Title: Disaster house
Rating: T
Pairing: Cm Punk/Kelly Kelly
Disclaimer: I do not own anything or anyone!
Author's note: This is a one-shot for Pum Pumpkin witch, who btw is pretty awesome for requesting it! No more banter from here just fic!
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Here we go again, if this is what the outside looks like I can only imagine what the inside looks like. I thought as I walked up the driveway. Scanning the catastrophic mess that was the current mess that was the current state of my girlfriend's lawn. Toilet paper was strewn about everywhere, the trash cans were knocked over in the middle of the lawn, several dozen pink flamingos were laying in disarray across the yard which didn't make any sense because before that point she never owned any flamingos, and finally diagonally across the entire front yard was her Toyota corolla which was parked up near the step of the front door. The icing on the cake was that she clearly hit her mailbox which was made ever more evident by the fact that the top of mailbox was onto the hood. As I opened the front door I was appalled to find the front door was slightly open. Letting myself in I was surveyed the house realizing that it was actually worse than I had imagined. For starters blocking the hallway that led to the living room was the large three seated couch, which was upside down.
"Holy shit! How is this even here?" I questioned aloud, recalling that it took Dave, John, Randy, and me to move that couch. Crossing over the obstruction into the living room, I noticed there was someone underneath the large couch. Peering under the sofa's arm to discover Lita Dumas sleeping peacefully, as if using her friend's couch as a fort was an everyday occurrence. Ok…If Lita's here then were could Kelly be? I pondered. Deciding it best to find Kelly first before waking Lita I continued on searching for my missing girlfriend. Making my way to the kitchen broken glass from picture frames crunched beneath my feet. Upon entering the kitchen area I first noticed that the fridge was on its side with what little contents that remained laying on the open fridge door. The cabinets and walls were covered in purple, red, blue, and green hand prints; what substance they came from I couldn't tell. The large rectangular kitchen table was nowhere to be found. The most alarming about the scene was that the stove was gone. Scratching my head I pondered where it could be with the reference of where I found the sofa in mind.
I think the better question is how the hell are they actually moving all of these things? Does Kelly have a secret forklift stashed somewhere around here? I wondered briefly,looking through the window over the sink I discovered the stove's placement.
"What the hell?!" I exclaimed running outside with a bowl of water.
The stove was a few feet from the shallow end of the pool in the backyard, and was somehow on with something in a pan on fire on top of it. Once I extinguished the flames I glanced around attempting to figure out how tis was even possible. A bright orange extension cord caught my peripherals, it led to the side of the house where I could pretty much guess there was an outlet. The kitchen table was also found, it was inside the shallower end of the pool with cans of paint aimlessly floating around the legs of it. I also found Candice Michelle who covered in multiple different colors of paint, passed out in just a 'kiss the cook' apron on top of it.
"So, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this was a result of a fan favorite segment of ' Cooking with Candice'" I remarked aloud. After turning off and unplugging the stove I decided to send a text message to Elliott, so she would know to come and pick up Candice.
For some reason I think she'll won't be okay to drive when she wakes up. Slipping my phone back into my pocket I continued my search for Kelly, expecting the worst hoping for the best and assuming the mind boggling. Through the kitchen I went down the hallway that led to the second floor where Kelly's bedroom was. The corridor where the stairs was located was surprisingly intact….Or at least as intact as it could be when compared to the rest of the house. The floor was a large resting ground for random lawn gnomes and flamingoes that were too partied out to join the party held on the front yard. I went up the stairs noting the abundance of colorful handprints scattering the walls up to the second story. Once on the second story. I saw that the array of colorful handprints lining the walls had grown, and some type of animal prints had joined them. As for the rest of the second story, it mirrored the architecture of the inside of a kaleidoscope…That is if the kaleidoscope the hallway was supposed to resemble was on fire.
The floor was covered in such a thick layer of multicolored glitter that it could have been confused for the carpet. The walls were splashed with various colors of paint, the most predominate colors were pink, green, and blue. Any picture frame that previously hung on the wall was now on the floor, the window at the end of the room was broken and a couple of jars of opened honey sat on window sill. What really disturbed me though was the leg lying on the floor jutting out of the doorway to Kelly's home gym. Because beside it was a furry paw footed paw.
Oh please let it be someone in a costume, please don't let this be what I think it is. I pleadingly thought, poking my head around the edge of the door frame. My heart skipped a beat and I froze trying to comprehend the sight that lay in front of me. Mickie James slept undisturbed on the floor covered torso up in what I felt could accurately guess was honey. Resting with in its powerful arms was a large black bear, who while sleeping licked the top of her head.
I'm stressed right? Maybe if I look away it'll disappear proving to be just a stress induced hallucination. Yeah, yeah that sounds good. I mentally hoped. Looking up I saw that Kelly had decided to renovate her home gym. All the workout equipment was pushed up against a wall. Honey combs tied to strings hung from the ceiling. The center of the room held two bee keeper hives, that thankfully from where I stood could see contained no bees. To the far left of the bee hives there looked to be a human sized dog paint splattered house with a sloppily half written half painted barely legible name sign above it that read "Fluffy".
Or looking away could just further cement the bizarre twilight zone reality that I am now living in. With that I found my vision glued again on "Fluffy" and his teddy bear Mickie. I wanted to quietly walk away and find Kelly, but it was like watching a train wreck and for some reason I couldn't tear my eyes away from the insanity. Well I couldn't that is until Fluffy began to stir as if waking. That was enough to push me out of the way of the runaway freighter. Quickly I all but ran to the end of the hall where around the corner was Kelly's bedroom. Stopping in front of the door my hand resting on the doorknob I released a lengthy sigh. Considering all I've run into there is no telling what will be on the other side of this door. I braced myself for whatever madness might be lurking within the room. All I can hope is that Kelly is unharmed and that Fluffy does not have any siblings. Ithought as I slowly opened the door. Once again I found myself paralyzed with shock, but it was for the first time since entering the house not for any abnormal or improbable mess or obstruction. There was nothing covering the walls or the floor and everything in was its place, the room was completely and perfectly intact. I entered the room closing the door behind me.
"I've been looking for you" I whispered.
Laying upon the queen sized bed face down her head turned on one side sound asleep was the 'where's Waldo?' girl herself. From what I could tell as I made my way across the room to sit on the edge of the side she lay on everything except her appearance was fine. Her hair was encrusted with blue and green paint, her face and clothes looked like they caught the majority of the shrapnel from a glitter grenade. Stroking the arm that stuck out above her head I noticed it was sticky, I guessed it was honey. The sensation of me touching her arm caused her to awaken.
"Wha..Oh, hey Punk" She greeted me groggily turning her head from the side to face down on the pillow.
"Long night?" I questioned smirking.
"Not so loud…it's bright" She muffled in reply.
We remained silent for a few moments, before I said what should have been said long before this.
"You can't keep doing this Barbie"
This wasn't the first time her drinking got out of hand, but it was the first time it affected her house. She turned on her side away from me.
"Chelsea is dead Phil" She said in a tone of finality.
"I know, I know you and your sister were close. That doesn't mean her death can excuse your habit." I replied my eyes fixed to the back of her head. She remained quiet, I saw as her breathing became sporadic with quick rises of inhale between each fall of exhale.
"This isn't the first time you've gotten wasted like this, you cannot keep living like this Kelly" I warned.
Now she sat up and turned facing me. Her baby blues eyes welling with tears and angrily piercing mine.
"Why?! I'm not violent, I'm not hurting anyone! I'm not my Father and I'm not your Father Phil!" She yelled.
"No you're not" I conceded pausing.
"But what you're doing although not violent is no better than what they did. You're just the same." I finished knowing that the next few remarks exchanged, would either make or break us; they would either save or destroy her. Those baby blue eyes streamed tears now, causing what little mascara that was left from the night before to run. The burning anger in her glare dampened with shock.
"How could you even say something like that to me? I'm nothing like either of them!" She replied glancing away from me her voice too emotional to decipher.
"I'm, I'm nothing like him" She said her voice trailing off into a whisper. Wiping her face, she once again returned her gaze to mine
"But you are the same Kelly. They knew how they were when they drank too much, but still made the conscious decision to recklessly indulge." I explained wincing I watched as the words cut her. I knew it was what she needed to hear, but it still hurt to see her hurt. I was never the one to dole out 'tough love' making me partially to blame for things getting so out of control.
In the silence that followed I saw through the pain in her eyes shift an array of emotions; Skepticism, realization, sadness, and finally the return of anger. Whether she was upset with me or herself I could not tell.
"Kelly I love you and I'll be here for you when things get hard no matter what. But you've got to stop doing this, I lied you're not just hurting yourself you're hurting me too. I hate seeing you destroy yourself, it kills me Kelly" I said not knowing how she might respond.
"You know what!?-" She began livid but stopped.
"You….I…" She faltered then suddenly she broke down sobbing into the palms of her hands.
That's enough I thought. Completely fed up with watching her suffer, I embraced her into my arms.
"I…I Need it" She choked out as she cried into the crook of my neck.
"You don't need it Kelly" I replied as soothingly as I could without getting choked up myself.
"Phil it's so hard" She muffled through my skin.
"I know I'll be here, we'll find you help. We'll get through this together" I replied kissing the top of her head.
"Ok, Alright then I'm done with this" She sniffled lifting her face up.
"I don't want to lose you, I don't want to be like them" She finished.
"Good" I replied smiling, I kissed her flush on the lips. As I pulled back I gently wiped away the last trail of tears with my thumbs. She smiled frailly at me We're gonna be ok I thought hugging her tightly.
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Please Review, and Request.
Author's note:
Ok, so there it is! This fic was a monster for me to write in a number of ways. It is most definitely the longest one shot or fic I've ever written, and humor aside it deals with a lot of complex emotions that I (Who has the emotional range of a teaspoon) found really difficult to convey or even understand myself, so in that respect I hope everyone understands and enjoys this. Another cool yet hard thing about this fic was writing solely from Punk's perspective. I was super excited about getting inside Punk's head and I hope for fans of Punk fics I portrayed his character well, however this is I'm pretty sure my first complete first person pov fic, which for me was really hard to get the hang of. With all that in mind I worked pretty hard on this fic, but if you feel this sucked or anyone in it was acting out of character please let me know. Feel free to flame away, I'll use all negative reviews written to improve.
On a side note I hope all of you caught the reference to Elliott and I hope even more it made you curious. If it did and it made you think what I wanted, then yes I am going to be updating 'if only it were that easy' hopefully soon.
I hope everyone enjoyed this chaotic fic, especially Pum Pumkin witch who became 20% cooler by requesting this fic.