Honesty is supposed to be the best policy. At least that is what all the adults in my life seem to tell me. They live by that mantra too. Every single one of them strives to tell the truth when it needs to be told, and I barely ever see them sugarcoating, especially with each other, and never with me. If the past four years have taught me anything it's that life runs fairly smooth if you aren't skirting by, and you refuse to lie to others and to yourself.

I don't want to lie.

The words taunted him as he tapped his pen on the table. He ran a hand through his thick hair sighing when it fell back into his eyes. He needed a haircut, but there was something comforting about the shaggy mop. He didn't want to cut it; it framed his face and he could hide behind it if he wanted to. Sometimes he just wanted to hide.

He turned his head slightly at the sounds coming from the other room. Someone, most likely his brother, had turned on the TV, and he could hear the beginning strains of Joey the Jellyfish, his nephew's favorite TV show of the moment. The music made him smile; it never failed to remind him of home.

Honesty… he wrote the word again, staring at it as if it held the answers he sought. This was the first step, the one he had been trying to make for the past few weeks. Things were good at home for the most part. He got along with his brother and his sister-in-law fairly well, and he didn't cause them much teenage strife, but this….the secret he longed to reveal was causing him some heartache. This was his first step, he wanted to…needed to be able to admit it to himself and then, maybe then, he could tell someone.

Maybe.

Honesty is the best policy, but sometimes it's the hardest thing to abide by. Especially, when the thing you need to be truthful about scares you beyond reason. And I don't know why I'm afraid. It makes no sense, not even to me…but its how I feel, and I don't know what to do. My brother, Luke, always says that writing things down can be cathartic. This process has helped him through a lot of things, and I am hoping that by some grace of god or twist of fate it will do the same for me.

I wonder sometimes if Luke ever stalled. It's fairly obvious that's what I'm doing. I'm avoiding the inevitable, escaping the obvious and refusing to write something I know will change my life, my entire existence forever. I know that sounds really dramatic, maybe overly so; but it's the truth plain and simple. Yeah…there's that word again. It pops up a lot around this house and next door too. My family has always been honest with me, and I know I owe them the same courtesy, but how can you be up front about something that could complicate things?

He sighed and closed his notebook as he heard someone enter the kitchen. His brother walked by him, tousling his hair as he always did. Most kids would find that annoying, but he never had. It was a sign of affection he welcomed, and he knew that it wasn't a reflection of how his brother perceived him.

"You hungry?" his brother asked, leaning slightly to look into the refrigerator. "I know we're supposed to have dinner with Luke and Noah tonight, but how about a snack to tide us over until then?"

"Make me one of your famous Monte Cristo sandwiches and you have a deal," he said, a smile playing on his lips as he continued to watch his brother.

"Coming right up."

It didn't take long for the kitchen to smell like grilled cheese and cooked ham and turkey. He inhaled the scent wantonly and his mouth watered for the taste of melted cheese. He was certain that he was the only male on the planet that got orgasmic over something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich with ham and turkey; well the only one besides Laurie anyway. His best friend loved them just as much as he did, and it was often the sandwich they opted for when they hung out at Al's diner. No one could make the sandwich the way his brother did though. Somehow when his brother made them they always tasted like heaven.

"You okay?"

He blinked and looked up to meet his brother's eyes, so much like his own and he shook his head. He had drifted off and he wasn't sure why. He picked at the sandwich placed before him and took a bite, smiling as he chewed the gooey cheese and toast. Just like heaven.

"Robbie," His brother called his name even as he heard the chair scrape against the floor. "Is something bothering you? You seem distracted."

"I'm fine, Jimmy," he said, focusing on his sandwich so his brother couldn't see the truth in his gaze. He wasn't fine, and he wasn't sure why he didn't just talk to his brother about it…except that he couldn't. Not yet. "I'm just trying this writing thing like Luke said I should. It's pretty hard."

It was a lame excuse, and not necessarily accurate. He hated himself for being dishonest, but somehow he knew his brother would forgive him. He just hoped he could forgive himself.

"Okay," James said without missing a beat. "But you know I'm here if you need to talk. You can talk to me about anything."

"I know. I guess I'm just a little nervous about school. I'll be the youngest kid in my class, which doesn't bother me so much anymore; until I remember that this is the year I get to choose colleges, and that just frightens me. I mean how did you make a decision like that? How do you know what school you want to go to, and what you want to do with the rest of your life? How did you know you wanted to follow in your dad's footsteps?"

"Well that was just coincidence," James replied, his expression thoughtful as he took a bite of his own sandwich. "The key is to do what you're good at coupled with what you like to do. I've always found psychology intriguing. I also like to debate philosophy and I have a knack for listening and understanding."

"I don't know what I'm good at," Robbie said shaking his head sadly. "I wish I knew. I wish I could be like Luke or Noah…or you. You guys just seem to know what you want."

"Well you have a passion for movies just like Noah does," James pointed out. "And you are just as avid a reader as Luke, and you're very observant like me. Maybe what you should do is find a major that encompasses all of that. College is like a grownup's playground. The possibilities are endless, that's why it takes a while to finish."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he conceded. "Do you think I'm worried for nothing? What if no one takes me seriously because I'm so young?"

"I think you have very valid concerns, Robbie. I also think you have nothing to worry about though. You've been with these kids for years now; they aren't going to start treating you differently now that you've all made it to senior year. I bet the teachers will be impressed with how much you know. Besides Laurie has your back. He won't let anything happen to you."

James had finally met the elusive Laurie right before the boys started their freshman year in high school. He immediately liked the kid, and thought he was a good influence on his little brother. Laurie became a permanent member of their little family after his parents passed away two years ago. Laurie's uncle was his only other family but efforts to find him proved fruitless. Rather than have him thrown into the foster care system, Luke and Noah had taken him into their home, and had just recently become his official foster parents.

"I know," Robbie said, averting his gaze and hoping that James didn't notice the blush that crept up his cheeks.

"Daddy," a small voice cried from the other room. "The show's over Daddy!"

"We're in the kitchen, buddy," James called to his young son. Robbie smiled and turned just in time to see his nephew burst into the room. Lucas Henry McPherson was the spitting image of his father, with emerald green eyes and shaggy red hair. His personality was all Coleman, as his Uncle Henry liked to point out from time to time. There was nothing shy about the little guy whose favorite pastimes included jumping on his uncle Robbie's bed every morning without fail and building LEGO towers only to knock them down immediately after completion. He was the only four year-old Robbie knew who begged for more vegetables at dinner time, and there was the fact that he loved talking on the phone to anyone who called.

"Hi Unca Wobbie," he said before making a beeline for his father who immediately pulled him up into his lap. Robbie wasn't surprised at all when little hands reached out to grab his father's sandwich; he was famous for doing that too.

"Hey, that's Daddy's," James scolded with a laugh. He took the sandwich from his son and broke off a piece for him to nibble on.

"Are we still going to see Unca Wuke and Unca Nowah?" Lucas asked with his mouth full of sandwich.

"Swallow," James reminded gently, a soft smile on his face as his son concentrated on chewing the food just right before swallowing it down. Robbie had to smile as he watched the scene play out before him. It never ceased to amaze him just how good his brother was at this father thing. He scolded when he needed to, but it was always with a gentle hand. And Little Luke never wanted for anything when his daddy was around. A contented sigh escaped his lips as his nephew burst into giggles in response to something James was whispering in his ear.

"Shhhh," James said a moment later, his voice just above a whisper. "You don't want to wake your little brother do you?"

"NO," Lucas whispered back. "Shhhh. Baby sweeping."

Robbie smiled as he continued to watch the exchange between father and son. The little brother; George Michael McPherson was the newest addition to the family. At just six months old his favorite pastimes were sleeping and pooping. He was the spitting image of Maddie with big brown eyes and a shock of reddish brown hair. He took his naps like clockwork, and Robbie knew that when he woke up he'd be ready to eat.

He finished his sandwich and cleaned up his spot before opening his notebook to the unfinished entry. He read it over as he continued to watch James share the rest of his sandwich with Little Luke. He shook his head fondly and picked up his pen, ready to finish what he started.

I'm not sure who's luckier but I think it may be a tie. Lucas and George are definitely lucky to have someone like Jimmy as their dad. I think as Lucas grows older I may have to remind him of moments like these, but we'll see. He's a good kid, and Jimmy is the best big brother, so I think I'm lucky too. I am lucky that I tried to find him, and that when I did, he didn't reject me; not even once. He welcomed me into his home, and his life and he taught me a lot about love and honesty. That word really does creep up a lot doesn't it?

I think the most important lesson that Jimmy has taught me is that you have to be true to yourself. You have to know who you are, and be okay with it because, if you aren't, then no one else is going to be. Even if they say they like you for you, none of it matters if you don't love yourself. So, with that thought in mind, I think I'm ready to face a really big truth, at least here on paper. Jimmy and Lucas are sitting across from me talking and sharing, while the baby sleeps in the other room; and, in a few hours, Maddie will be home; and we will all head over to Luke and Noah's for dinner. I love my family, we are very unconventional; but there is a whole lot of love there. It is time for me to stop stalling and just say what I need to say. So here it goes.

My name is Robert James Warren. I'm gay and in love with my best friend.

He threw down the paper with a frustrated sigh and rested his elbows on the table, his face in his hands. His fingers clutched his hair as he tried to remain calm. This was not supposed to be this hard. And truthfully it wasn't…he just wanted everything to be perfect. He sighed heavily and uncovered his face, allowing his eyes to take in the endless ream of paperwork before him. For hours now he had been trying to sort through the questions and requirements that made up the adoption application. There were so many questions, most he couldn't answer without Noah, but he gave them a go anyway. It didn't help that some queries were very similar to those that he had answered ten pages prior. He knew he was being a little neurotic about this, but he didn't want to leave anything to chance.

He took a deep breath and picked up the background check papers. He read it over, cross checking his answers with others he had given elsewhere and he shook his head. Sometimes it felt like he had been doing this for years instead of just for hours. Technically he and Noah had been working on this for four years now. They were in the middle of the process, and the agency they were working with needed more information. Luke was certain it was because they were gay, but he didn't let that thwart them. They were going to do this, and the end result would be worth it.

That was why he was surrounded by a mountain of paper instead of being in the kitchen preparing dinner for their friends. Noah was at a business meeting for Nuke Productions and, if all went according to plan, they would have another client under their belts. In the four years since their company had gotten off the ground, they had produced a few short films and penned a few low budget films that made the festival circuit and the trade papers predicted that their production model would become a major contender by 2019.

Things had been relatively quiet for the duo and it suited them just fine. They worked from home, and continued to watch Little Luke and later baby George while their parents and Robbie were at school. Robbie still stayed with them after school, though sometimes Luke was certain they weren't the only reason he stayed over anymore. Laurie was the newest addition to the group. He was a great kid, and Luke was glad they had decided to take him in. Laurie reminded him a lot of himself, minus the rebellious teen angst. He was very bright and observant, and he shared Luke's great love for literature, people and life. While everyone had rallied around Laurie, after his parents' death, it was Luke's compassion and patience that finally brought him around and drew him completely into the family fold. Even with Laurie in the house, there was a void he and Noah both wished to fill; and now they were well on their way to doing it…and Luke had to admit that he was just a bit nervous.

"Honey, I'm home," Noah's voice met his ears and he once again put down the papers he was perusing.

"I'm in here," he said a sigh escaping his lips."

"The meeting went well," Noah said even as he loosened his tie. He stopped a few feet away from his husband, a frown crossing his lips as he tilted his head to the side. "Are you okay?" he asked, taking in the sight of the sea of white that blanketed their dining room table.

"There's just so much paperwork," Luke said shaking his head. "I feel like I've answered most of these questions multiple times, and I'm not sure what to do about the background check. I mean they want to know everything Noah. They want our school records, and our medical histories and our parents' medical histories and backgrounds. God I don't even know where to start there. I mean between your parents and mine they actually have a criminal past."

As he listened, Noah finished loosening his tie and went over to the phone to press the speed dial for their favorite Chinese restaurant. He ordered a formidable Chinese feast; enough to feed six people, and gave instructions for the dinner to be delivered in about an hour. "Okay," he said as he settled down beside Luke, what do we need to do?"

Luke's heart swelled with love for this man as he watched him roll up his sleeves and pull the papers toward him. "I love you," he said softly, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

"I love you too babe." Noah turned slightly and took Luke's hands into his. "We're going to get through this together, okay? Just like we do everything else. Now tell me, what are we doing?"

Luke just shook his head in awe as Noah shifted through the pages, putting everything into neat piles. He smiled and started to explain what he had already taken care of and what they still needed to do. Noah was very attentive, nodding when it was appropriate and only interrupting when he felt the need to explain something. Even after all this time Luke was amazed at how easily they worked together. It was a feeling he hoped would never change.

"Do I smell Chinese food?" James asked even as Little Luke let go of his hand so he could run past Luke, who had opened the door.

"Yes," Luke chuckled, his eyes following the little rascal who was already chattering with Noah. "I will admit I didn't have time to cook, so we are feasting on take out tonight. Hope you aren't too disappointed."

"Not at all," James laughed as he followed Maddie inside. "Hey Noah," he greeted before taking a seat on the couch. He extracted the baby out of Maddie's arms and settled him down on his lap while she tended to Lucas.

"Hi," Noah responded, not looking up from the food he was doling out.

"Lucas, keep your hands out of the Lo Mein," Maddie scolded, as her small son attempted to touch the food with his grubby little hands.

"It looks all slimy Momma."

"Hey Robbie," Luke pulled his little brother into a hug and patted him on the shoulder. "How are things going?"

"Okay I guess," Robbie shrugged. "I tried the writing thing today."

"Did it help?"

"A little bit. I was able to get some things off my chest…kinda. Is Laurie here?"

Luke looked at his brother quizzically, but he didn't press him to give information. He remembered being sixteen, and he had hated when his parents would question him for answers he didn't want to give. If Robbie wanted to talk he would talk, they just needed to give him time. "I think he's in his room. But I am sure the smell of food will lure him out soon. Come on, we'll talk some more over dinner." He wrapped his arm around Robbie's shoulders and headed into the dining room, where Maddie was attempting to fix Little Luke's plate. Noah was now engaged in a conversation with James, though he turned and smiled when Luke and Robbie reached his side. Just as predicted Laurie appeared moments later, rubbing his stomach as he started examining cartons of food.

"What will it be Robbie? Slimy worms or funny looking meatballs," Noah winked as he filled Robbie's plate with everything he knew the teen liked.

"Worms sound good actually," Robbie teased back knowing his nephew had struck again.

"Here you go," Noah laughed as he handed him the plate. Luke watched the exchange with a fond smile on his face. His husband was a natural with kids, even if he himself didn't always see it. Noah just had this knack for putting people at ease, and he was certain that would serve them well when they brought their baby home. "Laurie, I assume you want some of everything?" Noah asked with a laugh as his foster son approached him. Laurie just grinned and nodded as he took his plate and went to sit beside Robbie.

Luke felt a gentle hand on his back and turned slightly to see Maddie standing beside him, the lone girl in their merry group. "Are you okay?"

Luke stood for a moment, taking in the scene before him. Little Luke was in the corner eating his slimy worms with his fingers despite efforts to get him to use the plastic fork. George looked around curiously from his high chair looking around at everyone, while waiting for his mom to feed him. James kept one eye on his son while focusing on the conversation that Robbie was having with Laurie and Noah, who was periodically swiping shrimp off the plate that was most assuredly for Luke. He shook his head and pulled his friend into a hug. This was his family, and he wouldn't trade them in for anything in the world.

"Yeah, I'm good," he said burying his head in her soft dark hair for a moment. "I'm good."

He could feel Noah's eyes on him at dinner, and he was grateful to have his husband looking out for him like this. The stress of the day melted away as he enjoyed food and conversation with his husband, their son, and the McPhersons. There was nothing like listening to James talk about his boys, and Maddie wowed them with stories about her job at the ad agency in Chicago. She enjoyed commuting there every day, and they all had encouraged her to do it now that Little Luke was old enough to be in daycare. George stayed with his godfathers while his parents worked; and, when he wasn't in the office, James took care of both kids. Robbie and Laurie talked movies with Noah and books with Luke, and somehow they all got wrapped up in a discussion about Luke and Noah's latest vacation. For their anniversary, Noah had surprised his husband with a trip to Paris, and in November they were planning to go to Greece. Robbie was trying to convince them to take him and Laurie along.

"So how is the adoption process going?" James asked, shifting the topic away from travel, as he wiped the soy sauce off his son's chin. Luke felt Noah's hand squeezing his, offering comfort and calm at the same time. He smiled at his husband before focusing on James.

"There's so much paperwork," he commented waving his fork in the air. "It's like they want to know every little thing."

"They even want to know how often we sneeze," Noah quipped. "But we're getting through it. We came this far, I think this part of the journey is just about over."

"How many birth mothers are you dealing with?" Maddie asked curiously.

"A few. I mean...Luke and I decided that we were going to put feelers out everywhere and see which avenue opens up first. Closed adoptions, open ones and orphanages."

"We prefer newborns," Luke interjected, "but if we get a 2 yr old or a 5 yr old or something else, we wouldn't be opposed to it. We just want to start a family, and I swear I'm so nervous about it.

"You have nothing to be nervous about," Robbie piped up. "I'm sure you'll be just as good at this parenting thing as Jimmy. You took care of me didn't you?"

"And you're taking care of me," Laurie interjected as he stuffed a piece of chicken in his mouth.

"You were already potty trained," Noah teased.

"And house broken," Luke added.

"You guys think you're so funny." Robbie smirked, knowing it was pointless to pretend he was upset. He was well used to their teasing by now; and, honestly, he enjoyed it. He glanced over at his best friend, who was grinning from ear to ear. He knew that Laurie enjoyed being included in the family banter. Robbie was glad his brothers were able to help his best friend out when he really needed it.

"Seriously though," Luke continued. "I think even with taking care of Ethan and watching over my sisters, I'm nervous about parenthood. It's a whole nother thing when it's your kid."

"That is so true," Maddie smiled, glancing at her toddler who was covered in soy sauce, and her small son who was glancing around the room taking it all in. "You guys should consider surrogacy too. I mean once you hold that baby in your arms and look into those eyes your fall in love instantly."

"Momma," Lucas called breaking the seriousness of the conversation. "Can we have cookies now?"

Everyone laughed causing Lucas to look at them wondering what he could have said to cause such a reaction. James scooped up his son and rustled his hair as Luke stood to get the proffered cookies. The conversation remained light for the rest of the evening, and Luke was grateful to have other things to think about other than their quest to start a family.

He was already in bed when Noah entered the room, fresh from the shower, a towel wrapped around his hips; while he used another to dry his hair. He looked up from the paper he was reading over to admire his husband's lean body. Even after all this time it amazed him that Noah was his. Those muscles were his to admire and the legs and arms were his to caress and cherish. His husband was a gorgeous man from the top of his dark head down to the tips of his perfect toes.

He unconsciously licked his lips as the towel slipped to the ground and his husband made his way over to their bed, slipping in beside him. "It was a pretty nice evening, wouldn't you say?"

'MMmhmm," Luke replied, as his eyes scanned the paper in front of him. He was well aware of the hard body pressed up against him. He just wanted to look over the documents one last time, just to make himself feel better.

"I think everyone had fun," Noah tried to get his attention.

"Yeah, it's always great having James and Maddie over," Luke agreed. "Noah do you think our family's too complicated? I mean I'm a Snyder, you're a Snyder and they may not understand the intricacies of it even if we explain it here."

Noah smirked and reached out to take the paper from Luke's hand. He slipped it into the folder and placed the folder on the table to his left.

"Noah! I was still looking at that."

Noah pulled him down into his embrace and kissed him softly, allowing their mouths to meld together for just a minute before pulling away.

"I think the paperwork can wait," Luke's voice was suddenly husky as he tangled his fingers in dark hair and pulled his husband in for another kiss. A hand snaked out to turn out the lights shrouding them in darkness as they focused on more pressing matters.