Author's Note: This is a story written about Heatherpaw after the events of Dark River. There are spoilers for Dark River in this story, and if you don't want to know what happens, please don't read this story.
Heatherpaw sat silently in the apprentices den, her head hanging low. There was a cold rabbit sitting before her head, but she ignored it. Many WindClan cats would gladly have had the rabbit in her place, but Heatherpaw didn't have much of an appetite at that moment. There was too much going on in her mind.
Barely a quarter moon had passed since she had parted ways with Lionpaw for the final time, and nothing felt right anymore. Heatherpaw understood now that they couldn't be friends, and that their Clans had to come first, no matter what. But a small voice at the back of her head urged her to go to Lionpaw, to become his friend once again, to continue their adventures together. And though the voice was quiet now, it was growing louder and louder.
"Aren't you hungry, Heatherpaw?" Breezepaw asked, his eyes boring into her. Breezepaw was a sharp-tongued tom, much like his father, but he had been strangely kind lately. He seemed to be actually concerned about Heatherpaw.
"No," Heatherpaw replied quietly.
"Whitetail is taking me out to have battle training at sunhigh," Breezepaw said. "Would you like to come with? It wouldn't take Whitetail long to convince Crowfeather to come with us."
"I'd rather not," Heatherpaw snapped. She understood that Breezepaw only meant well, but the tom was really getting on her nerves.
"Fine," Breezepaw said curtly. "If you change your mind, though, I'll be under the Great Oak."
Heatherpaw sighed, feeling guiltier than before. Hurting Breezepaw wasn't her intention, but it seemed inevitable. She wasn't going to leave camp to go training unless Crowfeather asked her to, but until then, she was just going to keep to herself.
Life goes on.
Heatherpaw thought of the expression she had heard many times before, and couldn't help but think of how false it really was. Life isn't worth living without joy, and joy can only be achieved when you're doing what you want to do. Heatherpaw wanted nothing more than to be with Lionpaw at that moment.
Moving on was more difficult than she could ever have imagined. Whenever she tried to distract herself from the image of the golden tabby, he returned. It was like she was battling against herself, fighting to regain control of where her heart lay. And, with a pang of sadness, she realized that the battle was already lost. She was in need of a new saying, something to explain how she felt in that moment.
Life can't go on.