Everyone Drinks Pale Ale

Rating: PG 13

Pairing: Killua/Kurapika, hints of Leorio/Kurapika

Warnings: Hints on sexual situations and some profanity

Summary: As he assists Kurapika in collecting the remaining eyes of the Kuruta Clan, an eighteen year old Killua realizes that he's been yearning for something for the past six years.

* * *

I have very vague dreams from when I was eleven going twelve, from twelve going thirteen. I had dreams of the Hunter Exam. Gon would call my name, but his voice would come from very far away.

The sun was scorching hot, so hot, it stung my skin.

From these vague dreams, I could remember one thing very clearly. Kurapika would be in it, in his clearest, most solid form. Blonde hair, pale skin, and eyes that switched from blue to red with the mere mention of Genei Ryodan.

Kurapika, whose heart has been so worn out by his own anger and his own compassion. Kurapika, who didn't understand his own self.

Yeah.

That Kurapika.

Strange isn't it? I'm not quite sure why his image sticks out the most in these dreams either.

"Killua." He would say. "It's hot today, isn't it?"

"I guess so." I would reply.

"We should hurry. It's getting dark." Kurapika tucked some of his hair behind his ear and looked southwards, there was a hint of a smile on his face. And all my twelve year old self could do was gawk at him with some sort of wonder in my eyes.

Note--this conversation never happened. But for some reason, I—sort of wished they did. I sort of wished that these things weren't all in my head and that they truly were real memories from my childhood. Or course, my childhood wasn't exactly what normal people would call a 'childhood'.

Listen, cut me some slack here. I was a kid once you know? No matter how many bodies I dismembered and horribly disfigured at that time, I was still a kid. There were things that were out of my reach, and there were things that I didn't want to have anything to do with me at all. Not that being older changes a lot of those things...it's just that back then, things seemed farther than they are now. Anyone who's been twelve understands this.

I can go on talking like this forever but I don't have any idea what I'm trying to get at here. What exactly am I trying to explain?

It felt as though I were in the bottom of the sea, still dreaming.

* * *

I woke up, gazing at a wooden ceiling. I looked at the window beside my bed. I realized it was still night time and that the lights were still on.

I sat up and scanned the room I had been in. Yeah, this is the small inn room I had been staying in since yesterday. It took some time to register in my head that I was now staring at the back of Kurapika's head. He had been sitting quietly on a small desk, writing away on his little black book made of yellowish parchment paper.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

I could see that jolt of surprise jumping up from his spine to his neck. He froze. In a few seconds, he turned to my direction, carefully putting a cap over his pen with those long fingers of his.

"I was writing on my journal." He said calmly, wearing a soft smile on his face. He spoke to me like this all the time. He spoke to me like I was the same Killua from the Hunter Exam.

"Why?" I don't understand journals or people who keep journals.

Kurapika looked surprised. It was as though I lacked the common sense to understand why people wrote on journals. What the hell-- I'm not the only person in the world who didn't obsess about writing on a piece of paper how my day was. I can't even fathom--

"The truth is that," Kurapika opened his mouth once more. I stopped thinking and started listening. "The Hunter Exam was one of the best things I've ever experienced in this life. Do you remember meeting Gon and Leorio?"

I looked away. "Yeah, I can remember those days."

"So do I. But—I wish I had treasured those times a little more." His eyes were downcast, and although he was smiling, he whole face was awash with disappointment. I suppose all his smiles were like this. His smiles hid what he was truly feeling, these smiles weren't there to deceive me.

They were there to deceive himself.

Kurapika went on. "So now, I've decided to keep a journal. To write down my thoughts on certain things. This way, I hope one day to understand myself better."

"Ah. That makes sense." I feigned interest. It seemed that all these efforts didn't really mean anything to me.

"I apologize. I assume that these things are of no interest to you." Right on the mark. He paused and straightened out his clothes. "Anyway, how's your head?"

"My head?"

"You got pretty drunk with Ikalgo-san today. So you vomited and passed out on the floor. I was pretty surprised. I didn't think octopuses could drink." He had a finger on his chin, as though he were analyzing a mathematical problem.

I frowned. "Oi. Don't skip out on the details. I vomited and passed out on the floor. Chances are that I fell face first on my own vomit and you aren't telling me." At this point, I cringed.

"W-well..."

"Argh! Gross!" I smelled my shirt and my hair, but there wasn't the faintest hint of vomit on them.

"Don't worry, I changed your clothes and washed you so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Argh! You saw me naked!" When I said this, I was teasing him. Naturally.

"Well, I must say that you have grown a bit." He laughed.

"I'm pretty proud of that fact." I grinned.

Kurapika stood up and ran a hand over his hair. "It's getting late, I should be getting some sleep as well."

For a moment there, something hot grew inside my stomach. "Ah, yeah." Hey, maybe I was thinking of a couple of indecent things at that time.

It's like when you're watching a porn video and the woman goes, "Oh my it's hot, I think I'll just take this off now." Go ahead take it off, my right hand's ready.

I couldn't help it.

"Thank you very much Killua." Kurapika said, in a barely audible voice.

"Eh? Why?"

"For helping me look for the eyes of my comrades."

I was a little caught off guard on that. "It's fine. I was bored anyway."

"I hope I wasn't of any disservice to your friend Ikalgo-san."

"Oh believe me, he's just as bored as I am." I shrugged.

"Gon and you were inseparable when you were younger." There was a certain amount of fondness in that statement.

"What can I say? Kids grow up all the time. Although he's my bestfriend and all, it's also good to do something on your own or with other people. That way, your world unfolds itself before you."

Kurapika smiled wider. "Is that so?"

At that time, I didn't even bother asking about Leorio anymore.

* * *

Shit.

I can't sleep.

After that talk with Kurapika, I couldn't sleep. My eyes were wide open and my senses were fully awake.

I can't sleep. Even the faintest of sounds kept me awake.

So I got up as quietly as any raised assassin would, perfectly silent. I walked around the room and glanced over to a sleeping Kurapika.

Yeah, he's asleep. No doubt about it.

I walked over to the desk Kurapika was sitting on and reached over to pick up that black book.

"Don't read it."

I was thrown into a complete halt. "Haha. How did you know?" There was an awkward strain in my voice.

Kurapika who was still lying on the bed, with his back turned, didn't answer for a while.

"Was it your En or something?" He seemed upset, so I tried to lighten up the mood.

"No." Another pause. "Intuition."

"Ah?"

"You're still a kid aren't you?"

Well.

I didn't have anything to say to that.

* * *

Notes: I've been a long time fan of HxH and slightly long time fan of Killua/Kurapika, despite the fact that it's so rare and I'm obviously part of the minority. I hope you guys like this first part. Any comments or thoughts would be WONDERFUL. Please read and review, I'm looking forward to everyone's input. ;_;