Yoohoo, anyone out there still reading fanfics? I wish I still had the time, but alas, I don't. ::glares at all the reminders of schools sprawled around the room:: This is something that I wrote almost a year ago and had sitting on my account and I promised myself I'd post something in October, and so...here it is.

I must warn ye that this fic is quite sad. Actually...I would tell you why, but that would be giving away something that you have to decide for yourself. So I can't spoil it for ye! It's sad, but interesting. I'd love to know how you all perceive it. Mild shounen-ai, and possible heartbreak.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

When It's Time To Go

Hiei trudged further into the depths of the forest, moving silently through the crooked paths between the trees. Night had fallen rapidly and by the smell of things, fall was coming. Leave it to Kurama to get Hiei so used to the ningenkai enough to know the ways of the seasons.

He needed to keep himself occupied while he stayed in the ningenkai, and sometimes that was the best way to do it. Away from the people that swarmed through the city, and where the loneliest of creatures roamed.

He continued on, able to hear the rush of a stream in the distance. He headed towards it, feeling that that might be a good place to stop and rest. As he approached, he could hear sounds. They sounded as if they were coming from a person, as if they were crying.

Hiei scrunched his face up in disappointment. Great. Just as he was about to turn in, he had to deal with the cries of a ningen. He sighed and continued forward anyway. Maybe he could have some fun with the unsuspecting whiner. Yes, he'd enjoy scaring whoever it was away.

He approached slowly, hiding behind the trees and peering over towards the stream. Someone was in the water; Hiei could barely make them out. The surface of the water was shrouded in darkness due to the shade of the trees, and the moonlight only shone on certain patches of open space.

Hiei came closer, remaining quiet as he watched. Whoever it was had long hair. It flowed behind them as they swam away. Hiei lowered his eyebrows and came even closer. He squatted down and watched, waiting to see who it was before showing himself.

The swimmer came out of the water, turned and sat propped up against the embankment. They sat still for a moment, and then began to cry again. Hiei waited patiently, peering even more closely now.

Their hair was indeed long and he could tell that it was a male. The scent was oddly familiar, but he didn't bother to concentrate on that. He was sure he didn't know who it was. Hiei watched as the swimmer's shoulders began to bounce. He could hear the sobbing again.

What was his problem? Hiei wondered. Had to be something serious for him to cry like that. But ningens were known for stuff like that. Just when Hiei thought he had them figured out, they went and made things complicated. He swore tears were for sad times, or even for when pain was so bad one just couldn't help it. But then he found out about tears of joys. Why couldn't these bakas just make up their minds?

He was about to come forward to scare the man away, figuring he'd waited around long enough, when the man sprang up and leaped back into the water. He began to thrash about angrily, growling and yelling as loud as he could.

Hiei watched this, his eyes wide with interest. He loved to see ningens lose it, especially when they cursed. He sank back again, nodding. If there was anyway of venting anger, that was it. Hiei would let the man vent, and then maybe the man would leave when he was done.

Almost immediately, his eyes popped open. He sniffed, sensing that familiar air again. That man couldn't be anyone he knew, could it? It seemed like...kinda like... No! It couldn't be him.

When the man emerged from the water, Hiei's suspicions were confirmed. The man shook his hair, and when he walked forward, Hiei could see that it was blood red. Hiei leaned forward, his mouth nearly standing agape.

What was going on? Hiei'd never seen Kurama that way before. What could possibly be wrong with him? Why was he acting like that? Hiei was fighting with himself, fighting against the urge to run over and ask what the hell was the matter with him.

Kurama seemed to calm for a moment, but really, he only paused to get back in the water. He began to rub himself vigorously, as if trying to clean something off of himself. He grunted with the effort, seeming to get angrier as he attempted to clean himself.

"Shimatta!" Kurama yelled, scrubbing his arm. "Onegai!" He sounded pained. His voice was tight, and strained. He seemed to be struggling with himself. Hiei's eyebrows lowered, his face concerned.

Kurama dunked himself beneath the water and came back scrambling towards the embankment again. He coughed as he laid down, his body ridding his lungs of the water that had slid in. He coughed effortlessly, sprawled out along the grass. He started to cry again, and moan lowly.

"Please..." he said again, coughing a little. "Please..." Hiei had had enough. He stood up and walked forward, approaching Kurama slowly. Kurama was facing the stream, and was still crying, his mind apparently somewhere else. He let out another cough, this one harsh enough to make him lift his body from the ground. Hiei kneeled next to him.

"What are you doing?" he asked. Kurama didn't turn around, or make any movements to let Hiei know he heard him. "Answer me." Kurama sighed and ran his hand along the grass. He went to push himself up, but collapsed onto the ground. Hiei frowned and shook him, but he didn't move. He was half naked, wearing only a pair of jaw string pajama pants.

Hiei turned Kurama around and placed his hands on his chest. Kurama's eyes opened slowly, peering up at Hiei. Hiei looked at him, never stopping moving his hands around in a massaging motion. Kurama felt a distant warmth growing where he'd been touched, and it began to spread throughout his body. He felt sleepy, drowsy. He closed his eyes.

Once Hiei knew he was unconscious, he picked him up and placed him on his back, holding him by his arms in front. He sped off towards Kurama's house, first jumping into the sakura tree and then into the room carefully once he reached it.

He let go of Kurama and let him fall back on the bed. He stared down at him, feeling a dull pain near his heart. He shook the feeling off, and pulled out Kurama's computer chair. He sat and waited.

A few hours later, when the sun began to rise, Shiori came knocking on the door. Hiei leaped from the room as she came in, watching her from the back of the tree to avoid detection.

"Shuuichi?" she spoke out, looking worried. She hurried over to the bed. "Shuuichi?" she asked again, shaking him. Her eyebrows lowered fiercely when she saw that he didn't respond. She lightly tapped his face. "Shuuichi dear, wake up..." she said, her voice reflecting her worry. She hit him harder. He didn't move. She stood up straighter, clasping her hand over her mouth. "Don't panic, Shiori," she told herself. "He's still warm." She leaned down and placed her ear on his chest. She could hear his heart beating.

She stood up again, breathing out deeply, placing a shaky hand on her chest. Why wasn't he waking up, then? She placed her hand on his forehead. He was burning up. She pulled him up on the bed and spread his covers out over him. She went down to the kitchen, keeping the door open as she left. She busied herself with making tea and a pot of chicken soup.

Hiei came back in the room and sat back down in the chair. He continued to watch Kurama, still waiting for him to wake up. A long period of silence later, Hiei thought he saw Kurama move. He stood and went over to him. Shiori came back in the room with a tray full of the soup and tea, startled to see Hiei there.

Hiei, distracted, had his full attention on Kurama. He reached a hand over to him, but stopped himself, leaning to watch him closer.

"Who are you?" Shiori asked, clutching the tray tighter. Hiei looked up at her quickly. Kuso, how'd she sneak up on him? Hiei thought about jumping out of the window, but Shiori stepped closer, apparently still expecting an answer.

"A friend..." he said, feeling boxed in.

"How did you...?" She looked towards the open window. She nodded and put the tray down on Kurama's nightstand. "Shuuichi was out with friends just yesterday," she explained. "Did he seem to be coming down with something?" Hiei shrugged.

"I don't know." Shiori nodded again.

"Will you stay for soup?" Hiei looked at Kurama again.

"Sure." He wasn't going to leave until he saw Kurama wake up. He figured he might as well get a meal while he was at it. Hiei insisted they stay in the bedroom, and so Shiori brought up another bowl. She sealed a good sized portion in a thermos to keep warm for when Kurama came to. Hiei sat with Shiori, and they spoke while they ate.

"You've been friends long?" she asked.

"Long enough," Hiei said, not in the mood for conversation.

"You're Hiei, right?" Hiei looked up.

"Yeah," he conceded, going back to his soup. Shiori smiled bittersweetly.

"Shuuichi's very fond of you," she said. Hiei nodded. "He once told me that...you were...really the only friend he'd ever confide in." Hiei dropped his spoon, staring at Shiori as if she was an alien.

"He said that...?" he asked. She nodded, still smiling.

"He said you were quite stubborn and sometimes a little brash, but he doesn't mind it. And any friend of Shuuichi's is alright with me." She ate more soup. Hiei continued to stare at her.

"What else did he say?" he asked. She stirred the noodles and chunks of meat around in her bowl.

"He always speaks highly of you. I'll say, 'oh, how was your day, Shuuichi?', and nine times out of ten he'll mention you." She looked up. "It's nice to finally meet you." Hiei nodded, not sure how to return the sentiment.

"Yeah," he said. That was always a sure bet.

"He didn't tell me much about you, though...besides about your manner. Do you go to the same school?"

"I don't go to school," he said.

"Do you live in the city?" Hiei looked around distractedly.

"Yeah," he lied. She nodded.

"It's nice that Shuuichi has finally found friends. I was beginning to worry about him. Now that he has, he's so much happier." 'So why was he acting so angry yesterday?' Hiei wondered. Shiori finished her bowl of soup after Hiei, and took all the dishes down to the kitchen.

She went up to check on Kurama one last time, then made her way out to run some errands and pick up some medicine. Hiei was relieved to be alone again, though he was pleased with his meal as well.

A half an hour later, Kurama stirred, furrowing his brows as he sat up. He held himself and looked around, his eyes catching Hiei's. Hiei stood and went over to him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Alright, I guess..." Kurama said. Hiei nodded and went over to the window. Kurama sat up and scooted forward. "Don't go, Hi..."

"Your mother left you some soup, Kurama..." Hiei said, nodding towards the thermos. "She went to get medicine." He turned and began to leave.

"Hiei, please..." Kurama murmured. "Don't leave me...I can't... I can't bear to see you go." Hiei turned back around.

"What was wrong with you yesterday...?" he asked, leaning against the window frame.

"I was just upset...really, Hiei, if it...if it seemed that I didn't care that you were there, I did, Hiei, I swear."

"Calm down, Kurama," Hiei said. "I'm not accusing you of anything. What were you so angry about?" Kurama sighed and sat back, slipping his legs back beneath the sheets.

"I was feeling a little down..."

"A little down?" Hiei asked. "Kurama, please. You looked like you were losing your mind."

"I couldn't help myself..."

"Tell me what was the matter." Kurama sighed again and reached for his soup.

"I had this feeling, and it felt buried way down deep. I...I suppose it's the type of feeling you only experience once in a lifetime." He sipped the soup slowly, shivering a little. "I was lying here and I couldn't help but feel so empty and...alone."

"Why?" Hiei asked.

"I don't know," Kurama said. "I just felt so...empty. Worthless. Like...like I didn't deserve anything anymore." He lowered his head. "Inari, I sound so pathetic."

"Go on, Kurama." Kurama shook his head.

"I don't want to say it..." He looked up. "You've probably already lost whatever respect you've had for me."

"That's why I'm still standing here, right, Kurama?" Hiei said defensively. "Tell me what happened."

"I already told you!" Kurama snapped. "I was upset! I felt so horrible, Hiei."

"You were rubbing yourself and saying please," Hiei urged. "What were you thinking...who were you talking to?"

"I don't know," Kurama said, calming down. "I just wanted the feeling to go away. I was trying to rid myself of it, of that feeling. It was utterly dreadful, Hiei. I felt so empty. And I just knew it was too late to change it." Kurama lowered his head, fighting back tears. Hiei went closer to the bed.

"Do you still feel that way?" Hiei asked. Kurama nodded.

"Yes. There's nothing more I can do." Hiei sat down at the foot of the bed, staring down at his fiddling fingers. Kurama sat the soup on the nightstand, his eyes fixed on Hiei. "If you want to go, you can," he said. "It won't be too much longer now."

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Hiei almost snapped, turning to Kurama quickly.

"Hi..."

"Will it make you feel better if I just walked away, Kurama?" Hiei asked. "I'm not going anywhere....just get that in your mind, right now. Don't you talk to me that way, as if I'm that heartless. I'm here to help you, Kurama, not to hurt you." Kurama looked towards the window, tears welling up in his eyes.

"I'm sorry..." Kurama said.

"Don't speak, Kurama," Hiei said, moving to the desk chair again. He sat at the desk and folded his arms, lying his head down on them. "You don't have to say another word." Kurama stared at him for a long time, the urge to apologize strong within him. But he refrained from speaking. He laid down and faced the window.

Shiori returned a little bit later, thankful to see that Kurama was up. She made him take the medicine she'd gotten from the pharmacy, even though Kurama tried to convince her that he shouldn't at that time.

Hiei sat silently at the desk, watching the both of them, watching their interactions and hearing their conversation. He sat and watched until Kurama fell asleep, and then several hours later, he sat and watched as Shiori, tired and concerned, left the room to go fix dinner.

Hiei stood and went over to Kurama's bedside. Kurama was sleeping soundly, though his expression was tired and worn. He was curled up beneath his sheets and breathing in and out very softly. Hiei stepped closer and then sat down.

His eyebrows lowered as he looked over Kurama, feeling that dull pain in his chest again. He leaned down and stared closely at him, seeing his face twitch and his expression become wearier. Hiei stood up again and went over to the window.

It was still open from earlier, a cool breeze entering the stifled room. Hiei placed a tentative palm on the sill and then another. He went to lift his leg when he heard Kurama's voice.

'Please don't go, Hiei. Please don't leave me.'

Hiei turned around quickly, startled to see that Kurama was still sleeping. His eyebrows lowered and he went back over to Kurama, kneeling on the bed beside him. Hiei stared down at him, expecting him to move. But he didn't. Hiei leaned down and rested his head on Kurama's shoulder.

'You don't have to say it, Kurama,' he thought. 'I understand now.' He closed his eyes. 'It's all right, Kurama. I'll never leave you...I'll never leave you when you need me...'

Kurama stirred, but did not wake up. Hiei slid down on the bed, lying behind Kurama very gently. This close to Kurama, he could feel him breathing and it gave him chills. He reached up a hand and placed it on Kurama's shoulder.

"Just rest yourself, Kurama..." he said, his voice low. He scooted closer, resting his head on Kurama's back. "Kurama..." he mumbled, closing his eyes. "It's alright..." Kurama breathed in deep and let the breath out nice and slow. Hiei snaked his arm around Kurama's middle and pulled him up close. He smelled like the brook, and just faintly of rose. Hiei dug his face further into Kurama's hair.

Less than a minute later, it occurred.

Hiei's eyes clenched shut suddenly, the feeling washing over him like icy gusts, the throes of winter. He'd expected it to be much calmer, for it to be slow and peaceful. He dug his face into Kurama's back again. "I'm sorry, Kurama..." he said. "I'm sorry."

When Shiori climbed the stairs moments later, she had the nagging sensation that something was wrong. She gripped the plate she held tightly and hurried down the hall to Kurama's room. She placed her hand on the door slowly, opening it. She peeked her head inside.

She could see that Hiei was laying behind Kurama, and Kurama was resting just as quietly as before she left. She felt a sharp pang in her heart and she slowly backed away. She stood outside the door for five minutes until she turned and went back down into the kitchen. She fixed herself a cup of tea and sipped it slowly as she sat at her kitchen table.

Hiei slowly opened his eyes. He could hear the sounds of night right outside the window. He stared at the back of Kurama's head for a long time before he sat up. He scooted forward from the bed and involuntarily stretched. He went towards the window pausing when he reached it. He did not hear Kurama asking for him this time. He nodded to himself and took one last look at Kurama.

"I never would have left you alone when it mattered most, Kurama," he told him. "I hope you're happy where you are." Hiei turned slowly and looked down, closing his eyes. He waited few moments before he flitted away.

It wasn't until the next morning that Shiori discovered what Kurama and Hiei already knew. Dawn slowly crept up on the pair, mother and son, as she sat with him and as he rested. She just needed a few moments with him before they had to take him away from her.

Hiei lay hidden within the musky, swampy depths of the makai, all of his senses shielded as he searched for traces of the one youki he needed to detect. But he did not. He lay for days waiting for Youko's presence to once again dominate the makai. But he did not.

Shiori couldn't pull herself from the comfort of her bed. She sat waiting, her bedroom door wide open, for Shuuichi to pass by. But he did not. She lay in bed for days, positive that he would come by to see her, to hold her again. But he did not. She knew that she had to move on, and it was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

He, however, could not move on.

::dabs eye with a Kleenex:: Gets me every time. Please review and tell me what you think, if it's confusing, or if it leaves too too much to the imagination. I'd really love to know how you perceived this! Latah!

J3