style of Stephenie Meyer, simply because I see it as a deviation from the middle of New Moon. I continued on with her voice because that's the way the story came to me.

See my profile for a link to an awesome banner from The Twilight Awards!

DISCLAIMER: All things Twilight and part of the Twilight universe belong solely to Stephenie Meyer. The same goes for the lyrics of John Mayer, whose lyrics will accompany each chapter. I hope they don't mind. No copyright infringement is intended and I will not earn any cash for my efforts.

Ch 1. Routine - BPOV

"In Repair" - John Mayer

Too many shadows in my room

Too many hours in this midnight

Too many corners in my mind

So much to do to set my heart right

Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready

Oh but if I take my heart's advice

I should assume it's still unsteady

I am in repair, I am in repair

Jake and I sort of got into a rhythm again. I missed him terribly when he left me to deal with his new lifestyle. Of course, at the time, I didn't know why he was avoiding me, so things got pretty bad for a while as the edges of the hole in my chest were slowly eaten away by maggots, making it even wider than before. We would spend time in the garage while he tweaked the bikes or worked on perfecting his Rabbit. We did homework together, and thanks to me, he was probably going to be on the honor roll this semester. We walked on First Beach, made those beautiful blue-green driftwood bonfires, and hung out with the pack.

They didn't call me 'vampire girl' anymore. We went to movies...well, action movies. I was still avoiding anything remotely related to romance. It was...fun. Jake always found a way to laugh at the gory blood and guts scenes that I pretended to prefer. However, he continued to make me a little uncomfortable when we sat together in a darkened theater.

I'd tried to make it clear that I didn't think I was capable of loving him the way he wanted. Of course, I did love him. He was my best friend, and my saving grace. He was the only one capable of pulling me from the darkness and back towards the sun. I knew he wanted more, but that part of my heart was broken - correction, gone - and even Jake couldn't bring it back. I would never be able to love anyone with the same all-consuming passion that I loved him. Jake, for his part, never ceased to try (he always held my hand if I let him). I know it was selfish, but it was comforting to me so I didn't discourage him, though I probably should have. I'd explained my feelings enough that I thought he understood. And he gave the best hugs, even if it felt like he was going to crush me and I couldn't breathe.

I spent a few months in this routine with Jacob, but it was getting far too infrequent that I could hear his voice. I really don't know why I still wanted to hear it. 'What a sick, masochistic lion,' he had said once.I guess I just turned into a bit of a masochist myself. He was never coming back. He was probably shacking up with Tanya in Alaska as we speak. Distractions, my ass. Riding motorcycles no longer conjured up his velvet voice, but at least I was getting pretty decent at riding my salvaged bike. When the bikes no longer evoked his voice, I managed to talk Jake into taking me cliff diving a few times. Those dives were magnificent.

The first time we went diving, Edward wouldn't stop yelling at me, "Bella, this is insane! Why would you want to jump off a cliff? Are you trying to kill yourself? You promised to keep yourself safe. Nothing reckless. How the hell is this keeping your promise?"

"It's supposed to be fun..." I said, smiling contentedly at his beautiful voice. Jake thought I was talking to him and asked if I wanted to back out. "No, of course not! Let's go!" I shouted.

And I jumped. No, I flew! The rush of the wind was like being on his back running through the woods again, but this time I was plummeting towards the sea.

"How is this fun? You realize that water is ice-cold, right? Pay attention, Bella! You have to swim now! Follow the bubbles. Please! BELLA!" yelled my imagined Edward.

Oh crap. I was so lost in his voice, hitting the water didn't even register. In that moment, I saw a flash of orange strike through the dark, churning water. I vaguely wondered what kind of fish would be that brightly colored here in the waters off the Olympic Peninsula - something that colorful surely belonged in tropical waters. A second later, Jake was yanking me toward the shore.

"Jake, I know how to swim," I complained.

He smiled at me and said, "Well, it didn't seem like it. You were down there forever. I thought you got caught in the undertow."

"I got distracted," I said, which was true. He didn't need to know it was Edward's voice in my head that was distracting me.

"Sure, sure," he replied in his usual fashion. "You want to go again?"

I beamed back at him, "Absolutely."

But now, even cliff jumping wasn't working. It was like Edward lost interest in my thrill-seeking tendencies. So, I decided to try to go back to the meadow. It was spring, and I thought maybe with the flowers in bloom, I might be able to hear him again. The last time, when I ran into Laurent, the meadow was barren, depressing. Maybe it had to be beautiful. He didn't belong in the dead meadow anyway, only the perfect, blossoming one.

"Jake, it's a beautiful day. It's actually sunny in this perpetually gloomy town. What do you think about a picnic?" I asked. I was really hoping that he would just go along with my harebrained scheme, the way he usually did.

He thought for a moment, probably wondering if there was some hidden meaning to my request. Picnics were, admittedly, more of a couple's activity, but I couldn't think of any other plausible excuse to go there. I guess I was taking advantage of Jake's feelings for me a bit, but I was too scared to ever venture out there alone again. "Sure, okay," he said. "You want to go to our tree on the beach?" he asked, indicating the giant driftwood tree, bleached white and perfectly preserved on the sand of First Beach.

"That would be nice," I said, "but I was thinking about... You remember that meadow?" Of course he remembered it.

With an incredulous look, he asked, "You mean the one where we killed that filthy leech that was about to bite you?" Crap, how am I going to get him to come with me when he obviously doesn't want to go there?

"Um, yeah." I replied sheepishly. I knew Jake would have no interest in that place, but I had to figure out a way to convince him to go there with me. After meeting Laurent and the wolves there the last time, I promised my dad I wouldn't go into the woods alone. 'Don't do anything reckless or stupid...I'm thinking of Charlie, of course.' Edward's request always passed through my mind when I was deciding to do something that was exactly reckless and stupid, but it did always remind me to at least consider how my actions might affect my father. I may have been participating in a variety of skull-cracking activities, but I was always with Jake. I never did anything dangerous when I was alone and no one would be able to help me if I got hurt.

"Bells, why the hell would you want to go back there?" Jake asked, adamantly. "It was just a perfectly round wasteland, a devil's tramping ground. It's no wonder you ran into a bloodsucker there. That place is evil."

"Jake," I whined, "stop. It's spring. I thought... I thought it might be pretty. You know, full of flowers and perfect for a picnic. Unless you're scared to go back there." I was hoping that contesting his courage would persuade him a little more than my whining. I was also hopelessly trying my flirtation trick that worked on him before when I got him to tell me about 'the cold ones', but I still didn't really know what exactly worked on him. I probably looked deranged the way I was attempting to bat my eyelashes at him.

"Is that a dare?" he challenged. "Go grab whatever you want. I'll meet you out front in a few minutes."

We drove the Rabbit from my house, where I had thrown together a picnic basket of leftover fried chicken, potato salad, and some fruit. Jake didn't need to know he was eating leftovers, or that the last thing on my mind was having a picnic. We drove as far as the terrain would allow and hiked to the meadow. Jacob knew these woods even better now due to all his patrolling so he knew exactly how to get there. He only cracked jokes at my slow pace and clumsiness a few times. He actually seemed concerned when I fell and skinned my knee.

"Ouch! Oh crap, it's bleeding. I'm sorry. Just give me a minute," I told him reflexively. That was how I always reacted if I was bleeding around Edward or his family. I hated making them uncomfortable with the smell of my blood in the air.

Jacob asked, "Why are you always apologizing for bleeding? This isn't the first time I've seen you wounded, you know. Remember when I was teaching you how to ride your motorcycle? The gash in your forehead was way worse than this. You said you were sorry for bleeding then too. You're so weird sometimes. Are you okay though? Here, let me clean it up. I brought a first aid kit - I figured you'd probably need it."

"Oh, um... Thanks." He cleaned out my scrapes, and it was sort of... touching. He was so sweet about it, and considerate to bring a first aid kit along.

We finally got to the meadow and it was everything I had hoped. It was breathtaking once again with all of the wildflowers in bloom; a perfectly round sea of green interspersed with purple, pink, and yellow. Yet, I couldn't hide my disappointment when I never heard my reason for coming here in the first place. Edward's voice was long gone, and I couldn't come up with any other way of resurrecting it. I had already wracked my brain for weeks, and exhausted all other possibilities. I thought for sure this would work.

I allowed myself brief memories of being with Edward when I was alone at night in my room, but those were often too painful to endure for long. The nightmares were lessened, and even though I usually still had the dream, I didn't scream anymore. However, if I got particularly reminiscent, the nightmare returned full-force and my dad would hear me screaming again. He would always look so concerned the morning after I had nights like that. When I got to the meadow, I just felt Edward's loss all over again because I realized that I would probably never hear his voice again. 'It will be as if I never existed.' I had to choke back tears and hurriedly spread out the blanket and food to try to hide my face from Jake.

"Bella, is something wrong?" Jake was always more perceptive than I gave him credit. "You know, you were right. This is a nice place without those stupid, filthy... sorry. Here let me help you with that." I let him unload the picnic basket, and he immediately started gorging himself on the fried chicken. Man, he could eat. It's a good thing I wasn't hungry anymore because I probably didn't pack enough for the both of us.

"Thanks, Jake. No, I'm okay. My knee still stings a little, that's all," I said, praying he would buy that excuse.

He looked at me with concern, but also a hint of amusement. "Well, it's not like you aren't used to some bumps and bruises. I swear you are the clumsiest person in existence," he laughed.

"Existence..." Edward always used that word to describe his supposedly soulless life. Maybe he was soulless after all. How else could he tell me how much he loved me so many times, and then just leave me like that? No, that's not true. He thought I was in danger from everything about his world. Stupid Jasper. Ugh...of course he didn't really love me. I had never deserved him. How did I so hopelessly delude myself into thinking I did? This picnic was turning out to be a horrible mistake. The hole was coming back and I desperately had to hold it closed again.

Thankfully, Jacob jolted me from my pity party. "Bella?"

"Oh, sorry, Jake. I guess it is a little creepy being here after what happened last time," I fibbed. No, not creepy. The same. Empty, and devoid as ever of Edward's presence. Maybe I really was crazy after all, and he never did exist. Keep it together, Bella. Don't let Jake see you like that again. You've come so far. "I mean, that's the first time I ever saw you or your brothers as wolves too, even though I didn't know it was you at the time. I suppose I was letting my imagination run wild," I confessed.

He smiled so widely that his eyes lit up. Then he just flat out laughed at me. "Bella, you're so silly. Nothing can hurt you here. You've got me to protect you. You really give me no credit at all."

At that, he looked like I really had wounded his pride, so I said, "You're right Jake. You're the big bad wolf." Did I really just say that? How hokey can you get?

"Ha. Ha." he laughed, sarcastically. He still had this expression on his face like I had hurt his feelings.

I tried a different approach, a sincere one. "Honestly, Jake, you take pretty good care of me. I don't think anyone else could have helped me like you did. I thought I was a lost cause and destined to be a crazy old cat lady. You're the best thing in my life." Odd, I thought, I'd said that before, and as soon as I said it the person to whom I was referring went and left me. I wrapped my arms around myself tightly and braced myself for the impact of the proverbial shoe dropping.

"You're allergic to cats," Jake teased, though he was correct, "but you're right, I am the best. It's because you bring out the best in me, Bella. You know, I was only a C student before we started hanging out. Now Quil and Embry act like I'm some kind of genius. Thanks for helping me, with everything. When I first phased, it was so unreal, and I felt so angry all of the time. You helped me get back to my old self too. That's why we're perfect for each other."

"Jake..." I complained. I hated when he started talking this way. It always made me so uncomfortable, mainly because it usually ended with me having to hurt his feelings by telling him I didn't love him that way.

He immediately started backpedaling. "I know, I know. You don't feel that way. But, have you ever tried? You've been better, but you're still like this...hollow shell. You rarely show any emotion at all. I don't think I've even seen you blush in months, despite constantly making an ass of yourself with your own feet. You can't honestly say that you feel nothing but friendship towards me. You're just deluding yourself. Can't you see that? Besides, I'm a catch."

So I'm deluding myself again? Isn't that what I was just thinking I had done with Edward? I mean, sure I love Jake, but he's my best friend. I just didn't think I was capable of letting anyone in again. "Jake, you are a catch. That's why you should stop wasting your time on me. I don't think I ca-..." my words were cut off unexpectedly because in an instant I was wrapped up in one of those suffocating embraces that I loved so much.

His hug, the location, and our conversation changed my perspective. Edward was gone, and he was never coming back because he didn't love me. Maybe I could love Jake the way he deserved. I didn't want to keep hurting his feelings for the rest of our lives. Well, mine. Stupid, non-aging mythical beings. I loved him so much. How hard could it be to let it evolve into something more? Of course, it would never be like before. I wasn't the same person I was then. But I could love him. I could be happy someday. Why shouldn't I?

I just wasn't sure about delving into more of a physical relationship with him because I'm sure that's what he would expect. I mean, he was kind and funny, had an amazing body, and as I had told him, he was 'sort of beautiful'; but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Good thing he likes to take initiative because the next thing I knew he was kissing me. He held my face in his warm hands and looked at me with his eyes full of concern that I would reject him. It was sweet, and warm, and full of love. It was...nice. I blushed for the first time since my last birthday.

Jake took a step back to look into my eyes and he held my flushed cheek in the warm palm of his hand. "Beautiful," he mused. "Bella, you don't know how long I've wanted to do that. I love you so much and I would do anything to protect you from the monsters of this world. Well, except, of course, for me and my brothers."

And with that simple proclamation and his blinding smile, he changed my mind. I never thought I'd be happy kissing someone else, but now I had to rethink that idea. I mean, middle-aged tendencies aside, I was a teenager; and I had deprived myself of many of those types of experiences of which my peers were so practiced. I know most people at school thought I was a prude, but mostly that deprivation was due to Edward and his rules. I'm sorry, but a girl has her breaking point.

All of a sudden, I threw myself at Jake, kissing him with a fervor I thought I'd never feel again. My fingers grabbed his hair and secured his face to mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. This kiss wasn't sweet. It was hungry, and lustful, and passionate. Good thing he got that first one right - I was too unpredictable. Actually, I guess I could be predicted to overreact. I almost thought I heard Edward's protest in my head, but I wasn't in danger, so that didn't make any sense. And why would he care anyway? I was just doing what he wanted me to do. I was moving on...Finally.

Unexpectedly, Jake broke from my stranglehold and pushed me away, panting. He had a strange expression on his face. Wasn't this what he wanted? I wondered, feeling slightly rejected.

"Bella go to the car. Immediately," he ordered.

I wasn't accustomed to such a terse and authoritative statement from him. "What? Why? What about our stuff?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

He looked almost angry with me and I wondered what I had done wrong. Then he said, "Bella, just do as I say. Leave it. I smell a vampire." He shouted, "Run!" snapping me out of my shock, "I'll be right behind you. I'm going to phase and alert my brothers. Then we're going to the rez so I can keep you safe. I'm not leaving you. The rest of the pack will handle it."

A vampire? Maybe this really was a devil's tramping ground, as Jacob described it. What were the odds? As I turned to run, I felt a shimmer in the air and my russet guardian was running behind me. I ran as carefully as I could - I didn't need another skinned knee slowing us down. I knew Jake could run faster than me, but I was glad he stayed behind me. To protect me. From monsters.

A/N: I hope you are intrigued! Please remember this fic has canon couples. Please review and thanks for checking this out. I'll be updating about once a week provided I am smart enough to maneuver through this site.