God. This thing took me forever to finish. All of yesterday and about half of today. This is the parody I've worked hardest on, but I think I still like Naptser Paradise better. It's just a difference. Anyway, this is my ode to the lower denominator productions of our time. Horror, bad sci-fi, so-called erotic thrillers, depressingly dark video games. All the stuff I live for. Here it is, written in the form of Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire. Also, please be aware that "Terror" is the one word I could think of that went even remotely against "Fire", so don't get on my ass for the stupid title.
We Didn't Start the Terror
Original Lyrics by Billy Joel
Rewritten by Lyle Brown
Harry Stanton, Child's Play, Teen Werewolf, End of Days,
House Horrific, Kurt Russell, hail Jesus' Franco,
All-night Party, Bloody Vixen, Richard Baker and Slim Pickens,
Secret Villa, Hungry Kia, more Mia Farrow,
Deadly Birds, Blood Bond, Endless Day, Ed's Dead Mom,
Lucio, Butterfly and The Brain That Wouldn't Die,
Craven's hour, Last Scene, Englund's cuttin' Nancy,
George Romero, Fear the monkey, Ed Wood Jr.'s Plan Nine!
We didn't start the terror
It was always learning
What we've all been yearning,
We didn't start the terror
Though the screamin' night it,
Was easy to frighten
Killer Pollen, Molotov, NASA Monster, Pumpkin Bob,
Peter Weller, Old Godzilla, Cindy Rothrock,
From Beyond, Dead By Dawn, D. B. Sweeny all but gone,
Corman's plant calls, Willis on the dock,
Audrey Lyne, Space Thing, Joss Whedon, Demon Queen,
Crazy Rocket, Cunningham, Samuel Raimi, No Man's Land,
Mario Bava's best, "Oh Suzannah", Nothing Left,
Leatherface, Other Race, Gator in the Sewers!
We didn't start the terror
It was always learning
What we've all been yearning,
We didn't start the terror
Though the screamin' night it,
Was easy to frighten
Castle Rock, Cataract, Tony Randel, Devil's Pact,
Mimic, Tobe's Cat's Eye, "Everyone's Gonna Die!"
Hellbound, Large furry ball, Trapped in a shopping mall,
Gale Weathers, Genocide, Children of the Corn, Fright Night
Cemetery, Dead fur, Blade, Bunny, Carpenter,
Gillespie, Cooper, Creepshow, Evil Dead, Dario
Red shoe, Klaus Kinski, Dan Hedaya, Neon City,
Jason/Hodder, Psycho, Cannibals in Rio!
We didn't start the terror
It was always learning
What we've all been yearning,
We didn't start the terror
Though the screamin' night it,
Was easy to frighten
Olen Ray, Stienmann, "Danger Will Robinson"
Martin, Nicholson, Vincent Price persuasion
Puppet Master, Sciorra, Body Snatchers, Julia
Bad Swiss films then, Graham beats Matheson,
Long hall, no more X, gone are movies filled with sex
Screamin' Jay, thrown away, Russ Meyer still gone today!
We didn't start the terror
It was always learning
What we've all been yearning,
We didn't start the terror
Though the screamin' night it,
Was easy to frighten
Deadly Role, Seven sins, Peter Jackson, Dead Again,
Ridley Scott, Deadlock, Friday 8, DeathStalk,
Paten, Satan, R. L. Stine, Gremlins and the Dead Rhine,
Ada Wong's a traitor man, Dead On, Edward Scissorhands,
Death Distortion, Dead Alive, Twisted, DeadFall, Pleasence Died,
Deadly Bets, Dead is Dead, Dead Jack, Dead Inn, Sixth Sense,
Deadly Trackers, Traci Lords, Buried Under, Dead cat's paw,
Freddy Vs. Jason wars, I can't take it anymore!
We didn't start the terror,
It was always learning,
What we've all been yearning,
We didn't start the terror,
But when you are done,
The screaming goes on, and on, and on, and on and on...
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And that's that. I'm amazingly busy right now, I've got a lot of ideas for different parodies and such, but I'm also working on a few full-length stories. One parody I know I'll finish and put up soon is a take on Janis Ian's At Seventeen. I'm also getting ready to put up two(!) new ad parodies to go along with the nice success of my Kodak Commercial. But until then, I have about an hour until Whose Line comes on, so bug off. Your messing up my vibes, jack spinner! Take the witch (that red mink), drop the Oreos and tell that damn monkey to stop throwing it's feces at the cast of Dawson's Creek.Then again, let the monkey make the world a better place and just review what I've done. Then go home, your dog has a lamp that needs some serious trimming.
Lyle Brown